


Bucky Barnes: One-Shots

by bbbarnes



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 40s Bucky Barnes, Angst, Art School, Bars and Pubs, Dancing, F/M, Fatherhood, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, Making Out, Morning Cuddles, Oral Sex, Pregnancy, Protective Bucky Barnes, Romance, Sex, Smut, Social Media, Soulmate-Identifying Timers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2018-03-18 10:00:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 40
Words: 106,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3565532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bbbarnes/pseuds/bbbarnes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One-shots/drabbles collection featuring Bucky Barnes!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Be Patient

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Be patient and let me grow into your arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI! <3
> 
> Here it goes my Bucky fanfic based in this [ Tumblr text post](http://coffee-crinkled-pages.tumblr.com/post/106061401621/i-you-can-tell-me-you-love-me-in-the-sunrise).
> 
>  
> 
> I was going to divide it in chapters, but one got too short, other too long, so I gave up and decided to do it in all once.
> 
> Also, I'm not a pro writer, so this is not of big deal. YOU WERE WARNED.
> 
> Enjoy!

_i._  
You can tell me   
You love me  
In the sunrise  
And by midday  
I will think  
I’m completely  
Alone.  
Your love is enough  
But I feel like  
I’m not enough for your love.

You woke up startled by the bed’s constantly moving. Your head lifted from the pillow and you checked the hour. The clock had just hit 5:32AM when the moving continued, this time more aggressive and you sighed. Bucky was having another nightmare.

You knew it wasn’t safe to wake him up. You knew he could have a panic attack. And on the top of it, you knew he could hurt you before you could even think about asking for help. But still, you didn’t care. You’d wake him up, everytime.

Because you sure as hell wouldn’t just stand and watch while he’d cry at whatever was harming him in his dream. You could call Steve like you did a few times before, but he was out on a mission so you were on your own.

You lifted your body on your elbow, your other hand flat against Bucky’s chest.

“Bucky!” You pressed your palm against his chest and he hissed, his eyebrows frowning. “Buck, wake up! It’s just a nightmare!” You leaned over his body, your palm’s pressure stronger against his chest and his eyes snapped open. His metal hand grabbed your wrist tight and he lifted his torso almost knocking you on the way up. You started making small circles against his skin with your fingertips while his wide eyes checked the room. His hold loosened.

“Hey Buck, it’s okay. You’re safe.” You said placing your chin on his shoulder. “You’re home, remember?” You whispered and he let go of your wrist. His arms quickly made its way to your waist, pulling your body to his top as he laid on the bed again.

Your arms hugged his sides and you pulled your head slightly, facing him. His eyes wandered through your features and he let out a sigh. Almost a relieved sigh, you felt. You gave him a small smile and buried your face in his neck, mumbling feeling sleepy again.

“I love you so much, Buck.”

  

* * *

Since you both woke up, Bucky had barely said a word. During breakfast, all you could hear was the plates noise, even if you tried to pull out a conversation. Hell, he didn’t even touched you properly yet.

You were starting to worry if he was closing himself again.

Earlier in the morning, you had woke up to find the bed empty with him sat on the large sofa in the living room, staring at his hands. You knew he’d always stay like this after he had nightmares. So you’d always sit on his lap after he got up and ask him if he wanted to talk about them. And strangely, he’d always talk about them. You didn’t understand why, since he never said a thing to Steve. But he would to you. Because it was you.

“Hey. You alright there?” You were in his lap with your arms around his neck. His metal arm cold against your exposed skin from your pajamas top as he was holding your waist. “Do you wanna talk about it?” Your lips went to his chin, leaving a light kiss.

“No.”

You pulled away to watch his face and your hold loosened around his neck. Your eyebrows turned into a frown.  
He’d  _always_  talk about them.

 

 

 _ii._  
I will wake you up  
At 2am  
When I’m stone-cold-sober  
To say sorry  
For everything.  
You won’t know what I’m talking about.  
Neither will I.  
Say it’s okay.

It was past 2 in the morning and Bucky was still awake. His nightmares memories still too vivid as you were holding him with your arms around his waist. His gaze fell on your face pressed against his chest, your hair tickling lightly his flesh arm when you moved.

_His head flashed in pain and his eyes snapped open looking at the ceiling. He was back in Hydra’s facility again. He tried to pull his wrists even though he knew it was useless. Hydra got him again and he didn’t even had the chance to see your face for one last time._

_He closed his eyes tight with fear. Fear they’d wipe him again, fear he’d do to you the same he did with Steve._

_He heard a scream coming from the facility’s corridors and his eyes widened again. It was your voice. He looked around trying to find you but found Pierce’s grinning face instead as he entered the room._

_“Glad you’re back.” Pierce smiled at Bucky and looked at one of the guards standing outside nodding at him, quickly returning his gaze to the trapped soldier. “I even brought one of your...stuff, this time.”_

_The guard came back entering the room dragging...you. Your face was all beaten up, covered with bruises and blood and Bucky could barely recognize you. Your arms with deep cuts along it. You were barely standing._

_He hissed in anger trying to pull his wrists off the chair’s hold. Pierce’s hand cupped your cheek raising your face. He stared at the bruises making an approval sound and then looked into Bucky’s eyes._

_“We’re going to kill her right here and you’ll listen all of it.”_

Bucky growled shaking his head at his nightmare’s memory. He woke up in the morning and all he could think was your almost non recognizable face. How could he be able to tell you that? After all, his nightmare wasn’t an impossible thing to happen. His head ached at the guilt.

“(Y/N).” His metal hand cupped your face pulling it and you opened your eyes whining at his cold touch.

“Is something wrong, Bucky?”

You looked up to his face but you couldn’t really figure his expression. But in anyway, you’re so sleepy that you didn’t even know what you just said.

“I’m sorry (Y/N). I’m so sorry for everything. I’m sorry...” You frowned at his words not really understanding but hugged him tighter, putting your legs around his.

“It’s okay Buck. We’re alright now.”

 

 

 _iii._  
Some days  
I will tell you  
I need you to hold me.  
Tell me   
I am strong on my own  
But you’ll be there  
Just the same.

It had been a while now since Bucky started doing missions for S.H.I.E.L.D. Fury first came up with small missions, that lasted a few hours to the maximum of one day. And in the most of them, Bucky would always be tangled with Steve. So you wouldn’t worry.

Alright, you  _would_  worry but you knew Steve could handle him if something went wrong.

Now, that Bucky’s relapses had decreased to almost zero amongst his nightmares, it was time for bigger missions. More dangerous and long missions.

That’s why you were in the S.H.I.E.L.D’s HQ, watching Bucky and Steve get ready. Steve had insisted for you to come along to the building so you’d meet Sharon and say goodbye to Bucky.

“I’m done already here, Buck. We still have some time to spare so I’m gonna go talk to Sharon before we go ok?” Steve said placing his shield on his back and Bucky nodded not wanting to talk with his mask on.

When Steve stepped out of the room, you got on your feet walking towards Bucky and placing your arms around his neck. You hugged him rubbing your nose on his neck making him flinch.

You laughed and parted the hug looking into his blue eyes above the mask.

“I’d say ‘be careful’ or something like that but I won’t because ugh, you’re a strong brave grown man.” You said grinning and even if you couldn’t see, you knew he smirked under his mask. “I mean it, Bucky. You’re a strong man, don’t forget that.”

He just nodded with his hands on your hips. You leaned over him and kissed his mask.

“I’ll be here waiting for you just the same when you come back.”

 

 

 _iv._  
I am and will be  
Jealous of  
Everyone and everything  
That goes on  
When you’re not with me.  
Remind me  
That you care but  
Never let me make you  
Feel guilty for not letting  
Your world revolve  
Around me.

It had been two months since Bucky and Steve went out for the mission and as consequence, you and Sharon had grown closer since that day, when Steve introduced you both. It was nice to have a girl around that actually knew how it felt like to have your boyfriend away from home.

Even if she was a badass agent and had missions of her own. Not even close to what you were.

You two had gone for drinks and dinner a few times already when she called you for the ‘S.H.I.E.L.D girl’s night out’. You hesitated at first, but you went. You went afraid that you’d be left-out since you weren’t an agent but the girls were nice and welcoming and it felt good to forget about Bucky’s homecoming for a few hours. That’s why when Sharon called you, you squealed internally in delight excited for not spending another night deep in bad thoughts about Bucky.

 

* * *

 

“Alright, alright. Enough of my sex life,” Olivia, one of the rowdy agents, said putting down her orange drink on the table slightly drunk. “Let’s talk about the lucky bitch who is no S.H.I.E.L.D but managed to get the tall, dark, terrifying, handsome soldier.”

A few girls let out a wolf-whistle and you laughed. They could be worse than a bunch of teenage girls when they were drunk.

“What? I’m most definately not talking about my sex lif-” You stopped feeling your phone buzz in your jeans pocket, quickly grabbing it and smiling seeing who it was. He was calling from his actual phone (that he had a hard time with until he could use it properly), so it probably meant the mission was over.

 _‘Hey Buck!’_  You got up from your spot listening the girls screaming and laughed, trying to go outside where it was quiet.

 ** _‘Hey. What’s all this noise?’_**  Even if you couldn’t see him, you knew he was frowning from the tone of his voice.

 _‘It’s the girls. Sharon invited me to grab a few drinks with the S.H.I.E.L.D girls.’_  You chuckled lightly as you stepped outside the bar, looking at the sky.  _‘They’re really fun, though.’_

**_‘Oh. Right.’_ **

And just like this, you knew he was jealous. Short answers, slightly distant tone...Even though he’d never admit that, you knew it and you didn’t really care. In fact, you kinda enjoyed it. It made you feel slightly warm that he actually cared about you.

 _‘Are you coming home already?’_ You gave a deep breath and sighed.  _‘I miss you so much.’_

He smiled through the phone, his frustration fading away. He was sure you were pouting your lips right now.

**_‘Yeah. I’m coming home for you.’_ **

And there it was. That grinning warm voice again.

 

 

 _v._  
When I call you crying  
One too many times  
I don’t need advice,  
Just to know  
That my tears are not  
Falling unheard.

You were at work bored out of life organizing a pile of client’s papers when your phone rang on the counter, a picture that you had took with Bucky once in the park to show him how the phone’s camera worked shining all over the screen. You smiled contently.

 _‘Buckyyy! I’m so bored here, pick me up!’_  You whined mocking him but frowned at his silence after a few seconds.  _‘Buck?’_

You heard him take a deep breath and give a low sob and your face fell. Bucky never cried. Almost...never cried. The only time you saw it happen was when he met Steve, a while after the whole DC incident. Either way, both of you never talked about it, not wanting to bring the bad memories back.

 _‘Buck, are you crying? What happened? Do you need me to come over?’_  You heard a weak low laugh and another deep breath. This time he just needed to hear your voice.

 ** _‘No, doll. I just found a few stuff from my family. Steve did, actually. I just...I wish I could remember everything that we all have been through, you know?’_**  He sighed and you bit your lip, wishing you were with him while he was seeing his family’s stuff.

 _‘I wish I could have the chance to meet them.’_  You said smiling even if he couldn’t see you. He called you ‘doll’ and didn’t even realized it.

**_‘I...Me too. I’m sure they’d have loved you.’_ **

 

 _vi._  
I will accuse you  
Of being sick of me,  
Of being tired of me  
A lot.  
And you will spend  
These conversations  
Feeling like a broken record.  
Don’t get bored of me.  
I’m just scared  
That you’ll see me   
The way I see myself.

The apartment’s door  slammed as soon you entered the room and passed through Bucky like a lightning with your shoulder brushing his arm in purpose. There you went, again.

“I am a grown woman, Bucky!” You stopped right in his front with your arms crossed. You were almost on the verge of screaming. “I can fucking handle myself!”

You and Bucky rarely argued about something. When something happened, both of you would prefer to talk about in bed before going to sleep. It was good, since most of the times it’d end in a make-out session. But when you did fight, oh, the neighbours would be damned at how loud the both of you could be. It would be even more loud than the actual...make-out session.

You knew he hated when you argued like that, anger boiling all over your nerves. You hated it as well. But it would always happen when he’d come home after a mission that had a fatal victim, with self-loathing thoughts.

Bucky just kept standing there with a dead look in his face.

“You...You don’t know who I really am, (Y/N). Or what I can do.” He sighed defeated and gave a step back making you scoff. Your fists hit his chest pushing him but he barely moved.

“I DON’T GIVE A FUCK, JAMES BUCHANAN BARNES!” He gave a deep breath at your reaction closing his eyes. Immediately you regret all the screaming. It wasn’t like he was used to you screaming at him.

You sighed trying to calm yourself and your hands went up to his neck, with your thumbs caressing its sides. Your lips met his closed eyelids when you stood on your tip-toes. “I don’t care, James. I love you. I won’t leave you, right? You’re stuck with me forever.”

And without knowing, you made his heart lighter with your words.

 

 _vii._  
I will never be angry  
But I’ll get passive-aggressive.  
If I tell you  
It doesn’t matter  
Tell me  
It matters  
To you.

Every once in a while you’d look at Bucky’s smirking face (even if he would be always trying to hide it) and wish that you had the opportunity to meet him in the 40s. You loved him, that was quite clear for anyone around you. And you would always, even with his emotional luggage.

But you couldn’t help but wonder how the flirty, laidback, 40s Bucky was. You’d often ask yourself if the two of you would work out the way you do now. If he’d like you the way he does now. Because you knew deep down, you’d sure love that flirty side of him.

When you first met Steve and quickly befriended the super soldier, he had the longest talk about his previous life with you. And it obviously included the ladies’ popular Sergeant.

Then, after that, you didn’t knew why but you’d always ask about Bucky and his lady-life adventures whenever Steve would bring back random stories about his 40s life.

Now, that Bucky was back and you were his current lady, you could and would always ask him about stuff he’d remember from his previous life. He’d answer it, quite pained but with that half smile in his face.

Except when the subject was the girls.

“Buck, do you remember any of the ladies you dated back then?” You asked pulling your head back so you could face him.

You two were sitting on the floor in front of the biggest glass window you’ve ever seen in your life at Stark Tower, watching the city’s skyline. The Tower was unbelievably empty that day, with everyone rather travelling or on a mission. Except for Bruce and Steve, both of them enjoying the rare quiet day in the place in their rooms.

“...”

You chuckled at his usual silence to the subject and adjusted yourself again in his lap, looking at the New York’s view again.

“Did any of them looked like me?”

“No.”

You laugh in amusement and nudged his metal arm.

“So, you do remember huh?”

“A little.”

“I wish I could’ve met you back then. Do you think we would work out?”

You heard him sigh and felt his warm breath in the back of your neck. His arms hugged your waist tighter.

“I don’t know.”

“Well, I’d have loved you anyways. Even if we didn’t.”

His body stiffened against yours and you closed your eyes cursing yourself. You shouldn’t have brought that up, in the first place.

“It doesn’t matter. I’m not that Bucky anymore.” His tone suddenly harsh. He wasn’t that man anymore.

But he wish he was. He wish he wasn’t so emotionally troubled. He wish he could take you dancing while he’d flirt with you with his classic pick-up lines. He wish he was your light, just as much you were his. But he thought he was far from it.

Your arms embraced his torso and you placed a soft kiss in his neck, snuggling your body against his.

“It matters. Even if you don’t remember or if you won’t ever be that Bucky again, he was a part of you, you know. He was a part of this Bucky right here, so it does matter. Because I love you.”

He thought he was far from it. He couldn’t be more wrong.

 

 _viii._  
I’m not as broken  
As I often like to think I am.  
Don’t try to fix me.  
I still need to learn.

You kept seated on the floor until the sun went down and Steve left his room with the new sketch book you had gave him in hand, grinning like an idiot at the sight of you and his best friend sharing a laugh.

“Sorry to interrupt lovebirds, but I’m going to grab some food. Any preferences?” Steve asked pulling his blue jacket, shoving the sketch book in his pocket.

“As long it’s not Shawarma...” Bucky replied with a nauseated face making you and Steve laugh.

“Noted. Be right back, Jerk. And (Y/N).”

“Punk.”

You grinned at the sight of two super soldiers. They were so softies towards each other even if they were those two walking walls of muscles. It was cute and funny. Sometimes you’d even feel a little left-out.

As Steve got out, Bucky lifted you from his lap placing you on the floor with your back against the window claiming to go grab a drink. He was already a few steps far from you when you called his name.

“Buck?”

He turned around facing you and you smiled at the view. You were so damn lucky.

“I...I said you might never be the old Bucky again but the truth is...you already are, I guess. He has always been there. He was just...hiding. And you’re just learning how to seek him again.”

And for the first time after a long time he smiled wholeheartedly, thinking about his previous self.

 

 _ix._  
I’m afraid of being rejected  
But don’t stay  
If you don’t want to.  
I’d rather be alone  
Than with someone  
There out of pity.

Bucky was sprawled on your couch watching your favorite TV show. That oddly, has became his either, since you wouldn’t stop talking about it after an episode. He couldn’t remember a better Saturday night than this one. The rests of the chinese takeout you had ordered on the coffee table, where his feet where resting.

His gaze parted from the TV and fell on you when you gave a loud laugh sitting in the kitchen’s counter, talking on the phone with your mom. You were wearing nothing but his favorite hoodie along your childish rainbow thighs, your hair in a messy bun. Nothing glam, but still you were the most stunning girl he’d ever seen.

You always have been, since day one.

_He needed to stop staring. You were probably thinking that he’d kill you, given who he was._

_But he couldn’t._

_You were so pretty._

_Steve had found him 4 months ago. 2 months later, when he was less damaged, Steve dragged him to hang out at your apartment. Since then, you’d always call them over to dinner every Friday night. Actually, Bucky was sure you’d call just Steve since he was the one who was your friend. But well, he...came in the package._

_If he tried to say he didn’t want to go, the blond soldier would always say ‘Come on Buck, she’s waiting for you’. Total bullshit._

_He sat on the couch of your living room when Steve went out to pick up a call from S.H.I.E.L.D on his phone. You sat beside him._

_“Sooo Bucky,” You put your feet in the couch, too near his metal arm for his comfort. But he could see you didn’t notice his discomfort. “Are you mastering the 21st century technologic yet?”_

_He just shook his head. Why were you so cool about everything?_

_“What do you mean? I thought Steve had taught you!” You scoffed and got on your knees grabbing your phone. “I’m turning you into a technologic teacher! You’ll be better than Steve.”_

_You got closer to him ready to show your phone’s features when he finally spoke._

_“You don’t need to do this. To...stay here...with me.” You looked up from your phone, into his eyes. The light from the phone shining on your face._

_“Oh no. Believe me, I want to.”_

Bucky smiled over his memory. Well damn, he had memories now. Happy ones. And just like that, he knew it.

 

 _x._  
Be patient  
And let me   
Grow into your arms.

You jumped from the counter after placing the phone back on its base, making your way to him. Bucky smirked raising his eyebrows and you laughed. He held your arms and placed you on his top with your legs on his sides, straddling him.

“It was my mom. She can be such a tease when she wants to.” You smiled small and put your hands around his neck.

“Now I know where you got it from.”

Your mouth turned into an ‘O’ and you laughed in disbelief buring your face in his neck.

“You’re unbelievable.” His arms got tighter around you as you sighed.

“Hey doll.”

“Yeah?” You mumbled, feeling the laziness hit you.

“I love you.”

Your body went stiff and you immediately pulled back to see his face. Your hands fell to his shoulders as you kept staring at him in disbelief making him laugh. He didn’t like you. He  _loved_  you.

Your lips met his in a soft kiss and he smiled, cupping your face. He was finally where he wanted to be.

“I love you too, Sergeant.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY HEY. DID YOU LIKE IT OR DID YOU HATE IT? TELL ME!
> 
> 1\. Soo, as I said before I'm not a pro writer so I'm really sorry if my personification of Bucky disappointed you. Tell me if there's something I can improve. 
> 
> 2\. I LOVE BUCKY BARNES SO MUCH IT HURTS.
> 
> 3\. Once again, the original text can be found right [here](http://coffee-crinkled-pages.tumblr.com/post/106061401621/i-you-can-tell-me-you-love-me-in-the-sunrise)!
> 
> If there's any mistake in this work, please warn me.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! You're awesome.


	2. Loved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky’s journey until he can accept himself again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya!
> 
> 11th August, 2015 update: I'm turning this work into a multi-chapter! YAY! 
> 
> I'll be posting a few Bucky one-shots that I wrote and posted on my Tumblr. <3 Stick with me!
> 
> Based off this request: "Fic or one-shot where reader is like Rogue and can’t touch people without hurting them. Reader can only touch Bucky’s metal arm with their bare hands and that helps him start to feel less insecure about it?"
> 
> Reader is like Rogue but can actually control her powers a little bit. Italic parts are flashback.
> 
> Enjoy!

Bucky looked down at the sleeping figure beside him and smiled at the sight in a way Tony would probably describe as a lovesick puppy.  
  
On the quinjet coming back from a particularly hard mission, you were fast asleep against Bucky’s body. He could spot a few scratches on your still sweaty face, your hair still a mess of dust and knots and the catsuit you were wearing was ripped in a few spots on your arms and knees. But even so, you still looked beautiful.  
  
He observed attentively as you stirred your body to then carelessly rest your head against his shoulder and grope his limb, hugging it with both of your arms before drifting back to sleep again.

Bucky despised his metal arm.  _Yes_ , it was strong and one of the most modern prosthetics in the world, according to Dr. Banner, but still he didn’t care.  
  
The things he had done with it was not something he was proud of.  
  
Besides, he couldn’t really feel with that thing. He couldn’t feel the water running down as he’d take a shower, the wind when he was jogging with Steve and Sam or the fluffiness of his pillow before going back to sleep after a nightmare.  
  
All of it, all of these different sensations were resumed into a poor and plain pressure that sometimes he didn’t even sense it.  
  
And he hated it. For quite a time, to be honest.  
  
But then you arrived at the Tower as the new team member and even though he didn’t know back then, he’d be actually glad of having that part within him.

 

* * *

 

_For an entire week the word of mouth around the Tower about The Avengers’ new addition was pretty strong._

  
_You spent months in the new S.H.I.E.L.D HQ training to control your powers. Nobody knew you except for Sharon and Tony. Just a few rumors here and there. So far Bucky heard you were pretty young (in your early twenties) and was from Brooklyn just like him and Steve._  
  
_Also, he would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little freaked out by your powers. From what he understood, you could absorve another human’s abilities, knowledge, personality and memories with just a touch of your hands._  
  
_Now as he finally watched you enter the Tower’s main room beside Tony, he couldn’t help but be slightly nervous._  
  
_“Hey, we’re here!” Tony called out and everyone stood up ready for the introductions. “I present to you guys, (Y/N) (Y/L/N).”_  
  
_Your gaze flicked up as you looked attentively to every member with a shy smile on your face._  
  
_“Hi.” You raised your hand giving a small wave and tilted your head to your side. “It’s nice to meet you guys.”_  
  
_As Tony pushed you closer and started to introduce everyone, he noticed you always kept your distance and would give a somewhat cute wave, wiggling your fingers meanwhile._  
  
_Except with him._  
  
_“And this is James,” Tony started gesturing exaggeratedly at him. “most known as Frostbite. Or Bucky. Whichever you prefer. ”_  
  
_You let out a laugh watching Bucky’s deadpan face. Your eyes fell to his limb and almost instantly you reached your arm out, mildly proud._  
  
_“Nice to meet you, Bucky.” You smiled and he glanced down at your wrist wrapped in colorful bracelets and your bright pink nails. The difference between his arm and yours almost made him laugh bitterly._  
  
_Even though he knew it was because of your powers, you didn’t hesitate for a second before touching him._  
  
_And with that, for the first time, he didn’t hesitate before touching somebody else with his metal arm._  
  
_As he wrapped your hand with his, a small murmur came out of his mouth._  
  
_“Nice to meet you too.”_

 

* * *

 

_With four months living in the Tower, you had befriended almost every person in the building, including a few employees._

_But everyone could notice how different the bound between you and Bucky was._  
  
_Whenever you saw him, you’d call him to make small talk and joke around…things which he surprisingly welcomed. Tony (who you became close too) and Pietro would never miss a chance to tease you two and Steve still couldn’t believe how open his friend was getting._  
  
_After a particular training session, while you were sat in a chair nearby the mat watching Clint and Natasha’s sparring, Bucky entered the room holding a punching bag._  
  
_A **punching bag**. Like it was the lightest thing ever. With his metal arm._  
  
_You couldn’t deny that you were a little drawn to his arm. It wasn’t only incredibly well made but also strangely hot. Plus, you didn’t need to concentrate your mind to control your powers or use gloves if you wanted to touch him. Not that you ever touched him before but today…_  
  
_As he dropped the bag a few steps behind you, the low hum of running engines filled your ears and your curiosity took the best of you._  
  
_“Hey Bucky?” You asked after turning the chair around to him and his blue eyes flicked up to you. “Can I touch your arm?”_  
  
_The small grunts coming from Natasha and Clint stopped abruptly making Bucky look over to them, the two assassins looking slightly stunned. Or alarmed._  
  
_Bucky ignored their looks as his gaze returned to you, looking expectantly at him like a puppy. He sighed curtly._  
  
_“Yeah, I…guess so.”_  
  
_He walked over to you and kneeled almost between your legs, extending his left arm. You were so amazed by its every detail that you didn’t even hear Clint muttering a clear ‘what the hell’ to Natasha as the scene unfolded._  
  
_Raising your hand, you ran your fingertips through the length of his arm down to the back of his hand in awe. When Bucky turned his palm upwards and closed his fingers into a fist, you saw a few showing rears moving followed by the engine noise making you give a breathy laugh._  
  
_“This is so amazing!” You said joyfully, slowly opening his hand again and pressing your palm against his._  
  
_“You think so?” Bucky asked with a small smile gracing his face as you nodded looking up at him._

 _“It’s beautiful.”_  
  
_Bucky held back the urge to say that **you**  were beautiful. Especially with that look on your face._

 

* * *

 

_All it took was a mission in Germany and a few HYDRA’s remained soldiers to mess his arm up._

_The fuckers still knew the limb too well and consequently, they knew damn well how to break it._  
  
_And for everything that was holy in the world, Bucky hated the maintenance of that thing. Be back on a lab chair with the buzz of tools didn’t make his brain wonders. And he was so angry._  
  
_How on earth HYDRA could still fuck him up?_  
  
_Steve furrowed his eyebrows in concern while watching Tony fix the arm. Bucky’s face was a scowl and the heartbeat monitor attached to his finger was insanely peeping._  
  
_“Calm your tits, Frosty, it’s almost over.” Tony announced making Steve roll his eyes._  
  
_“Just finish it, Star–” Steve started but got interrupted by the door’s noise. As he saw it was you, the Captain gave a small smile. “(Y/N).”_  
  
_Bucky’s heartbeats dropped almost instantly and his features softened._  
  
_“Hey! Just stopped by to see how things are going…” You replied and stood by Bucky’s chair. “Everything alright, Buck?”_  
  
_Even if you never saw Bucky had a real bad relapse, you were worried. Sam told you that one time it happened while a S.H.I.E.L.D tech was upgrading his arm. Since then, Tony took the responsibility._  
  
_So when Bucky nodded, you let out an almost relieved sigh. Good._  
  
_“That’s good, then!” You beamed and reached out for his hand, holding his metal fingers while Tony worked on the upper part of the limb. “Soon this badass arm will be better than it was.”_  
  
_Bucky chuckled as he saw you playfully wink at him._  
  
_It had been better since you arrived._

 

* * *

 

_The loud pop music was cracking through every speaker at the Tower giving away a hell of a party._

_It wasn’t the first party you’ve been to and definitely not the first one Tony organized but it still blew your mind away sometimes._  
  
_When you swore you saw an actual celebrity passing by, you decided to go to the bar to grab a drink. You weren’t drunk enough to believe this._  
  
_After ordering a red drink and hoping it was made of strawberry, you leaned against the counter to wait._  
  
_“(Y/N)?” You heard a muffled voice call you, making you turn around your heels to find Bucky._  
  
_Clean shaven, short haired, almost neatly dressed Bucky._  
  
_“Holy shi–Bucky!” You squealed out in delight with your fingers carefully running through his new hair. “I can’t believe you actually did it.”_  
  
_“I told you.” He replied and grinned as you pulled your hands to cover your mouth, still in shock. “You like it?”_  
  
_“Yeah!” You nodded taking a step and standing ridiculously close to him with a smile on your face. “You look really handsome.”_  
  
_The next thing you knew, Bucky’s lips were pressed against yours and his left arm wrapped around your waist tightly._  
  
_One of your hands grabbed a fistful of his white button up shirt and the other naturally held his metal arm as you deepened the kiss, not caring who’d see._  
  
_When you finally broke the kiss, you placed your chin in his shoulder and Bucky’s hand went upwards. The coldness of his touch meeting the exposed skin of your crop top as you sighed happily._  
  
_“Hey.” He called out again and you pulled back, meeting his smiling face. “You look beautiful today.”_

 

* * *

 

 _Months passed by after the party and your relationship with Bucky had clearly changed._  
  
_Kisses at the most random times. On the cheek, mouth, neck, jaw, forehead, nose…every place that would be reachable. Hugs at everytime you two shared the room. Holding hands? Almost all the time. Especially the metal one._  
  
_But nobody said a thing. It was like everyone was kind of expecting, so when it happened it wasn’t really a big deal._  
  
_Except for that one time when Bucky pulled you to sit on his lap during a S.H.I.E.L.D conference and Fury scolded both you._  
  
_(And then Tony teased you for the whole week and Steve got slightly shocked because apparently it was one of Bucky’s habits back in the 40s.)_  
  
_But that day’s conference went fairly well. Bucky didn’t lay a hand on you during it. That is: until you two entered the elevator._  
  
_He was still wearing his uniform and damn, that pants looked so good on him…_  
  
_He seemed to have the same thought as you since when you stepped in and pressed the main floor button, he instantly lifted you onto the wall wrapping your legs around his waist._  
  
_Holding you in place with no effort with his left arm, he led his mouth to your neck, nibbling and sucking all the visible places making sure to leave his mark. Your skin was just so soft and warm, he’d always get too lost on it._  
  
_His hand gave your ass a tight squeeze through your catsuit and you gasped, pulling back his face just when…bing._  
  
_The elevator’s opened._  
  
_Cameron, one of the S.H.I.E.L.D’s operatives, was more shocked than ever, his cheeks flushed by a bright red. Sharon, on the other hand, just seemed amused by the whole situation._  
  
_“Really guys?” The blond agent asked with a smirk on her face. “On the elevator?”_  
  
_Fuck. Now Tony was going to tease you for a whole month._

 

* * *

 

Bucky finally snapped out of his mind when Clint announced that they had arrived home.  
  
He quickly unbuckled your belt and lifted you onto his arms in bridal style, walking into your now shared floor.  
  
As he placed you on the bed, your hand immediately reached out to pull his arm. The both of you were dirty and sweaty and on the worst case, bloody but you didn’t care. You just wanted to sleep cuddled against Bucky’s warm body.  
  
He laid down on the bed embracing your frame in a tight hug, your head resting against his chest with his heartbeat being your lullaby. His cold fingers ran lovingly down your face and you sighed contently.  
  
“Night, Buck.” You mumbled, sleep taking over your voice. “Love you.”  
  
Thinking about those moments back in the quinjet warmed his heart up. Everytime his metal arm touched you, he’d notice on how past away from him those previous feelings were now.  
  
He couldn’t feel all those different sensations but it didn’t seem to matter now because he felt loved. As a whole. With past and mistakes, with our without a limb. It had been a long and hard journey until Bucky could accept himself again. Body and mind and feelings.  
  
Yes, it had been long and hard journey but he wouldn’t have gone through it with anyone else but you.  
  
“I love you too, doll.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like it ooor did you hate it? Tell me!
> 
> ARE Y'ALL EXCITED WITH ALL NEW CIVIL WAR SET PICS?? JESUS. I NEED AN AMBULANCE ASAP. The whole squad looks adorable. <3
> 
> If there's any mistake in this work, please warn me.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! You're awesome.


	3. Bucky Barnes’ Infinite Playlist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky would make sure remember every single one of her songs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, sunshine! <3
> 
> THIS IS, ONCE AGAIN, 100% BUCKY BARNES PINNING OVER A GIRL TRASH. I’m not even sorry. I just want fluff + recovered Bucky + metal arm love. 
> 
> This chapter hold ties with the previous one, 'Loved', so go back and read it! :')
> 
> Enjoy!

**Angus & Julia Stone – A Heartbreak**

The first time he noticed how much she loved her music was in the morning after he had an episode.

She had been the first one to rush to his and Steve’s floor even though she didn’t exactly knew how to deal with an amnesiac assassin.

Before Bucky succumbed to a pill induced slumber, he’d remember her insisting to Steve that she’d stay and that she didn’t mind to take the couch. But he didn’t expect that in the next morning she’d be still there, literally dancing on his kitchen while a song he didn’t know played through her phone.

Twisting around her bare feet and wearing Captain America pajamas, she was silently singing to the song like her life depended on it, the spatula in her hand being the microphone.

Bucky knew he was creeping out, quietly watching her with his body hidden behind the doorway but he couldn’t bring himself to stop. Or care at all.

It was all about that.

The smell of food in the air, the way her hair bounced while she’d shake her head, the pleasant beat of the song and how she moved along it.

It was the first time he woke up after a relapse without thinking about it, the first time he saw her dancing and the first time he noticed how much she loved her music.

And listening to the song’s lyrics attentively, he made a mental note.

_Girl, you’re just a child…_  
_A heartbreak_

He’d remember every single one of her songs.

 

* * *

 

**Arcade Fire – Ready to Start**

It was freezing cold in New York. Not the worst weather he confronted but definitely not the best.

But still, she managed to drag him out of the Tower.

He could blame how cute she looked when she begged for them to go out, wearing a lilac fluffy coat and a white beanie with cat ears.  _Cat ears._

But he just secretly loved when they went out generally, away from the madness of the Tower, trying to be as normal as an Avenger couple could, doing things he wasn’t used to.

She loved that weather because everything looked magical. He loved that weather because he could cover his entire face without being questioned.

And thankfully, most of the times, nobody recognized them.

Bucky smiled small behind the lapels of his coat, watching as she walked beside him with her eyes closed and her arm around his left one. One earbud to her ear and the other plugged in his own, her humming following the sound guitars, head swaying to the beat and gloved fingers drumming against his arm.

_I would rather be wrong_  
_Than live in the shadows of your song_  
_My mind is open wide_  
_And now I’m ready to start_

That was the way she trusted him to blindly guide her through the streets of Brooklyn.

 

* * *

 

**Mayer Hawthorne – Maybe so, Maybe no**

Bucky was surprised with how okay he was with the current situation. Well, partially.   
The place was still a mess – mostly with her stuff since he wasn’t too attached to things – but it already felt like home. They had officially moved in together.

At the Tower, but still.

He suggested the idea to (Y/N) a while after he’d tripped over a pile of books, her books, in his room. Why weren’t they in a place of their own yet anyway?

She had chosen one of the highest floors due the skyline view and she definitely looked like she belonged there, in the top of everything. A small smirk curved his lips as he heard her asking FRIDAY to play one of her thousand playlists.

The first seconds of the song was somewhat old school, hinting the kind of music of his past but Bucky knew it was an actual, new song just by the beat.

(Y/N) started to sway her hips to the song, arms following the moves in a flow as she walked towards him, her lower lip caught between her teeth and eyebrows raised. Getting close enough, she reached out for his metal arm, twirling around it and quietly inviting him for a dance he wasn’t sure he could lead.

_Could it be that your love was meant for me?_  
_Maybe so_  
_Maybe no_

Maybe so, one day. 

 

* * *

 

**Mark Ronson – Uptown Funk (feat. Bruno Mars)**

Months and months could pass by but Bucky didn’t think he’d ever get used to Tony’s parties.

He had memories of the parties he used to go back in the 40s and they obviously weren’t like the billionaire’s. But he was quite enjoying this one.

It was Natasha’s birthday and apparently to her sake (Y/N said she must’ve threatened him), Tony invited just people that were real close to team. Girlfriends, wives and a few employees.

As he leaned back against the bar, his eyes roamed the whole room but fell on her, just like any other time.

Her wine red dress was lifted up slightly on her thighs as she danced to some pop catchy song with Darcy, the intern’s boyfriend laughing as they made a choreography.

He could see she was having fun just by the shiny look in her eyes and every once in a while her gaze would flick to his direction, an almost naïve smile playing on her lips as she winked at him playfully.

_Stop, wait a minute_  
_Fill my cup, pour some liquor in it_  
_Take a sip, sign a check_  
_Julio! Get the stretch!_  
_Ride to Harlem, Hollywood, Jackson, Mississippi_  
_If we show up, we gon’ show out_  
_Smoother than a fresh dry skippy_

Bucky felt the corners of his mouth lift up in a grin almost unconsciously. Nobody needed to know but he enjoyed that view much better than the whole party itself.

 

* * *

 

**Maroon 5 – Animals**

She could be both a shy, blushing girl when they’d met someone new and a grown, smart woman with dirty jokes at the tip of her tongue when they were back in the Tower.

Sometimes it amused him to see her gentle talking to a stranger with a low, almost childlike voice and it definitely shocked when she’d do something bold, dirty talking during conferences or throwing innuendos for the whole team to hear during missions.

Either way, Bucky loved all of it. Everything seemed so like her and he cherished that she could be who she wanted to be. Even though it backfired on him.

He didn’t even know the song that was currently blasting through Tony’s soundsystem but he remembered listening to it on the radio once. The whole team was sat in a circle and she was right in the middle of it with his eyes following every move as she got ready to pay her dare.

Everyone was cheering and wolf whistling but Bucky couldn’t bring himself to care. If he did, he’d throw in a jealous fit, probably.

She moved her hips ever so sensually but still somewhat innocently, if that was even possible and let out a laugh, covering her face with both hands.

It was just when Sam urged her on, chiding that she wasn’t paying the dare right that (Y/N) started moving more confidently.

One, two, three slow steps to his direction and she was towering Bucky, standing over him as he sat cross-legged on the floor.

Hips swaying, swaying and swaying, she looked down at him and smiled like a kid who got caught doing something wrong.

_Baby, I’m preying on you tonight_  
_Hunt you down, eat you alive_  
_Just like animals, animals, like animals_  
_Maybe you think that you can hide_  
_I can smell your scent from miles_  
_Just like animals, animals, like animals_

And just like that, he knew they were in for a long night.

 

* * *

 

**The Heavy – How You Like Me Now?**

He should’ve known from the moment Tony called them out and she stepped out in the hallway (wearing the white little dress he loved so much with glittery jelly sandals) squealing excitedly, that something was up.

And Bucky found even little less comfort when he noticed that he was just as clueless as everyone else, being shoved into a car with Clint, Sam, Steve and Scott.

But everything became clearer as he noticed the place they’d stopped: a karaoke bar.

With Tony listening too much to (Y/N)’s ideas, he’d closed the bar to them for the night, declaring it the first official the Avengers night-out.

Scott and Sam’s failed attempts to sing some hip-hop songs had kept him amused until she wriggled off the hold of his metal arm, so far loosely drapped around her shoulders.

He watched her back as she talked to one of the bar’s staff, who smiled (way too much) at her and handed one of the microphones.

Bucky fished out his phone (the camera on it was indeed useful) in the same time she stepped on the small stage, grinning mischievously at him.

The song started and he suppressed a smirk. He’d heard her sing it before, to him, teasingly and in times not so pure to be described at the current moment. But this was nice too.

Footage of her playfully singing, dancing and calling him out to the stage while the skirt of her dress slided smoothly on her thighs would be most definitely the best thing Bucky would ever have on his phone.

_So if I was to cheat_  
_On you baby would you see right through me_  
_If I sing a sad, sad, sad, sad song_  
_Would you give it to me?_  
_Would you?_

He should’ve known.

 

* * *

 

**The xx – Night Time**

A heavy, thick silence filled the quinjet, the team way too deep into their own thoughts to break the current situation.

Coming back from a mission who went wrong shouldn’t be this difficult, not when it wasn’t their first time ever. But it was a rather small one compared to others and maybe that was exactly why everyone was taking the outcome so bitterly.

Sat on the floor with (Y/N) between his legs, Bucky was stiff, in anger and sorrow.

He’d made a promise to himself, to save and help people even when he couldn’t, a way to cope and atone with the previous destruction he caused. But today…he failed. And he was angry.

Bucky knew she had noticed his state when she crawled towards her bag and grabbed the pink ipod. She silently placed one of the earbuds on his ear and retreated to her previous seat, leaning her back against his chest again and pulling his arms to embrace her middle.

The song she choosed was slow, soothing and comforting just like the faint smell of her shampoo, filling his nose despite the sweaty bloody mess she was.

Her silver painted nails meeting the silver of his metal hand, tapping it gently to the beat and creating a low ‘tink’ noise every once in a while.

_So I’ll tell the truth_  
_I’ll give it up to you_  
_And when the day come_  
_It will have all been fun_  
_We’ll talk about it soon_

While he’d have her by his side, it would only be completely silent and lonely if he wanted to.

 

* * *

 

**New Radicals – I Hope I Didn’t Just Give Away the Ending**

It didn’t matter how many and how often he’d have nightmares, waking up would be always overwhelming.

By now he still remembered everyone after opening his eyes and that helped him to not snap. Seeing her peacefully sleeping always to his left helped too.

But sometimes, Bucky couldn’t help but being suspicious. What if all of that wasn’t real?

One time after continuously checking every little at the apartment, he sat on the living room’s couch, glad that everything seemed ok but still unable to sleep again.

When he was coming to terms that it’d be one more sleepless night, she emerged from the hall, feet clad in black high knee socks and wearing a dark grey t-shirt with a red star upon the left sleeve (that Clint gave her as a Secret Santa gift).

(Y/N) quietly walked towards the couch and sat at the end of it, pulling him gently to lie his head on her lap as her hands massaged his scalp, her fingertips brushing his forehead lovingly.

Bucky knew she was controlling her powers just to help him out and he hoped that she could realize how much he was thankful for it by the content sigh that escaped his lips.

He instantly knew she did when he heard her let out a chuckle before starting humming a song.

_Are you an illusion?_  
_Or am I just getting stoned?_  
_Cause I can’t take it alone_  
_I can’t take it alone_  
_I hope I didn’t just give away the ending_

Body relaxed, eyelids already heavy and a clear mind. Maybe not so sleepless as he thought, after all.

 

* * *

 

**John Legend – Save Room**

Everything he remembered from the last time he was Europe had been small, weak pieces of memories that with time, he managed to pull all together.

And if there was one thing Bucky knew for sure, was that it hadn’t been pretty.

But this time he knew it’d be different just because she was there and hell, they were  _vacationing_. He was pretty sure that any of those gossip sites would die for the view he was having.

The fluffy white robe from the fancy hotel that they booked (and Tony payed) was practically engulfing her frame as she held a champagne bottle, moving slightly to the song playing on the TV.

Placing the bottle in a small table nearby, she grabbed his left hand and pulled him to his feet, smiling all while.

It was just when she shyly asked him for a dance in russian (which she was learning fast, by the way), that Bucky didn’t see other option but smirk and embrace her waist, pulling her close to his chest.

Twirling her around the room seemed so natural to him, it didn’t even felt like it was the first real time they danced together.

A laugh escaped Bucky’s lips as he bent her body down and she yelped between a giggle, gripping the lapels of the robe.

When he lifted her up, she pulled him by the robe’s belt and placed her lips upon his as he buried a hand between her damp hair to deepen the kiss.

_Make time to live a little_  
_Don’t let this moment slip by_  
_You’ll never know what you’re missing til’ you try_  
_I’ll keep you satisfied if you stay_  
_Won’t you stay?_

When they pulled back, she let out a sheepish laugh and leaned her head against his shoulder, a happy sigh following rightly after.

Bucky straightened his hold around her small frame protectively.

The hell could break lose over his head anytime but he’d be sure to remember every single moment and every single song that came along with her.

That would be his life mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DID YOU LIKE IT? DID YOU HATE IT? TELL ME! 
> 
> Bucky and our lovely new Avenger from 'Loved' and this work will most likely turn into a series...yeAH. I just love them so much. Expect more from them soon! <3
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed! *_*
> 
> If there's any mistake in this chapter, please warn me!
> 
> Thank you for reading! You're awesome!


	4. The Bet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Pin me down onto the mat for 15 seconds and you get whatever you want from me.” Bucky said and bit down his lower lip to hold back a grin as he continued. “If it’s the other way around, I get whatever I want from you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! :')
> 
> Another request coming up: Bucky offers to spar with reader. They make a bet. Fluff + teasing ensues. <3
> 
> Enjoy!

Wrapping up the bandages around your knuckles and wrists in the Tower’s training room, you sighed slightly annoyed. 

It was friday: the day you’d always have a sparring session with Natasha. 

The ritual started against your own will but your dad (a.k.a Iron Man) was convinced that you needed some self defense classes, putting Natasha as your teacher. 

Now, you actually enjoyed the whole thing. It made wonders to your body, you actually knew a few moves now and Nat turned into a partner (not just a teacher, even if she could still beat your ass).

It had gradually turned into something you could work your stress and frustrations off. 

And you just had a shitty week: spending all your time with your face buried between books studying for your college finals, your teachers apparently giving you a hard time just because you were Tony Stark’s daughter, almost failing your favorite class…

Just in the day you were most looking foward to work out, Natasha was unusually late. 

You were about to fish your phone out of your bag to call her when the door snapped open making you turn around. 

To a shirtless Bucky. 

“Hey.” He greeted you with a smile from the opposite side of the room as he dropped a small bag on the floor. “I didn’t know you were here.”

_Neither did I. If I knew…_

Another frustration you wanted to relieve: Bucky himself. 

Since he arrived at the Tower he had been somewhat closed, except with you and Steve. You didn’t really understand why but it actually made you happy. You cared about him. Even more than you should, actually. 

Plus, the guy was just a walking sin. Like, all the time. Like now. 

His grey shorts were riding too low for your own good. Hell, you could even see the start of his happy trail. He was shirtless, thing you’d seen before but it would still get through you everytime. And his hair was up in a fucking man bun: your ultimate weakness. 

But before your staring could go further, he clicked his fingers and you snapped out of your trance.  _Oh God, did he even notice I was checking him out?_

“Oh. Hey?” Your cheeks turned into a bright red and you feigned a cough. “I was, uh, waiting for Natasha. Sparring session and all the jazz.”

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, starting to wrap up his hands with the bandages. 

“Natasha just left. Like…30 minutes ago.” He replied and you huffed. 

“What!? She didn’t even tell me she wasn’t coming, that little bitch!” You complained turning back to your bag to grab the damn phone and scream the hell out at her. Until…

“You could spare with me.”  _What?_

“What?” You asked dumbfounded and then laughed indignantly. “Natasha kicks my ass enough already, thank you.”

He chuckled and walked across the mat, reaching his arm out towards you. You looked up at his face then to his extended hand in hesitation. 

Bucky grinned somewhat mischievous before winking playfully at you. 

“I’ll go slow on you.”  _Handsome bastard._  

“Alriiiiight.” You took his hand into yours nervously and he walked to the mat’s center. As he freed your hand and stood to your front, you gave a deep breath making him laugh. 

“You’ll be fine! You can handle yourself, come on.” You grimaced and looked at his smirking face. You were about to question him when he spoke up. “What about a bet?”

Oh no.

“A bet?” You asked suspiciously, your eyes narrowing at Bucky’s cocky expression. “What bet?”

You were a little suspicious at  _this one_  but you actually loved bets. Maybe it was because it was on your blood (you were a Stark after all) or maybe because you just loved that feel of winning something in your life. 

That’s why you hardly backed down on bets. But with Bucky…you knew you’d lose it. Bad. And you didn’t even know what it was yet. 

“Pin me down onto the mat for 15 seconds and you get whatever you want from me.” Bucky said and bit down his lower lip to hold back a grin as he continued. “If it’s the other way around, I get whatever I want from you.”

Oh God.  _Wai–_

“Whatever I want?” You asked way too hopeful for your liking and he nodded.  _Oh God._  “Ok then, let’s do it.”

Then it started.

He was obviously more skilled and faster than you but he really  _did_  slow down for you to keep up with him. 

But not enough for you to have an opportunity to tackle him down. 

After throwing a punch that actually hit him, he quickly took a hold on your arm and flipped your body around as gently as he could before throwing you against the mat. 

It was so fast that you couldn’t help but let out a yelp as your back hit the cold surface. 

Bucky had kneeled next to you and was about to lift one of his legs to actually straddle your waist and hold you back. Oh no. You wanted to fucking win. 

In a quick reflex you didn’t even know you had, you pulled your legs and lifted your torso as your hands pushed his shoulders. Bucky stumbled back slightly and fell back against the mat in surprise. 

_I did it. Oh my god, I DID IT._

You moved foward and placed your legs on each side of his hips, straddling him still panting from your stunt. Bucky on the other hand, was grinning like he had won. 

“You know you’re not going to hold me down, right?” He said still grinning as his hands made its way to your thighs, slowly running up and down on your already warm skin. 

He was ready to lift your body to flip you around again when you grabbed both of his hands and pinned them above his head. 

“Of course I am.”  _OF COURSE I AM NOT._

When he tried to pull his hands from your hold, you panicked slightly. You needed to distract him.  ** _You wanted to fucking win._**

Taking a glance of his smirking face, you gave a deep breath and prayed that this would work.  _Oh my god._  Leaning into him slowly, you closed your eyes and  brushed your lips against his lightly before placing a full kiss on his lips. 

Bucky’s eyes widened at your first touch but quickly snapped out of it, pulling his hands from your grip and placing them on your hips as he deepened the kiss. 

One of your hands cupped his face, the other came to rest against the coldness of his metal arm. 

15…14…13…12…11…then the track of time got lost. 

You kept kissing for more time than you thought it would possible before pulling back breathless. Bucky instinctively lifted his head up still following your lips making you smile sheepishly. 

When you finally sat straight with your hands palmed against his chest and still straddling him, his head fell back onto the mat as he sighed. 

“This was more than I had planned.” Bucky murmured and you frowned in confusion.

“What do you mean?” You asked quietly and watched him blush. 

Bucky Barnes blushing. Madly. 

You were sitting on top of him (rather comfortably, thanks) after the best kiss you’d ever had an he was blushing over a simple question. 

“Are you  _blushing_?!” You asked again in disbelief but still somewhat playful. “Tell me what it is!”

Bucky ran a hand over his burning face and let out a laugh. 

“Natasha set this up.” He confessed watching your confused face between his fingers. “She let me take over your sparring to try this…out. If I won I’d ask you out.”

You stared at him static for a moment before start giggling. You couldn’t believe that. 

“But I won instead!” You replied proudly cocking your head up and laughed, cupping his jaw with both hands. “You could’ve just asked, you know. I wouldn’t turn you down.”

He got up on his elbows and smirked as you hugged his torso and came closer to his face. 

“I know that now.” His lips pouted and you laughed. What a puppy.

“But I still won the bet.” You kissed the corners of his mouth and nibbled his lower lip slightly. “And I want you to continue whatever this is.”

Bucky grinned. 

This was  _way_  more than he had planned. 

 

* * *

 

_Extended ending_

 

Pietro zoomed into the Tower’s main floor and smirked as he saw Tony, Steve, Natasha and Sam chatting. 

He raced towards Tony and stood beside him, still smirking wickedly. 

“Hey old man, I would check the security cameras from the training’s room right now if I was you.” The silver haired said and glanced over Natasha who was now grinning. 

The thing was: while you and Bucky were absorved into each other, the speedster had sneaked into the training room…just in time to get a glimpse of you two. 

Now, how could he  _not_  tell Stark?

“Sonic, if you broke something out of the room aga–” Tony started but stopped abruptly as he accessed the cameras and watched the scene. 

Was that…?

“ _Holy shit_ , is that (Y/N) and Bucky?” Sam asked flabbergasted at the couple’s make out session. 

“It worked!” Natasha beamed playfully and Steve gave a small smile.  _Finally._

Tony, after watching the whole…thing for a few moments, finally got a hold of his mind. THAT WAS…

“WHAT THE HELL GUYS!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So? Did you like it or did you hate it? TELL ME.
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed this one! I know Bucky is too much for us to handle sometimes, I know. But stay strong. <3 lmao
> 
> If there's any mistake in this chapter, please warn me.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! You're awesomeee.


	5. Just So You Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mornings with you are Bucky’s favorites.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!
> 
> Here's ome hardcore FLUFF (feat. Bucky Barnes) (Obviously)
> 
> This one's partially based off [Just So You Know](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtLPae4oUpQ) by Tiago Iorc, if you want to listen. <3
> 
> Slight warning to a sexy times moment? Yeah. But not too described. So...
> 
> Enjoy!

**5:32AM**

Bucky’s eyes snapped open as a small gasp came out of his mouth. 

It’s been a while since he last had nightmares and it stunned him for a moment that it happened while he was with you. 

Pretty much every night you decided to sleep in his bedroom rather than your own, he’d have a full night of peaceful slumber. 

In fact, he’d sleep like a rock. Except a few times when nightmares invaded his mind after a mission, like today. 

His old HYDRA life would always meet his new life, dragging you into the terrors in his head. 

Right now, seeing you sleep soundly beside him was enough to calm his nerves. 

You were laying on your back, with one hand under the pillow and the other resting on your stomach. Your hair was splayed over it in a mess, albeit a beautiful one. The skin of your thighs were exposed by the ‘I ♥ Hawkeye’ shirt Kate gave you on your birthday and Bucky couldn’t help but let out a chuckle at it. 

The only thing Bucky could feel from you in that moment was your always cold feet, tucked between his own warm ones. 

But he knew sooner or later you’d unconsciously notice the gap between the two of you and would snuggle your body against his. 

You always did that. 

And with that in mind, Bucky drifted back to sleep again. 

 

**06:17AM**

You let out a sleepy sigh and ran your hand through your face, pushing away a few strands of your hair. 

Bucky was asleep next to you with his flesh arm extended over your pillow almost like an invitation. You took it gladly, resting your head in his shoulder and pulling his arm to close around your body before placing your own across his naked chest. 

He didn’t even flinch but his breathing is even and calm like you never saw before. Not after a mission, anyway. 

The urge to keep watching him was big but not stronger than the sleep taking over you again. 

You smiled faintly and pressed a light kiss on his chest, feeling his arm’s hold straighten protectively around you. 

Now you could sleep properly. 

 

**07:45AM**

When Bucky finally woke up in that morning, the sunlight was filling the room but he didn’t curse himself for not closing the curtains like always. 

Like he expected, you were lying against him but this time your hair was tickling his arm (his flesh one because he’d always want to feel you against him) and your shirt was already past up your waist, showing the pink lace boyshorts. 

Bucky never really admit but he lived for mornings like this. 

Mornings where he knew he didn’t have nowhere else to be and you’d be just like that beside him. 

 

**07:47AM**

You stirred your body lazily as Bucky started to plant kisses in every reachable place of your face. 

Starting on your forehead, going down on your cheeks, nose and your jaw. When his lips finally reached your lips you let out a laugh, placing your hand on his cheek to pull him closer. 

“Good morning, James Buchanan Barnes!” You greeted with a smile before giving him another kiss. “Sleep well?”

Bucky just replied with a low 'mmmhm’ before pulling your thighs to him, making you straddle his waist as you grinned. 

“Don’t you think it’s a little early for this?” You asked still grinning as his fingertips traced your back, inside your t-shirt. 

Grabbing the ends of the fabric and pulling it over you head in a quick move, his lips turned into a lopsided smile at the sight of your bare torso. 

“No.”

 

**07:51AM**

You let out a small moan as he laid your body against the mattress again, burying his face on your neck, sucking and nibbling your skin. 

It would most definitely be marked later but you just couldn’t bring yourself to care right now. 

Bucky started to trail his lips down your collarbones to your chest, leaving small kisses on your stomach as his metal hand wrapped your leg around him. 

When he reached your navel a whine left your mouth and you felt him smirk against your skin. 

“Bucky!”

 

**07:56AM**

“Hey Buck– _oh shit._ ”

The door suddenly snapped open making you gasp loudly and Bucky throw his body against yours, covering you up. 

“STEVE!” Bucky complained making you giggle at Steve’s flustered face as he turned around. 

“Dammit–sorry! Sorry! I’m leaving!” The Captain said as he quickly closed the door behind him. 

“LANGUAGE!” Bucky and you called out at the same time and heard Steve laugh from the hallway. 

 

**07:58AM**

You looked down at Bucky, noticing the amused look on his face before smirking at him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders. 

“Wanna try again?” You asked innocently as Bucky grinned, kissing your lips fervently. 

 

**08:00AM**

Pulling back breathless, you glanced at Bucky inquiringly and he smirked, turning you around to sit in his lap again. _He definately lived for mornings like this._

“Let’s do this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO. Did you like or did you hateee it? Tell me!
> 
> Steve is such a dork, can we have him? Yes, we can. LMAO
> 
> Hope y'all enjoyed this shorty one! <3
> 
> If there's any mistake in this chapter, please warn me.
> 
> Thank you for reading! You're awesOME.


	6. Second Chances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Does Bucky believe in his second chance?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya! 
> 
> Are yOU ALL ALIVE? BREATHING JUST FINE? SANE IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS CIVIL WAR WAVE OF NEWS? 
> 
> I'm not. Clearly. lmao
> 
> One more coming right up, this time based off the song [Second Chances](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YSx7qxTmlc) by Imagine Dragons! ^_^ 
> 
> Enjoy! <3

You let out a deep sigh as your hands rubbed your eyes tiredly. 

Working until that late wasn’t on your agenda for a friday. It was almost two in the morning and you were still surrounded by Stark Industries papers. 

Pepper wasn’t one to hold you into work until that late. In fact, she was the best boss you could’ve ever asked for and that was the main reason why you were still in the Tower doing that. 

She was half across the world in Tokyo (or Hong Kong?) for a business  meeting and needed your help. Knowing that she’d only ask for help when she really couldn’t solve it herself, you immediately prompted yourself. 

That earned you half an afternoon and a night looking through her files at Stark Tower. 

You got up from your spot stirring your body and walked towards the kitchen. A mug of coffee was very welcome now. 

As you entered the room you saw Bucky sitting in one of the stools, a glass of water between his fingers. 

“Hey Bucky!” You greeted as excitedly as you could but he didn’t even flinch. “Rough night?”

He didn’t responded again but you knew the answer. You had meet him enough times to know his troubles. 

Everyone knew his troubles. 

Working for Tony and Pepper had its perks and knowing the Avengers was one of them. Bucky arrived for around 6 months ago and he was the only one that you didn’t interacted too much.

Even though you’d love to have him as a…friend, you didn’t blame him for not trusting you. But that didn’t stop you from trying to talk or help him. 

In fact, it only urged you even more. 

“Wanna talk about it?” You asked quietly before taking a sip of your coffee, leaning your back against the sink. 

You saw his fingers tingle around the glass somewhat nervously, his gaze still avoiding you emotionless. 

“No.”

A sigh came out of your mouth as you walked around the countertop to sit on the stool beside him. You placed your mug on the cold surface making your knuckles brush against his metal ones.

“You know Bucky, I can’t even imagine how…those days were hard for you. And I think there’s nothing that will make you fully forget them.” You started and held back a smile when he finally looked up at you, listening attently. “But don’t bottle it all to yourself alright? Talk about it someone. I’m sure you’ll feel at least a little better.”

“You think so?” He asked in a whisper and you nodded with a small smile on your face. His body was stiff but he looked more vulnerable than ever and it broke your heart. 

“I think so.” You replied and got up on your feet, placing the now empty mug on the sink before turning back to him. “It doesn’t have to be me or Steve though. Just…talk it out ok? With someone.”

Everyone might know his troubles but very few understood them and treated him normally. You didn’t act like you were stepping on eggshells around him. 

And you didn’t know that (mainly because he was too afraid that it’d change the way you treated him) but he was thankful for it. 

You smiled at him and he just couldn’t help but smile back, albeit a tad weaker. 

“Ok.”

 

* * *

 

In the following weeks Bucky followed your advice and started talking about his nightmares and everything that he went through. 

At first it was just Sam and Natasha. He knew Sam wouldn’t judge or be mad at him and Natasha knew how it felt to be someone else’s puppet. 

Sam gave him a journal and said that he could write everything that he didn’t feel like saying. Then if he wanted, he could just rip the page and burn or keep it as a sign of his improvement. 

Natasha on the other hand, suggested for him to spare his frustrations off while training. In that way, he’d be using what HYDRA teached him for his own good. 

 _Now_ , as he punched the boxing bag madly, the only thing he could feel was anger. 

Bucky couldn’t separate his memories. What was real and what wasn’t. Things that indeed happened from things he only imagined. And all the things he did…

The training’s room door noise filled his ears but didn’t bother his angry moves. Not even when you called out. 

“Hey! I was just passing by and Sam told me you were here.” You started as you walked towards him, the clicks of your heels and the sound of his fists hitting the bag’s leather the only noises in the place. “Bucky?”

He didn’t reply and you held back a snort. Was it becoming a habit?

“Hey! Bucky!” As you boldly placed your body between his and the punching bag, his moves stopped immediately, his eyes flicking up to you. “What’s going on?”

Bucky glanced hesitantly at your face for a moment and you significantly nodded at him. He knew exactly what it meant. 

_Talk it out._

“I’m angry. I'm  _so_  angry. My memories…” Bucky paused as his jaw clenched among with his fists. “All the things that I did–”

You let out a sigh while taking a step closer to him, interrupting his speech. You asked for him to talk but you just couldn’t listen to that and keep silent. 

“Bucky, no! Look, I don’t expect you to come around with what they did, obviously.” You said slowly, your finger tugging your hair behind you ear nervously. “And it’s okay to be angry. You’re feeling something. But I want you to be angry at  _them_ , not yourself.”

One of your hands slid down to hold his, still wrapped with bandages and instantly his wrists relaxed just like his face’s expression. 

Then all it need was just half a step for your arms embrace his broad figure in a tight hug. What you didn’t expect was his arms embracing your waist in an equally tight hug. 

His face was buried in the crook of your neck and it was the most comfortable position he’d found himself into in some solid good years. The company helped too, he decided. 

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Bucky.” He listened you whisper softly as your fingers traced his back. “They’re the one who need forgiveness, not you. You’re just as much a victim than everyone else. And you need to come around with that and  _that_  only.”

 

* * *

 

The Earth’s mightiest heroes had their own parties party and you were fucking invited to one of them. 

And it had been great but when Tony and Thor decided to start a drinking contest, you sneaked out to the balcony’s silence for a little. The God was just so damn loud. 

As you rested your back against the balcony’s glass, you looked up and noticed Bucky walking towards your direction. His hair a little shorter than before, slipped back with a few strands falling in his forehead. He was wearing a rather stylish outfit that you bet it was Tony’s doing. 

Bucky had been a pleasant surprise in the past few months. He was clearly so much better than before and even if he still had a very long way to go until he could be his old self again, everyone noticed how much he changed. 

After your moment at the training’s room, he decided to keep the pages of his journal. Everytime he read his previous writings and noticed that he indeed improved, he’d remember what you said. Keeping the pages had been the first step of his turn around. 

The icing of the cake was the fact that he finally got closer to you and it was the best reward you could’ve asked for. You were proud and happy and relieved for him. 

So you didn’t hold back a smile as he stood beside you against the balcony. 

“Did you notice it’s been almost a year since you arrived?” You asked excitedly. “How are you feeling?”

“Yeah. Such a perfect timing, huh?” He let out a chuckle and you laughed.  Perfect timing indeed. He couldn’t have arrived in a harder time. “And ’m feeling…happy.”

You smiled wholeheartedly. He might still have to deal with some issues in the future, but in that moment you could feel he was happy. Relaxed, even. 

Pulling the lapels of his coat, you leaned in and pressed your lips against his cheek in a long smack. 

“Me too.” You eyes flicked up to his face as you pulled back, your hand giving a pat on his chest. “I’m glad that you arrived.”

“Even after everything?” Bucky asked with a small smile on his lips. You shyly smiled back as his blue eyes stared at you deeply. 

“Especially after everything.”

You erased his past so easily and accepted him just in the way he was, even if he wasn’t in his best mind state. And that made him start to think that maybe he could atone his past and everything he did.

 

* * *

 

Being closer to Bucky made you spent more time at the Tower than you would if you were  _just_  working. 

You even thought Pepper would scold you for that but all she’d do was friendly tease you everytime Bucky was in sight. Tony was really getting to her bones lately. 

But she wasn’t the only one. Everyone had their turns to tease you and often you wondered if they did the same with Bucky. Sometimes what they said let you confused. 

The guy had been really something in your life and you had come to terms that you liked him. You gave up on trying to deny that to yourself. 

But did he feel the same?

For years he was forced to do things he didn’t want to and the last thing you wanted was to force him to feel…something for you. 

And everytime you talked to him, a million questions popped on your mind. 

Like now. 

“Why did you let me in?” You asked quietly before giving a light chuckle. “I mean, I tried for some good months until you actually acknowledged my presence.”

Bucky parted his gaze from the tv playing a random comedy movie to look at you, sitting beside him at the living room’s couch. 

Seeing you wearing a Stark Industries loose t-shirt and jeans rather than your formal work wear was so natural to him. And he was so thankful for that comfortable feeling. 

“I noticed you trying.” He finally replied, a small smirk playing on his lips. “Even when I didn’t talk, you still kept yourself there.”

Listening to him say that was everything you needed to launch your body against his and press your lips together. 

He placed his arms around your waist, pulling you slightly to practically lay on his top. Bucky didn’t know how much the kiss lasted but as you pulled back breathless, he didn’t stop himself from nibble your lower lip in protest. 

You smiled sheepishly as your flushed, a hand reaching his face to stroke his short stubble. 

“And what made you let me in?”

Bucky smiled immediately. That was easy. 

“You made me believe in second chances.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TELL ME; did you like it or did you hate it?
> 
> I love this song so much. I hope y'all enjoyed it. :')
> 
> anD ALSO, COME AND FREAK WITH ME ABOUT ALL THE NEWS ON MY PERSONAL TUMBLR! We need each other in this very emotional moment. <3 lmao
> 
> FInd me [heeere](http://bbbarneswrites.tumblr.com/)! *_* love you!
> 
> If there's any mistake in this chapter, please warn me.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! You're awesome.


	7. Pictures Of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky couldn’t help but feel like there was something missing, someone missing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI HI!
> 
> I hope everyone is fine. With the CW trailer's leaked screencaps and gifs. I'm crying.
> 
> One more on the way. Based off a prompt: "Bucky feels like something is missing and he sees there’s a lot of holes in his life and he ends up finding out that reader has been the only memories that didn’t come back to him" 
> 
> Happy reading! <3

The first ever memory Bucky got from his previous life came after his fight with Steve on the bridge. 

The way the man in front of him confusingly called out his name was just too familiar, except that in his mind, Steve was very scrawny and beat up and Bucky was sure it involved an alley. 

The exact opposite of his sight back then. 

After that, having Steve haunting his head became almost usual. He had remembered more about his best friend’s life than his own, picking up on the Captain’s habits and family members. 

When Bucky finally remembered his own family, he kept telling himself and Steve that he was fine since it wasn’t like he really knew them. But that sharp tinge of pain was always there, almost as a constant reminder that he remembered and  _cared_. 

Everything was there, the major parts of his life: Sarah and Steve, his own family and sometimes the Howling Commandos. 

But even still, Bucky couldn’t help but feel like there was something missing,  _someone_  missing. 

It started once he saw Steve and Sharon dancing at one of Tony’s gala. 

And the feeling lingered for months, until he gathered enough courage to finally open the forgotten box with some of his old stuff that Steve had managed to save. 

A fair amount of pictures included. 

 

* * *

 

_A very animated song was blasting the ballroom’s stereo as the both of you got lost between the mass of people on the dancefloor, twirling and jumping around._

_“Bucky, I can’t go this fast!” You complained between giggles as Bucky held your waist, leading you on a dance. “You’re going to kill me!”_

_Bucky let out a laugh extending his arm and quickly twirling your body as you yelped._

_“You promised me, doll.” Bucky replied in a rather mischievous tone as he pulled your body flushed against his again. “A one last dance.”_

_Bucky started to slow down his pace and you followed, watching his lips turn into a smirk._

_“What if I pay you with something else?” You asked and felt your cheeks burn over his attentive stare, the blue orbs of his eyes darkening slightly._

_“Like what?” Bucky grinned and you smiled sheepishly, grasping the laps of his suit to pull him closer._

_When your lips were just about to meet his, Bucky bent your body down with his hands securely on your back as he placed his lips against yours in a chaste kiss._

_You let out a laugh against his lips and reached out your hands, holding each side of his face to bring him closer._

_A faint shutter noise and a bright white light later, Bucky pulled you back again with his hands on your hips to steady your body._

_“Like this.”_

* * *

_“Wait!” You cried out as you pulled Bucky to stand beside you, Steve a few steps ahead. “This is the perfect spot! We can see everything.”_

_Bucky glanced around watching the people walking around the Coney Island park, the three of you standing in a fairly crowd less spot._

_“You want it here?” Bucky asked sounding slightly incredulous as Steve chuckled at his friend. “We could go in that part where everyone–”_

_“No! Everyone takes one there and I want it to be different.” You replied between a laugh at Bucky’s face and shoved the camera towards Steve. “Let’s just do it! I want one with Steve too.”_

_Bucky just smiled in amusement and embraced your waist with his left arm, pulling you closer to his side._

_“Alright Stevie, hit us with your best shot!” He joked as he playfully striked a pose making you burst out in a fit of giggles._

_“Alright!” Steve called out as he lifted the camera up to his eyes. “1…2…3!”_

_The camera’s snap noise filled your ears in the same time Bucky’s lips met your cheek._

* * *

_“Can I eat the last piece of cake? Please?” The little girl sat between you and Bucky on the couch whined, making him glance down at her with a pointed look. “Pretty please, Jamie?”_

_You watched the scene with a tinge of amusement, Bucky sighing as Rebecca pulled her best puppy eyes._

_“Just if you promise me that you’ll go to bed. It’s way past your bedtime by now.” Bucky scolded playfully feigning a angry expression as his sister nodded fervently._

_“I promiseeee!” She replied in a yelp immediately jumping off the couch and running towards the kitchen in a flash._

_You let out a giggle as the brown haired girl strode into the hallway of the small apartment making Bucky stare at you with a soft look._

_“Thank you for buying her a birthday cake. You didn’t have to.” He said slowly as you scooped your body closer to him, leaning your head to rest on his shoulder._

_“But I wanted to.” You replied firmly as you glanced up at him, your fingertips tracing patterns on his chest. “It sucks to be an only child and sometimes I feel like she’s my sister too.”_

_“Does this means you’re my sister?” Bucky asked mischievously and you snorted, ready to blurt a witty comeback when Rebecca joined the room again. With a full cake plate._

_“Come here Becca, let me help!” You called her out as she made her way towards you, handing you the plate so she could climb up your lap._

_She quickly made herself comfortable sitting on your lap as you placed the plate on her small thighs, her feet tangling on Bucky’s thighs._

_“Did you enjoy your day, Becca?” You asked and instantly her blue eyes widened, nodding happily._

_“I did! Did you enjoy?” She asked brightly while fumbling with a piece of  the cake and you laughed, wiping her mouth clean._

_“Of course! It was a total gas!” You replied playfully, faking an exaggerated accent making her giggle. “But it’s your bedtime now, right? Everyone’s already asleep.”_

_Bucky silently got up and walked towards the kitchen, shortly coming back with the camera you’d left there._

_“Not before a picture!” He grinned and took a step closer to you, adjusting the camera on his sight. “Come on, girls!”_

_You smiled widely towards the camera as Rebecca giggled, pressing the side of her face against yours affectionately while Bucky snapped another picture._

* * *

_“Okay, you three!” Steve’s mom exclaimed as she pushed you to stand by the wall, a grin on her lips. “Let’s take a picture!”_

_You laughed and pulled Steve to stand by your side with Bucky on the opposite as your arms snaked their waists, a cocky smile playing on your lips._

_The three of you neatly dressed, ready to hit a party as Sarah took a ~~(few)~~ photo ~~s~~. _

_“I’ll be with the best boys of Brooklyn…” You mumbled playfully and let out a laugh when the woman blurted ‘Damn right!’ making Steve let out a small chuckle and Bucky’s lips curve into a smirk._

_Grasping your hand and throwing his right arm around Steve’s small frame, Bucky started to drag you out of the apartment._

_“Come on, we’re going to be late!”_

* * *

_A weak chuckle left your lips in amusement as Bucky took a picture of you, lying down on the grass at the park as he sat by your side._

_“Your dad already doesn’t like me, if he knows you missed college to stay here…”  He whistled jokingly making your eyes flick up to his face, watching him silently. “He’d hunt me down.”_

_“But he won’t, right?” You replied in a mumble and Bucky looked at you doubtfully. “He won’t. Because you won’t be here in the first place.”_

_Bucky’s face fell as he let out a sigh, pulling you up to sit and and placing a hand on your cheek, almost covering all of it._

_“You know why I have to go, doll.” He replied softly running his thumb through your lips, tracing all around contour. “I need to go.”_

_A single tear escaped your eyes and Bucky instantly wiped it away, his lips meeting yours in a slow kiss._

_“You don’t need to go, James. Becca needs you, Steve needs you.” You protested hoarsely, the tears running freely through your cheeks now. “I need you.”_

_He brought his lips to your face, kissing away the tears and pressed a a chaste, lingering one against your forehead before embracing your small curled frame against his body._

_“I’ll be back, (Y/N).” Bucky muttered against your forehead, his lips brushing your skin lovingly. “I’ll come back.”_

 

* * *

 

Bucky hissed at the pounding sudden headache and opened his eyes, his sight becoming less and less blurrier as the pictures in his hand became clear. 

He snatched the small amount of pictures into his metal hand and strode out of the room, his breath hitching in anger, in confusion and nervousness. Only slightly calming down when he saw Steve lounging by the Tower’s main room, a sketchbook in hand. 

Walking towards the man silently, Bucky sat down by the Captain’s side not even noticing his startled state as he gently threw the pictures over Steve’s sketchbook. 

He needed answers. He needed  _her_. 

“Who is she, Steve?” Bucky asked breathless as a small gasp left Steve’s mouth, both of them now staring the pictures. The first in confusion and the second almost in sorrow. “ _Who the hell is (Y/N)?_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO SO TELL ME: did you like it or did you hate it?
> 
> Lots of feels. And tears. And I might be thinking about a second part to this. Tell me if you want it and give me ideas for it! <3 Also, if there is any 40s innacuracy here: tell me so I can fix it!
> 
> As always, you can come and talk to me on my trash [tumblr](http://bbbarneswrites.tumblr.com/). *_*
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> If there's any mistake in this chapter, please warn me.
> 
> Thanks for reading! You're awesomeee.


	8. Memories Of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He just didn’t want to mourn another lost memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY!
> 
> Here it is the second part of Pictures of You! This one is more background story than anything really, just with Steve and Bucky going through old memories. 
> 
> And obviously, 100% Bucky Barnes pinning over a girl trash. Apparently I’m a fan of cliches. LMAO
> 
> Even though I'm not entirely happy with this, third part might be coming soon! <3
> 
> ENJOY!

Steve thought he should be already used to it. 

He’d lost count on how many times he sat down with Bucky to tell him about his past,  _their_  pasts and shared stories. It should be easy by now. 

Everytime Bucky would sit and listen. Occasionally make a comment. Then he’d brush it off, like everything he just heard wasn’t affecting his mind at all. 

But this,  _her_  and the pictures would be more difficult than everything the Captain had shared. Both of them knew that. 

And both were hoping that this was a good idea. 

“Her name was (Y/N) (L/N).” Steve started as he grabbed one of the pictures, the three of them together, looking at it attentively. “She was a few years younger than both of us and we met her in Coney Island, the same time you made me ride the Cyclone.”

He remembered mentioning this Cyclone thing and he remembered Steve’s small frame leaned against a trash can but nothing more than that. 

At the moment he didn’t know if he was glad or angry about it. 

“She saw me throwing up and came to help, thinking you were messing with me around.” The Captain said and raised his eyebrows, looking smugly at Bucky. “Before you two started dating you used to say she was a female version of me.”

Bucky didn’t know why but somehow such an action fitted her, the image he had of her. It felt like it was in the back of his mind, the recognition of her personality and everything she’d do with it. 

“She couldn’t see anything remotely wrong going on that she’d want to step in.” Steve chuckled slightly, sympathetic. “Got  _both_  of us in a lot of trouble.”

“Did I…”  _Love her?_  No. He wouldn’t say that because he refused to love someone he didn’t even know. “Like her?”

The blond let out a small sigh, nodding curtly as he held back a smirk. 

“It seemed so.” He replied simply to then start gesturing with his hands, continuing the speech. “I mean, you could have any girl you wanted but sticked to the most complicated of them. That had to mean something.”

“What do you mean?”

“Her family was…well, they were rich, the good, old folks of Brooklyn. We weren’t exactly poor but we weren’t in the same side of the coin.” Steve replied and he nodded in response.  _He’d hunt me down._ Now it made sense. “They didn’t exactly like that she hanged out with us.”

“Your family loved her, though. And my Ma too.” Steve continued, a small smile playing on his lips though his tone was a little bitter this time. “Becky was the closest to her. I’ve seen people think she was your daughter with her.”

“And my Ma…” The Captain laughed heartily. “Well, she loved everyone that could put up with my attitude. We were real close. (Y/N) tried to be as close as she could with our families because hers didn’t like us.”

Again, another action that fitted the kind of person he thought she was. 

“I remember them.” Bucky smiled weakly, the curves of his mouth not even close to reaching his eyes. “Her…with Becky. And with your Ma.”

“I mocked you a lot.” Steve confessed with a quick laugh. “It was funny to see you pinning over a girl. You even used to sneak her out of her house…it was a real cliche love story going on.”

There was a faint memory. Him jumping up a fence, trying to muffle a laugh as he ran away from it with his clothes slightly unveiled. Maybe it was that. 

“Her dad talked to me.” Bucky deadpanned and Steve’s eyes widened for a bit. He never told that to Steve. 

“You never told me that, Buck.” Steve replied carefully. “What did he say?”

“I’ll kill you if you hurt my little girl.” Bucky didn’t even know how he knew that. It was just…there. Lost like he was, maybe. 

Steve nodded as his fingers fumbled with the pictures on his lap, pausing for a while before speaking up again. 

“I don’t think she ever told you that but…” A sigh escaped his lips as he leaned his back against the couch. “Once her father came to pick her up at our apartment. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but I heard him telling things about us to her. Mean things, even.”

That seemed something her father would do. His broad, tall figure, the moustache and the clearly expensive clothes always had an effect. 

Normally it wasn’t a positive one. 

“She said he had no choice but accept you because otherwise she’d leave to live with us. With you.” Steve continued and Bucky felt his chest warm for a little. “I told her I heard and asked if what she said was true, and she said yes. If we’d have her, she’d leave her parents.”

He didn’t remember much about the 40s but from what he did remembered, she’d have to be crazy to do something like that. It wasn’t easy times, especially for a lady. 

So it surprised him to find out such a thing. Such commitment. 

“The day you left, she was there with her father. He said you were a brave man, going to war. Even gave me a ride home.” A incredulous chuckle left Steve’s lips and he gave a deep breath. “We stayed together for a while, until I got to Europe myself. But it wasn’t the same without you.”

“Did she see you…?” Bucky asked, his voice trailing as he glanced meaningly at his best-friend.  _The serum._

“Yeah.” He nodded, his eyes looking up at Bucky apologetic. “The last time I saw her was the day I left. She had skipped college to say goodbye.”

Just like she did with him. 

“I hurt her, Steve.” Bucky replied, his gaze clearly lost, looking almost (if not already) broken. He shouldn’t care this much. “I said I’d come back.”

Steve didn’t do nothing but stare in sorrow at his friend. He knew the feeling and he knew nothing would comfort Bucky now. He didn’t even know if the soldier  _wanted_  to be comforted. 

But he needed to mourn her, just like she mourned him back then. 

“Is she dead?” Bucky finally asked even if deep down he felt like he already knew the answer. 

“Yeah.” Steve replied simply, not giving away the heaviness on his chest. “Early thirties in a car accident.”

A small gasp left Bucky’s mouth. He had killed Tony’s parents and apparently they died in a ‘car accident’. Your early thirties had been years after he left. It could’ve been him.

“It wasn’t you, Buck.” Steve stepped up firmly, knowing his friend’s thoughts by his sudden agitation. “She was drunk and driving.”

Bucky gave a small nod. When Steve said things like that, everything seemed believable. 

“Did she know Peggy?”

Steve nodded.

“She told me she was the one to break the news.” Steve furrowed his eyebrows, looking down at his folded hands before shrugging. “I guess they kinda mourned together.”

A sad, thick silence fell into between them as they got lost in their own minds. 

Her memory felt so vivid and still so dead to him. As Steve talked, everything sounded familiar. But he didn’t know her, he couldn’t know her. He  _couldn’t_  care and he didn’t want to mourn another lost memory. 

But he was. 

“I’m sorry, Buck.” Bucky heard Steve whisper as his firm grip held his shoulder, a failed attempt of comfort. “I didn’t want you to found out this way.”

“It’s fine.” Bucky mumbled weakly. “I’m fine.”

_Because at least she didn’t get to see what I’ve become._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO, tell me! Did you like or did you hate it?
> 
> Lots of feels in this one. UGH. I LOVE IT. Hope you guys enjoyed it anyway! *_*
> 
> If there's any mistake in this chapter, warn me!
> 
> Thanks for reading! You're awesome.


	9. Only Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 13 days with Bucky Barnes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello babies! <3
> 
> So, I might have gotten too excited and wrote a 6K fanfic? It didn't come out in the way I wanted but...let's roll with it! 
> 
> In this one Bucky's on his way to remembering and falls in love with the reader playing her cello in the park and her music brings back old memories. :') Fluff ensues.
> 
> Warnings to swearings? And mental-health issues. Yep. So...
> 
> Enjoy!

**April 24th, 2014**

A huff of air escapes your lips as you place the cello in its position, getting yourself ready to play for an audience of strangers at the local park. 

There’s no familiar faces – like you predicted – as everyone in the city seems to be too much into a rush to stop by the park and watch a music major student play her old cello on the bench. 

But the small gathering to your front is enough for you to shoot them a smile and start playing the song. 

Within just the first notes of Coldplay’s Viva La Vida, low cheerings coming from the strangers fills your ears and you smile to yourself. 

He is there (albeit hidden) and he is a stranger. But he doesn’t know this song. 

Yet. 

 

* * *

 

**May 12th, 2014**

It takes a while until you can manage to go back playing at the park. 

School is driving you practically nuts and today, you don’t want to play for a crowd. You don’t even care if there isn’t one as you settle yourself on the bench. 

Today you’re playing for your mind and your love for music, focusing only on your enjoyment. (Thing which haven’t been much allowed back in class.)

Few people passes by, only staying long enough to grab some money from their wallets and throw onto your case or to record a 10 seconds video to post on Instagram. 

But there’s one guy. He’s on the opposite side from where you’re sitting, leaning against a tree and watching you play with such attention. He looks somewhat shady, with long hair, a black cap and a jacket even though the weather is good so far.

You can only see enough of his face to notice that he  _is_  watching attentively, has a very nice case of stubble (but you’re not one to believe, given you kinda love the style), a killer jaw and some plump reddish lips. 

You also notice how much you’re analyzing a stranger instead of focusing on playing. 

But right now, he’s the only one besides you who seems pleased with your performance. You let it slide. 

Today you’re playing for yourself  _and_  for him. 

 

* * *

 

**May 16th, 2014**

There’s a crowd today and it lets you slightly annoyed. 

He’s there, on the same spot, across from you. But you can’t. Fucking. See him. Because there’s a crowd. 

You start with a few of those pop songs that plays on the radio, listening to a few people let out a laugh as they recognize each of them. 

You go to some 80s songs and a part of the crowd goes away. You can see him now, thanks to Eurythmics.

At the start of an 60s song, there’s no one to your front anymore – no one but him. 

8 seconds into playing a Frank Sinatra song, you see a pair of feet stopping by you and hell, it makes you feel like a stalker but you know it’s him just by his shoes. 

He’s barely 3 feet away from you and now seeing his face from up close, you notice his eyes are blue, deep deep blue and it’s shining like the ones from a kid discovering the world. 

(Which he kind of is, even if you don’t know yet.)

You finish playing but he keeps staring. Until his mouth gapes open slightly. Your chest warms at the chance of listening to his voice. 

But instead, he just storms off. 

 

* * *

 

**May 27th, 2014**

You’re starting your last song when he arrives. 

There’s two elderly women sat to your side at the bench and while they’re there, you don’t notice how much you want him to come. 

But then you look up and he’s there. Not in his usual spot, but near you. Not near as in that day, but still. 

And suddenly, your chest gets warm and you feel slightly giddy.  _Look at you, (Y/N). Getting flustered by an really odd stranger._

But eh, you don’t care. He likes your music and he’s got the looks. 

And unfortunately, he’s late. 

When he notices you’re packing up, you swear to  _God_ , there’s a flash of disappointment in his eyes and that makes you want to stay even if you’re late for school. 

All you can offer is an apologetic smile and a shrug, praying for him to understand that you have to go.

He doesn’t smile back but his expression immediately softens. And just like that, you know. 

He understands. 

 

* * *

 

**June 10th, 2014**

You play Glenn Miller because it’s your mother’s birthday and she loves that song. 

Apparently  _he_  likes it too, given he’s near, very near again with that same look in his eyes even if it sometimes looks lost at the horizon, like it’s searching for something he doesn’t quite know. 

You finish the song and wait for him to run away like the last time as you try to push away the nonsense sadness to watch him go. 

But then…

“I know that song.” He says, ever so low and raspy that you think it’s only your mind playing tricks. 

But he’s looking at you, expectantly and his lips are slightly agape. He’s talking, fucking finally. 

“Yeah? Me too."  _What?_  You let out a sigh and holds the urge to slap yourself across the face. "I mean, you do? Glenn Miller is pretty amazing, right? What other songs do you know?”

1…2…3…4…5…6 seconds of silence and you’re beating yourself up for screwing a conversation with the guy you’re crushing on. 

Wait.  _Who says he’s a crush?!_

“I don’t know.” His voice sounds somewhat pained and the corners of his mouth are curving slightly in a silent apology. 

You don’t know how a man like him can look this lost. He’s tall and broad and has sharp features. His figure is intimidating. He dresses like he’s hiding his own body and God knows how scary he can look. 

That is, until he talks. Then he just looks like any other human, even with the smallest of them. And you’re comfortably fine with that. 

So you smile up at him and shrug again. 

“It’s okay. We can always find out.”

 

* * *

 

**June 18th, 2014**

He arrives before than you in that day and decides to help you take the instrument off the bag. 

When he finishes and finally looks up, it looks like someone just slapped you across the face. But you smile and he takes it as a good thing. 

He’s about to turn his back and walk to his spot when your voice comes to him, shyly but clearly excited. 

“Do you want to listen any particular song? From Glenn, maybe?” Your cheeks flush slightly and he wants to smirk, something foreign to him until now. 

He also wants to say that he doesn’t know  _any_  song but he doesn’t want to disappoint you. 

“Can you play that one again?” A nod and a smile later, you’re playing again. 

He takes a moment to observe you, just like everyday he’s there. You’re wearing black pants, thight to your skin so it shows your frame perfectly, a white flowy top and also black sandals. 

The two things he loves the most is the writing peeking out of the straps of your blouse, on your shoulder and the light blue toenails. 

Somehow, it just matches you. 

You finish the song and look up at him, like you’re waiting for something. He notices there’s no crowd today and your case is empty. 

“I don’t have money.” He deadpans and you laugh.  _Laugh_. He’s pretty sure the sound is about to become one of his favorites. 

“It’s fine.” You chuckle lightly and shrug, looking down at the empty case. “I don’t do it for the money, I do it for fun. I normally use the money to grab a coffee and a sweet treat later.”

He nods and they stare at each other for a few seconds, your gaze falling first. 

“So, you wanna get some coffee?”

* * *

 

The coffee shop is empty and he’s mildly glad for it. The girl behind the counter is staring at them too much for him to be fully okay. 

“What are you having?” You ask and his gaze flicks to your small frame immediately. 

You’re standing beside him, looking up at a chalkboard filled with awkward names he can’t probably even spell. He’s…just there, with your case in his back trying to understand that whole thing. 

But the way you’re looking at it it’s almost like the look Rebecca used to have when she listened to that Glenn song. It’s nearing adoration. 

But… _Rebecca?_  He doesn’t know who that is. 

His body stiffens and his left shoulder brushes yours, making you notice his unease instantly. 

“Hey, it’s okay.” You nudge his left arm. The left one. And then smile like it’s no big deal. “I’m quite unsure myself of what to get, really.”

His left arm. It’s fine. Because you don’t know. 

“I don’t know what this is.” He replies and glances pointedly at the board, slightly nervous. You look back and forth between him and the board before nodding curtly. 

“Alrighty, same for both of us then? If you don’t like it I can drink it? And you can grab something else?” You ask sounding nervous but still gentle. When he nods, a small grin curve your lips. “It’s on me, promise.”

* * *

 

10 minutes later, the girl from the counter calls for (Y/N) and you get up from the hidden booth at a corner, coming back with the cups in hand. 

He’s doing mental notes for everything he finds important because it's  _his_  mind now, not no one else’s. And your name now is one of those. 

He whispers your name as you slide him a cup, tasting your letters like coffee. With no rush, deciding if he likes it or not. 

Another smile from you (this time behind the cup) and he’s settled. He likes it. 

“Yep, that’s my name.” Cup down against the table and he knows what’s coming next. “What about yours, stranger?”

Silence. You probably think he’s not going to answer. But…

“James.” He mumbles weakly, almost self conscious. “My name is James.”

He doesn’t want to disappoint you. 

 

* * *

 

**June 29th, 2014**

James doesn’t go to your bench for days. 

The coffee was nice. You payed for it. But he knows you deserved more so he vanishes for a few days. 

To not say least, he watched you from afar during two days and he knew you were looking for him. His chest grows warm at the thought everytime. 

Today, he doesn’t know why he’s there. The park is full of people and it’s not a week day for you to be at the bench. 

But you are. And wearing flowerish dress, to top that. As soon you get a view of him, you jump on your feet, smiling and waving and calling his name closer. 

“Hey, James!” Your wave again and tilts your head to the side, like you’re analyzing him. “You’re here in a weekend. Breaking the routine?”

_Say the truth._

“I was looking for you.” Your entire face lightens up as you let out a sheepish laugh and James mentally praises himself for coming today. 

Raising your hand ever so carefully, you place it against his arm like an invitation. 

“Let’s walk then?”

* * *

 

The entire walk is silent. 

It should be uncomfortable but the side glances you give each other is just enough to make the whole situation friendly. 

James doesn’t quite know why or how you trust him. He knows how he looks, he knows he can look scary. It’s his purpose, after all. But ignoring a few basic survival tips, there you are, with him like he’s the nicest guy on the park. 

When the both of you reach one of the park’s gates, your figure steps to his front, your expression between hopefulness and excitement. 

“Lunch? You and me? I’ll pay.” He’s pretty sure you’re assuring him you can pay for both, but today, so can he. 

With the money of a pick pocket wallet but still. 

And you’re smiling and smiling and smiling like you just can’t stop. He’s glad for that. 

He just can’t stop accepting your invitations. 

“I’ll pay.”

* * *

 

The diner is a little old but holds an air of camaraderie that makes him feel like a normal person for the first time in months. 

Maybe it’s because you’re already acquainted with the workers and they greet the both of you ( _both_ ) right away in the nicest away possible or because you introduce him as a  _friend_. 

(Or it can be the possibility that he decides to ignore, that he’s been in a place like this before. With the man on the bridge.)

You order for him again after his insistence and he’s satisfied with it. Apparently, you choose things very well. 

At the end of the meal, he’s full with a double cheeseburger, french fries and a vanilla milkshake watching as you take the last sips of your chocolate one. 

A happy sigh escapes your lips and you throw your head back, laughing tiredly. 

“I think I ate too much." 

A flash of amusement runs through his eyes and you shrug, almost self conscious under his attentive stare. 

"Me too.” He replies as his voice cracks in the end. And it’s true, though. He’s surprised that the meal was enough to fill his starving stomach. 

The both of you watch each other for a moment until you look at your wrist watch and grimace. 

“I’ve got to go home.” You say carefully and he nods in understanding, almost stiffly. “You’re…you’re going home too?”

He hopes that his lack of response doesn’t raise any questions because he isn’t quite sure how he can tell that he’s almost homeless. 

You smile small at him and just like that, James knows you’re not gonna pressure him. 

When the nice waitress comes back, he snatches the paper bill out of her hands before you do, your eyes narrowing in fake annoyance and damn, you look cute. Even looking slightly mad. 

The soldier’s cheeks flush ever so slightly before he breaks the silence. 

“Thank you.” He says and not quite sure for what. For the friendly day? The meal? For not asking too much when he knows you should?  _For all of it?_

A chuckle escapes your lips and he feels your feet kicking his calf, lightly and playfully. 

“You’re paying for it so thank  _you_.” You smile at him again and all he can think of is how he's  _never_  gonna get used to this. 

 

* * *

 

**July 4th, 2014**

It’s friday and there’s blue, red and white everywhere, the same colors from Stev–the man on the bridge’s uniform. 

James decides to go to the park even if he knows it’s going to be hellish, with people everywhere. But it’s worth it, given you’ll probably be there. 

When he arrives at your spot, there’s a crowd and that makes him slightly…jealous? Possibly. 

You’re wearing a white dress and there’s small flags on your cheeks, blue, red, white and stars as you adjust the cello on its position. 

He takes a place in a corner to your right, near than he’s ever been and makes sure you can spot him between the strangers. 

You notice and a smile fills your lips as you wave discreetly at him and mutters silent ‘hey’.

But then you start playing and the song…God, he  _knows_  that song. There’s 6 voices in his head, male voices, singing along and laughing to the tune you’re playing. 

 _Who’ll rise or fall, give his all for America?_  
Who’s here to prove that we can?  
The Star Spangled Man with a plan!

There’s jokes and mocking and beers. On the other hand, there’s also cakes and birthday singing and gifts. Steve always there, always involved. 

His head flashes in pain and now he’s not so sure if he can handle being in public anymore. 

So James runs away again but this time, you don’t see. 

 

* * *

 

**July 16th, 2014**

It’s morning, early, early morning and when James gets to your spot, he notices you’re already there. 

Waiting. For him. 

The oh-so constant cold he feels goes away at the realization you’re waiting for him. 

He approaches already looking for your cello case, ready to help you carry when your laugh fills his ears as your hand holds his lower arm gently. 

“I didn’t bring it.” You explain and smirks, your eyes almost closing making him notice the pretty makeup lines right above your eyelashes. “We could just sit? And talk?”

* * *

 

You let him choose a spot and he goes for a small, quiet area that is full of trees and that he knows they’ll be partially hidden. 

While they’re walking to the said spot, he looks at your face constantly, looking for a sign of distress or distrust but there’s none. 

If anything, there’s a shiny glint on your eyes when he stops and you immediately lay your body down on the grass. 

When you lift your arms to tuck them under your head, the navy stripped shirt you’re wearing lifts for a bit and he notices two drawings, birds, upon the bones of your hips. He sits closer and dismissively stares at them. 

Maybe he can avoid the conversation’s topic. 

“So, are you alright?” Or not. James nods and sighs curtly, sounding distressed to your ears. 

“I’m not who you think I am.” He says bluntly and waits for your frown or a rush of questions. But you got him wrong. Again. 

“I know who you are.” You reply and instantly his eyes widens, his body becoming slightly livid. “It was hard not to when Olivia showed me…things about you. From now and then.”

He remembers reading 'Olivia’ on the name tag at that waitress’ uniform back in the diner. The two sides of his coin out for judgment because of her. 

It’s silent again because he doesn’t know what to say. What could he say anyway?  _'I’m sorry’_?

“We studied you in school. Like, essays and stuff.” He hears you continue and frowns in horror but still stares at you inquiringly. “James Buchanan Barnes, war hero and Captain America’s best friend. Yep, I kind of nailed my essay.”

He wants to laugh but at the same time let you know that he’s not the same anymore. 

“Why did you say you’re not who I think you are?” You ask softly, almost as if you can read the thoughts running through his mind. 

There’s silence. An uncomfortable one, which is not usual in the awkward relationship you have (if there is one).

He doesn’t quite know what to respond. You’re definitely not expecting for whoever he was before to come back so he founds himself in a loss for words until you speak up again. 

“Did you like to do those things? Would you do it again?” You ask firmly and he flicks his gaze up to your face, sorrow rising on his chest. 

“No.” No, he didn’t like it and no, he wouldn’t do it again. At least not with innocent people. Maybe with those HYDRA shitheads. 

You flip your body around, now laying on your stomach as you fold your arms under your head, your elbows nudging his thighs lightly. 

If he moves for a bit, he’s able to let your head rest in his lap and as much it’s tempting, he clenches his fists to hold back the sudden urge to run his fingers through your hair. 

It’s difficult. Even more when you’re smiling brightly at him  _again_. 

“Then you’re exactly who I think you are, James.” You stare at him for a few seconds and sighs, eyes closing while still smiling weakly. “You’re a good person.”

 

* * *

 

**July 24th, 2014**

You don’t know if he’s coming today but you decide to go to the park and wait for him, anyway. 

You’re doing this for a week already, one more day can’t hurt. (It can, given the fact you were already upset he disappeared again after such a talk.)

But surprisingly, he shows up and when you look up at his face… _why was I even looking for him anyway?_ You forget why you’re there for a moment. And hell, you’re about to do something risky, no one can blame you. 

“Right. So, there’s no other way to do this but,” You let out a huff of air, nervously fumbling with your hands.  "You wanna crash by my place?“

His eyes flicks up to your face with an expression you can’t quite grasp as you continue rambling. 

"I mean, you don’t have a place, right?  _Jeez_ –no offense, obviously but…” You run your hands through your face frustrated with yourself and sigh again. “You know what? I’m just gonna give you my address and if you want to pass by…”

 _Awesome_. You’re officially giving your home address to a shady good looking man. 

You hand him the neon pink post-it but he doesn’t take it, just keeps staring at it with a blank look on his eyes. Well, shit. 

You don’t take it back (because your pride is already yelling at you), just presses the back of the paper against his jacket, glueing it to him instead. 

“So…just, you know, think about it?” You manage to say and James nods his head curtly, almost imperceptibly. You nod back. And run away. 

Because  _goddammit_ , you just glued a piece of pink paper to an assassin. 

And you think he’s not actually coming until there’s a knock on your door at exactly 23:54PM. 

 

* * *

 

**July 25th, 2014**

He’s greeted by a surprised look and a low mumble from you, ushering him inside of the small apartment. 

He takes his moment to analyze the place, even if he knows there isn’t a threat – purely for habits reasons, the soldier’s ones. 

There’s no threat but he’s still surprised with what he finds once he steps into the living room. The place is light, with bright yellow wall full of pictures and everything feels cozy and warm. 

James doesn’t know why he feels so acquainted with the place and he’s sure it doesn’t make sense to say the place is oddly  _so you_  since he doesn’t really know your ways. 

He also notices the so many music scores, the cello and a guitar that makes him instantly ask himself why you didn’t play with it at the park too. 

All of that he does in silence with you by his side, glancing at him curiously as if asking if he likes the place. 

Until he feels  _something_  entangling his feet. A cat. 

“Oh, I hope you don’t mind cats?” You ask and lifts one of your feet, deliberately running your toes against the animal’s fur. “This is Napoleon, my roommate’s cat.”

“Roommate?” He asks slightly warily, his body stiffening with the chance of somebody else’s arrival. If he knew…

You shift your weight under your feet and kneels next to him, gently grabbing the cat before lifting up again with a shrug. 

“Uh, ex-roommate? She left about a week ago.” You laugh and start running your fingers through the cat’s gray furr. “The cat awkwardly stayed though. He didn’t want to go.”

He nods silently like always and hears you sigh, placing Napoleon back on the floor again. 

“My new roomie arrives next week though.” Another shrug and you look down, seeing Napoleon entangling his body between his legs again. Then your eyes flick up to him and an amused smile fills your lips. “Meanwhile, I’ve got you and Napoleon to keep me company.”

* * *

 

James is stomach full and recently showered and shaved and wearing new clothes. 

He’s still a little stunned by the fact you actually bought him clothes and now it’s past 1AM and you’re bringing him into your room. He’s full and showered and warm and there’s an actual bed waiting for him. 

And he knows he should think this whole situation is strange, but he can’t. He thinks nothing feels strange with you by now. 

Maybe, just maybe, going into your room is a little awkward. 

“Welcome to my chambers!” You beam at him when you both step into the room. “It’s small, I know but–”

There’s two beds and the walls are painted in a turquoise blue, bright and vivid like the living room. So very different from before, from the facility and his own old room, back before the war. 

Again, there’s pictures everywhere, books and records (actual records) and it’s so you. It’s small, too. But he doesn’t care. 

It’s better, so much better than he was expecting. 

“It’s fine.” He replies as softly as he can and watches you smile fondly, almost satisfied with yourself. 

You step between the two beds and exaggeratedly bows towards the single beds, a playful smile on your lips that he almost wants to reciprocate. 

“This is your place.” You pat the mattress of one bed and then pat yours, sitting on it after. “This is mine, so if you need anything, just call me.”

* * *

 

10 minutes later, you’re both tucked around blankets, staring at each other silently with the lampshade light over your heads. 

Again, it should be strange but it isn’t. He likes the way you look at him, not searching for someone else, always looking for him.  _Him_. Not the soldier. Not anybody else. 

A sleepy sigh leaves your lips and you reach an arm towards the lampshade, meaning to turn if off. Before he can stop himself, his hand is already around your wrist, stopping your moves and holding it in the air. 

Surprisingly gentle, for the record. 

“Lights on?” You ask, eyes softening, lips curving in a loving smile.  _Please_. 

“Please.” He replies almost in a whisper and you nod at the same time he frees your arm. 

But instead of pulling back, you embrace his hand with yours, the metal hand and runs your thumb through his palm. He wonders if you know he can’t feel. 

“Are you okay?” You ask carefully, not frowning, not scared. Just worried. Worried for him. 

“Yeah.” He mumbles with a nod and lets his fingers run through her palm before pulling back. Another smile, sleepy and relieved, while he just stares. 

It should be strange, watching you fall asleep so close to him, but it isn’t. 

* * *

 

He opens his eyes and blinks a few times, watching the HYDRA’s facility fade away as your frame fills in instead. 

He’s sweating and his breathing is heavy, the blankets are on the floor and his hair is a mess. But he’s at your home and you’re there. 

_You’re there. With him._

“Are you alright?” You’re frowning, with your lips a thin line. Worried. “You were having a nightmare, I guess.”

His eyes flick up to the ceiling and there’s stars. Small, purple stars he didn’t see last night. 

“I’m fine.” He replies, looking back to you again, now sitting in the edge of his bed, your hands fallen next to hia thighs. 

You glance at him suspiciously for a few seconds and then sighs, running a hand through your face. 

“Right.” You mumble sounding almost conflicted, sighing again. “I’ve got a morning class right now and I’m super hyper mega late.”

He needs to leave.  _You have to leave, James._ He nods curtly and sits up, ready to leave before you can even ask. 

But you don’t. 

“What are you doing?” You ask flabbergasted and he glances pointedly at the door, making you chuckle. “God no, you can wait for me here! Do you think you’ll be fine on your own? Do you even  _want_  to stay here?”

You’re looking at him firmly, not giving him space for any doubts so he nods again because he wants to stay. And he’ll be fine, he’s been fine since he arrived at your place. Better than he’s been for months. 

And you smile brightly, like you always do and gets up from your spot, grabbing a few papers from your bed as Napoleon takes your place, snuggling his body against the soldier’s. 

From barely sleeping in a street hidden spot to sleeping a full night, in a comfortable bed, fluffy blankets and a  _cat_. 

And a pretty girl grinning at him. 

“Okay, I’ll be back by lunch time. Help yourself with some breakfast in the kitchen, yeah?” You exclaim, amusement taking over your voice and then leans over him, kissing his cheek tenderly. “Bye, boys!”

Yeah. Boys. 

 

* * *

 

**July 26th, 2014**

It’s Saturday and you wake up thinking about the easiness settled between you and your guest. 

You left him in the day before for an early class and arrived to a neatly cleaned apartment and James on the couch actually petting Napoleon. Thing which was later followed by an Italian takeout dinner and him asking you to play guitar. 

Should it be  _that_  comfortable? Acquainted?

You’re surprised that he’s so easy to be with and you try to push away any thoughts that wants him to stay there. 

It’s been only  _two_  days and you’re considering keeping him as a roommate.  _Trusting issues much, (Y/N)?_

But yeah, goddammit, he can’t help either. Being all good looking and slightly silent but still courteous it’s a match for most girls nowadays. 

You spend the morning in bed awkwardly watching each other with a few exchanged words but that’s already better than being with your ex-roommie, who’d be long gone by that time of the day. 

Lunch’s provided by a quick go to the corner’s Mexican restaurant and makes you find out his new found love for the foreign food. 

What you’re not expecting is  _this_ , his frame towering over yours as he extends a hand to you, sitting on the floor between a mess of records and beside your vinyl player. 

You’re not expecting an invitation for a fucking dance. Not from him. But hell, he does it. And you can’t say no. 

“If we’re really doing this you need to know that I’m terrible at dancing.” You laugh as he lifts you up as easily as a feather. “Don’t blame me if I step on your feet!”

You’re both standing in front of each other when he chuckles. Happily and heartily and so genuine you almost think it’s only your mind playing tricks. 

He chuckles and smiles jokingly at you, still a little weak but enough to make the corners of his eyes turn into small crinkles. For a moment he looks just so innocent that you feel your heart flutter in hapiness for him. 

“I can teach you.” He finally replies and… _what?_  You stare at him for few seconds, mouth slightly agape as you sink in his words. 

_And he dances. Nice. What did I get myself into, anyway?_

“I…okay?” You laugh and reach out for his hands, another song coming up on the vinyl player. “God, I hope you know what you’re doing. Really.”

He slides an arm around your waist shyly even if his eyes are looking firmly at you, almost looking for something it’s not there. 

You don’t know that he’s looking for any sign uncomfortableness and neither that he’s glad he found none. 

You start to sway your bodies ever so carefully and slowly as the song playing, still getting used to each other. 

 _‘Do I want to be with you as the years come and go? Only forever.’_ , you hum along Bing Crosby and feel his hand twitch on your back, his eyes fall to the record on the floor before flicking up to you. 

“I know this song.” He deadpans, pulling you closer to his body unconsciously as you grin at him. 

“It’s a good song. From–” You start but stops with his widen eyes as he interrupts your saying. He  _knows_. 

“Bing Crosby.” He says and glances at you like he’s searching for affirmation, approval or any sign that proves he’s not crazy. 

“Yep, that’s right! Bing Crosby.” A chuckle escapes your lips and you tilt your head to the side, grinning wickedly at him. “Didn’t think of you as the dancer type.”

You watch him shrug as his expression turns a tad amused, eyebrows raising and making you laugh at his unexpected reaction.  _And  didn’t think of him as a cocky type, also._

_'Do you think I’ll remember how you looked when you smile? Only forever…’_

The song is ending is he's  _so so_  close that if you stand on your tiptoes your lips will most definitely touch his and  _God_ , you want to do it. 

You don’t even care who he was or what he’s done because all you care is the guy in front of you, who used to watch you play and search for you in the park everyday. And is looking at your lips  _so so_  much. 

Until he leans forward and kiss you, unsure but so soft and caring that you don’t even think before deepening the touch. 

_Alright. Don’t panic but…you’re kissing Bucky Barnes. Every girl’s crush back at high school. Oh, Jesus H. Christ._

His lips are plump and soft that you almost whimper embarrassingly when he pulls back, breathing heavily straight into your mouth. 

He doesn’t know what to say and you’re in the same boat. Heck, you don’t even know your name right now. 

But it still surprises you when he gently nuzzles his face on your neck, his arms falling to his sides as your own still embraces his neck, and mumbles something you’re not exactly sure for what but warms your heart anyway. 

“ _Thank you._ ”

 

* * *

 

**July 27th, 2014**

You’re sleeping by the bed beside him and all James needs to do is reach out for a hand and wake you, but he doesn’t. 

He looks at you and sees kindness, hapiness and freedom and memories, everything he’s been deprived from with HYDRA. 

He feels like a human being again, feelings and wants and own thoughts. Everything he thought didn’t exist, all brought by you. By music, by a single word, by your home. 

Small things that can be either his weakness or his strength. 

It’s dangerous, he knows that. He knows people search for him, that Steve searches for him. 

And he can’t,  _he just can’t_  jeopardize what gave him a direction, a streak of hope in the middle of the madness he was into. 

It’s not even 5 in the morning when he’s ready to leave your apartment, for good. He’s ready to go away if that means his streak of hope will be always lit. 

James presses his lips to your temple before he can even realize his own doings and quickly sneaks out the door, soon the apartment, leaving you all to yourself in the place that became oddly acquainted to him. 

He’s leaving,  _yes_ , but not without the promise to come back to you when he’s all sorted out. 

 

* * *

 

_Epilogue_

**2015**

Graduating. You’re fucking graduating. 

You’ve been waiting for this moment for so long and everything looks exciting for that matter, including wearing those ugly ass graduates clothing and being in a stage in front of a huge crowd. 

You take a moment to observe the people sitting across from you. 

Your mom and your stepdad are the first ones, both of them wearing big goofy smiles that warms your heart to no end. Beside them is your best friend, the roommate who became almost a sister, someone your mom welcomed to the family like her own. 

The rest of the crowd, you don’t know but let them fill your heart anyway. They’re a part of your moment too. 

Well,  _sort of_ don’t know…

There’s a guy standing against a wall in the same side you are. He’s not far away but definitely not up close and you don’t know why your gaze caught him in the first place. 

He’s wearing a black tux, matching with the black shirt, tie and shoes. His hair is ridiculously well styled and brown and looks so much like… _no_.  _The light is dim and you can’t see properly, (Y/N), snap out of it._

But he just looks so much like him that you can’t help but lean a little forward and narrow your eyes, ignoring the whole ceremony etiquette thing. 

His gaze falls down at you and he smiles, taking a hand out of his pocket and waving at you. 

He smiles and there’s crinkles in the corner of his eyes. He waves and there’s a leather glove embracing his hand.  _Left hand._

Your mouth falls open and you slump your back against the chair again, a incredulous laugh leaving your lips as you wave at him discreetly. Because  _goddammit_ …

He’s back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, tell me! Did you like it OR did you hate it? 
> 
> You guys can blame The Man From UNCLE for the cat's name. And also Henry Cavill. That bastard. <3
> 
> I really hope you guys enjoyed this lenghty one! 
> 
> If there's any mistake in this chapter, please warn me!
> 
> Thank you for reading! You're awesomeee.


	10. Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky’s back home after the war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hi!
> 
> This one is the AU we all need sometimes: Bucky coming back from war! His lady meeting the Commandos! <3
> 
> Featuring the Howling Commandos (obviously) and Peggy Carter!! (I already apologize if they seem too ooc since it's my first time writing them)
> 
> Yep, I guess that's it.
> 
> Enjoy!

The war was over. 

Bucky still couldn’t quite believe the said fact is true despite his current sight: 

Steve and the Commandos dawning over cheap beers in a shitty German bar as they celebrated the homecoming. 

He had been through hell and back while fighting alongside the team, unable to decide what had been worse between being captured by HYDRA from having to walk over a pretty much literal hell. 

It was funny how so many things had changed and so many things remained the same during the war. 

Steve had changed, physically at least, but their friendship didn’t. If anything, it just got more stronger. Bucky himself had changed, or so he wanted to believe he did. There was no way you could see what he saw without letting that change you for a tiny bit. 

But there were the things that didn’t change. And well…

The Howling Commandos talking about girls was one of them. 

“You telling me that that one german girl we met before…?” Dum Dum said to Gabe, a smirk pulling his lips as he took another sip of his beer. “You said you didn’t like german girls!”

Gabe just shrugged somewhat cockily, grinning at the Sergeant as he put down his own cup on the table, the rest of the guys mocking him playfully. 

“I never said that.” He piped up with a laugh, his eyebrows raising challengingly. “I said the french girls were cuter.”

Bucky couldn’t help but laugh along the rest of the team at Gabe’s smug expression as Dum Dum grumbled in response. 

“What about you, Barnes? Captain’s got Agent Carter now…” Dugan asked with a grin as he shook Steve by his shoulders, a sheepish chuckle escaping the latest’s mouth. “Word went around saying you’re quite the ladies’ man.”

Another laugh escaped Bucky’s lips and saw Steve raise his eyebrows, a lopsided smile curving the blond’s lips as they stared at each other almost confidently. 

“I think you’re mistaking me for Stevie right here.” Bucky replied as Steve huffed loudly, Jim slapping his back playfully. “Mine’s back in Brooklyn. My girlfriend.”

Bucky held back a amused laugh as the guys fell into a sudden silence with the unknown information. 

“You got a  _girlfriend_?” Jim broke the silence with a shriek and immediately they started their teasing and mocking session, Bucky finally letting out a loud laugh. 

“Come on, it’s not like I was on the hunt like you guys.” He stepped up defensively but soon grinned, giving a nonchalant shrug. “But yeah, I’ve got a girlfriend.”

Jacques and Jim let out a wolf whistle and Dum Dum laughed as Bucky rolled his eyes playfully. 

“Pictures! Let me see her!” Dum Dum demanded and Bucky shot him a fake indignant glance. “Don’t give me that look, you’re the one hiding stuff around here.”

Bucky let out a snort and crouched down to pick up his small crossover bag, quickly opening it and pulling off your picture, neatly placed between a pile of letters you’d send him during the past months and a few of his stuff. 

He remembered the day from the picture like he had just lived it. 

It was 4th of July and Steve’s birthday and they had just thrown a surprise party for him back at his mom’s apartment. 

The party was almost over when Steve’s mom joined the room with her newly bought camera, snapping a few pictures of Steve with Bucky’s youngest sister. 

He wasn’t even paying attention when Sarah pointed the camera to you, both sat in the living room’s couch with his arm loosely draped over your shoulders as you laughed confidently to each other.

Bucky handed the picture to Dum Dum and watched amused as the other guys leaned over the table to see the picture. Gossiping idiots. 

“Maybe we can meet her back home, go for some drinks…” Jim piped up jokingly and Bucky shot him a fake glare, his eyebrows turning into a challenging frown. “Just playing, man. She’s beautiful.”

“Yeah, she’s gorgeous, Barnes!” Dum Dum beamed and let out a short laugh, friendly patting the brunette’s arm. “Bet you can’t wait to get home, huh?”

Bucky just smiled fondly, taking back the picture and running his fingertips through it under the table. 

“ _You have no idea_.”

 

* * *

 

When Bucky finally arrived, the place was a mess. 

Steve had stayed behind since he was with Peggy and the few american Commandos were already off to their homes probably. 

There was millions of families and women and kids greeting the other soldiers and Bucky was caught right in the middle with no sign of you. 

Just when he was starting to think that maybe you weren’t there, he spotted a familiar frame not too far away, wearing a flowerish skirt with a white button-up shirt and sunglasses perked up in the head. 

That alone would make him recognize you everywhere. 

“Searching for someone?” Bucky half whispered into your ear as he sneaked up on your back, chuckling lightly when you jumped up a little. 

Until you turned around, your mouth falling open in surprise as you literally jumped onto him, arms encircling his neck tightly. 

“BUCKY, OH MY GOD!” You shrieked in his ear as he laughed and hoisted your legs up in his waist for support. “WHEN DID YOU ARRIVE?”

“A while.” Bucky replied jokingly before giving you a playful indignant glance. “Long enough to think you wouldn’t come.”

A giggle escaped from your lips as you rolled your eyes playfully at him. 

“Dramas, dramas.” You joked and gave a pat on his cheek, standing on your feet again as you adjusted the sunglasses on your head with the other hand. “You’re spending too much time with Steve.”

“You tell me.” Bucky replied between a chuckle and smiled fondly at you, his hand cupping your cheek as you stepped closer to him. “ _Hi_.”

You just laughed again and threw your arms around his neck, pulling him down as your lips finally met in a soft and slow kiss. 

And Jesus Christ, he missed those so  _damn_  much. 

His arms fell to your hips as you pulled back, slightly brushing your lips against his smiling ones. 

“Hello, Sergeant.” You breathed and placed a kiss in the corner of his mouth, his hands squeezing your hips lightly. “Welcome home.”

He smiled and encircled your waist fully, hugging you so tightly that your feet almost left the ground. 

“God, I missed you so much.” Bucky mumbled against your neck, his lips brushing against your skin. “You look just as beautiful as I remember." 

"I missed you too.” You whispered softly in his ear and placed a kiss upon it, pulling back slowly. “Let’s go home?”

He chuckled, his lips meeting the curve of your shoulders. 

 _Home_. 

“Home sounds good.”

 

* * *

 

Back at his own place, nothing had changed. 

The neighborhood was still rowdy, his apartment was still a mess and his baby sister had grew a few inches, which she showed and beamed about proudly. 

Same went with yours, the familiar and comfortable atmosphere still there, maybe even more noticeable now that he was back from a place he barely had a proper place to sleep in. 

No one could blame him for wanting to enjoy the whole thing. 

“I just want to cuddle!” Bucky exclaimed as he laid down on the large bed, patting the empty spot beside him. “Come on, (Y/N)!”

You let out a laugh, slowly crawling over the bed wearing his uniform’s shirt.

“Did I hear it right?” You asked jokingly as you laid down beside him, feeling Bucky’s hand pulling you to his top. “Sergeant James Barnes wants to  _cuddle_ instead of going out dancing?”

Bucky rolled his eyes playfully before chuckling lightly, his fingers trailing patterns on the back of your thighs. 

“Sergeant James Barnes is missing his girlfriend, that’s what.” He replied as he tried to fake your voice, making you giggle loudly.

You pulled your body out of his hold and kneeled between his legs, grabbing his cap from the bedside table and placing it over your head as his hands went to your hips. 

“Sergeant James Barnes’ girlfriend was missing him too, you know.” You said with a lopsided grin as Bucky just watched you attentively, a tender smile on his lips.

“You know, I showed a picture of you to the Commandos.” He said with a smirk as you raised your eyebrows inquiringly. “They said they want to meet you.”

“What? Really?” You asked incredulously between a laugh, your cheeks flushing slightly at the fact they talked about you. 

“Yeah.” Bucky chuckled and shrugged, his fingers already up inside your shirt. “Don’t know if it was just a joke, though.”

“Well, Sergeant, if that’s what they want…” You joked and laid your body against his again, placing cap on his head and kissing his lips quickly. “I'd  _love_  to meet them.”

 

* * *

 

The so expected meeting happened about a month later, when all the guys were in New York. 

Peggy was the one to chose the place as she had determinantly said that both her and Steve would go, claiming the Captain needed to practice his dancing.  

Just like that, Bucky was back to his sight of one month ago, Steve and the Commandos dawning over beers. 

But this time with his arm draped over your shoulders, like in the picture he had previously showed them. 

“What is a pretty girl like you doing with this idiot?” Jacques asked jokingly as he nodded towards Bucky, who playfully hit his arm. “I’m just saying!”

“That’s a really good question.” You laughed and then shrugged nonchalantly, a playful smile on your lips. “But just for his good looks, really.”

“We all have better looks than this guy, come on.” Jim said after letting out a groan and you bursted out laughing as the other guys nodded in affirmation. 

“I think you’re getting a little bit ahead of yourself, Morita.” Peggy joked with a smirk and laughed when he shot her a hurt look.  

“The Captain’s only the pretty boy around here, folks!” Dum Dum beamed playfully and Steve groaned as he rolled his eyes. 

Before the group could enter in a more heated discussion, Bucky placed his cup on the table again and stood up. 

“You guys are all idiots.” The brunette chuckled in amusement and extended his hand to you. “Come on, doll, let’s dance.”

As both of you got up and walked to the dance floor, you heard Gabe scream  _‘and he dances too!’_  making you laugh and Bucky roll his eyes. 

“I’m sorry about that.” Bucky said apologetic and grinned, his arms falling around your waist. “That’s just how they are, surprisingly.”

Your own arms encircled his neck and you shook your head dismissively. 

“They’re rowdy.” You let out a laugh, shrugging lightly as Bucky raised his eyebrows. “I kinda like them.”

“Yeah, wait until you have to spend months with these guys.” He replied with a grin and you laughed again. 

Leaning your head against his shoulder, the both of you fell into a comfortable silence, swaying slowly to the beat of the song playing. 

“Thanks for letting me meet them.” You said softly breaking the silence and placed a feathery kiss behind Bucky’s ear. “It was nice and I loved it.”

“Thanks for agreeing in meeting them.” He replied genuinely and grinned mischievously. “That’s a tough thing to do.”

You laughed again as you punched his back playfully, hearing him protest playfully on your ear. 

Silence settled again for a few moments until you broke it again, lifting your head from Bucky’s shoulder. 

“Hey, Buck.” You called out and watched him glance down at your face as you smiled tenderly. “I’m glad you’re home.”

Bucky couldn’t help but smile back and palm his hand on your cheek, his lips meeting yours lovingly as his thumb ran through your cheekbone. 

 _This_  was his home, this was what made the place become home. 

“I’m glad to be home too, doll.”

And he couldn’t be more happy to be back at it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, so! Did you like it or did you hate it? Tell me!
> 
> HELL YEAH EVERYONE BACK HOME ALIVE AND HAPPY AND GOOEY. <3 I live for shit like this...
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed my shitty writing! :')
> 
> If there's any mistake in this chapter, please warn me.
> 
> Thank youuu for reading, you're awesome!


	11. Partners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky feels vulnerable and impotent when he finds out her life had been just as hard as his and yet– she smiles brighter than Stark’s stupid customized fireworks. She’s everything that he isn’t and everything he wants to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI! :')
> 
> So…I have no excuse for this…lmao. It just came out of nowhere and I took for inspiration I Know Places by Taylor Swift and I Was Me by Imagine Dragons, both are worth a listen! 
> 
> Purely Bucky Barnes pining over a girl trash…again. 
> 
> ENJOY! <3

There’s a lot of things Bucky doesn’t quite understand. 

He doesn’t understand Steve and his undying will to make him better, to help him remember and convince  _it’s not your fault, Buck_ , even if Bucky knows it is. 

He doesn’t understand his relationship with Natasha, but he finds a little comfort in knowing that literally  _nobody_  understands and that Natasha herself prefers to keep it that way. 

He doesn’t understand how Tony welcomes him into his Tower, ignoring the real reason behind his parents death just because he’s Steve’s friend and Steve is Tony’s own family by now. 

He doesn’t understand FRIDAY, or Vision or this  _goddamn_  pop culture who relishes in stupid reality shows about rich people. 

But her– he’s intrigued and curious and confused but he  _likes_  it. He actually loves it. 

She’s smarter than he is and he’s pretty sure he’s heard Tony labeling her as a genius sometime while they needed tech assistance on a mission. 

He constantly wonders why she’s involved in the  _red_  side of things. 

It makes him feel vulnerable and impotent when he finds out her life had been just as hard as his and yet– she smiles brighter than Stark’s stupid customized fireworks. 

He feels selfish. Her life was  _just as hard as his_  and she is  _everything_  that he isn’t. 

She doesn’t mope like he does and she doesn’t hate like he does and he would’ve thought she was a goddamn  _angel_  if he didn’t know what she’s been through. 

She’s everything that he isn’t – young, carefree, calm and good – but is everything he wants to be. 

He sees all of these traits when they go undercover for intel in some snob rich CEO party – she’s young in that light pink satin dress, carefree when she dances to a catchy pop song, calm as they almost get caught while downloading all that stupid data and  _good_ –

Good when he panics, tight metal grip around the hidden gun under his tuxedo as she cups his cheek with one hand, the other going down to brush the metal knuckles lightly until his breathing is even again and he’s loosen the weapon. 

Good when she turns off both of their comms and gives a small smirk that he wants to reciprocate once Maria’s frantic voice dissipates on his ears. 

Good when she’s pressed between the wall and his body, his metal arm now resting loosely around her waist as both of her hands now cups his cheeks. 

_Good when–_

“You okay?” She asks ever so softly like her own lips that he  _can’t_   _stop_  staring until she chuckles, lifting his chin slightly with her thumb as their gazes finally meet. “Partners confidentiality. I won’t tell if you don’t.”

She looks pointedly to the comms and bites her lip like a kid who was caught doing something wrong. 

He finds delight in this because 1) she looks fucking gorgeous like that and 2) Maria must be going crazy without knowing his path. 

And also 3) she’s willing to give up her credibility  _just_  to protect him. 

(Bucky ends up deciding he doesn’t understand that too).

“I’m fine.” He mutters quietly, hand flickering on the small of her back and watches her frown suspiciously, a sigh escaping his lips as he pulls a firmer tone of voice while trying to ignore her fingertips brushing his stubble. “ _Fine_.”

Then her lips are meeting with his, soft and leaving a light smudge of lipstick in the corner of his mouth when she pulls back, grinning playfully. 

And he just stands there, froze in place after the touch while the urge to just kiss the living shit out of her takes him and while they–

“They’re coming.” She announces while rolling her eyes and Bucky doesn’t even have time think about anything else than her quiet giggle as she turns on the comms again and grips his hand tightly. “Ready for a jog, soldier?”

He almost wants to laugh at her incredulity.  _This girl,_  she can most definitely be the  _death_  of him. 

And in the end, they do end up running and taking a rant from Steve and Maria for turning off the comms. 

But he decides he doesn’t mind. 

Bucky goes to sleep in that night still feeling the softness of her lips against his. And that was more – so much more – than enough for him.

 

* * *

  

He locks himself up in his room for weeks. 

And he can only understand that the team is relieved for that, Steve being the only one who visits – or tries to – him. 

Everything still feels real when he closes his eyes tightly. 

The cold surface of the camera they used to freeze him, the mechanical noises that goddamn chair would make as it encircled his temples and wrists, the needles constantly under his skin and the uncomfortableness of the cell he’d stay as he waited for orders. 

It’s memories that swallows him and suffocates him and makes him  _panic_. 

He often wonders if that’s how Doctor Banner feels about the Hulk. 

Having that constant fear in the back of your head and when it comes creeping up and  _up_  and  _up_  and you can’t do absolutely nothing but standby and watch it take over. 

And  _it_  is dangerous and volatile and frantic and merciless and kills without thinking twice. 

It takes Steve and Sam and Scott to make him snap out of himself, because in the end, they’re the  _same_  person, the same bloodied hands. 

It takes two weeks to the dark purple shape of his hands to start disappearing from her neck. 

And it takes three weeks to her bruised lungs heal and a few more days for her to finally start speaking. 

Steve’s always the one who lets him know, always doing the role of supportive friend that he doesn’t deserves, always telling him before he can ask – because both of them know Bucky wouldn't  _just ask_. 

He gets used to it. He  _is_  used to it. 

Being locked up in a room is easy and Bucky wishes he could say the same about being locked up in his mind. 

He looks at her face and–

Her eyes are wide open just like her mouth, and the small, frantic gasps are lessening and her neck feels like a simple rag under his fingers. 

He let go and she falls to his feet and when he looks down to his hands, he almost doesn’t recognize it. 

He locks himself up in his room for weeks. And he almost wants to give up. 

But she is that kind of person and. 

And he still can’t decide if she’s going to be his downfall or his strength. 

“You shouldn’t be here.” He says quietly, watching as she ignores her  _life_  and sits next to him by the edge of the bed, clicking her tongue while gazing at him like he’s done  _nothing_  wrong despite the very faint purple still lingering on her skin. 

“And neither should you.” She replies firmly but still sounding calm and like her, hand falling on his thigh as he looks up and stares longingly at her neck until she lowers her head to meet his eyeline again. “You  _need_  to get out of this room, Bucky.”

Bucky moves his gaze to the wall and decides to stare the beige, dull painting he’s been enduring nonstop for the last few days. 

He does need to leave but he doesn’t know if the team actually wants him to. Needs and wants are completely different things and so far he’s used in putting other people’s needs and wants before his own. He’s lived like that for seventy years, after all. 

But he keeps in silence. And she sighs tiredly. And suddenly he's–

“You  _can’t_  be here.” He protests again and it’s true. He knows she can’t because Tony banned her from his floor, he knows because Steve let it slip during a one-sided conversation last week. 

He knows because she lets out a frustrated groan once he finishes, lying her back against the mattress as she pull her legs up to rest on his thighs. 

“I know.” She muses and lets out a laugh, her fuzzy socks clad feet shifting on his lap as she nudges him and he stares sternly because she’s treating him so  _normally_  and that’s a dangerous thing for a guy like him. “Scottie helped me in.”

Bucky almost wants to ask if Scott’s there but he doesn’t really cares about a man in the size of an ant in his room. He isn’t even sure on how… _whatever_  that is works. 

And he’s just thinking about that because he wants to distract himself from her dismissively lying on his bed like she actually belongs there, with him. 

He wants to distract himself from guilt and sorrow because that’s all he can feel as he looks at her right now. 

“I’m sorry–” He gets interrupted by her sitting up, lips suddenly pressed against his carefully and lightly and he wants to pull back, he  _really_  does, but he also feels love and affection so he  _can’t_. 

She’s the one who pulls back first and she chuckles softly when he blindly follows her lips again, setting her palm against his cheek and sitting straighter, almost on his lap. 

“That wasn’t you and I don’t blame you for a thing that happened.” She whispers, lips brushing against his that he almost feels dizzy, his flesh arm falling to her waist as she glances him through her eyelashes. “Do you hear me? That wasn’t  _you_ , Bucky.”

He doesn’t know what it is. 

But there must be  _something_  in the way she says it because–

He almost believes it. 

 

* * *

 

Dealing with anger issues are pretty much a daily occurrence to Bucky. 

He gradually becomes used to it and learns how to properly deal with them. 

Sam makes him write and jog and spare with Natasha and Steve – always keeping himself out of it because he doesn’t want to have his  _ass kicked, Barnes._

He uses the things he knows, that HYDRA teached him, to his own benefit and that’s one of his first steps to deal with what he feels inside. 

And Bucky feels  _a lot_  of things. 

But he doesn’t want to mix what he feels for her into his own mess because these feelings–

They are the only thing he’s sure of. 

“You’re not gonna hurt me.” She breaks him out of his trance and he looks up at her, standing to his front, pumped in adrenaline like she knows what she’s getting into. “You have all the control. You say stop and we stop.”

“ _No_.” He snarls firmly hoping for her to back off and he can’t say he’s surprised when she slams her feet against the mat, crossing arms across her chest. 

He holds back a smirk because she’s wearing goddamn pigtails and she’s doing a very good job in looking like a five year old. 

And apparently she notices it, letting out an angry huff and stepping closer to him. 

“Bucky, come  _on_! I’m not made of glass!” She whines loudly, rolling her eyes when he glances her inquiringly despite the soft chuckle escaping her lips. “I am  _not_.”

“We’re not doing this.” Bucky protests again and it takes a groan and a step from her and his hands are around her neck again, except this time–

She’s the one who put them there. 

And the look on her face is determined and fierce but yet kind and affectionate and it helps him to not. freak out. 

“Feel it.” She says, simply and dismissively and calmly, her hands upon his own as she presses them further against her skin, urging him on to touch. “I  _trust_  you and you're  _not_  gonna break me.”

Her skin and bones feels so fragile under his fingers, so much that even the pressure under his metal ones are lighter. 

So he moves them. 

Soon enough his fingertips are running through her skin, brushing the spots where once there were nasty marks, quietly apologizing as she just smiles, knowing what he means. 

Her hands are still upon his when she brings them up and he fully cups her jaw. And  _God_ , he’s been wanting that for  _so long_. 

Bucky doesn’t stop himself when his metal fingertips touch her lips and she parts them, ever so slightly and–

Kisses them. And he kisses her. 

Arms thrown around his shoulders, body flushed against his and lips.  _Everywhere_. 

Lips and neck and collarbones until she giggles when he pulls back, pressing her smiling lips to the dimple on his chin and the corners of his mouth are lifting enough for her to notice. 

And then she hugs him. 

Now he’s also sure he’s made the right choice for the first time. 

 

* * *

 

There’s  _a lot_  of things Bucky doesn’t quite understand. 

He doesn’t understand why she insists in wearing socks to sleep even if  _everytime_  he’ll tuck her feet against his, making the socks go off. 

He doesn’t understand why she bakes when she’s angry or nervous, but he doesn’t exactly complain when she feeds him with the cookie dough on her fingertips. 

He doesn’t understand why she prefers to always stay to his left, lifting his arm up and cuddling herself to his side once they’re both sat in the quieter corner of the coffee shop.  

But when she smiles up at him like that, the cup of coffee still between her lips and her legs thrown over his lap and–

“I love you, Bucky Barnes.” Voice soft and kind and joyful followed by a kiss upon his smirking lips, he just  _knows_. 

That girl can be most definitely the death of him and he doesn’t care because–

He  _loves_  her. 

And he’s never been  _so_  sure about something in his entire life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO! Did you like it or did you hate it? Tell me! 
> 
> WHO IS STILL HAVING MAJOR CIVIL WAR TRAILER FEELS? *raises both hands frantically*
> 
> I love Bucky so much it hurts. <3 Hope y'all enjoyed this one! :')
> 
> If there's any mistake in this chapter, warn me!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! You're aweSOME.


	12. Life As We Know It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When he wakes up in the middle of the night, tear stained cheeks, heavy chest and frantic heartbeats, Bucky goes out. And meets you in the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, hi lovelies!
> 
> How y'all doing? Hope everyone is okay...especially after the new Civil War trailer...and Deadpool's movie...
> 
> This one's based off a request I got on Tumblr: Reader works at a bar and Bucky defends her when she is being harassed by some customers. Friendship and FLUFF ensues!
> 
> (Warning to the harassment part even though it's not too graphic!)
> 
> Enjoy! <3

Bucky makes a habit out of it without even meaning to. 

He’s been back in New York for months now, living in a small but cozy apartment that Steve insisted in buying so they could be  _home_ , in the good old Brooklyn neighborhood they originally grew up. 

Life is as good as it can be for someone like him – someone volatile and dangerous and untrustworthy. But he’s got a secure roof over his head and food and his best-friend back so all he can do is assume this is good enough. 

(Even though Steve confuses and annoys him sometimes.)

(But then again, something tells him that these feelings are familiar, specially towards the scrawny blond kid he occasionally dreams about.)

The only life Bucky knew was receiving orders, kill without questioning, have ‘medical’ attention, then get frozen. He doesn’t remember his previous life – just tiny glimpses of it – so this is all new to him. 

It’s strange to think like that and Bucky often feels stupid for it because he used to be smart, he  _knows_  that, but now he finds himself in the middle of simple and mundane things and it’s like he’s discovering the entire world. 

Which he is, Sam says, but it still doesn’t make him less annoyed. 

What isn’t new to him, is the life he’s been trying to left behind but can’t seem to get rid of no matter how hard he tries. Cold temperatures, weapons, blood, punishment, emptiness. 

Things which were normal to him but now feels like a ranging inferno in the back of his brain all of the goddamn time. 

And the nightmares makes him feel everything all over again except this time he isn’t the soldier and he’s got his feelings back and that fact makes the whole situation even worse. 

So when he wakes up in the middle of the night, tear stained cheeks, heavy chest and frantic heartbeats, Bucky goes out. 

He goes out because he can, because it’s the only way he can see there’s much more to the world than what’s in his head, because somehow, walking through the empty streets of New York makes his head lighter. 

Steve isn’t at the apartment in that night because of a mission so Bucky doesn’t have to bother in coming back before 6AM, when Steve wakes up for a jog and makes him tag along. 

Night walks are Bucky’s thing. A habit. He’s done it more times than he can count by now. 

And that’s usually the only thing that he does –  _walk_. 

He’s walked enough to get lost, enough to arrive in another borough, enough to almost miss the time of coming home. 

But today–

Today he feels like doing something else. 

The bar stays a few blocks away from his building, squished and hidden between an italian and chinese restaurants and Bucky finds it accidentally. 

Still, he can’t shake the feeling of familiarity once he enters the place and is welcomed with a cozy, warm atmosphere. Very different from what he remembers – large and illuminated rooms, crowded with dancing couples and loud music. 

And his heart skips a beat at the remembrance, but Bucky thinks that now, he prefers this one better. 

It’s not a much big of a place but there’s lounge music softly playing and it’s not crowded, thing which he fucking relishes while going somewhere. 

Soon enough, his feet are subconsciously leading him to the bar’s counter and he’s sitting on a stool by the right corner, letting his eyes finally roam through the dim lit space. 

Young couples, stressed business men, college boys, fashionable girls and…you. 

You as in the girl wearing a black dress and apron, a small notebook and pen in hands. You as in the girl smiling politely to the clients even if he can see the tiredness behind your eyes simply because he’s seen this on himself. 

You as in the girl who suddenly looks up at him from behind the counter and gives a tiny smile that makes him feel like a deer caught in the headlights.  

You as in the girl he doesn’t know the name or anything for that matter, but feels strangely infatuated to and can’t stop  _staring_  at. 

And it’s past one in the morning when he sees your hand slide a bottle of beer to his front, nails painted in a bright royal blue and wrist wrapped with a silver bracelet that makes small noises when you move. 

Bucky can’t help but frown. 

Because when he looks up at your face, you’re smiling at him like he’s the sweetest person on the planet. And also because he didn’t order a beer. 

“I didn’t order this.” Bucky murmurs quietly, so low with his hoarse voice that he almost thinks you didn’t hear him. Until you look up from your current task, eyes meeting his as you smile again and Bucky feels his chest warm up like a bonfire. 

“I know.” You chuckle lightly, a tinge of amusement lacing your voice that he can’t help but think it’s fucking melodious and soothing to all the noise that constantly rings in his ears. “It’s from the girls. Courtesy.”

You nod curtly and almost imperceptibly to the fashionable girls table, where they’re drowning themselves in small shots of tequila, oblivious from your head shake and his sudden uneasiness at their _courtesy_. 

Bucky is quite rusty when it comes to this– _flirting_. He knows what the courtesy means and somehow he knows what he’s supposed to do but he just can't bring himself to do it. 

Not with them, anyway. 

“You can drink it.” You talk him out of his trance and he glances you up, now lazily leaning against the bar’s countertop as there’s no customer in sight, a tiny grin on your lips as you shrug. “I’m telling you, they’ll be too drunk in the end of the night to even remember they delivered you this in the first place. I’ve seen them do this plenty of times.”

He hears you laugh when there’s a tiny shriek coming from their table until you turn to him again, nodding towards the beer assuringly as you hand him the bottle opener.  

His hand brushes yours accidentally and it’s warm and soft and Bucky ends up using the bottle opener even though he doesn’t exactly need to. 

He also ends up gulping most of the bottle in one go with you chuckling incredulously in the background.  

“Rough night?” You ask affectively and Bucky places the almost empty bottle down to the counter again, pushing it towards the trashcan with his fingertips as a tiny sigh escapes from his lips. 

“I guess.” He replies simply and shrugs, a small pained smile that isn’t even near reaching his eyes curving his lips as you smile back, not looking too distinct from him.  

Then he watches your lips part open  _one–two…three_  times as if you’re about to say something and then close them tightly when two customers stop by the counter, bragging something about old whiskey. 

It’s just when you quickly lean over him, bottle of whiskey in hands that he feels your warm breath against his mouth and hears the fast hushed whisper coming from you. 

“Hope I made it better somehow.”

 

* * *

 

Bucky finds himself coming back to the small bar two days later and surprisingly not because he’s been having another sleepless night, simply because he wants to just hear her voice for a few hours worth. 

It’s a fucking dilemma, his nights. 

When he doesn’t sleeps, he feels like his mind is screaming at him and everything seems overwhelming. When he  _does_  sleep though, it feels like he has his own little personal hell ready to open up.  

And in that day, he slept like a goddamn baby. It was nearly three in the morning when he came home and he most definitely didn’t have any more alcohol in his metabolism and yet, he slept like a baby. 

A baby whose lullaby was a laugh and  _'Hope I made it better somehow’_.

So he comes back in a Wednesday night and finds you outside, sitting on the street’s curb, wearing a heavy denim jacket with your hair in a up high ponytail and phone in hands. And he almost dares to think you look sad but once you look up and notice him standing awkwardly by your side–

Your entire face lightens up like a fucking  _firework_  and there’s the  _brightest_  smile he's  _ever_  seen curving your lips as you pat down a seat, quietly inviting him to join you like he’s worth it. 

Which Bucky knows he isn’t but sits anyway because he’s allowed to be a selfish bastard every once in a while. 

“Didn’t think I’d see you again.” You bump your arm against his and chuckle lightly, a soft look lingering in your eyes that makes his heart swells with a feeling he still can’t quite pinpoint. “Another rough night?”

He almost wants to say no. He almost wants to say that no, he’s there just to see you. He’s there because he needed to see you. But he guesses the whole thing sounds better in his head than actually saying it out loud. 

So he goes simple, mostly out of fear of your reaction even if you don’t seem the type to shut people off. 

“Can’t sleep.” Bucky replies in a usual murmur and watches you nod, fiddling with your phone as a tiny smile curves your lips and curiosity takes over him. “No work today?”

“Got the earlier shift. I’m heading home now.” You nod towards the street and all Bucky can do is nod dumbly and purse his lips in a thin line, trying to ignore the growing disappointment in his chest in knowing it’s going to be a wasted night. 

It’s just a minute later when your cab arrives and he’s expecting for you to hop into it and leave without even thinking twice because you  _don’t know_ him and his problems are  _not_  yours and even if you did know, you’d probably be disgusted by it. By  _him_. 

But then again, there must be something wrong in his expression or even in your goddamn head because you pass the cab out to a couple standing a few feet away from you and stand up from the curb, extending a hand in his direction. 

All while with an easygoing grin on your lips. 

And he can’t say he is expecting what comes up next. 

“Join me for some drinks?”

 

* * *

 

The bar feels as cozy and familiar as Bucky remembers.  

It’s a little more crowded than the last time but surprisingly, Bucky’s eyes doesn’t roam through the place to analyze the surroundings and exits as the soldier would do. There’s music playing, a nice beat that he isn’t too used to but likes it anyway and the booth you choose it’s the farthest away from the bar’s buzz, which he’s silently grateful for. 

It’s an atmosphere that he awkwardly feels safe and welcomed in, despite all the things that can’t go wrong.  

And as he watches you grab a bottle of vodka from behind the counter, a playful smirk on your lips as you joke with a co-worker, Bucky thinks that maybe you have your part in the easiness he’s feeling. 

And he’s partially terrified and amazed by the fact you look just as comfortable as he is, placing the bottle and two glasses on the table with a smirk curving your lips as you sit down on the other side of the booth. 

“So, I never really said my name, right?” You start first, pouring the vodka into the cups and quickly sliding one towards him, a sheepish smile on your lips despite the amused glint on your eyes. “I’m (Y/N). Part time college student, part time waitress in this humble bar.”

“It’s…nice to meet you.” Bucky nods curtly and looks up at you through his hair locks, metal fingers tinkling on the glass as you glance expectantly at him. “I…I’m…”

Bucky hesitates for a moment. 

He has a lot of identities. He’s Bucky Barnes, the young careless man who used to kiss his mother’s cheek before leaving. He’s the Sergeant who helped Steve out of alleys. He’s a war experiment. An asset, a soldier. A murderer and a monster to some and sometimes to himself. He’s a recovering amnesiac. 

He’s a  _lot_  of things. 

But none of these seem to sum what he’s right in that moment – just a guy trying to get through the night in a bar. 

So he hesitates. And you sigh softly, looking at him carefully but still affectively, your closed lips in a small smile. 

“James, right?” You burst suddenly and despite your soft tone of voice, Bucky feels his body freeze until you’re raising your hands up, looking at him carefully. “It’s okay, I’m not evil or anything. It’s just hard not knowing who you are after the whole…accord sort of thingy.”

He doesn’t know wether to feel relieved or worried about that. There’s more under his name than just the accord. Blood, destruction and everything in between. 

So he can’t help but ask if–

“That’s all you know about me?” Bucky voices after a sip of vodka, glass still between his fingers as he watches your lips curve gradually. 

“Well,  _no_.” You chuckle, the glass still between your lips as you shrug nonchalantly and he can’t help but raise his eyebrows suspiciously. “But it’s all that I personally care about.”

He also can’t help but ask if you have any idea on what you’re getting into. 

Because  _this_ –you and the way you treat him, is beyond his understanding and everything he believes in. 

“Not very smart of you.” Bucky mumbles, an almost imperceptible grin curving his lips that makes you grin back widely and makes his heart speed up. 

“Not very smart of you agreeing to drink with me.” You joke back, pouring more of the drink into the cups and look up at him, your tongue caught between your teeth playfully.  "But you’re here anyway, aren’t you?“

_He is._

And there’s no other place he’d rather be in the moment. 

 

* * *

 

Bucky comes home in that day feeling his head buzzing slightly for the first time in years and takes it as good thing. 

He felt normal and ordinary for the first time since escaping HYDRA after all. 

When he lies down on his bed, all he can think of is your lighthearted features, so relaxed and at ease with his company that makes him think that he can get through this and have a new life – or rather a chance at it. 

Steve arrives from his mission early in the next morning and Bucky’s sure there’s a tinge of amusement in the Captain’s eyes as he watched his best friend’s hungover.

Going to the bar in nights he can’t sleep become his routine. 

Sometimes he goes too early and leaves too late. Sometimes he loses the track of time. Sometimes you aren’t even there. Sometimes he goes just because he wants to. 

And in the middle of all that, a relationship – or whatever the both of you have – grows. He can’t quite label what it is, but it  _grows_. Quickly but yet so strong and without expectations. 

_("What?” Bucky asks, looking up at you suspiciously as you poured whiskey into his cup, your co-worker watching attentively from the counter._

_“Nothing.” You reply dismissively and watches him raise his eyebrows challengingly. “It’s nothing!”_

_“You’re up to something.” He teases quietly and you roll your eyes, shoving his shoulder lightly._

_“Am not!” You protest, your feet slamming against the floor until he frowns. “It’s just–she asked who you were. I said you’re my friend.”_

_“Friend?” Bucky murmurs after a moment and you nod sheepishly with a shrug._

_“Yes?” You smile slightly, his surprised features making your cheeks flush in a bright red. “Does it bother you?”_

_“No.”)_

_(“What are you doing?” You ask with a frown at Bucky’s extended hand, a song playing faintly on the background of the already empty bar._

_“Asking you for a dance…I guess.” He replies hesitantly and you smirk right away._

_“You know how to dance.” You state between a chuckle and he nods slightly with a shrug._

_“I think.” Bucky grins, ever so slightly that you can’t help but grin back._

_And take his hand._

_“Let’s do this!”)_

_(“Taste this!” You place the cup filled with a red liquid and Bucky frowns, looking at it suspiciously. “Drink it, Barnes.”_

_“What’s this?” He asks finally, the cup between his fingers as he seem to analyze the drink._

_“A new drink I came up with.” You reply excitedly and watch him take a hesitant sip from the glass, lips pursuing rightly after. “Good or nah?”_

_“Too sweet.” Bucky deadpans, sliding the glass back to you as you roll your eyes playfully._

_“Oh, there comes Mr. Bitter.”)_

_(“You okay?” You ask worriedly, your hand palming Bucky’s cheek softly as he looks up at you tiredly, his back slumped against the couched booth._

_“Yeah.” He mumbles in response and you sigh, taking a seat next to him._

_“You’re lying.” You protest in a whisper and lets your head rest on his shoulder. “Tell me.”_

_“Just…nightmares.”_

_“You know you can count on me, right?” You tilt your head up slightly and he looks down at you and–_

_Bucky’s lips are just mere inches away from yours when he finally replies._

_“I know.”)_

Going to the bar in nights he can’t sleep become his routine and by now he’s used to the atmosphere. 

He knows most of the workers and even a few loyal customers. 

Except today the place is unusually crowded with people he  _doesn’t_  know nor even saw there before. 

And Bucky can’t help himself but be slightly alarmed as he takes his usual spot by the counter’s corner. Until you show up. And he feels his heart hammering like everytime as you smile up at him like it’s been  _weeks_  since your last meeting. 

The night is clearly busy for the bar and you only find time to properly greet him 15 minutes later, your arms embracing his shoulders as you press a big kiss to his cheek and Bucky finally feels like he can relax for a bit. 

So the next hours pass as normally as it can be – drinks delivered to him by you, quick pauses so you can talk to him, lingering looks from across the room. Everything he’s used to except–

The few guys sitting in  _his_  booth with way too flirty smiles and mischievous eyes as you frown, your grip around your little notebook noticeably tightening as they keep talking and laughing as your expression just keeps hardening. 

Bucky clenches his fist subconsciously because he  _knows_  what they’re doing and he knows if he steps up you’ll scold him. He’s done it before and it ended with you madly saying you could take care of yourself. 

He trusts you and your judgement but he doesn’t trust everybody else. 

But he tries to keep it to himself anyway. 

And Bucky almost thinks he’s doing a good job until two of the guys start following you, one of them grabbing your arm and sliding his lips through your cheek as the other grips onto your waist so firmly that his blood  _boils_. 

From there, everything’s as blurry as his mind is. 

It takes just a few steps until his fist is meeting one of the guy’s mouth and his metal hand is crushing the other one’s wrist. He doesn’t even feel when a third one comes up and punches his face, the familiar metallic taste of blood taking his mouth as you try to pull him out miserably. 

It’s just when two hands tug him back abruptly and harshly that he  _really_  sees it. 

He doesn’t care about the guy’s bloody face or his dirty knuckles or the annoying pain in his nose or the white noise going around him. 

When he really sees it, there’s tears in the corners of your eyes and a split on your lower lip that he’s sure it isn’t from your constant biting and a look on your face that he  _knows_  what it means even if he tries to ignore. 

His blood freezes instantly. 

 

* * *

 

Bucky doesn’t see you for a two weeks as he doesn’t dare to go to the bar again. 

After the fight, all he can seem to do is run away because you’re hurt and you’ve seen him doing what he does best, the  _real_  him, the one who’d hurt someone pretty and young and nice like you. 

You’re hurt and there’s just  _that_  look on your eyes that tells him everything that he needs in that moment. 

_To stay away._

And he knows he didn’t hurt you – directly at least – but he can’t help but keep thinking about it. 

So he spends these nights awake with too much thoughts in his head or too much terrors when he tries to sleep even if for miserable thirty minutes. 

Steve is wondering what’s wrong and he knows it – it’s been some good weeks since the last night where he woke up his best friend with his screams and cries. But then again, the Captain keeps his questions to himself and makes sure he’s enough of a support for the moment. 

But Bucky thinks about it nonetheless. 

With you he finds a beacon of hope that he isn’t expecting and doesn’t even know he needs. He finds solace and comfortableness and affection from someone who that doesn’t even know him, who doesn’t judge him and look at him like he’s just an ordinary guy. 

Someone who stays with him  _just because_ , unlike Steve, bonded with him because of an old friendship and Sam, who’s just along to help Steve. 

And then Bucky sees all of it crumble. 

You’re the only part of him that is normal, that he hasn’t corrupted and hurt until just like  _that_. You’re not anymore. 

So he does exactly his speciality – he disappears. 

He doesn’t come back to the bar nor thinks about it, even though the last part is a little harder to because it’s almost subconsciously by this point. 

To say he’s surprised when you suddenly show up at his apartment is an understatement. 

Still, there you are – healed lip even though you’re biting it  _again_ , loose hair and shirt tucked into your jeans and a tiny sheepish smile curving your lips that makes him think that maybe he’s seeing things and none of that is real. 

“Can I come in?” You ask sheepishly and Bucky snaps out of himself, stepping aside quietly and letting you into his… _home_. 

You walk into the place shyly but with eyes roaming through every single little thing and Bucky doesn’t miss the tender smile you give once your eyes land on his picture with Steve. 

He can’t exactly decide if that’s a good or a bad thing. 

He can’t also decide if it’s a good thing your insistence to sit close to him on the couch despite his tries to stay away. 

“Are you okay?” You question hesitantly as your hand reach out to his face and touch the side of his nose softly, your thumb brushing his skin lightly. “It’s healed already.”

Bucky nods quietly as he doesn’t know exactly what to say in that moment. 

He notices the fear and the worry in your eyes and he tries to convince himself it’s fear and worry for your life. You can’t possibly care for him, be worried and fear  _for_ him. 

(But that's  _exactly_  what you’re doing).

“How’d find me?” He grumbles a little harsher than he intends to but you grin anyway, slumping your back against the couch so your shoulders are touching and you’re falling into an easiness you’re not supposed to. 

“Steve.” You reply in amusement with shrug and then laugh, probably noticing the flabbergasted look on his face. “Don’t ask me how but Captain America actually knew my existence.”

Bucky makes a mental note to scold Steve once he’s back home as much he’s secretly enjoying seeing you again after hellish weeks. 

“Are you–” He stops abruptly when you nod right away. 

“Ethan kicked all of them out after you left.” You explain nonchalantly, a tiny sigh escaping your lips as he sees you look up to the ceiling by the corner of his eyes. “Why?”

It doesn’t need much for him to know what you mean. Because to be honest, he asks himself the same question quite often. 

_Why’d he run away? Why’d he leave you alone?_

In the end, Bucky can come up with a million answers or excuses or justifications. But the thing is–

He  _knows_  you don’t care about any of them. 

But he tries to, anyway. 

“Not safe.” Bucky snarls in response, his fists clenching subconsciously upon his lap because it’s true and you  _really_  can’t seem to care a tiny bit about it. “I  _hurt_ people.”

“You never hurt me.”

“But I could.”

“I suppose you could.” You shrug and then sigh heavily, turning your head ever so slightly that your chin is touching his shoulder and he can feel your breath on his neck. “Is that what you want? Hurt me?”

“ _No_.”

“Then stop doing this.” You whisper softly and lovingly as Bucky feels his control slowly fading and his heart speeding up on his chest. “Disappearing and making people worried. Giving up from things you love.”

He knows that you mean yourself by people and  _again_  he doesn’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing. 

“Easy for you to say.”

“It is. Because it’s the truth.” You start carefully and Bucky turns his head to fully face you, your breathing mixing with each other and lips  _so close_ he can smell the strawberry of your lipbalm. “You can turn in to  _him_  and give up from what you  _know_ you want or you can have another chance in life and let us in.”

Bucky nods, blue eyes linger on your lips, curved with a tender, truthful smile that is  _just_  for  _him_. 

A man who’s got blood on his hands, done imaginable things and got a target on his back for a lifetime. But regardless,  _a man_. Who’s learning to live and feel and want again. Who’s just trying to be as normal as someone like him can be. 

And to him–

To him, you’re normalcy but also love and affection. You’re trust and solace and patience. You’re a new chance. The whole world itself and the life he’s never thought of. 

So he kisses you. 

Lips meeting desesperatly but still lovingly and deeply, one hand buried in your hair and the other pulling your body flushed against his as you smile against his mouth like you always do no matter what he says because.

You’re just–  _you_.  

And after all, that’s just  _exactly_  what he needs. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! Tell me, did you like it or did you hate it?
> 
> I'll be uploading a few more one-shots that I posted on my Tumblr soon! Tomorrow, I guess, so expect a few more chapters to this. :')
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed!
> 
> If there's any mistakes, warn me!
> 
> Thank you for reading! You're awesome.


	13. Rainy Zurich

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five times Bucky finds solace in his room and one time he doesn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE! BET YOU'D SEEN THE LAST OF ME!!!!!!!
> 
> This time with lots of Bucky fluff with a Stark!Reader because of reasons after the new trailer. YEP.
> 
> Enjoy! <3

**_one.  
_** The first time you enter his room, it’s been two weeks you’re staying in the Tower and the first time you actually  _listen_  to his terrors. 

He’s tossing around and mumbling and he seems in pain when you approach and deep down you  _know_  it’s not the wisest idea to just wake him up but you do anyway because you know it’s even worse when you can’t leave your own head. 

It’s no surprise you end up with a sharp knife cut on your cheek because  _one)_  you woke him up suddenly,  _two)_  he still didn’t trust you much,  _three)_  he had no idea what he was doing as he was still engorged in his allucinations. 

Steve doesn’t hear the end of it in the next day, Tony giving him a lecture on how he woke up just to find his daughter with a laceration in her cheek (he likes to exaggerate), caused by his amneasiac assassin of a friend. 

Then after that, you don’t see him for a week. 

(Not that you’d see him much before but sometimes you found him working out in the gym or sitting quietly in the balcony by himself).

You make it your personal mission to find him but the Tower is huge and even though you’re used to it, he seems to be way more as you can’t find him  _anywhere_. 

Not when you go to the gym, or the balcony, or the library. Not when you literally wait up sitting by his bedroom’s door. 

You just don’t see him like you don’t see a ghost. 

When the incident (that’s what everyone calls it now) completes two weeks and you’re free from the cheek bandages, you enter your room after a morning out with Pepper and there’s a note lying on your bed, with two bright yellow sunflowers accompanying the paper. 

_‘I’m sorry._

_\- James’_

 

* * *

 

**_two._ **

The sunflowers make you company in your room for just a few days before they die. 

You’re throwing their rests away in the kitchen when Steve comes in, recently showered and arrived from a mission and making you cringe at the deep purple bruise under his right eye. 

He just laughs, assuring it would heal quickly. All while watching your task – throw the flowers on the trashcan, throw away the water, wash the vase. 

He seems so interested on your task and even a little bit curious so you think that maybe he has something to do with his.

When you ask him if he’s got a finger on that –  _the flowers and the note Bucky left in my room_  – and he frowns through a confused  _no_ , you decide you’ve had enough. 

You’re seeing the man wether he wants it or not. 

You spend the afternoon and evening in the lab with Tony and Bruce and while these men are amazing with technology and physics, they don’t seem to be good at tracking the time as you leave the lab a while after one in the morning. 

That’s when the waited meeting comes, rather sooner than you previously thought and while you’re coming back to your room in the floor you share with  _him_  and Steve. 

When you peep your head into the room, you notice it’s filled with the faint light from the TV (playing an episode of Parks and Recreation) and he’s sitting cross-legged on the bed though he doesn’t seem a bit interested on the show. 

Not anymore, anyway.

You want to scold yourself for being so foward, for barging into his room and sitting dismissively on the edge of his bed like he actually gave a permission – which he didn’t – but that’s the only way you can make him trust you. 

Treating him like you treat the others, as a friend, as your family. 

And when you look up to his eyes, you’re sure there’s actual fear in his eyes, a slight tinge of hesitation that makes you sigh tiredly. 

It’s not fear  _of_  you, it’s fear  _for_  you, despite what you’re probably thinking. Because he’s done it once and who’s stopping him from making it twice?

Just God knows how tired he is from hurting people. 

“I just want to thank you for the flowers.” You start shyly, your lips curving in a tiny smile as you shrug nonchalantly. “I tried to find you but you’re pretty good at hiding so…thank you. Sunflowers are my favorite.”

Bucky just nods curtly and parts his gaze from you to the TV again and you can’t help but notice the bags under his eyes, seeming even more apparent with the faint lighting. 

“I know.” He bursts out after a moment and you giggle softly, nodding assuringly at him as he smiles tightly, though not even close to reaching his eyes. 

He’s handsome like that, wearing simple sweatpants and a shirt, his hair tucked up into a bun and cheeks covered by a thick stubble. He looks nothing like the Sergeant, who seemed to like having his face clean and hair neat. 

You decide you like his current looks better. 

“Can’t sleep?” You ask somewhat apologetic, bringing your legs up to the bed and crossing them like his as Bucky nods quietly again. 

He looks momentarily torn between wanting to talk and sending you away – so you can’t help but feel your chest warm up when he chooses the first option. 

“You don’t live here.” Bucky murmurs, sounding almost hesitant as his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Why?”

“Tony thought it was better for me to stay away from a the buzz.” You reply with a chuckle and a playful roll of your eyes. “Can’t blame him though. I love Switzerland so I don’t really complain.”

“You’re not…” He gulps, frowning slightly as you shift to lie down fully on the bed, tucking an arm under a pillow. “You’re not really his daughter, are you?”

Despite his surprised expression, he doesn’t seem to mind having you on his bed as he mimics your doing, the both of you soon facing each other so close that you can feel his breath mixing with yours. 

“No, I’m adopted.” You smile softly, a deep sigh following rightly after. “But he is my father either way and I love him.  _Everyone_  here is my family too.”

You know he understands what you mean when his features suddenly soften and he gives a curt nod. And really–

You don’t mean to fall asleep. And sure as hell you don’t mean to fall asleep on  _his bed_  but you do. 

And in the next morning, Steve doesn’t know wether to be worried or amused when he finds his best friend and Tony Stark’s adopted daughter fully cuddling on the top of the covers with the TV still on. 

The next day you can most definitely label as eventful. 

You wake up in his bed. You’re cuddling with him. And he seems nothing but pleased with the sleeping arrangements, his features looking so calm and in peace that the last thing you can think of is leaving the room. 

You’re quite pleased yourself, as strange and forward it can be. Bucky’s body feels incredibly warm against yours and there’s nothing uncomfortable in the way your head is resting on his chest and his arm is tightly secured around your waist. 

You feel safe and you feel home and you can’t quite pinpoint if that’s good or bad because you  _don’t know him_.

And he doesn’t know you. 

And you don’t even know if he trusts you.  

Hence why you can’t help but be surprised once you notice his eyes very much open and staring at your face like it’s the first time he’s ever seen you, making you wonder if the dreamy look on his eyes is just a part of your imagination or not. 

You shift your body in his hold slightly and pop yourself onto your elbow, a sheepish smile creeping on your lips. 

“I’m sorry I…you know…” You chuckle nervously, raising a hand to tuck your hair behind your ear as Bucky just watches, his stare as firm as ever. “Barged into your room uninvited.”

Bucky just nods dismissively, letting his eyes roam through your face until his stare lands on your cheek and he frowns deeply, lip caught between his teeth. “I’m sorry.”

A quiet laugh escapes from your lips as you roll your eyes playfully. 

“It’s okay.” You reassure softly with a shrug and a smile, your fingertips briefly brushing the now scarless spot. “Just a silly cut.”

Your hand is still on the way down when Bucky suddenly raises  _his_ , the cold touch of his metal fingers soon feeling incredibly soothing and comfortable against your flushed pink cheek. 

You’d never seen him touch  _anything_  or  _anyone_  but Steve with his metal arm. 

So when he suddenly leans forward, hand cupping your cheek and lips meeting yours in a soft, loving kiss, you don’t do much but be surprised. And kiss him back. 

And adore him despite everything he’s been through. 

 

* * *

 

 ** _three.  
_** Everything seems to naturally change  after that day, even though the both of you don’t go much farther than just that kiss. 

Bucky’s demeanor changes completely around you – so much that Natasha keeps sneaking suspicious glances at the pair of you whenever you’re both together in the same room, a smirk curving her lips when she gets him staring at you. 

Thing which he does a lot and  _shamelessly_. 

Not that you particularly mind, it feels a little flattering, especially after the secret moment from weeks ago but you can’t exactly deny that you’re glad no one else but Natasha noticed. 

(And Steve too, but that’s completely another story because you still didn’t figure out how he found out).

With Steve’s knowledge, everything feels easier on your shared floor. 

You still feel a drop of hesitation in his moves sometimes but mostly because he’s _never_  been treated like this, as far as he remembers. And he doesn't  _know_  how to act back. 

Bucky doesn’t know how to act when it’s morning and you enter the kitchen with a smile, pushing a strand of his hair out of his face to place a kiss in his cheek. He doesn’t know what to do when you start to dismissively play with his metal fingers under the table during dinner. He doesn’t know what to say when you come back after a day off, asking about his day and cheerfully telling him abour yours. 

He doesn’t know because your relationship…isn’t a relationship. 

Neither of you can pinpoint the kind of line lingering between the both of you. 

But then again, you don’t exactly mind if it means getting him better each day. 

 _Until_  the mission happens. 

When J.A.R.V.I.S lets you know the team arrived, you don’t stop yourself from literally running to the medical bay because it’s so much worse actually  _being_  there and  _waiting_  for them instead of just hearing edited bits and pieces when Tony calls you after. 

And it’s just your luck, you think, that they got into a rough mission exactly when you’re there. 

They’re barely holding themselves together and it’s subconscious the way your eyes water in worry, despite the constant reassurance from your father that we do this all the time, kid. 

He doesn’t let you fuss over it too much, quickly sending you to your floor with a hug and Steve and Bucky on your trail, grumbling playfully about the soldiers. 

Steve doesn’t mingle around too much, patting Bucky on the back and retreating to his room with a smile that makes you think that he left so quick purposefully. 

After that, soon you’re hand in hand with Bucky, slowly walking him to his room as he seems to be practicality dragging himself. 

When he sits on the edge of his bed, he looks–

Tired; more mentally than physically, you can tell. Troubled; just by the way his eyes seem lost. And you could only guess defeated; given the slump posture you’d never seen on him. 

“Hey.” You call out with a whisper as you stand between Bucky’s legs, reaching a hand to cup his cheek and lightly pulling his face up, his eyes soon locking with yours. “It’s going to be alright.”

You raise your other hand to push away a strand of hair like you always do and he nods curtly, leaning slightly onto your touch as his lips curve in a  _barely_  there smile. 

Which makes you smile back. And lean forward to press your lips against his. 

And it’s like something snaps inside of him as he places his hands on the back of your thighs and hoist them up, making you straddle him with a yelp against his lips. 

It feels like heaven to him, your warm breath mixing with his and your body pressed to his chest, all the heat he’s ever needed coming from you. 

Everything gets completely shut out in his head. 

Everything but your subconscious grinding against him, your fingers in the back of his neck gripping his hair tightly, the pretty whimpers escaping from your lips as he kisses and nibbles the skin of your neck.

Everything but your dreamy expression once he pulls back, foreheads still pressed one to another and lips still brushing against esch other. 

“I know.” Bucky finally replies breathlessly and you giggle against his mouth, tightening your arms around his neck as you bury your face in his neck. 

Just in the third time. 

 

* * *

 

 ** _four.  
_** It’s a secret that you don’t know how much it will last nor for how long you’ll have to hide. 

It’s even funny to see Steve trying to cover up for the both of you by lying to the team, being the horrendous actor he is. It’s even funnier when Natasha makes him panic, telling him she knows everything. 

Keeping it a secret doesn’t feel right for you because you genuinely  _like_  Bucky and _adore_  Bucky and he’s good to you, no matter what people say or think. 

No matter what  _Tony_  says or think. 

And sometimes that takes a toll on you, knowing that you’re sneaking behind your father’s back, being with the man he clearly has a wreck with even if he tries to play his cool for the team’s sakes.  

The last thing you want is to bring a target to Bucky’s or your father’s back. 

But you feel a little selfish too. You know you can step out of it and you know you’ll _have_  to eventually step out of it but everything feels just so nice. 

You love his gentle kisses during the middle of the night when you’re both binging on Netflix trying to catch up. You love when he pushes a strand of hair out of your face  _just like you do_  when he thinks you’re asleep. You love the tiny smiles he give you when you say something cheeky before throwing your arms around him. 

He’s come such a  _long_  way with you and even though he doesn’t talk much sometimes, you notice how much effort he puts in his actions to let you know that he appreciates your doings. And you don’t mind him, especially with everything he’s been through and will go through in the future. 

If anything, all of it just makes you want to take care and help him even more. 

It’s through small things that you can pick up he’s awake during the night. 

Bucky is usually fucking  _light_  on his feet, constantly sneaking up behind everybody’s back (even Natasha) and involuntarily scaring them even when everyone’s already used to it. 

When he wakes up in the middle of a night though, sometimes still in a some nightmare’s haze, it’s clear the shuffling and stumbling noises coming from his room. 

The Tower’s walls are reinforced but he can be so loud and even  _heavy_ , wether with his moving or screaming, that makes it easy for you to know when he’s got too much in his head. 

You’re shuffling restlessly on your bed when you hear him leaving his room and going to the kitchen, your perfect cue to cheekily sneak into the place. 

It doesn’t take more than a minute until you’re in his bed, tucked comfortably under his warm blankets when he comes back, stopping rather abruptly by the door. And making you mentally curse yourself because what if he doesn't  _want_  you there?

It’s just when he approaches the bed in quick steps that you really see it, the almost relieved and  _pleased_  looks lacing his features. 

It doesn’t take more than a minute until Bucky in his bed, tucked comfortably under his warm blankets as you face each other, much alike first time you barged into the room. 

“Apparently I have a thing for invading your room.” You joke quietly with a chuckle and watch his mouth tilt upwards almost imperceptibly. “Are you okay though?”

Bucky is looks momentarily torn between replying and keeping it to himself, making you smile fondly when he chooses the former. 

“No.” He mumbles tiredly, the crinkles in the corner of his eyes looking more visible he purses his lips in a tight line for a moment. “But I will be.”

“You will. You’re bigger and stronger than  _this_.” You place your forefinger to his temple meaningfully, sliding it for a moment to push away a strand of his hair as he _grins_  and you subconsciously smile at the sight. “You’re bigger than what’s on your mind, Bucky, and I believe in you.”

You suddenly feel like crying when he takes your hand with his, leading your palm to his lips as he presses a soft kiss upon it, fingers soon closing with yours. 

You feel like crying because you  _want_  to be there for him, to take care of him and to help him. 

But you'll  _have_  to eventually step out it. 

 

* * *

 

 ** _five.  
_** It’s unsettling that you start to get sympathetic looks from Natasha and Steve a few days prior your departure back to Switzerland. 

They don’t know much about you and Bucky and your strange relationship and to be honest, neither do you, but they  _do_  know you grew attached to him and that makes you ache because it’s so damn  _fucked up._

With just mere months of vacation you grew attached to the man who barely spoke and trusted you in the beginning. The man who had constant nightmares and even (accidentally) hurt you once because of it. 

Which happens to be the same man who–

Kissed you so softly during sleepless nights, like you were made of finest crystal. Silently made sure you were always content and happy and safe. Held your hand in reassurance whenever your father was out and alone on a mission and spontaneously gave you the sweetest pet names you could think of. 

Every kiss in that week feels like the last one, like a silent goodbye that makes everything worse just because you don’t talk about it. 

If it  _is_  going to be the last kiss or not. 

He doesn’t want to push you and you don’t want to push him as whatever decision you both make, there will be collateral damage to deal with. 

And God, you don’t want to leave him– _you don’t_  but there’s just  _so much_  around than just you two that you  _can’t_  just stay. 

It’s not like he can just leave with you either. 

And you’ve been trying to get your head around that. You think you’re managing. 

You know  _he_  is. 

But then it’s the day and you sneak into his room for one last time before you leave, just to find Bucky sitting on the edge of the bed, smiling small but genuinely as you stand between his legs  _again_. 

You can’t help but giggle weakly when he doesn’t waste his time in hoisting your legs up  _again_ , making you straddle him  _again_. 

“I don’t want to go.” You whisper weakly against his mouth, your eyes soon watering as he looks straight into them. “I don’t want to leave you but I can’t stay.”

Bucky nods curtly and reaches his flesh hand to your cheek, the tears already streaming down your face that you barely notice. 

“I know, baby doll.” He mumbles just as quietly, a tinge of sadness to his eyes that makes you want to scream in frustration, especially when his lips lap a few tears off your face. “ _I know._ ”

“Do you hate me?” You ask rather desesperately, your breathing heaving against his as you feel a sudden anxiety rise on your chest. “Because I understand if you do, I can see–”

You sigh in relief against his mouth when his lips interrupt your rant, kissing you as fiercely as his fingers in the back of your head, pulling you even closer to him as his other arm encircles your waist. 

“I don’t hate you.” Bucky replies once he pulls back, hand sliding to your cheek and voice so firm that you can help but smile, thinking about the obvious change in his previous silent self. “I could never hate you and I'm–I’ll miss you.”

His voice wavers between the last words and though he almost looks hesitant for a tiny moment, you don’t care. You know he’s being sincere and you know he sounds genuine and–

“I’ll miss you too.” You whisper with a smile and lean your face against his touch, making him grin as you grip the collar of his shirt with your hands. “Promise me I’ll see you again.”

You have no right to ask him this. Maybe he doesn’t even  _want_  to, maybe he  _can’t_. Maybe he shouldn’t. 

But still, you have no time to regret your words as his lips curve in the most innocent and happy smile you've  _ever_  seen, soon crashing with yours in the most loving kiss  _ever_  and when he pulls back– 

“ _I promise._ ”

And you believe him. 

 

* * *

 

 ** _one.  
_** The sun is almost setting when Bucky finally starts to stir out of his sleep, body shifting lazily through the blankets as a tiny groan escapes from his lips and he reaches his arm out to the other side of the bed.

Which is empty. Again. 

He should be used to it by now, it’s been weeks after all. 

But he still feels the your body’s warmness on the sheets, the faint smell of your shampoo taking over the pillows and the room like an incense. 

The room is warm and cozy but he relishes on the sight by the window, despite the insistent rain and cold winds lingering outside. 

“You need to stop sneaking out of the bed, you know.” Bucky grumbles playfully behind your back, arms closing around your waist as he tucks his chin on your shoulder, pressing a light kiss to your skin. 

You can’t help but laugh, resting your head against his chest as you watch the raindrops falling through the window’s glass. 

“I’m getting good at it, aren’t I?” You joke cheekily, tilting your head up to place a kiss to his jaw. “Guess you’re not the only one who can sneak on people anymore…”

Bucky just huffs out a quiet laugh, his arms tightening around your waist as he lets his eyes roam through the window’s view. 

“I don’t remember Switzerland being rainy like this.” He frowns slightly and you chuckle, intertwining your fingers with his on your waist. 

“You’d be surprised.” You mumble with a pout as you turn around inside his hold, throwing your arms around his neck. “Something you want to do today?”

“Does lazing around your room count as something?” He asks in amusement and smirks when you laugh against his mouth, his hands on the back of your thighs as he pulls your legs around his waist. 

“Most definitely  _yes_.”

Bucky feels his chest go suddenly warm because it’s just  _then_  that he realizes. 

What matters isn’t New York or Zurich. His room or yours. The distance or whatever else could keep you both apart. 

The only thing that matters is just  _you_. In every way and in all ways. 

And that’s more than enough for him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, so! Did you like it or did you hate it? Tell me!
> 
> All I have to say about the new trailer is:  
> Red henley of sex. Metal arm porn. MURDEROUS WALK. I'M HERE FOR THIS.
> 
> Also, fun fact: I was going to make this super angsty in the end bUT THEN. Well.
> 
> Come and talk to me on Tumblr: @bbbarneswrites <3
> 
> If there's any mistakes in this chapter, warn me! 
> 
> Thank you for reading! You're awesome.


	14. Birthday Candles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky celebrates his 99th birthday!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!<3
> 
> SO, I wrote this real quick to celebrate our favorite bear-slash-assassin’s birthday! Sorry if it’s crappy. I just didn’t know what else to write, lmao.
> 
> Also, I kind of wrote this thinking about the lovebirds from Only Forever? So yeah, treat it as some sort of extra sequel if you want. Anyway. HAPPY 99TH BIRTHDAY, BUCKYBEAR! :')
> 
> ENJOY!

The clock barely hits 8 in the morning when Bucky feels something bouncing on the bed and soon weighting on his left side, instantly making him groan and miserably pull up the covers again. 

 _Something_. 

Or better saying,  _someone_. 

It doesn’t take long until his suspicions are confirmed and you’re  straddling his waist, making his arms automatically embrace your waist and bring you further up to his chest as a surprised yelp escape from your lips. 

“You’re awake!” You beam happily and lean over him to place a kiss to his lips, your fingers buried deep in his messy hair as he chuckles against your lips. “Morning, James!”

Bucky smiles subconsciously at the name and places his hand in the back of your neck, holding you close to him as he lets his lips brush against yours insistently.

“I’m awake.” He mumbles in amusement, eyes almost fluttering again as you suck his lower lip and he grins wickedly, despite the sleepiness left. “What’s got you so excited?”

As soon as the words come out of his mouth, you’re pulling back from him and immediately sitting up, an almost hurt expression taking over your features. 

“James, it’s your birthday!” You reply incredulously, throwing a light punch to his shoulder as he lets out a small whine, not being able to hold back a smile. “I can’t believe you forgot your own birthday? You sure are getting old.”

Bucky smirks instantly at your words and in a quick move and a shriek from you, you’re with your back against the mattress and he’s hovering over your frame, holding his weight by his elbows as he places them on each side of your head. 

“I’m not getting old.” He protests with mocked indignation but soon smirks again, leaning even closer you and placing a light kiss to your neck. “I’m getting more experienced. You should know that.”

Your mouth falls open in surprise but Bucky knows you’re faking it when you wrap your legs around his waist and your hands are palming his cheeks, bringing him closer so your lips are brushing again. 

“You’re old  _and_  dirty. God, what did I do to deserve this?” You sigh deeply in concern and Bucky just chuckles, finally bringing your lips together in a rather needy kiss. 

He almost smiles into the kiss when he feels your hands sliding into his hair again, your nails scratching his scalp every once in a while between a light tug or two. 

When he pulls back, a small, involuntary moan leaves your lips and Bucky holds back the urge to kiss you again, noticing your flushed cheeks and swollen lips. 

“I think the right question is,” He starts with a quiet mumble, lips curved in a grin as he reaches one hand under your shirt and slides it from the waistband of your panties to the back of your thigh as you bite your lower lip. “What did  _I_  do to deserve  _this_?”

You just giggle at his words, tightening your legs around his waist and making him fall on the top of you, not minding his weight practically crushing you to the mattress. 

“You’re an idiot.” You joke heartily with another laugh and bring your arms around his shoulders, hugging him properly for the first time and pressing several smooches to his cheek. “Happy birthday, James!”

All he can seem to do is grin widely and happily and pull back to press a kiss to your forehead with still smiling lips. 

“Thanks, baby girl.”

 

* * *

 

As soon Bucky steps out of the training room at the facility, he’s greeted with a sudden weight jumping up on him, almost falling to the ground before he holds it back. 

The laugh that follows rightly after makes him chuckle immediately as he recognizes who it is. 

His arms are soon pulling you closer, reaching down to the back of your thighs and hoisting them up to his waist as another laugh echo through the empty corridor. 

“What are you doing here?” Bucky questions once you greet him with a kiss to his cheek, wrapping your own arms around his shoulders. “You’re up to something.”

You laugh quietly and wiggle yourself in his hold, making him place you down to the floor again with a playful grumble. 

“I’m not.” You protest indignantly, crossing your arms around your chest almost in a childlike way as he raises his eyebrows. “I just wanted to surprise the birthday boy.”

You shift around your spot for a moment and Bucky notices a colorful paper peaking out of your jacket, making him frown in suspicious instantly. 

“You bought me a gift.” He says tentatively and groans when you bite your lip trying to hold back a smirk, immediately giving him the answer. “(Y/N), I told you I didn’t want anything.”

“I know, I know.” You reply between a sigh and throw your arms around his neck again, pulling his chest against yours with a smile. “But it’s the first birthday I get to spend with you! I couldn’t just let it go.”

Bucky just chuckles incredulously and reaches out to pull the small package out of your jacket, a small grin curving your lips as you watch him analyze the pink and orange paper. 

It’s almost funny the way he just rips the paper, looking suddenly excited about the small gift.

And the way his eyes suddenly bulge and as he opens the box makes you laugh wholeheartedly. 

“I can’t believe you did this.” He chuckles again, pulling the brand new dog tags out of the box and staring at them attentively. “You shouldn’t have.”

“I wanted to.” You smile up at him and carefully take them out of his hands, raising it up meaningfully to place it around his neck as he smiles back. “Steve told me yours got lost with time and I know you don’t feel like the hero that you are sometimes, so…”

The next thing you know, he’s lifting you up again and pressing his lips against yours in an almost bruising kiss, a subconsciously giggle escaping from your lips. 

It’s just when Natasha passes by, loudly clearing her throat that he pulls back and puts you down with a smug smirk and you feel your cheeks flushing red.

“So, you like it?” You ask with a sheepish smile and Bucky just leans forward, kissing you again with a hand deep in your hair and letting you know of his answer without really saying it. 

 

* * *

 

When he arrives home, the entire apartment is silent and dark and Bucky knows what it means, though he still keeps his surprised face once the lights go suddenly on and everyone is screaming ‘surprise!’ at his face, wearing colorful hats and holding even more colorful balloons.  

When Steve comes up to him with a red velvet cake, Bucky almost scowls when everyone start to scream for him to make a wish and blow the candles as Sam jokes that it’s a shame that there isn’t 99 candles. 

It doesn’t take much until he does exactly that and feels someone weighting on his left side, your laugh filling up his ears as you beam up a 'happy 99th birthday!’

And it's  _exactly_  that. 

A very happy birthday. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So!! Did you like it or did you hate it??
> 
> It was super short, just to remember his day and stuff. <3
> 
> Hope y'all enjoyed! Come and talk to me @ bbbarneswrites on Tumblr!!
> 
> If there's any mistake in this chapter, please warn me!
> 
> Thank you for reading! You're awesome!


	15. Liar, Liar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Making-out without touching. Who wins?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, babies. <3
> 
> Just finally uploading here the fics that I wrote and posted just on Tumblr! 
> 
> Based off a request: Bucky one shot where they play a game called “Too Hot”, which is where they have to see how long they can go without touching each other, at all, whilst intensely making out and the first person to touch the other loses.
> 
> Enjoy! :')

You let out a snicker before slightly lifting your head from Bucky’s shoulder when you finally realized the Team’s current talk subject. 

It wasn’t something to be surprised though since it was a party’s end and everyone was a little tipsy given Natasha’s russian drinks.

Well, everyone except Steve, Bucky and Vision for…obvious reasons. 

It was nice to see the oh so Earth’s mightiest heroes so relaxed like that. After Ultron, it took a while until the team got reunited again and even more time for them to have a moment like this. 

Before everyone would be tensed and alert like they were waiting for something, someone to show up out of nowhere. 

Because well…there would be always a remarkable party’s end in everyone’s life and Ultron just happened to be theirs. 

But the current one was most definitely  _not_  like Ultron. 

“I can’t believe you guys are actually having this conversation.” You said in amusement with Bucky sitting beside you, his metal arm drapped loosely around your shoulders. “PDA guys? Seriously? I thought drunk talk was better than this.”

Clint let out his characteristic raspy laugh as Tony snorted, approaching the couch you were sitting with a beer in hand. 

“Liar.” Tony replied dismissively before taking a sip from the bottle, raising his eyebrows challengingly at you. “You and Frosty over there are the masters of PDA, sweetcheeks.” 

You glanced at Bucky incredulously looking for support but he just shrugged, keeping himself silent but watching the scene unfold with a glint of amusement on his eyes. 

"And he doesn’t deny it!” Sam joked between a laugh to then pull a serious feigned expression. “Seriously though, you two need some self-control, man.”

The team bursted out laughing and Bucky smirked when you buried your face against his chest, hiding your burning cheeks. 

They weren’t… _exactly_  lying. But it couldn’t be that bad, surely. 

“We have self-control! You’re saying it like we’re two rabbits!” You chided with your muffled voice and Bucky finally let out a laugh, his arm tightening around you. 

“Hey Capsicle, remember that time you were about to show me the Facility’s new tech and we found someone…” Tony glanced pointedly at the both of you making you groan playfully, trying to hold a laugh. “Into a hardcore sexy times session in the middle of the lab? Yep, good times.”

Clint and Sam were already past just laughing and Steve glanced at you and Bucky with an apologetic look but still grinning, with his elbows resting on his knees. _Fuckers_. 

“Alright, that was  _one_  time!” You defended between a chuckle, your right hand clutching Bucky’s thigh. “And we were celebrating my job promotion, alright?”

Yeah. One time that led to a second time that led to a third…

“Man, do you remember that one time–” Sam let out a laugh, shaking his head before nudging Clint. “We went to pick these two lovebirds at the airport with Laura and then we see a couple french-damn-kissing in the middle of the baggage claim, like, shamelessly.”

Bucky started laughing right away, remembering the day and  _why_  the both of you were  _shamelessly_  kissing. 

“Then Laura went like  _‘God, who are these two?’_ ” Clint continued dramatically and you bursted out giggling, not knowing this part of the story. “And we were like _'Yeah, that’s our techie, you know? And Steve’s friend? The Winter Soldier?’_ " 

You wiped a few laughter tears off your eyes and tiredly leaned your back against Bucky’s chest, a sigh escaping your lips. 

Well, that was–

"That was hardly my fault. There was an old lady all touchy-feely with  _my_ boyfriend.” You replied and felt Bucky’s chest move with laughter, making you smile tenderly. “And don’t play dumb, James. You were terrified!”

“You’re a terrible liar, doll.” He finally spoke up, making you scoff and pull away from him feigning a hurt look. “It’s easily your fault. Every time.”

Maria joined the circle with her shoes in hand, throwing herself on the couch beside Natasha and Wanda. 

“They’re the honeymoon phase, guys. We all have been there.” Maria said lazily due her previous drinks as a grin curved her lips. “Let’s give them a break, shall we?”

“You seem to think otherwise when it’s on missions, Maria.” Natasha replied as she got up on her feet, walking towards the bar. “Besides, it’s been more than a year now? The honeymoon phase should be past over by now.”

“Like I said, blame the guy here.” You joked giving Bucky a pat on his chest as he nudged your shoulder, making you turn around to him. “What?”

“Blame  _me_?” Bucky complained as your eyebrows raised defiantly. “You’re always the one starting it!”

Pietro wolf-whistled as he passed by the room, his blue trail filling the air as he took the beer from Clint’s hands making the archer curse loudly. 

“I think this calls for a game.” Tony started with a mischievous tone making the whole team groan in response. “Jesus guys, a game for (Y/N) and Frosty!”

_Oh, no._

Normally, Tony’s games and bets weren’t up for anything good and even so, he’d always find a way to cheat. 

“What game, Stark?” Bucky promptly asked, his lips curving into a boyish smirk as you let out a whine. And  _that_. 

Bucky hardly backed out of bets and games. Especially coming from Tony. During a party. 

“Well, there’s this game called 'Too Hot’ –  _don’t_  ask, college experiences involved.” The billionaire quickly replied with a smirk under the team’s questioning looks. “Basically, (Y/N) and Frosty have to make-out with no touching involved. Whoever touches first, loose. My money’s on Frosty, by the way.”

“I’ll have to make-out with my girlfriend in front of the whole team?” Bucky asked seriously and just when you thought he’d say no, he grinned and stood up on his feet, taking you along. “We’re doing it.”

“What?  _No!_ ” You protested sheepishly, your cheeks flushing in a bright pink before you whisper-yelled at the long haired soldier. “In front of everyone?  _Seriously?_ ”

“Come on, (Y/N)! It’s nothing that we already didn’t see you guys doing.” Natasha joked making Bucky laugh, pulling you closer to him as the both of you stood right in the middle of the group. 

“I will let you cut my hair if you win."  _Well, fuck._ You shot him a fake angry look, trying to hold back a smirk as the team cheered on. 

"FINE! No touching is the only rule?” You asked Tony as you pulled your hands away from Bucky, tucking them on your back, inside the waistband of your skirt.  

“Yep, no touching. Don’t make me loose my money, sweetheart.” Tony replied cheerfully, raising his beet bottle towards you like in a warning. 

“I won’t.” You guaranteed watching Bucky raise his eyebrows doubtfully, making you chuckle when he placed his hands on his back. “You ready?”

“When you are, doll.”

_Game. On._

You pulled your best innocent act as you walked in short steps towards Bucky, knowing that’d most definitely get under his skin. 

With just a few inches away from you, Bucky’s eyes were firmly staring your features making you smile sweetly before placing your lips lightly against his. He didn’t see it, but your grip inside the waistband on your back got tighter in the moment your lips met. 

Just when he was about to deepen the kiss, you pulled back, kissing the corners of his mouth as a heavy sigh escaped his lips. 

The whole team was laughing and whistling and cheering but if you wanted your plan to work, you need to ignore everything. 

Including your urge to grab a fistful of Bucky’s white t-shirt. 

You brushed your lips against his light stubble, going down to his jaw and reaching the start of his neck before going up again, finally meeting his lips fully. 

Bucky smirked against your mouth when you let out a small whimper as he not so gently sucked your lower lip, nibbling it slightly. 

You had to hold back a laugh when Tony’s voice filled your ears, saying that he felt _like a voyeur, for God’s sake._

Bucky knew if you two kept up with that pace, the game could go on for more time than the team was up to and he quite wanted to win, so…

He led his lips to the nape of your neck, giving it sharp pressured hickeys (that he knew it’d bruise) and quickly lifted up again, surprising you out of your delight when his mouth crashed upon yours in an open mouthed kiss. 

Making one of your hands unconsciously grab his t-shirt in a fist and the other grope into his metal arm. It was just when the team started screaming, you realized your own actions. 

Grinning against Bucky’s mouth, you playfully punched his chest as he finally wrapped his hands around your waist, pressing your body flush against his. 

You pulled back when he lifted your body from the ground slightly, making you squeal between a laugh and hold your skirt in place. 

“You’re a cheater! You know I love it when you do that!” You chided indignantly, ignoring the team’s (mostly Tony’s) complaints. “That’s no fair.”

Bucky smiled in amusement as your lips turned into a childlike pout when he placed you back on the ground. 

“You know I love it when you act all innocent.” He replied as his flesh hand wrapped around your neck, pulling you closer to kiss your lips again. “Almost failed me when you got all slow and secretive.”

You just broke out of your haze when you noticed a scowling Tony passing each Clint and Sam a $100 bill, making you burst out laughing again. 

Tony Stark losing a bet wasn’t something to see everyday. 

“I believed you, (Y/N). You’re my intern. You were supposed to watch my back.” Tony said as he dramatically clutched his chest with his wallet. “I’m $200 poorer now.”

“Yeah because you’re so poor right now, Tony…” You joked ironically as your arms loosely wrapped Bucky’s torso. “And I’m not your intern. You promoted me, remember?”

“Yeah, yeah. You still owe me 200 bucks.” He complained back and you sticked your tongue at him, laughing when he did the same. 

“Well, at least now we know who starts the shenanigans…” Maria said smugly and the team bursted into a fit of exclamations and laughs. 

 _Fuck_. 

“(Y/N)!”

 

* * *

 

It was past 3 in the morning when everyone decided to really settle down and go back to their guest-rooms at the Tower, just after Tony suggested to play Twister. 

Since 2/3 of the team were slightly drunk, the game didn’t even last one entire round. 

You and Bucky had been the first ones to leave, having to listen an endless wave of teasing as the both of you walked towards the elevator, pretending to make-out as soon you stepped into it. 

When the doors closed, you shoved Bucky’s broad frame against the mirrored wall, your eyes narrowing in fake anger. 

“You’re such a  _damn_  liar, James Barnes!” You scolded and he raised his eyebrows, pulling a confused expression. “ _I_  am the one who always start?”

Bucky let out a giggle, snaking his flesh arm around your waist as your own immediately hugged his torso. 

“Does it really matters who starts first?” He asked as he leaned in closer to your neck, the metal hand pulling away your hair before his lips met your skin. “I never saw you trying to stop me, did I?”

You smiled weakly against his shoulder, biting a lip to hold a whimper when he sucked a spot behind your ear. 

“Show-off.” He smiled against your skin making you press your fingertips against his back harder, pulling back slightly. “How did manage to stay all composed during the game, anyway?”

You tucked a loose strand of his hair behind his ear and Bucky instantly leaned into your hand, smirking mischievously as his hands fell down to your hips. 

The elevator’s door opened with a faint ’ _ding_!’ followed by your surprised yelp with Bucky wrapping your legs around his waist. 

“Who the hell said I was composed?”

Okay…maybe it didn't  _really_  matter who started first. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, did you like or did you hate it? 
> 
> Come and talk to me @ bbbarneswrites on Tumblr! <33
> 
> If there's any mistakes in this chapter, please warn me.
> 
> Thank you for reading! You're awesome.


	16. Skin Deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky just wanted to help. Like you helped him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again! 
> 
> This time based off: Bucky and reader where the reader has lost weight and isn’t all the confident in herself, and Bucky tells her on how he feels about her. (Like how she accepted him with all of his flaws and metal arm) 
> 
> Enjoy! <3

“You’re not going.”

A voice called out from your back as you were about to curl yourself on the couch of the Tower’s main floor, trying (and miserably failing) to ignore a party you had no mood to handle.  _Bucky_. 

A small sigh escaped your lips as you sat up, turning around to see the soldier standing behind the couch. 

"Hey Buck!” You shot him a small smile and shrugged, staring apologetic at him. “No, I’m not. I’m not feeling really well tonight.”

You remembered your promise to him, that in his first Stark party, the both of you would go together. But that had been months ago and now Bucky was more than okay to handle the interactions on his own or with Steve only. You knew that, _he_ knew that. 

So you couldn’t help but be slightly shocked with his next words. 

“I’m not going.” He replied dumbfounded and you opened your mouth to protest, just to have him interrupting you. “If you’re not going, I’m not going.”

“Bucky, no!” You chided with your expression turning into a scowl as he walked towards you, sitting on the couch’s arm. “You  _have_  to go, Bucky! Steve will be with you all the time, you’ll be fine!”

Without answering and ignoring your complaints, Bucky slided his body to sit properly on the couch, his head shaking in denial slightly. That’s it. 

You gave a deep breath while biting your lower lip, trying to hold back a smile as you nudged his thigh with your feet. 

“So fucking stubborn…” You mumbled in amusement and swore the corners of his mouth lifted upwards for a moment as he dismissively stared the Netflix main screen on the TV. “Fine! Pass me up the remote, then.”

And during two Sense8 episodes, the both of you just laid like that. 

You curled around a thick purple blanket as your feet rested on Bucky’s lap, his hands holding them firmly but still gently, making you chuckle everytime the coldness of his metal one touched your toes. 

Halfway through the first episode, he had taken his shoes and jacket off, his eyes not leaving the screen as the sensates drama evolved. 

With a black plain t-shirt, his hair in a messy bun and the short stubble, he was more than ready for a party and you were still puzzled on  _why_ he’d prefer to stay with you. 

And apparently, he had the same doubt. 

“Why?” Bucky asked as his eyes moved to watch you by its corners. It was a simple question and you knew exactly what he meant but maybe if you played dumb…

“What do you mean?” You asked back confusingly but his stare just got harder, more inquiring making you sigh tiredly. “Just not in the mood today, that’s all.”

Bucky’s hands fell from your feet to his thighs as he turned around to face you, his eyebrows raised suspiciously. 

“You’re lying.” He replied quietly as you huffed, pulling away from his lap and pressing your knees against your chest.  _No fucking way._

“You don’t know that.” You protested defensively, your arms embracing your legs as you looked away from him. “How’d you know?”

He could go out and about with that question. 

He’d start by explaining how HYDRA teached him to observe people and their actions, and how it became a habit that made him watch even his closest ones, the ones who weren’t threats even when he didn’t need to. 

With that, Bucky’d list every single subtle action coming from you that made him insist you were lying. But he wasn’t good with words, not anymore. 

But he’d rather say the truth: that he knew that look, he acknowledged the small depreciative actions simply because he had gone through it. 

And that he wanted to help, just like you helped him. 

“I know what you’re thinking.” Bucky finally answered after a few silent seconds, his voice just a little above a mumble. “Yo–  _never_  hide yourself. You told me.”

You gave him a sad smile while leaning your back against the couch’s arm as you tried to hold back a rush of mixed feelings, almost looking lost.

“It’s easy to say that.” You replied with a bitter chuckle but quickly realized how it sounded, your eyes widening slightly. “God, I didn’t mean it like  _that_. Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” He said quickly, still glancing firmly and expectantly at you, waiting for an answer. Okay. Guess you didn’t have an escape…

A small sigh left your mouth, your fingertips distractedly playing with the zipper of the baggy hoodie you were wearing. 

“It’s just…I wanted this, you know? To lose the extra pounds I had. I thought it’d make me feel good and don’t get me wrong because it does feel good sometimes but…” Your voice trailed as you let out a humourless laugh, shrugging. “There’s things…flat skin and stretch marks. I just can’t feel comfortable with myself. I couldn’t just go out.”

The nod Bucky gave had been almost imperceptible and his silence didn’t exactly help you realize he had understood you. That is, until he finally spoke up after a few seconds. 

“You’re more than just–” He gestured towards your torso and instantly you knew he was talking about the old baggy clothes that you couldn’t bring yourself to throw away. “You’re smart and funny and kind. Gentle.”

You felt your cheeks flushing and instantly lowered your head, trying to hide the burning red taking over it. 

You weren’t expecting that, most definitely. Not from Bucky. 

Your purple blanket looked upon the couch while you kneeled beside Bucky, your hand palming against his cheek as your lips met his in a chaste kiss. 

But it only lasted enough for you to realize your own doing, pulling back in shock as your hands went to cover your eyes. 

“Oh my god Bucky, I’m so sorr–” And his lips were upon yours again. 

Gently pushing your hands away, Bucky buried his metal one into your hair, pulling your body against his and almost making you fall onto him. His lips were so incredibly soft and the scratching of his stubble felt awkwardly comforting. 

You didn’t want to stop. 

When he finally pulled back, his face was miserably inches away from yours with your noses touched for a moment before you let out a happy chuckle, your cheek resting against his. 

“You’re insane and I like you.” You said and pulled back just in time to see his lips curving into a smirk, his eyes shining with a bright blue. 

“You’re beautiful and  _I like you too_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me! Did you like it or did you hate it?
> 
> It's short but I hope y'all liked it. Kind of inspired by [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBdiUdluV2w) song! <3
> 
> If there's any mistake in this chapter, please warn me.
> 
> Thank you for reading! You're awesome!


	17. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not every mission goes as smoothly as everyone thinks. Neither does the outcome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, people! <3
> 
> I wrote this one a while ago and didn't post so here we go...
> 
> Enjoy!

It’s not hard to find out when Bucky is awake after a nightmare. 

Being almost montionless during his slumber, he usually stays put and almost paralyzed even through his nightmares in occasional rough nights. It’s a habit that makes easy for you to pick up small things from him. 

Breathing in a different pace, slow and subtle shifts through the bed, curt sighs that he tries to suppress. It’s all easy to pick up and you’re used to it, even if he tries to say otherwise by urging you to just go back to sleep because he's  _fine_. 

Tonight it’s one of those nights, where he’s got too much on his mind to even think about sleeping in the first place. 

The mission plays in his head like it’s an infinite loop, making him wonder what is a part of his memories and what it’s not. 

But he tries to focus on other things. 

The warmness of the bed and the softness of your skin against his. The boring and ordinary noise of pages shuffling as you read and the low hums you occasionally let escape. The fluffiness from the pillows and the smell of your body lotion lacing the sheets. 

Bucky keeps himself silent and tries to focus on other things. On good things. 

So it comes out as a little surprise when he turns his body completely to you, so close that you can feel his forehead against your bicep, warm breath shivering your skin lightly. 

“You okay?” You whisper softly to him, raising a hand to tuck his hair behind his ear as his eyes seem locked on your face. “Is it the mission?”

You know it is. 

You know because Steve told you that that was HYDRA’s main base for his experiments and all the procedures he went through. You know because you fought Maria for recruiting him for that mission even if she didn’t know and he had easily agreed to it. 

You know because he’s right  _there_ , sleepless because of memories though he looks bone tired. 

You know because he nods curtly, a frown taking his features and lips pursed in a thin line. 

“Can you read it for me?” Bucky nods to the book in your hands sheepishly and you smile with a nod, raising your arm slightly and quietly inviting him closer. 

You swear he sighs in delight when he tucks his head against your collarbone, his stubble lightly scratching your skin as you close your arms around his shoulders, bringing the book closer so he’s able to read it too. 

When you’re about to start reading, Bucky reaches out his hand and intertwine his fingers with yours, both your hands now holding the book as a small chuckle escape from your lips. 

“Ready?” You mumble softly against his forehead and he nods again, releasing a huff of air through your chest that makes you sigh happily. 

Bucky pays attention to every phrase and sometimes when you take a quick glimpse of his face, you notice his eyes roaming through the words, eyes seeming softer by every page you read. 

So it doesn’t take much until you feel his body slowly relaxing, the hold on your hand going limp as his breathing gets slower against your collarbones. 

It’s just when you’re reading the last piece from the page that you feel his arms tightening around you, bodies so close, pressed against each other and so comfortable that you can’t help but press a light kiss to his head, finally mumbling the last few words. 

_“I would have written you, myself, if I could put down in words everything I want to say to you. A sea of ink would not be enough. But you built me dreams instead.”_

* * *

 

It’s not hard to find out when Bucky is on the verge of having a panic attack. 

His whole stiffens no matter where he is, eyes slightly widened while roaming viciously through the room, fists clenching and frantic breathing are more than enough for you to notice that something’s more than wrong. It’s even strange but you’re morbidly used in picking up those too. 

And what people often say to you it’s true though you ignore it for all its worth. It’s dangerous and you know that. You’ve seen what he can do. What the soldier can do. But at this point, any other prospect seems silly if you get to help him. 

When he sits by the corner of the facility’s gym in that morning, you instantly know it’s going to be a rough day. 

You know he’s trying to control himself. 

And he’s thinking about all the things Sam has told him, chanting to himself all the grounding words he’s managed to remember, slowing his breathing and counting one, two, three. Repeat the words. Breathe. Remember good things. 

He suffers on his own because you’ve done too much for him already this week. He can’t ask for more. 

But it becomes unbearable for you to watch when he starts shaking, sweat sliding through his neck and back as small grunts escapes from his lips. 

You know better than just sneaking up on his back, especially in that moment, so you just make yourself present by sitting by his side cross legged and with a fair distance between the two of you. 

“Bucky,” You call out as softly and slowly as you can, noticing his eyes turning to you for brief moment. “Bucky, just listen to my voice. You’re safe and everything’s over. You’re home. No one can hurt you.”

Bucky grits his teeth and closes his eyes tightly, as if forcing himself to calm down. To listen to your voice. To notice he’s _home_ and _safe_ and the mission is _over_. 

And you count for him. One, two, three. Three grounding words. _Coney Island, Brooklyn, America._ Breathe. Count. One, two, three. 

But you know it’s not working because this is way beyond a sensitive scene in a movie he watched, way beyond a word pronounced in the wrong moment.

It’s his life. And all he’s been through. And relived it somehow. 

So your safety be damned as you ignore the rule number one and launch yourself forward to hug him, your arms wrapping his shoulders as you pressed your lips to his sweaty temple. 

You feel his body relax almost immediately, making you sigh relieved against his skin and slide your lips to his ear, pressing a small smooch against it before starting singing one of the songs he put in your playlist.

Halfway through your humming, his body is practically limp against yours, his weight falling all on you when you finally finish the song. 

_And will I be invited to the sound?_  
_And will I be a part of what you’ve made?_  
_And I am throwing all my thoughts away_  
_And I’m destroying every bet I’ve made_  
_And I am joining all my thoughts to you_  
_And I’m preparing every part for you_

You don’t miss the small, mumbled _‘thank you’_ he says when you press one last his to his forehead. 

* * *

 

It’s not hard to find out when Bucky is rather enjoying himself.

  
His eyes get lighter, a bright _bright_ blue you can’t see from the other side of the room, his expression softens in a way that makes you remember his old 40s pictures with Steve, and even the way he walks changes with slow and carefree steps.  
  
You’re used in picking up his details, even if you’re not quite sure on what you are to him. What you _mean_ to him.  
  
To anyone you could be his girlfriend, his partner, his lover. That’s what you are to the team, anyway. Something in between those lines.  
  
But the truth is that you’re simply _his_.  
  
There’s no labels when he opens up to you, spilling all his secrets and fears and past. There’s no labels when you help him, wether if it’s with nicely put words, or songs, or kisses.  
  
There’s no labels when he comes up to you in a sunny Saturday, a smirk on his lips that for a moment seems too out of character for him, and pulls you up to his lap while you sit in the rooftop of his shared apartment’s building.  
  
No labels as he kisses you with beer tasting lips, making you scrunch your face with a laugh as his fingers dig into the skin of your waist by bringing you closer.  
  
You’re just there for him and that’s more than you could’ve asked for.  
  
Bucky presses his lips on your neck, so close that you can feel his hair tickling your jaw, warm breath shivering your skin.  
  
“I love you,” He mumbles after a moment of silence, lips brushing against your skin as you tighten your arms around him, your own lips curving into a small smile. “No matter what.”  
  
You’re just there for him.  
  
And you know he’s there for you too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO, tell me! Did you like it or did ou hate it?
> 
> This one's based off OneRepublic’s Secrets + Sufjan Stevens + a prompt I found on Tumblr! Hope you guys enjoyed it. :)
> 
> Come and talk to me on Tumblr @ bbbarneswrites! <3
> 
> If there's any mistakes in this chapter, please warn me. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! You're awesome!


	18. The Apartment Chronicles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky’s little apartment in Romania holds a lot of stories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, hi!
> 
> Here goes the Civil War!Bucky fic we all need. Not my best or my favorite because everything sounds just…UGH. But I hope y’all enjoy it!
> 
> CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR!
> 
> Happy reading. <3

The building is old and his apartment is messy but you never seem to mind one bit. 

Bucky secretly adores that fact. 

He knows you can choose to be anywhere you want – with your friends at a fancy pub, your own shared apartment in the nicest area of the city, traveling to the nearest country for a weekend.

Instead, you choose to be with him, in an ancient apartment with too many infiltrations and ugly wallpapers.  

And nights like this–

They’re his favorite. 

Nights where the sky is completely full of stars, the weather is just warm enough and you’re just  _there_ , with him. 

Limbs all over each other and tangled between the sheets, your hair splayed over his only pillow and cheek pressed against his chest. Hands on the small of your bare back and trailing up and up and up until you’re shivering and giggling on his ear. 

Your frame hovering over his as your hair fall down just to look like a cascade and your elbows are pressed on his chest in a grounding weight that he welcomes every time, in  _every_  way.  

It’s like a dream come true, especially when you smirk slightly and–

“I love your lips so  _so_  much.” You say between a chuckle, your gaze meeting his in an attentive stare until you dart your eyes down to his lips and Bucky is chuckling quietly to himself. 

“How so?” Bucky asks, his own lips curved in a smug grin that you can’t help but roll your eyes at.

His tone of voice is cocky, one that Bucky rarely lets slip out but that you absolutely love every time he’s relaxed enough to let it surface. 

“I don’t really know.” You shrug as best as you can being on top of him and watch as his eyebrows raise in mocked suspiciousness, making you grin back. “What? They’re just plump and soft and  _very_  kissable.”

Bucky laughs. 

It’s been a while since the last time he ever did that so truthfully and he swears he catches a glimpse of pride in your expression for a moment rightly after. 

It feels good to be just like this. 

No one but him know about the things and Bucky often lets himself forget about his past once you’re around. 

“I love yours too,” Bucky murmurs and you hum appreciatively, leaning down so your lips brushing against his insistently and he’s smirking again. “All of them.”

You gasp audibly and his smirk just seems to widen when you sit up, fully straddling his waist as you hold the sheets around your completely bare form and throw a light punch to his chest. 

“Could you  _please_  stop being  _so_  dirty for a goddamn second?” You roll your eyes exaggeratedly, hands together as if you’re praying that soon are palmed flat on his chest when his own start traveling from your thighs to your hips and belly and back– 

All while pushing away the sheets and exposing every tiny bit of skin, bruised and purple as battle marks that you’re proud to show. 

Bucky can’t help but smirk  _again_ , lower lip caught between his teeth as his hands still around your rips and your skin is printed with goosebumps  _again_. 

“Well, you  _are_  naked  _an'_ on top of me…” He jokes lightly, the Brooklyn accent taking over so naturally that he doesn’t even notice. “I can’t help it, can I?”

You laugh quietly and lean closer to him, pressing a kiss to his grinning lips as his metal hand goes up to cup your jaw almost possessively. 

“No, you can’t.” You whisper against his mouth, your chests pressed together as you trail your lips through his neck between nibbles and small sucks. “And neither can’t I.”

 

* * *

 

The apartment feels different when he comes back from work in a random Friday night. 

Everything seems lighter and cleaner and Bucky swears that there’s a faint scent of vanilla lingering in the air, the same one he was used to smell when his mother cleaned their small apartment back in the 40s. 

Even better than that is finding you by his kitchen–

Bare feet, all legs and a flowy, backless dress covered by a bright yellow apron. 

Bucky feels stupidly domestic even though he doesn’t exactly have the right to. You don’t know who he really is and all of that – the coziness and the strange familiarity – is  _not_  something that he deserves. 

He can’t help himself though. 

There’s music playing in the background and the smell of home cooked food is growing by every second, making his body and mind relax at every step he takes. 

His arms encircle your waist when he’s close enough and his heart swells with the fact you didn’t even flinch to his quiet presence, being already used to his quiet moves around the place. 

His apartment feels like home and Bucky doesn’t know if that’s a good thing or not. 

“You have to teach me how to be sneaky like you,” You say with an amused smile and turn around on his hold, throwing your own arms around his neck. “Thank God you don’t scare me to death anymore.”

Bucky raises his eyebrows inquiringly and curls his fingers around your hips, pulling you so close that you’re nearly stepping on his booted toes, not an inch of space between the two of you. 

“You like it that I'm  _sneaky_.” He repeats the word with a roll of eyes, making you laugh and lean forward, pressing your lips against his in a tender kiss. 

“Guess I do.” You grin slightly, hands going up to the back of his neck and into his hair as your nails scratch his scalp softly. “You can’t blame me, though.”

An incredulous chuckle escapes from his lips and you gasp softly as his hands start traveling lower and lower until they’re sliding through your ass attentively and _slowly_  until they’re on the back of your thighs, hoisting you up to the counter in a quick move. 

Your skin is covered with a light shade of pink, warm and soft to his touch in a state that makes Bucky’s chest swell with pride. 

He can easily say he’s never getting tired of the sight. 

The food is completely forgotten when his lips meet yours, desesperate and hungry as his hands run over your skin, bringing the dress up with the move. 

And just when he’s about to slip your dress away–

Bucky pulls back, a smirk on his lips, eyes in a bright  _bright_  blue and chest heaving almost in rhythm with yours. 

“No, I can’t.”

 

* * *

 

The bathroom’s door is open when Bucky wakes up in that Sunday, slightly light headed and confused with the fact he’d managed to have a full nights sleep. 

His instinct instantly tells him to be alert and ready but the content humming he hears from the inside of the room keeps him from snapping out of his mind. 

He’s used to that humming and he welcomes the sound.  

Everyday he’s got nightmares and everyday he wakes up to find out it’s not really nightmares, to find out that everything  _really_  happened and it was  _really_  him afterall.

All that Bucky needs is to hear it–

The faint and soft humming of the lullaby you’re used to sing and his mind is already filling the blanks, completing the song as you go. 

The sun isn’t even completely up when he lifts himself off the mattress, pushing off the sheets you’d bought him and nearly tripping over your boots by the bed. 

He walks and the humming just gets louder and louder and louder. 

When he leans back on the doorway, it’s like his mind is restored from all the terrors he revisited during the night.

He’s had some pretty sights back in the day but Bucky doubts that it’ll ever beat _that_. 

Messy hair and sleepy face, blue lace peeking out one of his henleys and black socks up to the knees, soft voice and calm features. All real, all there. 

So real that he can’t help but smile subconsciously once you  _finally_  look up and find him by the reflection on the mirror before you. 

“Rough night?” You murmur sympathetically, a small closed smile curving your lips as you bring your hair up in a ponytail. 

“Had worse.” Bucky chuckles quietly, running a hand over his hair before stepping behind you, his arms soon around your waist as you lean against him and sigh rather heavily. 

“You know I don’t mind, right?” You rest your head on his shoulder, looking up at him with big pleading eyes as he pretends that he doesn’t know what you’re talking about. “I don’t mind, Bucky. You just…you have to let me in.”

Bucky tears his eyes away from you because  _this is it_. 

This is you, always understanding and almost selfless as you choose to be with him and help him, pretending he doesn’t have a past or that he isn’t a worldwide wanted assassin. 

Bucky knows that you don’t mind but he does and the last thing he wants is to put you on the spotlight when everything you’ve done was just to help him. 

“You know I can’t.” He shakes his head curtly, his arm’s embrace loosing around your waist as he frowns. “I’m not all of this, you know that.”

“Not what? The guy who cuddles the hell of out me everyday?” You joke lightly with a smirk and elbow to his ribs, Bucky letting out an amused huff as you giggle in response. “ _What?_ ”

“You know what I mean.” He looks down at you again, his serious expression making you tense up against his body. 

“Then what are you?” You finally ask, softly as you bring his arms around your waist again and Bucky frowns  _again_  because it’s such a  _simple_  question. 

He’s supposed to know the answer. 

There’s no longer the flirty, laidback sergeant and no longer the ruthless, indestructible Winter Soldier so he’s supposed to know the answer. 

Unsurprisingly, he doesn’t have one. 

“I don’t know.” He grimaces with a fake smile and you hum in understanding, turning around in his arms and hugging him for all its worth, lips tenderly pressed on the nape of his neck.  

The ghostly feeling of your smiling lips against his neck makes him relax almost instantly. 

He doesn’t really need an answer with you.

“We’ll find out, Bucky.”

 

* * *

 

The bedroom is not really bedroom and the living room is not really a living room, not that the both of you care. 

Whenever you’re at his place it’s almost a ritual to spend all of your free time just lazing around, being used to staying home instead of going outside as any other couple would do. 

The weather isn’t particularly friendly in that day and you’re all packed up with heavy clothings, cuddled up at the couch as the apartment’s heat system doesn’t work properly. 

Bucky’s appearance doesn’t change much from the other days and you can’t help but jokingly mock him for that. 

His socks clad feet are hanging out of the sofa as you lie on top of him, legs intertwined and head on his chest with his arms loosely thrown around your middle and gloved metal fingers fumbling with the fabric of your coat. 

 _Cuddles for warmth_ , as you’d said to him earlier. 

What you know about him barely scratches the surface but you  _do_  know he isn’t very found of cold temperatures, even if he’s basically a walking furnace. 

Bucky appreciates your effort to make him comfortable and happy though. 

He hadn’t had something like that for God knows how long and the fact you’re the one going through the worry just because of him just makes everything feel better. 

So he just tightens his hold around your waist and sighs until–

“What if you leave one day?” You burst nervously, fingers playing with the zipper of his jacket as if it’s the most interesting thing on the planet. “You’ll have to leave eventually. One way or another.”

A momentary silence fills the room because he doesn’t really know what to say. 

It’s true that he’ll have to leave Bucharest one day and Bucky would be most definitely lying if he said he didn’t think about the outcome of that. 

In his best guess, his leave would be painless to you. 

That with time he’d become just a faint memory as you’d live your life the way you’re supposed to. 

But it’s just the way you look at him – like he’s the best thing that's  _ever_  happened to you – and Bucky knows he’s wrong.

And he even feels a little selfish but he’s glad to be wrong this time. 

“I don’t know.” He carefully breaks the silence and nestles his chin against your head, comfortably tucked against his neck. “You’ll probably hear about me.”

As if you know exactly what he means, you quietly pull yourself up in an elbow and press your lips against his, extending the soft kiss as much as you can. 

Bucky barely lets you pull away before cupping your face with his metal hand, bringing your face down again as he kisses you with a newfound urge, like it’s the last time he’ll ever do that. 

You pull back with a shy smile, brushing your nose against his as you stare attentively at each other. 

“Do me favor.” You ask quietly against his mouth, your lips tenderly brushing as Bucky nods almost instantly. “Don’t forget me, okay?”

His lips curve in a tiny smile. 

“Do me a favor.” He repeats just as quietly as you, a laugh escaping from your lips as you roll your eyes playfully and his smile widens for a moment. “Don’t forget me.”

 _Maybe_ –

Maybe it could be the last time. 

 

* * *

 

“You sure you wanna do this?” Steve asks once they’re alone in the lab, tucking his hands onto his pockets and looking up at him as if he’s waiting for something. 

Bucky just nods. 

He’s morbidly used to cryo now. 

“Whatever HYDRA put in my head is still there.” He replies with a weak smile, his flesh fingers fumbling with the edge of the bed he’s sitting. “It’s the best for everyone.”

Steve sighs almost tiredly but nods curtly, taking a quick look around the lab for the 50th time before looking back at him with a small smile. 

“I’ve got a visitor for you first.” The blond says rather suspiciously and chuckles lightly when Bucky frowns, turning back on his heels and heading off the lab’s door. 

Bucky is expecting anyone or anything but not–

“Hey.” You call out shyly, awkwardly standing by the doorway as a smirking Steve steps away from the room, leaving you both to your own. 

The lab is all white, just like his clothes and even though it’s an improvement from _before_ , he can’t deny it’s a little tiring. 

But then there’s you–

Dressed with the most colorful outfit he’s ever seen, probably a welcome gift from T'Challa and his people. Hair down, with little adorns attached. Face clean but looking more prettier than ever. 

Bucky reaches out his arm and it’s the only thing you need to launch yourself against him, your arms tight around his neck as he does his best to give you the same treatment.  

Your lips are instantly on his when he pulls back, just as tenderly and softly as he remembers. 

He parts the kiss and cups your cheek just like the last time and–

“You didn’t forget me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO. Did you like it or did you hate it? TELL ME.
> 
> Hope y'all enjoyed it. Hope y'all are okay after Civil War. LMAO 
> 
> COME AND TALK TO ME ABOUT CIVIL WAR @ bbbarneswrites!!!! <3
> 
> If there's any mistakes in this chapter, please warn me.
> 
> Thank you for reading! You're awesome.


	19. Loyalty and Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You both complete each other in every way possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello! 
> 
> Filling up two requests for angst + Bucky. Based off [this](http://musingisms.tumblr.com/post/143857052539/hes-fire-shes-ice-or-maybe-ive-got-that) poem and not as long as I expected, lmao. Hope y’all enjoy it! 
> 
> Happy reading. <3

_He’s fire, she’s ice._  
_Or maybe I’ve got that switched._  
_But where he walks there’s ashes,_  
_and where she steps there’s strife._

 _She’s strategy, he’s inspiration._  
_Or maybe I’ve got that switched._  
_But her fingers bring down mountains,_  
_and when he speaks they listen._

The both of you complete each other in the most destructive way that your enemies will  _ever_  see and maybe that’s why Steve keeps pairing you two together so much. 

While he’s catious and minucious with quiet moves precise techniques, you’re borderline careless, obnoxious and nearly merciless to whoever you’re up against. 

Sometimes you’ve got that switched and you bet on your life that’s exactly the reason why you work so well together. 

Natasha finds intel on Rumlow one year and a half after the accords fiasco and Bucky immediately signs up for the party. Just by the look in his eyes in that moment you know that they have some old _business_  to even. 

Rumlow ends up to be in a big ass house with the most stupid swimming pool ever in another African city, living the dream as he had actually deserved it. 

Not that the dream included passed-out bodyguards plastered all over the expensive wooden floor. 

(Please. It’s just a snap from your fingers and  _whoops_. They’re out).

And  _then_ , three weeks of planning leads up to that moment. 

You’re all standing outside the house’s office, where you know Rumlow is at, – outnumbered and outpowered, thank goodness – glancing at each other with a thin line of apprehension as for the next planned move. 

Well,  _not really_. 

You don’t really care as Rumlow is an asshole but Steve seems to be nearly crawling off his new stealth suit in nervousness. 

“Buck,” Steve breaks the silence with a half-whispered warning. “You don’t have to do this. We can cover it for yo–”

“ _No._ ” Bucky interrupts with a firm tone, glaring hardly at his best-friend as he sighs deeply. “He’s mine.”

And  _then_ , he’s storming off to the office. 

 _Just_  turning around for a moment to look back at you and give a curt nod, montioning for you to join him on whatever hell he’s about to unfold. 

Well. 

Now you’re invited to the party too. 

 

* * *

 

 _He’s broken, she’s mourning._  
_Or maybe I’ve got that switched._  
_But his sister’s eyes haunt his days,_  
_and her cries ring out at night._

It’s a match. 

And  _not_  one from those stupid dating apps. 

You two have a similar past – of pain and killing and regret – except he’s got to get away with it, being proved he’d been a brainwashed machine for countless decades in a stupid ass organization. 

You don’t. 

All of your choices were made consciously, in the most sharp mind set ever. You were  _free_  and you did it anyway. 

Natasha gives you the pep talk sometimes because she’s been through that once and she could easily be a match too, if it wasn’t for her previous broken relationship with him. 

(You feel like you shouldn’t be so happy that they’re totally opposites now). 

But talking doesn’t lessen the guilt. 

You mourn every single one of them and you relive every single one of them on each night, like an infinite loop. 

You know he remembers his too. 

And that’s exactly where the both of you just fit.  _Again_. 

You’re sitting alone at the facility’s common room when he shows up, worn out expression and posture as he sits beside you on the couch. 

You lose the count of time from then on. 

“What’s hauntin’ you, doll?” Bucky asks, lighthearted as if he’s still just a kid in Brooklyn with a small smile on his face.  

“ _Everyone._ ” You chuckle humorlessly and lets your head fall against his new metal arm, smiling truthfully for a tiny bit when he leans his chin against you. “What about you?”

His lips are pressed against the crown of your head but you still can feel the tender smile he gives. 

“My baby sister.” He sighs almost unbelievably, his voice firm as ever. “Looked so fuckin’ grown up. Bet she gave some fellas absolute hell.”

You can’t help but let out a small laugh, clutching at his shirt tightly as you nestle even closer to his body. 

 _Silence_. 

And  _then_. 

“What do you do to forget them?” You finally break the silence, your voice bubbly and emotional as tears stream down your face and he knows exactly what you’re talking about. 

He smiles, bittersweet and with a tiny shrug as he presses his lips in a soft kiss against your temple. 

“ _You don’t._ ”

 

* * *

 

 _She’s shaking, he’s unsteady._  
_Or maybe I’ve got that switched._  
_But, god, he tries to make things right,_  
_as her fingers hold him tight._

He struggles. 

But the words ring in his head like they’re in a bright red flashlight that he doesn’t know how to turn off. 

Like he’s got his two hands and two feet tied up. 

_Longing, rusted, seventeen, daybreak, furnace, nin–_

The training out of this is in the back of his head and he feels useless because he _can’t_  seem to reach the mere surface of it. 

Under his fingers there’s soft skin and fragile bones. Around his wrists there’s expert fingers, once  _so_  tight but now going weak and weak and weak. 

It’s familiar and he knows that.   

And  _then_ , someone is harshly shoving him off, making him fall back against the mat with a loud thud and the words simply turn off. 

The desesperate gasp is his welcoming sound. 

You’re writhing and shaking uncontrollably beside him on the mat, but your fingers –  _expert_  and firm – still manage to grip his own, in a supporting squeeze he doesn’t deserves. 

T'Challa doesn’t make a move when he launches himself against your body, choked sobs leaving his lips.

“I’m so sorry, baby girl.” He whispers weakly against your lips, shaking his head viciously when you roll your eyes playfully despite the burning in your lungs. “ _I’m so so sorry._ ”

You nod slightly and lets your lips touch his for a moment. 

And he knows you’ll be both alright. 

 

* * *

 

 _He’s loyalty, she’s hope._  
_Or maybe I’ve got that switched._  
_But these things hardly matter_  
_when she’s got him wrapped up tight,_  
_when his lips find home at her shoulder,_  
_because where they meet, there’s Light._

He’s both loyalty and hope to you. 

You never expected for him to stick around as long as he did and when you think back about all he’s been through, you can’t help but see in him you streak to go on. 

He’s been fucked up inside out countless times but he still smiles every morning in the most wholehearted way you’d ever seen. 

You’re both loyalty and hope to him. 

He never expected for you to stick around as long as you did and when he thinks back about all he’s put you through, he can’t help but see in you a streak to go on. 

You’ve been fucked up inside out countless times but you still smile at him in the most wholehearted way you’d ever seen. 

You’re both complete in every way possible. 

Especially in little moments like–

“How long are we gonna last?” You ask as soon you straddle his hips, tracing your fingers across his chest as he sits against the bed’s headboard. 

His lips turn into a smirk and you’re already rolling your eyes, hands falling to your lap. 

“Well, I’m past one hundred already so–” He finally teases and you huff in mocked annoyance. 

“I don’t mean  _that_.” You interrupt with a whine, leaning towards him again until there’s just mere inches apart from your lips and his. “I mean our relationship. We’re together for what? Three years now?”

“Why?” He steals a peck from your lips, raising his eyebrows when he pulls back. “You thinkin’ about dumping me?”

“ _God, no._ ” You snort exaggeratedly, sitting back straight up again with an easy grin on your lips. “Just wondering.”

When he pushes you back against the mattress again, his frame hovering above you, it’s like the room changes.

“As long as you want it to last.” Bucky replies with a sincere smile and you hum in delight, wrapping your arms around his neck and pressing your lips against his. 

“ _Forever then._ ”

(Because when you’re both alone, you’re darkness. 

But when you meet–

Oh, there’s light).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! Did you like it ooor did you hate it? Tell me!
> 
> 1\. I love Bucky so much.
> 
> 2\. Here goes the poem again: http://musingisms.tumblr.com/post/143857052539/hes-fire-shes-ice-or-maybe-ive-got-that 
> 
> 3\. Hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> If there's any mistake in this chapter, please warn me.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! You're awesome.


	20. Of Pictures And Videos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky gradually grows fond of three things; himself, social media and…his fellow teammate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!
> 
> Filling up a request for Bucky + social media headcanon. 
> 
> It’s silly and just a go on a social media format. Hope y’all enjoy it! 
> 
> Happy reading. <3

“I don’t know how this works,” Bucky mutters quietly, his new phone in hands as he sits next to you at the facility’s common room. 

“What?” You glance in confusion at him, the book in your hands falling to your lap as you lean closer to him to peek at his phone. “What are you doing?”

Bucky frowns slightly and raises the phone up, turning the screen to you. 

“Sam created this thing for me.” He starts, his flesh thumb running through the app’s main page so he can glimpse at the name again. “Twit… _twitter_.”

You gasp loudly, shifting around the seat and kneeling beside him as you snatch your phone out of your jeans and start tapping madly against it under his sudden amused stare. 

“What’s your username?” You ask and watch Bucky frown in confusion to his phone, his gaze shifting from you to the device for a few times until you let out a laugh. “Your username, Bucky. Like, mine is @name.”

His mouth opens slightly in understanding and he bites his lower lip for a moment, eyebrows furrowing slightly. 

“I think it’s @jamesbarnes.” He mumbles and you hum quietly, starting to type into your phone again and trying to find his profile. “What this thing can do?”

“It’s like a blog? You can type small messages with a limited number characters so your followers can read– _oh look, I found you._ ” You turn your phone to the side so he can see it too and press the ‘follow’ button, smiling slightly as you watch the '17 followers’ turn into '18 followers’. “See? You follow people so you can read what they write and vice-versa. You can write pretty much anything you want too, but it has to be under 140 characters.”

“Just 140?” He grumbles under his breath, his finger swapping through the screen and probably hitting all the options visible. “Why would I want this?”

You huff in mocked annoyance and grabs the phone out of his hands, turning back a few pages until it’s on the timeline page again. 

“So you can talk to people!” You protest as he raises his eyebrows suspiciously. “ _What?_ People actually like you, Bucky. I bet they’d love to talk to you.”

His gaze softens for a bit and he lets out a small sigh, grabbing his phone as you hand it over to him again. 

“What do I do now?” Bucky finally asks and you let out a laugh, leaning over him again as you point to the small 'New tweet’ icon. 

“Now we tweet!”

 

* * *

 

 **Bucky Barnes** @jamesbarnes  
Not sure if I’m doing this right…

12.466 **Retweets**       4.672 **Likes**

 

 **Bucky Barnes** @jamesbarnes  
Do people even read this?

8.374  **Retweets**       2.293  **Likes**

 

 **Steve Rogers** @CaptainRogers  
@jamesbarnes I’m reading!

36.284  **Retweets**       15.621  **Likes**

 

 **(Y/N) (L/N)** @name  
@CaptainRogers @jamesbarnes I’m reading too

2.640  **Retweets**       1.932  **Likes**  

 

 **Sam Wilson** @TheFalcon  
@name @CaptainRogers @jamesbarnes HE’S FINALLY HERE. I’m so proud of you

21.549  **Retweets**       11.432  **Likes**

 

 **Bucky Barnes** @jamesbarnes  
@name You’re sitting right next to me

10.127  **Retweets**       6.912 **Likes**

 

 **Sam Wilson** @TheFalcon  
@name @jamesbarnes Don’t ignore me, Barnes

26.376  **Retweets**       19.761  **Likes**

 

 **Bucky Barnes** @jamesbarnes  
@TheFalcon I’m sorry, do I know you?

15.983  **Retweets**       10.167  **Likes**

 

* * *

 

 **Jordana** @jodieb   
@jamesbarnes you should make an instagram account

 

 **captain bella**  @ayebella  
@jamesbarnes I DEMAND AN INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT

 

 **Christian Smith** @jfchristian   
@jamesbarnes dude go to instagram 

 

 **ASSEMBLE** @staarks  
@jamesbarnes I WANT YOU on instagram right now

 

* * *

 

“Hey, (Y/N)?” Bucky asks once you’re finally settled on the kitchen’s counter, a bowl of cereal to your front as you hum for him to go on. “What’s Instagram?”

You smile brightly at him, dropping the spoon into the bowl as lean forward and grab him by the arm. 

“Do you want one? We could make it right now!” You beam up, making him sit beside you as you wiggle your fingers asking for his phone. 

“ _No,_ ” Bucky chuckles quietly but still hands his phone out to you, rolling his eyes playfully as you hide the screen from him. “I just want to know what this thing does.”

“It’s for posting pictures.” You explain, already tapping onto the download page and showing him a few prints. “It’s a little bit like Twitter. People follow you and see everything you post and so on.”

He hums in understanding but still raises his eyebrows, looking at the images with peeking interest. 

“Post pictures about what?” Bucky leans closer to you and watches as the new icon appears on his homescreen, your finger quickly swiping over it. 

“Whatever you want to.” You shrug and glance up at him with a small grin on your lips. “There’s a lot of pictures of me and Charlie on my account, for example.”

Bucky laughs in amusement, his eyes parting from the screen to you as you follow him with a chuckle. 

“You post pictures of your  _dog_?” He feigns indignation, making you huff loudly and elbow him playfully, a small 'ouch!’ leaving his lips. 

“He’s a pretty cute dog, okay?” You roll your eyes playfully, not being able to hold back a small smile as he laughs in response. “Can your username be buckybarnes?”

“You’re cute too.” Bucky says smugly, his lips turning into a lazy grin as you glance pointedly at him. “ _What?”_

You groan loudly, your cheeks flushing in a bright red as you try to play it off by ignoring him and finally finishing typing, soon watching the Instagram main screen show up.

“Look, I did it–I’ll follow myself already.” You mutter quietly with a small grin to then raise his phone, almost smashing it against his face. “Ta-da! You have an Instagram account!”

“And now what?” He asks with mocked fear and bite back a laugh when you raise both of your arms animatedly. 

“We take lots of pictures!”

 

* * *

 

**buckybarnes**

[image description: Bucky and (Y/N) in a selfie; her lips attached to his cheek as he gives the camera a small smile]

 

 **buckybarnes**   Getting used to this

♡ 32675 likes

View all 424 comments

 

**samwilson**

[image description: Bucky and (Y/N) standing next to each other; Charlie innocently sitting in front of them with a pair of destroyed boots]

 

 **samwilson**   Bucky and (Y/N)’s A+ parenting #shoesmonster #charliegotitall

♡ 24397 likes

View all 643 comments

 

**buckybarnes**

[image description: Sam and Steve sitting at a diner’s booth, arms around each other as they laugh to the camera; several plates of pancakes in front of them]

 

 **buckybarnes**   Hope they’re paying for it #pancakesday

♡ 43875 likes

View all 1286 comments

 

**buckybarnes**

[image description: (Y/N) sitting on Central Park’s grass with Charlie on her lap; a smile curving her lips as the dog licks her face]

 

 **buckybarnes**   Family portraits 

♡ 21975 likes

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**name**

[image description: Bucky kneeled at the facility’s common room high-fiving Charlie’s paw with his metal hand]

 

 **name**   My boys! #reunited

♡ 25674 likes

View all 883 comments

 

**steverogers**

[image description: Sam, Bucky and (Y/N) standing by a window at Stark tower, small USA flags covering their cheeks; fireworks in the background as they hold 'happy birthday’ balloons]

 

 **steverogers**   Happy 4th everyone! #97

♡ 297364 likes

View all 10274 comments

 

* * *

 

 **sergeantwinterbarnes** :

 

 

 

 

> bucky posting pictures of steve and sam are my main reason to live tbh

 

**assemblingavenge:**

 

 

 

 

> bucky high-fiving charlie with his metal arm was honestly the best thing I’ve ever seen so far in my life

 

**redwingwilson:**

 

 

 

 

> IT IS CONFIRMED
> 
> BUCKY IS CHARLIE’S DAD AND NO ONE CAN TELL ME OTHERWISE 

 

* * *

 

“You know what we could do right now?” You ask nonchalantly to Bucky, grinning slightly when he hums back in response. “A Snapchat.”

He shifts around on the bed, lying on his back fully as you sit up and straddle one of his thighs. 

“A what?” He huffs out a small laugh, his arms loosely wrapped around your waist. “A chat?”

You roll your eyes, leaning over him and quickly grabbing your phone from the bedside table. 

“Snapchat, Bucky.” You explain as you unlock your phone, swiping over the apps until you find the small yellow icon. “It’s an app!”

“What for?” Bucky frowns, a small grin soon forming on his lips when he hears the shutter from your camera go off, giving away your intentions. 

“It’s for taking pictures and recording videos.” You smile wickedly, turning the phone around and showing him the picture, small hearts around his face with a 'New York City’ drawing on the bottom of it. 

“Instagram does that." 

"Yeah, but on Snapchat they last just 10 seconds max and then they’re gone.” You retort, biting back a laugh when he raises his eyebrows with an indignant snort. “ _What?_ ”

“10  _seconds_?” He huffs out a laugh, fingers tightening around your waist. “It keeps getting worse.”

“Oh, come on, you love it.” You slap his chest lightly, rolling your eyes when he whines. “And I don’t know! You can do embarrassing stuff there and after 10 seconds it’ll disappear!”

“Do you have one?”

“Yep.” You mutter with a shrug, absently scrolling through the app and taking another picture of him, a clear shot of his arms around your waist. “Pietro and Wanda too. And Sam.”

“Why should I do this?” He asks and you lower down the phone, lower lip caught between your teeth as you sigh softly and he shakes his head, seeing right through your act. 

“It’s a safe heaven for nudes.”

Bucky instantly smirks. 

“ _Sign me up._ ”

 

* * *

 

 _buckybarnes  
_ 15min ago

[image description: Cassie and Charlie with their tongues out as they lie on the gym’s mat]  
This is what vacation looks like

 

 _buckybarnes_  
5min ago

[image description: (Y/N) wearing a Captain America t-shirt as she points excitedly to the shield drawing across her chest]  
I can’t believe this

 

 _name_  
5min ago

[image description: Shirtless sweaty Bucky with a flower crown in his head as he rests against a graffitied wall]  
Brooklyn baby

 

 _buckybarnes_  
20min ago

[video description: Bucky’s feet walking through the facility’s corridors; microwave noise following by as he enters the kitchen, finally lifting up the camera as he sneaks up behind Y/N). Metal arm raising up until he’s touching her bare back; a loud squeak is followed by a fit of laughter and complaints]  
Target #01: accomplished 

 

 _buckybarnes_  
15min ago

[video description: Bucky’s feet walking through the facility’s corridors; metal clacking and loud grunts following by as he enters the gym, finally lifting up the camera as he sneaks up behind Sam. Metal arm raising up until he’s touching his neck; a fit of loud curses is followed by a loud noise of weights falling to the floor]  
Target #02: accomplished 

 

 _buckybarnes_  
10min ago

[video description: Bucky’s feet walking through the facility’s corridors; soft guitar sound following by as he enters the room, finally lifting up the camera as he sneaks up behind Wanda. Metal arm raising up until a blue blur takes over the screen, the phone falling to the floor with a fit of laughter]  
Target #03: epic failed

 

* * *

 

 **Bucky Barnes** @jamesbarnes  
A fiancée now… @name [pic.twitter.com/vfpw62](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fpic.twitter.com%2Fvfpw62&t=YzA1ZTM5NGI0ZGVhNDhhZTRkZTVhMzE4NTE1ZTNmZTQyODVkYWI2Mixqa3ZzQ0k1OQ%3D%3D)

  
[image description: (Y/N) holding Charlie on one arm as she smiles and extends a hand to the camera, a fairly big ring adorning one of her fingers]

34.651  **Retweets**       21.973  **Likes**

 

 **(Y/N) (L/N)** @name  
HE PUT A RING ON IT 

26.844  **Retweets**       17.192  **Likes**

 

 **Steve Rogers** @CaptainRogers  
Couldn’t be more happy for you guys!  [pic.twitter.com/qwrbs8](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fpic.twitter.com%2Fqwrbs8&t=YzQ4ZGI5Y2JjYjRkZmQ0ZjA4YzNmMGZjYTc1OGEwYjA1NDExZmI4Nixqa3ZzQ0k1OQ%3D%3D)

[image description: Bucky and (Y/N) in formal attires sitting in a Stark Industries’ gala; a champagne glass between her smiling lips as Bucky kisses her cheek]

64.695  **Retweets**       48.711  **Likes**

 

 **Sam Wilson** @TheFalcon  
Congrats to the loveBIRDS!!! @jamesbarnes and @name #gameover

 23.893  **Retweets**       17.112  **Likes**

 

* * *

 

“How are we gonna do it?” You mumble lazily as you’re both lying on the common room’s couch, limbs all over each other. 

“I don’t know.” Bucky mumbles, his chin resting against the crown of your head as he shrugs. “We could put up on Fa–”

“No.” You retort with a small grimace, burying your face deeper into his neck. “That feels so impersonal.”

“We could post on Vine.” Bucky retorts back and you get up instantly, resting your chin on his chest as you frown in both confusion and amusement. 

“Do you even know what that is?” You ask and huff loudly when he raises his eyebrows challengingly. “You have one, don’t you?”

“I didn’t post anything yet.” He chuckles, hands buried in your hair as a smirk curves his lips. “It’d be perfect.”

“Remind me again why we have to do this?” You groan and roll over to his top, his laugh following rightly after. 

“Team’s PR asked to, doll.” Bucky hums and press his lips to your temple, his arms tightening around you. “We gotta do it.”

You roll your eyes and smile fondly at him. 

“Yeah, we do.”

 

* * *

 

 **Bucky Barnes** at Avengers Facility  
1 hour ago

[video description: Camera shuffling from (Y/N)’s face to her stomach, a small laugh in the background as Bucky croons the fairly roundy bump; metal hand covering it up until a visible kick is seen, followed by loud cheers and giggles]  
**buckybarnes**   Baby Barnes is on the way!

 

* * *

 

 **redwingwilson:**    

> IT IS CONFIRMED
> 
> BUCKY  _IS_  A REAL DAD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, did you like it or did you hate it? TELL ME.
> 
> I hope you all liked it and hope it was readable...lmao
> 
> Come and talk to me @ bbbarneswrites on Tumblr!! <3
> 
> If there's any mistakes in this chapter, please warn me.
> 
> Thank you for reading! You're awesome.


	21. Benefits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having Bucky Barnes as a friend brings all kinds of benefits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, hi!
> 
> This one is inspired by two requests: Bucky being a cheeky lil’ shit with his metal arm + reader doing funny/cute things with it too. Lots of fluff. 
> 
> Also, watch out for the mild sexy times. Hope you guys enjoy it! 
> 
> HAPPY READING! <3

What was supposed to be a good day since it was Friday and your last day of work before your vacation had started all wrong. 

You had woke up late, there wasn’t any clean shirt left in your drawer (that one was on you for not checking your laundry, you admit), the water in the shower was frickin’ cold and your coffee was cold because you didn’t have time to reheat it. All in all, you  _knew_  it was going to be shitty day already. 

To not make it worse, you quickly stuffed your things into your bag and and slung it over your shoulder, cursing under your breath as you left the key fall to the floor when you were about to close the door. But just when you were about to crouch down and fetch them again, a large frame beat you to it, quickly grabbing the ‘Pussy Wagon’ keychain and standing up with a small snicker. 

You were expecting  _everything_  since luck was not on your side for the day but when you finally looked up to your helper, you couldn’t help but be surprised. Please. The man was a walking sin. 

He had brown longish hair, the bluest eyes you’d ever seen and a sharp jaw that was covered with a light stubble, matching perfectly with his features. You were sure that he was knew to the building because well…if he’d living there for long you’d definitely know. 

And you were also sure that he definitely noticed you totally checking him out, as he shook the keys in front of your face and broke out of your haze. 

“Pussy Wagon…that’s an interesting keychain.” He chuckled mischievously and placed the keys on your hand, a small grin curving his lips when your cheeks flushed in a bright red (though you were pretty proud of that keychain).

“Yeah. Kill Bill.” You smile embarassed and finally put the keys into your bag, momentarily forgetting about the hour as you nodded cordially at him. And those steel blue eyes. And perfect smile. “Thanks for…the help.”

The guy nodded back with a smirk and you quickly took the cue to turn around to leave, definitely not expecting for him to follow. Thing which he did and you internally freaked out about. 

He stepped further to walk beside you and you shamelessly let yourself analyze his attires for a moment. Sweatpants and a way too fitting t-shirt with black runners that taking  hint by his body, you could probably say he going to the gym or something. And was not accompanying you  _at all_. Nope. 

“You new around here?” He asked with a small grin and you shook your head in denial, biting your lower lip as his eyebrows raised in surprise. 

“No, I’m at 408.” You replied quietly, hearing him hum in understanding by the time you reached the stairs. You were probably  _very_  late by now but fuck it. “I’m (Y/N).”

He smiled widely when you finished your introduction but didn’t make any indication he was going to do the same, just nodding quietly while you felt your nerves in an absolute riot inside of you. You didn’t want to know his name anyway. 

“It’s nice to meet you, doll.” He practically purred, biting back his lip as you felt your cheeks blush  _again,_ pretending to not notice his victorious smirk. “I’m at 410.”

The 410 was empty for a while now as Mrs. Smith never seemed to find someone good and trustable enough to rent her little apartment. Even when  _you_  tried the woman had subtly said that she didn’t want girls because they would probably be trouble. Now you were a little offended that she didn’t rent for you but rented for him, a seemingly trouble incarnate. 

“Welcome to the building then.” You greeted shyly and let out a small cough as you reached the end of the stairs, hesitantly stopped by the main door while he looked up at you. “It’s nice to meet you…”

You let your voice trail and silently prayed for him to continue with his name. But _goddammit_ , you were  _not_  expecting his hand reaching for yours and most definitely not expecting the kiss he pressed to your knuckles before he spoke up again. 

“Bucky Barnes.”

…also, was that a metal arm that just hold you there?!

 

* * *

 

 

Finding out Bucky was the Winter Soldier didn’t affect you as much as you wanted it to. Though you knew he didn’t do those things anymore, there was still that little voice in the back of your head saying that you should be just a little worried or hesitant about him. 

Still, you didn’t. Bucky had quickly become one of your friends and everything felt natural and nice and spontaneous with him, even if your first meeting was a little awkward given your little infatuation with him. 

You couldn’t deny that there was a small part of you who’d like to have him as something else but it was clear he still had some issues to deal with so you made your best to show yourself as just a friend, a shoulder to rely on when he needed or when Steve wasn’t around. 

He seemed to appreciate the fact but there was still a few moments where you doubted the nature of your relationship. 

You were pretty sure that friends didn’t occasionally make out when drunk. Or when lonely. Or when bored. 

“Bucky, stop.” You giggled loudly as you squirmed into his arms, locked firmly around your waist as you tried to finish cutting the strawberries for your pie. “You’re distracting me.”

He chuckled against your ear and took a small step further, pressing your belly against the counter as he pressed himself against you, his cheek nuzzled against your temple as you did your best to control yourself. 

“I can’t believe you’re making Sam a pie.” He complained with a squeeze to your hips and you rolled your eyes,  letting out a tired huff as Bucky continued. “I’m serious! I’ve asked you for a pie goddamn million times!”

Well. He  _did_  ask but you were always so caught up with work and he was always so worried with the whole avenging plus therapy combo that you never had the time to actually make his so loved strawberry pie and he never had the time to actually enjoy it. Sam was smarter than him though and asked for you to make it so you all could share after his birthday’s dinner at his house. 

“It’s his  _birthday_ , you moron.” You joked with a small laugh and threw the rest of the strawberries into the bowl, quickly turning around into his hold to fully face him. “And you’re going to eat it anyway. Stop whining.”

“ _I know_  but how many times can I tell that my doll made my favorite pie just for me?” He added exaggeratedly as he brought your arms up to encircle his neck, a lazy smirk curving your lips as you let him do so. “None! Because you never made pie for me!”

You scoffed loudly and took advantage of your hands on his neck to throw a playful punch to his upper back, rolling your eyes when he let out a pained groan. 

“I’m not your housewife, Barnes!” You protested and tried to control your blush as he muttered 'not yet’, a mischievous smirk on his lips. “It’s your dream, right? Me as your wife, a nice house with a dog, shameless fucking in the kitchen’s counter…”

You would swear it wasn’t a suggestion at all but a laugh erupted from your lips anyway as he lowered his hands to the back your thighs meaning to scoop you up, just stopping when you playfully slapped the side of his head. It wasn’t a suggestion for now, at least.

“It’s not a dream, doll.” He smirked smugly as he palmed his hand on your jaw, making you instinctively tilt your head to the side and hum so he could go on. “It’s going to happen. You’re stuck with me.”

You hummed again and buried your fingers into his hair, teasingly leaning your body towards him as you walked, only stopping when his back was pressed against the refrigerator. His lips were just mere inches from yours and you knew he was waiting for you to kiss him instead, his fingers playing with the waistband of your panties, hidden by the huge Captain America t-shirt. 

And honestly, you will. You will kiss him and you will both make-out like  _friends_  but just not before your little scheme. 

You raised your hands from his hair and discreetly started to pick up a few letters magnets from the fridge, brushing your lips against his all while so he couldn’t notice. When you finished swooping all the letters you wanted, you finally pressed your lips against his, moaning quietly against his mouth as he slid his hands in the back of your thighs. 

When he scooped you up into his arms, the cool surface of his arm under your ass, you purposefully trailed your kisses to his neck and started glueing the small letters to his metal limb, silently thanking the Gods that he was too preoccupied to notice. As you finished your artwork, you pulled back and threw your arms around his neck again. 

“Do you know what you are?” You mumbled as sexily as you could against his mouth and held back a laugh when he hummed in response. “This!”

You pulled back from him abruptly and joyfully pointed to his arm, a giggle escaping from your mouth as he read 'ass’ out loud before groaning playfully, lifting your body up and throwing you over his shoulder.

“I let my guard down for  _one_  second!” Bucky groaned with feigned tiredness as he walked to the living room and threw you over it, strategically kneeling between your legs. “Now you’ll have to pay.”

From then, let’s just say the tickling session was just as good and refreshing as the actual make-out session. 

 

* * *

 

You didn’t know what the living hell was wrong with you. In one second you’re meeting your only long-date ex-boyfriend and his fiancé and in the other you’re actually saying yes to their invitation to the wedding and saying that  _yes, I’ll bring my boyfriend._ The only problem was that you  _did not_  have a boyfriend. 

Some would say you were actually a little shaken by the fact and your only boyfriend was already engaged to a beautiful woman when you were still living the same mundane life from before despite the fact now you knew a few superheroes. 

But really, you weren’t. Not for your ex-boyfriend anyway. 

It would just be a little depressing going to his wedding on your own  when he had actually said that all of your college friends would be there too, with their wives and husbands and  _kids_. The natural response of your brain was saying that you had a boyfriend too and obviously your brain went straight to Bucky. 

At least it comforted you for a little when he immediately agreed in being your fake boyfriend for a day after hearing the whole  _yes-I-have-a-boyfriend_  thing. 

And now there you were. Dressed with your best attires straight from the back of the closet. Little black dress for you, big black tux for him. So not ready to hear one of the little bitches from college days busting your ass off about everything you did.  Or that she thought you did. 

“I’m sure you hook up with Brandon though, didn’t you?” Her completely nasal voice took you out of your thoughts again and you sighed through a fake smile, shaking your head curtly. 

“No, I didn’t. But you did hook up with Jake’s best friend once, right?” You replied as innocently as you could, shamelessly bringing up her current boyfriend and his best-friend into the picture, Bucky snickering quietly to your side as she scowled. 

You were pretty sure that a few people had recognized Bucky but none of them dared to say a thing, only stopping by to say hello to you and a cordial nice to meet you to him occasionally. Everything looked good. Bucky’s arm nonchalantly thrown over your shoulders, both of you just casually chatting, no one plastering you with questions…until she decided to make your life hell again. 

“So, how did you two meet?” She asked almost challengingly, her definitely fake eyebrows raised as she continued. “I’m sorry, (Y/N), but I didn’t think you’d get over Brian when you broke up.”

“We’re neighbors.” Bucky spoke up for you, his characteristic charming grin curving his lips as he brought you closer to him by closing his arm around your shoulders. “We met in my first morning after I moved in. After I saved her from being locked out of her apartment.”

You gasped quietly with his boldness and threw a light punch to his chest, narrowing your eyes as you looked up at him with faked indignation. 

“Don’t be a liar, baby. You just grabbed my keys from the floor.” You retorted with a roll of your eyes, Bucky just about to reply when she interrupted your banter again.

“Well, I just asked because she doesn’t really seem your type, you know.” She said exclusively to Bucky, smiling way too much for your liking as she took a sip from the champagne glass between her fingers. 

You were honestly so fed up with the whole thing that you’d have probably left the party as soon as she finished her bitching. By the time you stepped into the party you knew you shouldn’t have come, so leaving a little early wouldn’t be much trouble for you. Bucky on the other hand, seemed to have other ideas as for to amuse you and keep you at the party. 

You didn’t really want to keep up with their conversation so as soon Bucky cockily assured that  _oh no, she’s exactly my type_ , you let yourself observe the rest of the party. 

Old friends from college, a few professors who were nice enough for you to keep a friendship with, your ex’s family members you had seen a lifetime ago…you only stopped your analysis when you felt Bucky’s left arm leaving your shoulders to absently rest on your thighs, his fingers lightly brushing their inner sides. 

It was an welcomed caress that you were fine with until he started bringing his fingers up and up and into the skirt of your dress as he continued to talk with your friend like he’d done it a million times before and it was completely normal for him. 

You even tried to stop him by holding his wrist but he was stronger than you and quite honestly, when he slipped his fingers into your panties and rubbed your clit with little circles, you just lost it, not controlling the small moan that escaped from your lips. 

“You okay, baby girl?” He asked smugly once your moaned, bringing his flesh hand to brush back a strand of your hair. “You seem flushed, do you want some water?”

“No.” You retorted as bitter as you could, your scowl immediately melting as he started moving his fingers again. “I'm– _mmm_ , I’m fine.  _Ahh, fuc_ –I promise.”

It didn’t take much for her to notice what was going on once you opened your mouth and her eyes spotted Bucky’s arm deep under the table. You couldn’t help but let out a breathless chuckle once she scoffed loudly in annoyance and got up from the table, slamming her high heels against the wooden floor.  

Now that you had a table all to yourselves and the DJ to muffle any noise you could possibly do, maybe you’d start to enjoy the party. 

“ _I hate you._ ” You breathed against Bucky’s mouth, whimpering through a lazy smile as he moved his fingers again with a smirk of his own.

“ _I know._ ”

 

* * *

 

The universe hated you and that was the only explanation to why you’d get sick exactly on the weekend you and Bucky would do a short road trip to a city nearby. To be truth, it wasn’t even a city with much sight to see but it was definitely better than a fever, a temperamental nose and constant shivers though you were boiling hot. 

Bucky and you had planned the entire weekend to the minimum details, even allowing yourselves to book a room in the fanciest hotel in the place. You couldn’t help but be a little upset, even more when you were so excited that this would be a getaway for Bucky and his occasional struggles with his hero-ing life. 

You even tried to coerce him into going to the trip anyway, assuring that you were fine and that you just needed a few pills to get better again. But well, it didn’t work because as soon Bucky picked up on your voice on the phone, he hurried his ass to your apartment with all kinds of medicines and syrups. 

All kinds that you definitely  _did not_  want to take. 

“Bucky, you’re babying me!” You scolded as you threw yourself against your pillow again, burying your face against it stubbornly. “Just leave me alone and it’ll go away!”

“I’m babying you?” He asked indignantly, a faint a hint of amusement still laced to his voice as he sat on the edge of your bed with the medicine in hand. “Who’s refusing to take the syrup because it tastes bad?" 

"Well, it does.” You retorted again eith a pout, crossing your arms aroundnyour chest when he looked down at you with raised eyebrows. “It does! You said so yourself.”

Bucky rolled his eyes and set the small cup to your bedside table, standing up on his feet and crossing his arms around his chest just like you, except the fact he looked way more hotter and intimidating than you. 

“Doll, you need to take at least some of it.” He added with a soft tone of voice, almost pleading as you pouted petulantly. 

It was nice to see that he genuinely cared about you, concerned about real threats like some real villain knocking on your door and seeking for revenge to small things like sickness, or a bad day at work or mundane things of your life. 

Though the both of you had a strange relationship that no one (not even you) understood, taking care of one another was something that you both did without hesitation. Not that you always accepted it though. 

“ _Nope._ ” You pulled the covers to hide your face and muffled a laugh with the fabric when he ran a hand through his face.  

“What if I make you some tea?” Bucky asked and watched you raise your eyebrows in surprise. “You like tea, right?”

As you nodded and smiled behind the covers, Bucky quickly walked out of the room to busy himself in doing tea for you. 

There was a whole bunch of flavors in your cupboard and you occasionally made them for him whenever he had a rough night filled with nightmares, sometimes even doing some for Steve when he was over during weekends. You’d teached both of them during one of these days so it didn’t take long until Bucky was coming back to the room with a large mug in hands, the smell of camomile filling the room. 

Bucky carefully handed you the mug and was about to sit by the edge of the bed again when you protested with a muffled whine. 

“What?” He asked in amusement and watched with a frown as you shifted to the other side of the bed, glancing pointedly to the empty space until he finally took it with a smirk on his lips. “Why here?”

You pulled the mug back from your mouth and nudged his left arm, making him wrap the metal limb around your warm neck as you nuzzled yourself against his side. 

“Because this!” You joked as you threw your head back against his arm, sighing as the cool surface met your skin. “I’m so hot right now and your arm is my salvation.”

“You’re hot all the time, doll.” Bucky replied with a smirk and you couldn’t help but laugh, watching as he started leaning towards you with that cocky smirk on his lips. 

Just when his lips were about to meet yours you placed your index finger against his mouth, holding back another laugh when he raised his eyebrows suspiciously. 

“You’ll get sick if you kiss me.” You explained with a grin as Bucky just grinned back, quickly closing the gap between the both of you and pressing a tender but lingering kiss to your lips before pulling back with a lopsided smile. 

“I don’t get sick.”

Needless to say, he did get a little sick a week later. 

 

* * *

 

If you didn’t have a favorite place on earth until then, now you definitely had one. It also didn’t hurt that you had some good and handsome and muscly company to make it even better. Some company that knew the place like the palm of their hands. 

It took Steve a while until he managed to convince Bucky to go back to Coney Island again. All of you knew that it was something symbolical for their friendship and Bucky couldn’t help but worry over that fact. He was most definitely better than…well, the soldier who killed pretty much everyone on his way during the Helicarrier fiasco, but he still worried that he wasn’t fully the Bucky Barnes from before. 

You did your best to guide him through it by saying that Bucky was never coming back for good, and that the person who he was now was the one who emerged from both the Sergeant and the Soldier and that person was good enough for Steve and you. 

It came off as a surprise when Bucky nonchalantly suggested that you three could go the place in the next holiday while you were having dinner at their apartment. But then you got so excited that Steve decided to make the visit even sooner. 

A week later and there you were, strolling through the park like actual teenagers on a day without their parents. 

“Bucky, you already got me too much toys!” You protested between a laugh as he got ready to a shooting game that you knew he’d win. “I can’t even hold this much of teddy bears!”

“Steve can hold it.” He protested with a cocky smirk, aiming to the last bottle on the shelf as the boy behind the counter seemed to shield himself. “You don’t even know if I’m going to hit it or not.”

“Please. Bucky.” You snickered humorlessly as you crossed your arms over your chest, Steve chuckling in amusement as he stood behind you. “You won the top toys from the 5 games we went to.”

The teenage boy who was already looking a little intimidated just seemed to shrink himself even more as Bucky finally shot the last bottle, looking forth between Steve and Bucky with wide eyes. You didn’t blame him though because  _honestly_ , two super soldiers show up at your work, holding a bunch of teddy bears and toys like it’s the most normal thing ever. 

As the boy handed you the huge white unicorn (okay, maybe it was worth it), you quickly apologized and held back a laugh when he replied with a flirty line that didn’t go unnoticed by Bucky. 

“Thanks, man.” He glared the boy for a moment before slipping his arm around your waist, pressing your lips together with fervor as Steve grumbled behind you, making you pull back with a laugh. 

“So, you two…” Steve started with a small grin that turned into a small laugh as soon Bucky groaned exaggeratedly. “Fondue?”

Bucky didn’t hold back a laugh as soon as Steve finished, burying his head against your neck as you started walking through the sea of people. 

It was nice to see Bucky so invested in Steve, given sometimes he’d go to your apartment complaining about how Steve was driving him insane. Even so, it was clear that he’d do anything for his best friend and that despite all the shit they went through they still had their secret shenanigans. 

“What does that mean?” You asked confusedly, just making the both of them laugh even more as you whined. “ _What?_ ”

Steve just shook his head and nudged Bucky playfully, a small chuckle escaping from his lips as he pulled you flush against his body. “She’s my best gal." 

"Pfft, of course not.” You scoffed in mocked disdain and pinched his cheek playfully. “I’m just with you for your looks, honestly.”

“Well, I had something to surprise you tonight but given you just said that…” He teased with a small laugh while you stopped walking, bringing your arms to embrace his waist as he pretended to wiggle free from you. 

“What?” You asked anxiously, tightening your arms around his waist as you jumped on your heels. “ _What is it?!_ ”

Bucky finally pulled back from your hold and stuffed his metal hand into his pocket, pulling out two plastic rings and extending one of them to you, holding back a laugh of his own as Steve gave a full belly giggle and you feigned surprise. 

“Will you marry me?” He 'popped’ the question as he kneeled before you, a few people stopping to watch but soon leaving as they noticed it was just a joke.  

“Oh my God! Yes!” You covered your mouth with your hands and leaned down to kiss him, pulling him to stand up again by the collar of his t-shirt instead. “I can’t believe you, Bucky.”

As he stood again, you actually didn’t know what to do. It was a joke and a funny one for that matter but well…your little crush said hi again. So you didn’t know what to do except stand there awkwardly and stare at him slightly bewildered at his sudden boldness. 

Steve seemed to sense your uneasiness right away, coughing way too much for his own good before claiming he was off to grab a few drinks for you. 

“So…your best gal?” You smiled cheekily though your heart was pounding like a million beats per second. “Is that what you want me to be?”

Bucky smiled again, so genuine and lighthearted that you could swear it brought butterflies to your stomach. “If you want." 

You stepped closer to him and wrapped your arms around his neck, bringing your lips together in a tender kiss while he pulled you even closer to him. 

"Well, newsflash for you, Barnes…” You grinned against his lips and felt his own curving in response. “I already am.”

 

* * *

 

“Close your eyes!” You shrieked as soon you heard his footsteps entering the room, his chuckle following just after. 

“It’s already closed, doll.” He replied in amusement, stopping blindly by the room’s door. “I don’t know where you are though.”

You turned around on your heels and let out a small gasp as you took his appearance. He looked  _fucking handsome_. But you didn’t have much time for flattery right now. 

You quickly walked towards him and grabbed his hands, pulling his body against yours as you sighed. 

“Are we really doing this?” You asked quietly, your fingers brushing his knuckles lightly as he shrugged nonchalantly though there was a hint of a small smile on his lips. 

“Having any doubts?” He asked back, trying to sound as calm as he could when in fact he was nearly losing. “You don’t wanna do this anymore?”

“No! God no!” You grimaced at the idea and gave a deep breath, trying to control your own nerves and Bucky just felt his calm a little with your reply. “It’s just…I’m really nervous. And we’re really doing this.”

Bucky nodded curtly, his small smile turning into a full grin before he continued. 

“Not if you keep me here…” He joked smugly and you rolled your eyes instantly, starting to walk backwards towards the door to lead his way. 

“I hate you.” You murmured quietly and leaned forward to press a kiss to his lips, smiling against his mouth when his arms encircled your waist. “See you soon?”

Bucky let out a small laugh and slid his metal arm on the small of your back, partially exposed by your dress before you pushed him out of the room with a complaint. 

As soon the door closed, you heard his joyful voice on the other side. 

“I’ll be the one in black.”

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes and laugh wholeheartedly before finally replying. 

“I’ll be the one in white.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! Did you like it ooor did you hate it? Tell me!
> 
> I want Bucky Barnes. That's it. Just wanted to share it with y'all. LMAO
> 
> Come and talk to me @ bbbarneswrites on Tumblr! :D
> 
> If there's any mistake in this chapter, please warn me.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! You're awesome.


	22. Thousands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Bucky is old enough to really understand what a soulmate is, he’s consequently old enough to do the math for it and he’s expecting everything but that. He’s got 36.858 days until he can meet his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, hi! <3
> 
> Long time no see! <3 This time I'm filling the request of a soulmate!au with countdowns + Bucky. I have no idea if I did the math for these days correctly so please just ignore it it’s wrong, lmao. Hope you guys enjoy it. 
> 
> Happy reading! :')

His clock is strategically located on the inside of his upper right arm, partially invisible to the curious eyes that had never seen so much numbers on a soulmate countdown. 

He grows up fine and without a single problem because kids don’t even care about that and his was always hidden by his shirts anyway but he’d occasionally ask himself why there was so much numbers on his clock when the others had so little. 

That changes when he meets Steve – his newfound friend has an even bigger number that he shyly shows one of these days. 40168: 02: 10: 10.  

Steve has 40.168 days until he can meet his soulmate. 

He has 36.858 days until he can meet his. 

 

* * *

 

When Bucky is old enough to really understand what a soulmate is, he’s consequently old enough to do the math for it and he’s expecting everything but _that_. 

He does it in school when he and Steve are hidden from a few bullies and all of his excitement immediately dissipates. 

His mother had met his father when they were both 19. Steve’s mother had met George when they were 17. His middle sister had just met hers and she was only 7. 

It isn’t fair that he’d only get to meet his soulmate when he is  _101_  years old. 

He comes home in that day mad at the world for both him and Stevie. 

“What’s the matter, Buck?” His mother asks right away when he struts into the kitchen, a kind though amused smile curving her lips as he just crossed his arms around his chest and scowl. 

“My clock is broken,” Bucky pulls the sleeves from his shirt but soon huffs annoyed when the fabric gets stuck in his forearms and a button falls out. “It says thirty-six  _thousand_  days. I’ll be  _one hundred years old_ , mom! We don’t live until one hundred years old!”

He swears there’s a flash of pain and sorrow in his mother’s eyes in that moment, but she still smiles and throws an arm around his shoulders, pulling him close against her hip. 

“It’s your  _soulmate_ , James.” She pounders softly, her smile gradually weakening until a sigh escapes from her lips. “Everything is possible for our soulmates.”

Bucky still doesn’t understand how it can be possible –  _thirty-six thousand days_. 

So a while after that, he stops believing that soulmates exists. 

 

* * *

 

_Rita, Dot, Janine, Lizzie and Annie._ They had all found their soulmates while his was still marking thirty thousand and something, since he’s stopped checking a long time ago. 

He’s just added a sixth name to that list – Vivian, the cute girl from the thrift store across the training gym, who’s clock is ticking and marking  _30 days, 5 hours, 34 minutes, 07 seconds_  when she shows him. 

Bucky comes back home with a heavy chest and wandering mind. 

He swears up and down that he’s fine with it, fine with not meeting his soulmate, just having fun here and there when he wants it. 

But in truth, it’s when  _they_  want it and until their soulmates are close by and Steve being the old sap he is, notices that. 

“You should stop doing this.” Steve says once they’re together in his apartment, a sketch book in the smallest’s hands as the other is furiously munching a piece of bread. “It’s clearly hurting you. You could just–”

“I could just  _what_ , Stevie?” Bucky bursts with a loud scoff, rolling his eyes as he angrily swallows his food and plops himself down in front of his friend. “I could just _wait_? Thirty thousand days?  _One hundred years_  until I’m meeting them in my coffin?”

Steve just frowns through a disapproving nod and a shrug before turning back the attention to his sketch, momentarily spent by his best-friend’s usual banter. 

“I don’t know, Buck.” He purses his lips in a tight line before letting out a short sigh through his nose. “Better than have your heart broken several times." 

Those words gets straight to Bucky’s feelings. 

Not that he lets anyone besides Steve himself notice that. 

"Better than wait for something’s not coming.”

 

* * *

 

The war blows and he’s with a Bonnie this time, though he knows and has enough experience to understand that it’s just because she still has too many numbers on her wrist. 

His feelings are just as a mess as the country is in that moment and Bucky is partially relieved and partially upset that he’s got no one to be with as he enlists himself into the war. 

Nothing changes until he’s done with his militar training. 

Steve getting into trouble, Bonnie on his ropes, his sisters scared about him in the war. Back alleys, futuristic conventions, sleepless nights with tears and such. 

In the day he leaves, his sisters clocks’ are still getting shorter and shorter and shorter and Steve is still trying to enlist himself into the fight too. 

And his clock is still marking thirty thousand and something days. 

 

* * *

 

He’s captured months later and Steve finds him, bigger and stronger and feeling like a mirage in that dark lab. 

A few days later, he falls from the train and  _everything_  – the clock, his stubbornness and reluctance – feels pointless. 

 

* * *

 

His clock is strategically located on the inside of his upper right arm, partially invisible to the curious eyes that would never see his much numbers on a soulmate countdown. 

He’s free from HYDRA, in control of his own mind and completely  _terrified_  of the two numbers marking the days on his clock. 

As long as he remembers his number had been always thirty thousand something days and now it’s just  _two_  miserable numbers that he doesn’t even want to  _look_  at. 

And  _Steve_  being the old sap he is, notices that.

“You’re nervous, aren’t you?” Steve muses with an easy grin, leaning his elbows against the kitchen’s countertop as Bucky just stares blankly at him. “You’ve been waiting for this, Buck. It’s going to be fine.”

“No,  _he_  was waiting for this.” He chuckles humorlessly, fumbling his fingers with the mug to his front while Steve glances inquiringly at him. “A guy from seventy years ago was waiting for this. I don’t know– I’m not  _made_  for this, Steve. Not anymore.”

He knows it isn’t true because he’s learned better than that –  _‘your soulmate comes when the time’s right and you need them the most’_ – but it’s easier to pretend he’s not expecting this whole thing all over again. 

“It’s your soulmate,” Steve finally says after a pause and with a small smile as he gets up from his spot and pats his right arm, exactly on outer side where his clock is. “You’ll make it happen. You both will.”

Those words gets straight to Bucky’s feelings. 

Not that he lets anyone besides Steve himself notice that. 

 

* * *

 

_00000: 00: 00: 01_  and she’s already looking up at him like he’s the best damn thing that’s ever happened to Earth, eyes shining and mouth gaping open with pink lips that suddenly looks like home to him. 

All of his thoughts are vanished off this mind and all he can think about is how those thousands were worth it and he’d go through it over and over again if it meant seeing her like this for one more time. 

He’s momentarily unaware of what to do because he’s never  _believed_  this.

He’s never let himself completely believe and hope and expect.

But she looks like all of those options combined when she opens the biggest and brightest smile he’s ever seen and throws her body against his instantly, not caring about the people eyeing them curiously as they take up the entire sidewalk. 

She feels like home and smells like home and just like that Bucky realizes he’s needed her right there and now and that everything makes sense now. 

“Uhm, hi.” She greets him with a laugh once she pulls back but doesn’t budge her arms, still securely placed around his neck while tiptoeing to get through him. “I’m (Y/N). Your soulmate.”

“I’m James. Bucky.” He stutters nervously and watches her grin with a bite to her lower lip, eyes crinkling in amusement as he pauses for a moment and sighs. “Your… _soulmate_.”

_00000: 00: 00: 00_ and she’s kissing him, tenderly but still passionate, fingers buried deep into his hair as she sighs contently and melts her frame against his. 

She’s the one who pulls back again but they’re both smiling this time – foreheads pressed together and hands lingering on each other’s back. 

Her next words feels like music to him. 

“I know.”

 

* * *

 

Her cheek is pressed right against his bicep and right where his zero-ed clock is, exposed completely and proudly by his extended arm over the pillow. 

They’re both naked to the thin white sheet from her bed and he’s sure that’s the best view he’s ever had in his entire life, his girl happily resting on him after a night out as she presses small kisses and nibbles to his arm.

Until now, he’s caught her gaze upon his partially faded countdown for five times. 

But because she’s just  _his_ , Bucky doesn’t even need to ask why. 

“I’m sorry I took so long.” She instantly replies his silent question, frowning slightly as her thumb runs through the gray zeros on his skin. “I’d have given up if I had that much numbers on me.”

“I did.” Bucky chuckles quietly, hand in the air until he’s pushing away a few strands of hair from her face and she’s smiling weakly. “Back then, I…I didn’t really believe you existed. That Soulmates existed. But there was a part of me that kept _hoping_.”

She shifts around, stomach pressed to the mattress and lets her lips slide through all the extension of his bicep, small hands holding his arm in place with thumbs stroking his skin lightly. 

Then she does it – kiss after kiss after kiss after kiss until she’s reaching his shoulder and his collarbones and his neck and jaw and chin until his lips are  _finally_ on yours. 

She’s the one to pull back. 

“Thank you for not giving up on me.” She mumbles and he shivers, closing one arm around her and pressing their chests together as a smile curves his lips and he finally replies. 

_Your soulmate comes when the time’s right and you need them the most._

“Thank  _you_  for not giving up on me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! Did you like it ooor did you hate it? Tell me!
> 
> It's been a long time until my last post here but I've been posting little drabbles and headcanons on my Tumblr so you can just go there and drop something in my ask! <3 Come and talk to me @ bbbarneswrites on Tumblr! 
> 
> If there's any mistake in this chapter, please warn me.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! You're awesome.


	23. Of Games and Memes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Bucky creates a private Facebook account, enjoys fatherhood, discovers Pokemon Go and makes a meme out of Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO! 
> 
> Here it is! Not as long and as good like the first part BUT something to fill in all these days I’m not posting! If you didn't read the first part, go back a few chapters and read 'Of Pictures and Videos' first! :D
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy! <3

“What are you doing?” You ask softly as you peek over Bucky’s shoulder, encircling your arms around his neck and watching with interest as he selected a few pictures on his phone’s gallery. 

“I’m posting a few pictures on Facebook.” He replies with a genuine smile, turning his head to the side to face you before pressing a quick kiss to your lips. “I really liked the Disney ones, you know.”

“Those look terrible.” You scoff mockingly and raise your eyebrows at him, holding back a grin under his inquiring eyes as you shake your head in fake disbelief. “I can’t believe you’re into Facebook. That thing is absolute  _garbage_.”

“Not if I’ve got pictures of you in it.” He grins widely and you laugh, pressing an exaggerated smooch to his cheek while tightening your arms around him. 

Turning around the couch he’s sitting, you quickly pull his arms up and plop yourself down on his lap, sticking your tongue out when he raises his eyebrows in mocked surprise before closing his arms around your waist, lifting the phone so you can both look at the screen. 

“James B?” You smirk knowingly once you peek at his name, hearing him let out a groan almost instantly as you laugh and raise your eyebrows in an exaggerated manner. “ _Barnes. James Barnes._ ”

“I'm  _so_  killing Sam. I told him this would happen.” He mockingly mutters to himself, throwing his head back and leaving his neck exposed until you start kissing it and he chuckles mischievously, lightly squeezing your hips. “You should probably stop if you want this conversation to keep going.”

You laugh in response and wiggle yourself purposefully on his lap, a deep groan escaping from his lips as you smile innocently and simply rest your chin on his shoulder. 

“Show me those pictures then.”

 

* * *

 

**James B.** added 4 new photos to his timeline – with **(Y/N) (L/N)** , **Samuel Wilson** **,**   **Steve Grant** and 3 others at Disney World, Orlando - FL  
Just now • Facebook for Stark Phone

 

[image description: Bucky and Steve walking side by side in front of the Cinderella’s castle; their backs to the camera as they wear big Mickey hats and matching shirts]

 

[image description: Sam and (Y/N) walking out of the Splash; Sam trying to playfully cover up her wet shirt with his hands as she feigns a shocked expression]

 

[image description: Darth Vader carrying (Y/N) in bridal style, Bucky scowling beside them as Sam gives excited thumbs up to camera] 

 

[image description: Bucky and (Y/N) in a selfie; his nose pressed against her cheek as she smiles with arms around his neck and Minnie ears on her head]

 

**261 likes     34 comments     2 shares**

 

* * *

 

_buckybarnes  
_ 20min ago

[video description: Zoomed shot of Steve and Sam watching a video on a StarkPad; their laughs soon filling the room as Steve throws his head back and clutches his chest tightly]  
When you understand the new meme

 

_buckybarnes  
_ 15m ago

[image description: (Y/N) lying on the bed while reading a book, Charlie’s head resting against her slightly showing bump as he sleeps]  
Family portraits updated 

 

_name  
_ 5m ago

[image description: Bucky and Steve walking side by side in a baby store; their backs to the camera as they hold various baby things]  
Baby duties <3

 

_buckybarnes  
_ 10m ago 

[video description: (Y/N) and Cassie walking around the facility’s common room, suddenly stopping as they tap furiously into the phone and start cheering rightly after]  
No idea what’s going on here

 

* * *

 

“What were you doing with Cassie back there?” He asks with a small smirk, pushing the sheet off before climbing up into the bed beside you, taking off his shirt when he finally settles down. 

“Just playing Pokémon Go.” You reply distractedly, tapping into your phone until you notice his silence and look up at him, grinning at his inquiring gaze. “Why?”

“Pokémon? Isn’t that the cartoon that Pietro watches sometimes?” Bucky chuckles and pulls you to his direction, wrapping an arm around your middle as you rest your back against his chest with an affirmative hum. “That’s for  _kids_ , (Y/N).”

You snicker quietly and tilt your head up to face him, shooting him a dirty look as he just raises his eyebrows in mocked challenge and tightens his hold around you, fingers subconsciously palmed against your stomach. 

“You’re the  _worst_.” You shake your head in mocked displeasure but still grins at him moments later, raising your hand with wiggling fingers and raised eyebrows as he just frowns at you. “Gimme your phone! We’re download this right now!”

 

* * *

 

**Bucky Barnes**  @jamesbarnes  
Still no idea what’s going on here [pic.twitter.com/gf6jk8a](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fpic.twitter.com%2Fgf6jk8a&t=YTdiOTA5ZWRiYTE5MGM1ZWNjNzU1ZGUzYzJkZGIxMjU5MWY4YjFkZSxkZGttT3dhSw%3D%3D)

[image description: (Y/N) and Charlie sitting on the floor; a Jigglypuff beside them as (Y/N) pretends to be asleep and Charlie sniffs at her bump]

20.981  **Retweets**       17.762  **Likes**

 

**(Y/N) (L/N)** @name  
When SOMEONE steals your pokémon though…@jamesbarnes 

10.648  **Retweets**       8.412  **Likes**

 

**Bucky Barnes**  @jamesbarnes  
@name I didn’t steal it, I just saw it first

13.673  **Retweets**       10.193  **Likes**

 

**Steve Rogers** @captainrogers  
@name @jamesbarnes Buck. You stole it.

39.932  **Retweets**       22.263  **Likes**

 

**Sam Wilson**  @TheFalcon   
Arms, arms everywhere. [pic.twitter.com/kj65av9a](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fpic.twitter.com%2Fkj65av9a&t=MjNjNGRjODdiZjlmNzE5YTkwY2UxYTI1YjQxZGE3NmE4ODhjMDllOCxkZGttT3dhSw%3D%3D)

[image description: A grinning Bucky holding two weights in the gym with a  Machamp standing right next to him]

29.861  **Retweets**       23.562  **Likes**

 

**(Y/N) (L/N)** @name   
@TheFalcon I LOVE THIS!!!

19.211  **Retweets**       13.752  **Likes**

 

* * *

 

**sergeantwinterbarnes:**   

> I can’t believe bucky is actually playing pokemon go. What a dork i hate him

 

**redwingwilson:**   

>  THE BUMP. IS SHOWING!!!!!!!!

 

**assemblingavenge:**   

> Okay but let’s think about this: who’s going to be the godfather 

 

**starkingiron:**   

> me: *subconsciously grabs left boob while laughing*

 

* * *

 

“So, I have it.” You grin slightly once you sit down in front of the team, Bucky beside you with an arm around your shoulders as he watches everyone’s expectant expressions, Wanda nearly chewing off her fingers. “We didn’t see it yet because we wanted to be with you guys.”

“So what are we waiting for?” Sam cuts short your speech, an excited smile curving his lips as he wiggles his eyebrows playfully. “Just do it!”

Wanda immediately breaks off laughing, Sam following rightly after as Steve just frowns with an amused glance and shakes his head quietly. 

“Come on, guys! Let’s open this.” He calls them out, Wanda and Sam instantly quieting their laughs as they nod and try to keep a straight face that you chuckle at before slowly begin to unwrap the envelope. 

As you purposefully slow your movements, taking a lifetime to open the papers, Sam and Bucky immediately start to protest and threaten to take the envelope away from you, just stopping when Wanda scolds them with a hush. 

“ _Jesus_ – okay, I have it! It’s open!” You reply with a laugh, turning around to Bucky as you scoop near to him and place the paper right between the two of you, his nervous but still smiling face making you smile back. “Ready?”

Before you can even reach out to the paper again, Sam, Wanda and Steve are already with their hands on it. 

“ _IT’S A GIRL!_ ”

 

* * *

 

**buckybarnes**

[image description: (Y/N) holding several pink balloons with a laugh, Charlie sitting between her legs as they sit on the grass outside the facility]

 

**buckybarnes**   One more lady to the Barnes family! #itsagirl #housebarnes

♡ 53287 likes

View all 3429 comments

 

**samwilson**

[image description:  (Y/N), Natasha, Wanda, Pepper and Laura squished together on the couch, their hands resting against (Y/N)’s bump as they smile]

 

**samwilson**   The fantastic six. You know what I mean. #squad #babybarnes

♡ 19641 likes

View all 729 comments

 

**steverogers**

[image description: Bucky standing behind (Y/N), lips pressed against her temple and arms encircling her middle as she rests her head against his shoulder with a smile]

 

**steverogers**   The parents of the year. 

♡ 394576 likes

View all 11424 comments

 

**name**

[image description: Shirtless Bucky playing around with Charlie, a ball into his mouth as Bucky tries to pull it out]

 

**name**   Regular day-out #myboys #andgirl

♡ 22490 likes

View all 381 comments

 

* * *

 

**captain bella**  @ayebella

IT’S A GIRL OH MY GOD I KNEW IT

 

**ASSEMBLE**  @staarks   
The winter soldier is having a baby girl and I’m not ready for this #babybarnes

 

**wam silson** @redwinging   
rumors going around that sam was the one who announced everyone it was a girl omg

 

**Allie**  @allieinspace   
Okay now I really want to know her name #babybarnes

 

* * *

 

**Steve Grant** added 3 new photos to his timeline – with  **James B.** ,  **(Y/N) (L/N)** ,  **Samuel Wilson**  and 7 others at Stark Tower, New York City  
Just now • Facebook for Stark Phone

She’s finally here!

 

[image description: A smiling Steve carefully holding and watching the small baby into his arms, not even noticing the camera upon them as he tears up for a little]

 

[image description: Sharon and Steve standing side by side, the baby’s on the woman’s arms as they laugh confidently at each other]

 

[image description: Wanda holding the baby girl with a joyful smile, Sam beside her as he points out to them with a grin]

 

**396 likes     68 comments     10 shares**

 

* * *

 

**Bucky Barnes** [@jamesbarnes  
](https://tmblr.co/mwtk2RGG0XJEss1xGRbgTWA)Family portraits updated [pic.twitter.com/qwf62gh](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fpic.twitter.com%2Fqwf62gh&t=M2NiNmFlYWRhZmMxZTdlZDI4ODFkMzFkMDg5NjNkNGFlNWY2YzNhNSxkZGttT3dhSw%3D%3D)

[image description: (Y/N) smiling at the camera with the baby girl on her lap, Charlie sitting beside them and sniffing carefully at the baby’s cheek as she laughs]

40.374  **Retweets**       37.834  **Likes**

 

* * *

 

**redwingwilson:**   

> IT IS CONFIRMED
> 
> BUCKY IS A REAL  _REAL_  DAD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, did you like it or did you hate it? TELL ME.
> 
> I hope you all liked it and hope it was readable...again...lmao
> 
> Come and talk to me @ bbbarneswrites on Tumblr!! <3
> 
> If there's any mistakes in this chapter, please warn me.
> 
> Thank you for reading! You're awesome.


	24. Russian Muses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky ‘helped’ around the school, you got that part pretty much figured out. He just didn’t help in the way you had previously thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there. <3
> 
> ART SCHOOL AU BECAUSE MY DEAR TUMBLR FRIEND MADE ME DO IT. I’m not even sorry. 
> 
> It didn’t end in the way I was hoping but well. At least it’s something. Tell me if there’s any mistakes since I didn’t proofread!
> 
> Happy reading!

Stepping into the huge art studio for the first time, you couldn’t help but let out a half relieved, half annoyed sigh. 

It was just your first day at the summer art school and you found yourself unusually late, all in your old beetle’s motor fault. You had passed basically through all the signs on the way and now seeing that your efforts went to waste, feeling a little annoyed was inevitable. The class was still empty, just as the school itself. 

Looking around the room, you took in every detail from the studio with pure delight, the annoyance fading as quickly as it built up. From the huge windows to the countless tubes of paints and papers, everything felt like a dream. 

After graduating in business school with honors, you just couldn’t wait to do something that felt right for you, not something that felt right to your family. You’d saved every penny from your little job at the university’s library to get into one of the most known art summer courses and as you finally stood right there, in the studio, just ready for your first class, everything felt worthy. 

You were really feeling like you belonged there and never in your entire life you had felt so into your element, the unknown atmosphere being strangely familiar even if it was your first day there. 

Relishing in the emptiness of the room, you walked around the few easels and decided for the one you knew it’d give you the best view, right in front of the teacher’s table. Having a seat next the teacher’s was never the greatest choice but you still got to have the best seat for observation exercises. 

Just when you were about to set your things down by the wooden bench, the loud noise of the door slamming filled the place, immediately startling you and making all of your stuff fall to the floor. 

Feeling yourself grow up with sudden annoyance again, you quickly turned around on your heels to face whoever had entered the room.

But really, you were expecting everything but  _that_. 

The door slammer just happened to be a guy – stubbly cheeks, slightly long hair, blue eyes, killer jaw and pink lips. Honestly looked like a sculpture incarnate, even more with that tight henley that made his muscles stand out like flashlights and jeans that looked like they were painted on and… _wait_. 

Was he talking to you?!

“Are you listening?” The sculpture’s deep voice broke off your thoughts and you immediately looked up to his face again, feeling your cheeks burn in embarrassment as you noticed that  _he_  definitely noticed you checking him out, given the lopsided grin curving his lips. “Hey there.”

“Hi!” You squeaked dumbly, straightening your posture but internally slapping yourself for sounding like a fourteen year-old when you were a twenties something woman. “You just– you startled me, that’s all. I’m (Y/N), by the way.”

As you rambled off your name, the sculpture guy’s grin just seemed to widen. You honestly didn’t know wether to hate him or momentarily lust him until the moment he extended his hand out, taking your hand into his hold in the most tender way ever despite the roughness of his hand. 

Yep. Definitely lust him. 

“James Barnes.” He offered warmly, still with that shit eating grin on his lips as he lovingly brushed his thumb on the back of your hand. And smiled at you like a freaking greek God. And looked like a sex dream brought into life. “But you can call me Bucky.”

“Nice to meet you, Bucky.” You smiled tightly, pulling your hand back and turning your attention to your stuff again, now scattered over the floor due your previous scare. “You just…uhm. You work here?”

In an attempt to escape from his stare and your failed attempt at talking, you quickly kneeled down on the floor and started to pick up your supplies. Not your smartest move, you were aware of that, but you were also aware that you just tended to be impulsive and thoughtless in hard times. 

And  _honestly_ , a sculpture type of guy grinning at you like you were the last woman on earth could be  _definitely_  labeled as hard times. 

“You could say that.” He muttered in amused above you, soon kneeling beside you and helping you to pick your stuff until he noticed your inquiring gaze upon him, grinning once again with shrug.  _Son of a bitch._  "I just help around. You’re an artist?“

"Trying to become one.” You replied with a small smile, muttering a small ‘thank you’ as he set your things by your easel but kept himself standing just next to you, as if waiting for you to go on with the story. “I’m just testing out new waters. Figuring out if I’m really good at this, you know?”

The sculpture guy –  _Bucky_  – just nodded with lips slightly crooked up, looking at you almost in amusement as he took a seat on the easel beside you. You didn’t know what was so funny to him, but okay, the boy looked good with that attitude and you couldn’t deny it, even more when those baby blue eyes were practically locked with yours all while. 

“I know.” He nodded with a smile and put himself to watch you organize your stuff around the easel, observing attentively as if you were doing the most interesting thing in the world. “My friend’s artist too. Helps a few teachers and students around.”

“Does that mean I’ll see you around here often?” You lamely attempted to flirt, internally cringing to yourself as soon as the words came out but still smiling up at him as he seemed to enjoy the moment, his short chuckle filing the room as he tilted his head to the side with a shrug. 

He looked just so confident and generally smug about his talk that in any other situation you’d have brushed him off, especially with your previous experiences with show-off guys from college. But  _hey_ , you were happy and about to fulfill one of your long date wishes. And he was freaking handsome and was working with art. It surely couldn’t be that bad, right?

“You’ll see a lot of me around.” Bucky mumbled quietly, leaning forwards to your direction and looking up at you almost if he was about to share a secret, the corners of his eyes forming small crinkles as he bit his lip to hold back a grin. “A lot.”

Watching his expression with mild suspicion, you were about to ask what that meant when two more students entered the class and Bucky leaped off his seat after shooting you a last smile and a wink. 

As the class started to finally fill up, you pretended to not notice his relentless stare upon your frame as he stood from across the room. Or more so pretended to not notice him practically eye fucking you at every look. Still, every time you’d subconsciously peep at him with a side glance, your cheeks would instantly go on fire and he would smirk knowingly, chuckling with a shake of his head. 

You were honestly feeling like you were back in high school, insides all giddy and flustered by the cutest guy on class even if you tried to brush it off. And he sure was acting like one, with an insistent grin curving on his lips as he seemed to know exactly what you were thinking. 

Thankfully, it didn’t much take longer until your teacher arrived and introduced herself, quickly explaining that the day’s activity was to practice human body’s details. 

And it also didn’t take longer until Bucky walked to the middle of the room, standing right in front of your oh, so claimed perfect seat, and started to  _undress_ himself, all while with that  _freaking_  small grin latched to his lips. All while the teacher presented him as the day’s model and you couldn’t do anything more than just gap at him. 

It couldn’t be that bad, right?

 _Wrong_. 

 

* * *

 

From the day you met Bucky to a few months later, you’d strangely become good friends. Sure, he was an abnormally handsome and good-looking and flirty friend that occasionally made remarks about how good you’d be together but  _a friend_ nonetheless. 

You’d learned with time that his friend Steve was actually an agent for some government agency but that he was kind and good enough in art to help around the school when he could and that both of them were actually  _friends_  with the school’s owner, who happened to be some random rich-y philanthropist.

But even so, the best part of it was finding out that despite his flirty exterior, Bucky was extremely thoughtful and kind and protective of his friends. 

So as the both of you started to develop something out of the school’s confines, you started to notice all the small things about him and his antics. 

He’d kiss your cheek and tease you whenever you asked him to pick you up because your car wasn’t working. He knew your usual order at the school’s cafeteria by heart and he always made sure you were fed by the time the class started. He’d insist to take you out for coffees and random dinners while teasing you that they were actually undercover dates. 

And  _come on_ , you low-key  _loved_  it. 

It wasn’t everyday that you had a cute guy like him _all over_  though you still tried to not put much thought into it, restraining yourself to take his attempts as simply jokes rather than something concrete. 

But that surprisingly changed when you were out to a random coffee shop in a random Saturday morning, both of you tucked in the quietest booth from the place as you took your time to sketch him for the millionth time and he took his time to absolute tease the  _hell_  out of you. 

As per usual.  _Fucker_. 

“My nose is not like that!” Bucky chided as he took a peep over to your drawing, feigning a pained cry once you kicked his leg under to table to get him into his pose again though he just ignored it and turned around to face you completely. “No, (Y/N), look at my nose!" 

You scoffed loudly and turned his head around to his previous position, forcing him to go back to the drawing pose as he whined playfully and pushed your hand away with a gentle slap. 

"Your nose is perfect, I know that nose better than you do.” You grinned smugly and Bucky instantly raised his eyebrows, glancing down at you with an amused expression, almost as if mocking you. “What? You’re doubting my skills, Mr. Barnes?”

“No.” He denied but shrugged nonchalantly either way, slumping his back against the booth’s couch as he glanced smugly at you, holding back a laugh with your fazed expression. “ _No_ , I’m just sure I can draw you better than you draw me.”

“I’ve drawn you for countless times, you show off!” You protested with a chuckle that soon turned into a loud snort as Bucky just shrugged once again, looking at you almost challengingly. “ _Fine then_. Draw me like one of your french girls.”

You didn’t even have the time to flush over your choice of words, quickly shoving your sketchbook into his chest as Bucky just seemed to grin even wider, taking the pencil out of your hand before adjusting himself on his seat to observe you better. 

He seemed awfully serious about the whole thing, his face soon closing into one of concentration as he glanced up to take in the details of your face, just smiling small as he noticed your cheeks flushing under his attentive stare. You didn’t want to fool yourself but it almost felt as if the entire shop’s atmosphere had changed with the way he looked at you. 

Pushing a strand of hair out of your face and tilting your chin up with his thumb, Bucky sighed quietly when you bit your lower lip in nervousness and finally turned his attention to your sketchbook. 

You honestly did your best to keep yourself still while he was drawing and though that mostly worked out, your mind was absolutely racing with so much unsure thoughts about both of you. About  _him_. 

Bucky had been your friend for months now and though you didn’t exactly admitted to yourself that  _yes, you kinda like him_ , you know that it was just a matter of time until you were deep into this. And knowing that there was a remote chance of him not actually liking you back was  _terrifying_. 

You’d grown used to his presence, to his personality and friendship and putting that in risk always put you on edge whenever you stopped to think about it. It was just when Bucky called out your name that you snapped out of your thoughts, feelings your cheeks burn again as he smiled again, but this time looking a little unsure of himself. 

Geez, when did you become  _that_  whipped?

“Sorry, I spaced out.” You chuckled sheepishly, watching as Bucky just nodded while still holding the sketchbook close to his chest, his lower lip caught between his teeth almost in…apprehensiveness? “Let me see it, Bucky!”

You playfully made grabby hands at him and soon the sketchbook was on your hands, the most  _beautiful_  drawing you’d ever seen facing you back as Bucky just sat there and waited anxiously for your reply. 

You couldn’t barely recognize yourself on the page, the outline of the drawing so soft and light that it made the whole thing look almost ethereal but somehow still realistic, every small detail of your face perfectly lined out on the paper. 

Glancing up to Bucky in shock, you let out a breathless chuckle and trailed the drawing’s page with your fingers. 

“Bucky, this is amazing!” You marveled in disbelief, feeling your heart speed up as he smiled fondly behind his coffee mug and tried to brush off his sudden nervousness. “You never told me you could draw this good?”

“Guess I am better than you, then.” He smirked and you couldn’t help but scoff mockingly, shaking your head affectionately at his still kinda unsure look over you. “You really liked it?”

“It’s amazing.” You nodded with a smile, glancing over at the artwork again before hugging it to your chest tightly and throwing your best puppy eyes at him. “Can I keep it? Pretty please?”

As Bucky playfully groaned and nodded his head, you instantly leaped off of your seat and threw yourself against him, burying your face into his neck and embracing him in a tight hug before even thinking twice. It didn’t take long until Bucky’s own arms were around you, one firmly squeezing your waist with the other wrapped around your shoulders, gently pushing your hair away. 

Sighing quietly against his neck, you felt strangely content. It wasn’t the first hug that you two shared but you had never felt so content and safe and happy like in that moment. 

So before you could even  _think_  in stopping yourself, you quickly pull back and crash your lips against his, sliding up a hand to cup his stubbly cheek. You were just about to pull back (in absolute shock because  _what the fuck_  did you do) when Bucky buried his hand into your hair and deepened the kiss, smiling against your mouth while pulling you flush against his body. 

You were nearly straddling his thigh by the time you broke off, your breathing mixing together as you smiled against each other’s mouths and gave one last peck. 

The moment was only broken off when that  _fucker_  decided to open his mouth again. 

“Told you I was better.”

 

* * *

 

Despite you and Bucky being close enough to disregard any kind of formalities, he still insisted on taking you out on an actual date and you actually couldn’t say you didn’t enjoy his relentless will to make that happen, claiming vehemently that taking you out was the right thing to do. 

You’d been in each other’s homes, known each other’s families and friends, had pretty much gone all the way into four walls but still, when it came up to the actual date itself, you felt incredibly nervous. 

It was the most pleasant surprise the day he passed by the school to pick you up and just happened to have two tickets to the new exhibit in the city about Russian art with him, easing off the nervousness out of your chest with the idea of a such casual day out. 

It seemed like everything was going to happen in the most old-fashioned way ever from the moment he picked you up at home. It was almost like knowing a new side of him – a nervous, dorky, apprehensive side of him. 

As you finally got the exhibit, his hand didn’t leave yours for a second and you weren’t a single bit ashamed of your geeking out for the russian pieces, especially because Bucky himself seemed to be really enjoying the moment, smiling affectionately at you every time you started telling him little stories about the painters. 

As you stopped in front of another painting to observe, Bucky immediately stepped behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder as you leaned back against him with a dreamy sigh. 

You couldn’t hold your geekiness over the whole thing. 

 _And_  your love for the guy behind you. 

“Do you know Alexander Rodchenko?” You asked excitedly to Bucky, turning your head around for a bit to peep at his face.

“Can’t say that I have, doll.” He chuckled affectionately, squeezing his arms around you and nuzzling his cheek against your jaw, grinning when you yelped at the feel of his beard. “Did you forget you’re smarter than me?”

You rolled your eyes quietly and gave his arm a light slap, sticking your tongue out when he whined playfully to then lean forward to you, lips meeting with yours in a sudden kiss that you laughed into before pulling back. 

“So, as I was saying…” You glared playfully at him, holding back a smile when he pouted his lips exaggeratedly. “Rodchenko was a part of some sort of art squad from Russia in the 1930s. There was him, Vlad Mayakovsky and Osip Brik. They were kinda friends though they did different things back then.

"They did various projects together, jornals and everything, sometimes even helping each other,” You continued the story, glancing over to Bucky and smiling fondly as you noticed he was listening to your nerd rant as attentive as ever, eyes fixed on you as he gave occasional nods. “But despite all of their art projects, they had one more thing in common.”

You stopped abruptly making a suspense and giggled when Bucky rolled his eyes at you, his expectant expression melting into an amused one as you grinned knowingly at him. 

“That was…?” Bucky urged on, squeezing your tighter into his arms and digging his fingers into your flesh until you were squirming against him. 

“That was Osip Brik’s wife!” You completed cheerfully, holding back a laugh when you saw Bucky’s face turning into a confused frown. “Both Alex Rodchenko and Mayakovsky were in love with her. Her name was Lilya and she became their muse to the point that  _a lot_  of their things were for her. The three of them.”

Bucky gaped at you for a moment, only breaking into a chuckle when you pushed him with a laugh, turning around on his hold and throwing your arms around his neck. 

“That’s awkwardly cool.” He chuckled again, arms around your waist as you nodded excitedly with a smile. “Did they ever find out? That they all liked her?”

“Probably? I think it was kinda obvious.” You shrugged off with a small smile, humming quietly when Bucky’s lips started trailing down your neck with small kisses, his warm breath raising shivers on your skin. “Hey, Bucky?”

As he pulled back, you took a moment to observe him instead. 

Not once during your rants he seemed bored or fed up, instead actually paying attention and listening to your every word as if you were saying the most relevant and smart things he’d ever heard and quite honestly,  _that_  alone made the whole day worth it. You could down to earth say and do anything you want and he’d listen and support you through it, no matter what it was. 

And just  _knowing_  that made you swoon with love and adoration and all kinds of things you refused to admit to yourself back then but that now made perfect sense. 

When he pressed his lips against yours again, you quickly snapped out of your mind feeling your mouth instantly curve into a subconscious smile. 

“Maybe you’re my very own, American and muscly, Lilya.” You said jokingly and grinned when he shot you an indignant look, rolling his eyes rightly after. “ _What?_ It’s true! Pretty much all my stuff are about you by now!”

“'Cept I don’t care about anyone else’s art but yours.” Bucky grinned smugly and soon his lips were on yours again as he took small steps forward, your back colliding to the wall as he pressed you against it, the Rodchenko’s paiting right beside the both of you. 

It was just your luck that the security guy didn’t kick you out of the exhibit for nearly damaging an old paiting. 

And  _maybe_  it was just your luck that you’d found each other in that way. 

 

* * *

 

Three years later, that same gallery just happened to be hosting a _certain_ exhibit – a _certain_ American and muscly muse starring in special three pieces of art.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! Did you like it ooor did you hate it? Tell me!
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed this one! At least my Russian studies classes payed off to this, lmao. Don't forget to come @ me on tumblr: bbbarneswrites! <3
> 
> If there's any mistake in this chapter, please warn me.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! You're awesome.


	25. Countdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Placing bets with Bucky is a dangerous thing…but it often ends in pleasure so you don’t complain much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO. IT'S ME. <3
> 
> Here it is, my first attempt at smut. 
> 
> I feel like I described this whole thing way too much and I'm sorry for that but it's my first time (lmao) so take it easy on me! This is low-key based on the 100-0 challenge, where you count from 100 to 0 to know how much you can last until you orgasm. 
> 
> Warnings for unprotected sex, light bondage, oral sex, dirty talk, choking + spanking.
> 
> Enjoy!

You regret teasing him with every fiber of your body but you’re feeling way too alive to even think about complaining now. 

The room is filled with the afternoon’s sunlight and the windows behind the bed are completely open, the cool breeze cooling your skin in a way you’re almost sobbing at. Body splayed through the bed, you have your wrists tied up to the headboard and ankles to the bedposts, completely bare and open for him. 

Bucky is kneeling just between in your legs, a smirk curving his plump red lips while he’s got his hair up a tight bun and torso completely exposed for your minimum delight, the rough fabric of his pants rubbing insistently against the inside of your calves. 

You regret teasing him with every fiber of your body because deep down you know that he’s going to get _exactly_  what he wants. 

Betting that you could count from 100 to 0 without orgasming is a bold move with him and it’s just now that it downs on you that you’re never winning this. Not against him.  _Especially_  not against him. 

And it’s just a tear to the ocean that he seems to know that, looking completely pleased with himself as he holds the bullet vibrator against your clit, smirking with the fact that you’re just in 87 but already in a moaning mess, bucking your hips up only to meet the turned off device. 

“You’re not counting, baby girl.” He speaks up in a mumble, sliding his metal hand through the inside of your thighs as you just whimper quietly and roll your hips up. His smirk just widens even more, fingers purposefully stroking your skin and getting way too close to where you want him the most until he pulls back again. “Tell me the number you’re in.”

“Seventy-six." 

As soon your breahtless whisper hits his ears, the vibration comes back again and you can’t help but gasp, half in surprise and half in relief as he slides the vibrator over your slit, just barely pushing it in and making your fists clench into balls. 

” _Count_.“ Bucky pinches the skin of your thigh, his tone demanding as he pulls away again and you cry out the next number in frustration, closing your eyes for a moment and trying to slow down your breathing. 

"I’m counting– _please_ , Bucky.” You breathe out, toes curling as you try to free your ankles and feel his pinch on your skin again, one of his usual silent demands that you’re already familiar with. “Seventy-five! Pleas– _oh fuckfuckfuck_.”

The pressure comes back before you can even finish, Bucky sliding the vibrator into your pussy as he brings his hand to your hip, lifting you up just slightly that it touches your g-spot and a nearly pornographic moan escapes from your lips. Bucky just hums appreciatively on top of you, squeezing your skin as you start to rotate your hips against his hand. 

“You look so beautiful like this.” He murmurs against your mouth, his frame hovering above you and grinning lips brushing over yours as he pulls the vibrator out, quickly shushing your whimper with a bite to your lower lip and looking straight into your widened eyes. “Tell me the number, doll.”

“Seventy-four.” You reply shakily, panting against his mouth and subconsciously arching your back towards him, trying to get any feel of his skin and sighing in short delight when your nipples brush against his bare chest, your sweaty skin sliding against his. 

You’re about to protest again when Bucky slides his mouth over your neck, sucking purple dots over your skin and sliding  _down_  and  _down_  until his lips close around your nipples and he moans against you, hands securing you down with a force you know it’s going to bruise. Not that you particularly care, though. 

Bucky is just seeming to have the time of his life, tongue swirling around your bud and mouth sucking until you’re gasping in protest, his teeth gently grazing the sensitive skin before giving the other side the same treatment. 

“What’s the number again?” He asks playfully as he sits up on his knees again, the hand that’s holding the vibrator resting just below your navel with fingertips stroking your skin lightly.

“Seventy-four.” Your soft reply brings a smile to his lips as he presses the toy against you again and lets it linger, your eyes involuntarily closing as you whimper and lift your hips up again, Bucky’s sudden moan making you open your eyes and lock your gaze with his. “Seventy-three.”

The way he looks at you is enough to make your orgasm build up even quicker, his eyes so dilated that you can’t barely see the baby blue in them, completely filled with lust and hunger as you purposefully moan as loud as you can, not even thinking about the open window above you. You feel like your body is on fire, your skin shivering with the small drops of sweat sliding through your back and with Bucky’s own frame in front of you. 

His new vibranium arm is shining with the faint afternoon sunlight and his chest is covered with a thin layer of sweat, just enough to make his skin shine with the contrast. The bulge in his jeans is big enough to make you whimper pathetically and roll your hips around his hand even more, fighting yourself with the urge of closing your eyes just to watch the way he bites his lower lip in control. 

You’re so caught up in chasing your orgasm that you can’t do much but moan and count mentally, though losing yourself in seventy-two, seventy, sixty…something…

“You’re gonna come for me, doll?” Bucky whispers above you, pushing the vibrator even deeper and rolling it against your walls until you’re nearly tearing up, relentlessly pulling your wrists and ankles as you buck your hips as high as you can. “You gonna come all over my hand like a good girl?”

The familiar sensation just builds up stronger on your stomach by every second, real tears prickling by the corner of your eyes as you moan breathlessly and close your eyes, feeling it up an up on your belly until he replaces the toy with his metal fingers and you gasp. 

“ _Come for me, baby doll._ ” Bucky murmurs lovingly and it’s enough to send your body to space, your back arching from the mattress as you moan loudly and feel your whole frame fucking  _quiver,_ view getting filled with small white dots as he groans quietly and pulls his fingers off you. 

Leaning down over you, he places his fingers over your lips and waits patiently until you open them, taking his metal fingers into your mouth and sucking them clean, moaning quietly with your own taste and his throaty grumble. 

“You didn’t make it.” He points out with a smirk, chuckling as soon you roll your eyes and purposefully bite his fingers, making him pull them out with a playful cry and cup your face by splaying his hand over your cheek. 

“It’s your turn now.” You smile cheekily and lean up to kiss him, your lips meeting his grinning ones until he pushes you down again and closes his hand around your throat. You instinctively bite your lower lip and try to supress a moan when he squeezes your skin lightly, his eyes immediately darkening again. “Untie me, Bucky. _Please_.”

With a short pained moan, he quickly sits up again and starts to untie your arms and legs, carefully pulling your wrists and ankles to his lips and pressing tender kisses to the raw, red spots on the skin, result of your previous tugs. It’s nearly good enough to make you forget about your previous intentions, but as soon your feet accidentally brushes against his crotch and he lets out a short moan, you’re back at it again. 

Sliding yourself to the floor, you pull him to sit by the bed’s edge and kneel between his legs, looking up at his grinning face through your eyelashes and tentatively resting your hands on his thick thighs to soon bring your fingers to unbutton his jeans. Bucky instantly lifts his hips up  and lets you pull down his pants, taking the boxers together. 

Once you let yourself glance up at him again, you can’t help but feel your mouth water at the sight. His thick body is completely bare to you, thighs invitingly open and cock glistening with precome as he just looks at you with a lazy grin and a smug glint to his eyes, looking as nonchalant as ever. 

It’s borderline annoying how he can manage to stay so composed when you’re a mess yourself with just a  _single_  look at his body. And as usual, he always seems to know his effect on you, even when you’re miserably  trying to overpower him for once. 

“Open your mouth, baby.” His demanding but stills tender tone is enough for your previous thoughts dissipate and your mouth instantly open, all while he just grins at you again and cups your cheek with his flesh hand. You instinctively lean towards his touch, humming quietly when he slips his length into your mouth. 

Bucky lets out a choked moan as soon you swirl your tongue around his tip, the salty taste of precome and the heaviness of his cock only spurring you even more to take him deeper in your mouth. As you close your lips around him, Bucky’s hand goes straight to your hair, holding it up in a ponytail as the other cupped your cheek so  _lovingly_  that it doesn’t even look like he’s getting a goddamned blowjob. 

Bobbing your head a few times, you hollow your cheeks around him and swirl your tongue over his vein, sucking him as deeply as you can. 

The sounds that he’s letting out is entirely  _too_  out of character for him, the broody soldier everyone’s already used, but every moan and groan that escapes out of his mouth goes straight to your pussy, so much that you can’t help but moan around him and squeeze your legs together at his every sound. 

“Fuck, you look so fucking pretty like tha– _ah, shit_.” Bucky quickly interrupts his own speech with the  _most_  wrecked moan, his cock hitting the back of your throat as his head falls back and lips turn into a perfect ‘O’. His fingers tighten around your hair and you can’t help but moan, the sound muffled by his length and the small short sighs he’s letting out. 

Pulling back with a breathless gasp, you replace your mouth with your fingers and start pumping his cock as fast as you can, nuzzling your lips against his tip while glancing up to him. 

No matter how many times you see it, you’re pretty sure you're  _never_  getting used to it. Bucky looks like pure  _lust_  incarnate, muscles covered with sweat as he just sits there with those goddamned thighs you’re sure going to ride later and watches you as you’re a freaking goddess. His fingers are tight around your hair but you still can feel his nails scratching your scalp, or pulling you back every once in a while to check if you’re okay. 

Smiling up at him in the most innocent way you can, you give his tip little kitten licks and soon he’s hoisting you up to the bed again, a nearly feral grunt escaping from his lips as he throws your body spread on the mattress and places himself above you, his frame hovering over yours once again.

“You’re so pretty, кукла.” Bucky mutters quietly, his nose running through the extent of your neck as his voice brings shivers up to your spine. Lips pressing wet kisses to your skin as he purposefully grazes his teeth around your earlobe and fucking grinning when you moan involuntarily at his teasing. “So fucking good, spread out like this just for me.”

You can’t help but moan once again with his words and subconsciously part your legs, locking your feet around him as you try to get any friction from his body, slowly grinding yourself against his length. 

Sliding his mouth over your skin, Bucky presses small kisses to you collarbones to then close his lips around one of your nipples, twirling his tongue around the bud and gently nibbling on it as his hand squeezes the other one, forefinger teasing it until he turns his attention to give your other side the same attention. 

Releasing your breasts with a wet pop, Bucky continues his way down, his kisses and sucks and nibbles now trailing all the way to your stomach until you’re literally squirming on the bed, one of your hands buried into his hair as the other grips the sheet with a strength you don’t even actually know you have. 

Though he’s not putting too much efforts, you know that you’re going to be completely littered in small purple bruises and you honestly can’t bring yourself to care about it rather wearing the lovemarks with pride. 

Finally nestling himself right in between your thighs, Bucky wraps his arms around your legs and part your lips with a content hum, groaning quietly as he sees how wet you are again. 

Grinning smugly at you, he dives right in  _so_  much that you can’t barely see his nose from your upper view, his face completely buried into your pussy as his tongue laps through your folds in the most torturously way ever, your desperate moans just getting louder and louder by his every lick. He sucks your clit into his mouth and shakes his head just slightly and you  _swear_  you can see stars in the ceiling, the familiar pressure just starting to build up again in your lower stomach as you close your legs around him and pull into his hair harshly. 

“ _Fuck_.” You curse breathlessly, feeling his tongue going flat over your clit before diving into your walls just slightly, back arching from the mattress as you pull his face flush against your mound and roll your hips over his mouth shamelessly, chasing your orgasm by grinding yourself against his tongue. “Bucky, please. Oh my God, pleasepleaseplease.”

When you're  _just_  about to come Bucky abruptly pulls back and quickly kneels on the bed again, flipping you over on your stomach and barely giving you a second to cry out in frustration, your body heating off like fire as you feel your pussy throb in pure pleasure. 

“Ass up, kitten.” Bucky murmurs and you immediately lift your ass up, face flat against the mattress as his hands start to slide up through your thighs. You sigh quietly at the feel of his calloused hands, fingers palming over your ass and closing in a hard squeeze that you can’t help but whimper lazily at. When you playfully wiggle your ass against him Bucky gives a sharp smack to one your cheeks, the loud slap mixing up with your moan as he hums appreciatively. “You’re so wet for me, baby. Gonna take me real good, ain’t you? Feel so good around my cock, huh?”

His words only makes you moan softly and pop your hips even more, displaying yourself open for him as if you have no shame, his deep groan only spurring you to push your hips against him again. 

With a deep breath and a curse, Bucky slowly slides his length into you, taking his time in feeling your walls clenching around his cock and running his hands all over your back in slow touches to then settle them on your hips, fingers squeezing your flesh so tight that’s definitely marking you up. 

All that he needs to do is give a gentle slap to your ass for you to know what he means. Whimpering quietly into the sheets, you start to slowly fuck yourself against him, pushing your hips back and forth in a pace that he controls, his hands steady around your hips as your moans and whimpers fills the room. 

Curling his fingers into your skin with a grunt, Bucky starts to slowly move his hips, his thrusts matching with yours for a moment until he holds you still to stop your movements. When he slams back into you, his cock hits your g-spot in the most delicious way ever, enough to nearly bring you out of your mind with pleasure. 

All that you can focus at is the loud dirty noise of your skins slapping together, Bucky’s strained and choked moans as you clench around him and your orgasm building up quicker by every second, the two of you completely oblivious to the outside world. 

Squeezing your hips with his fingertips, Bucky hastily flips you over the bed so your back is flat against the mattress and your legs are lazily placed around his hips. With a soft grunt, he slides back into you and leans over your body, hands on either sides as he picks up his trusts in the fastest pace he can muster. 

You’re so drowsy on your own pleasure that you can do much but lie limply under him, your moans getting uncontrollable with each thrust and breasts bouncing on his moves’ rhythm. 

“So fucking gorgeous baby girl, taking my cock so good.” He mutters quietly, small breathless grunts escaping from his lips as you whimper in reply, your hands subconsciously closing around your breasts and squeezing them tightly when he brings his metal fingers to rub your clit. “Tell me who you belong to.”

“I’m yours– _fuck_.” You cry out with a strained moan at the fast circles he’s pressing on your clit, your fingertips tugging desperately on your nipples when he rolls his hips against you to make his cock hit all your right places. Feeling your stomach tightening with each move, you can’t help but throw your head back through your whimpers. “I’m only yours, Bucky. _Only yours_.”

Bringing one of his hands to your throat, he grazes your skin with his fingers and soon slide them over to your mouth. Grinning devilish at your whimpers, Bucky gently traces the outline of your lips with his thumb before pushing it into your mouth, muffling your sounds as he locks his gaze with yours. 

“моя кукла.” He whispers softly, humming in delight when you suck his fingertip and swirl your tongue around it. His gaze doesn’t budge from yours for a moment and it’s so fucking intense and deep that you feel your cheeks flushing in embarrassment though he’s deep down into you, making a short chuckle escape from his lips. “You’re gonna come for me, кукла? Gonna come all over my cock?”

Releasing your mouth with a quick kiss, Bucky kneels up on the bed and places his hands on your legs wrapped around his waist to pick up his moves, watching in delight your body completely bare and open and sunkissed for him as you cry out in blind pleasure.  

Your hands gripping the sheets, breasts swinging to his accord, eyes closed and head thrown back with hair all over the place. He can see his bites and sucks beginning to form purple bruises all over your sweaty skin, occasionally shivering with the light breeze that entered through the open window. 

You look completely and utterly fucked and he loves it because you’re by far the prettiest sight he’s ever had in his entire life. 

Sensing the pressure growing up in his own stomach, Bucky tightens his hold around your legs and uses them as leverage to thrust deeper into you, his grunts mixing with your whimpers as you start to lose yourself in your upcoming orgasm too. An one last thrust from him takes your body into a frenzy, your moans filling the room as you orgasm, vision turning white and legs subconsciously closing around Bucky’s hips. 

When you’re sober enough to notice he’s still chasing his own pleasure, you tug him closer to you with your legs and expertly push him down to sit on the mattress, your thighs straddling his hips before you’re easing yourself on his cock again. 

You can’t help but momentarily marvel at the state he’s in with sweat sliding down his temple and chest, hair completely messed up, and looking completely wrecked as you sit yourself completely and his mouth falls open in a perfect 'O’ that makes you grin in delight. Having a slightly chance in control with him isn’t an easy thing, but whenever it happens you can’t deny you love it. 

“You’re gonna come for me, soldier?” You smirk knowingly at him, hands firmly holding the headboard as you bounce up and down on his length, giving him an entire show with your bouncing breasts and small nibbles to the small dimple on his chin. “You’re gonna fill me up with your come? Or do you want it all over me?”

Groaning loudly at your words, he places his hands on your hips and takes control over your moves, picking up a pace to his liking before letting his head fall back against the headboard. 

It doesn’t take much until he’s moaning out and open for you to know he’s close. Pressing a sloppy kiss to his lips, you roll your hips around his length and just like that he’s gone. With a breathless groan Bucky quickly tugs you off him, your back hitting the mattress as you feel his come covering your stomach with his choked moans being the hottest background ever. 

As he finally comes down from his high, Bucky chuckles quietly at your expression, looking completely innocent and all cute while naked and covered in cum while lying just beside him. 

Picking up his shirt from the floor he quickly cleans up your stomach and leans over to press a tender kiss to your lips, your arms wrapping up his neck as you smile lazily against his mouth. 

When you finally pull back, his next words are nearly inevitable. 

“You didn’t count, baby girl.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, did you like it ooor did you hate it? Tell me!
> 
> I REALLY hope this was understandable, lmao. I'm still new at this, please don't forget. Come @ me on tumblr: bbbarneswrites! <3
> 
> Rough translations from my pal, google translate:  
> кукла: doll  
> моя кукла: my doll
> 
> If there's any mistake in this chapter, please warn me.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! You're awesome.


	26. Beautiful Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky’s secret is no longer a secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi lovely gals! 
> 
> This one’s very shitty as I didn’t know how to end this so forgive me in advance, lmao. Just one fluff to update! 
> 
> Partially based off Tom Misch’s [Beautiful Escape](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4QLYXPto0w4) and Maxine Ashley’s [Between You and I](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGP3nfJOmuc). 
> 
> Happy reading! <3

The place is quiet and calm and Bucky absolutely relishes on that, still not used with the buzz and fuzz from the facility.

Nobody knows about her and he can only label that as good thing.

It’s good to have a part of his life that isn’t involved with the craziness that is his hero life, if he can even be called that. She’s as normal as she can be and though that scares him sometimes, it’s something that he desperately needs.

Normalcy isn’t on his dictionary anymore.

The funniest thing is that for him, she’s his normalcy whereas for her, he’s her abnormality.

She’s got a quiet life – a small apartment in a cute brick building in Hell’s Kitchen, a job that she loves in a small law firm that barely has funds to themselves, a puppy named Marty because she’s a top class nerd who loves Back to the Future and a normal family who constantly checks on her and comes over for Sunday lunches.

Because of that, Bucky doesn’t know what the _hell_ she sees on him.

A fucked up 99 year old, who’s been brainwashed more times he can count with his fingers, a metal arm that can’t go out in full display on the streets, bloodied hands and a an even worse mind.

And sometimes he feels so selfish because she can do better than him, she can do the whole world if she wants to, but he can’t bring himself to let her go. He’s just happy that she trusts him enough to bare her life and soul open to him.

Even if he’s a murderer, even if he’s a monster.

And still despite of _that_ – she’s there with him and for him in all times he needs.

When he’s got too much on his mind, overwhelmed with all the information he’s missed. When his nightmare’s haunt him or when he can’t sleep at all. When he just needs an escape or when he just feels like it.

Or when he’s got way too harsh missions to forget.

He’s just came back from one in Serbia – scrapes all over his body, a few lost and burn wires in his arm, and muscles aching for days.

Ignoring Steve’s pleas for him to be checked out by Helen’s nurses, all he seems to think about at the time is going back _home_ , where he knows she is even though it’s barely six the morning and she’s probably still asleep.

He doesn’t know how much it means to him to see her safe and sound until he’s actually there in her apartment. Quiet and calm.

Her body curled up on the mattress, bed hair all over the pillow, the blankets nearly falling off the bed as she sleeps soundly while wearing his goddamned black t-shirt.

It doesn’t take more than five minutes until he’s off his uniform and cuddled up against her warm body, soft sighs escaping from his lips whenever she subconsciously leans closer to his chest, wrapping her arms around his torso.

But the actual mornings are his favorite part.

He feels her stirring against him, a quiet yawn coming from her lips until she sits up, slightly disoriented and confused.

To only _then_ notice him there.

“Oh my _God_ , Bucky!” (Y/N) shrieks loudly, half excited and half confused as she throws herself against him and cup his cheeks with her hands, disbelief all over her face. “When did you come back?”

“Few hours ago.” He chuckles quietly and wraps one arm around her waist, tightening his hold as he sighs under the softness of her body against his and her touch over his cheeks. “Just needed to see you first.”

With a soft smile and a clumsy hug, her lips are meeting his in the most tender kiss ever, fingertips sliding over his stubbly cheek and getting lost into his hair until she’s softly caressing his locks and undoing a few knots in the way.

She feels like the complete and exact opposite of what he does and what he is and he can’t say if that’s good or bad.

Especially for her.

Still, it makes his insides twist when he pulls back and she blindly follow his moves, momentarily searching for lips until she opens her eyes again.

“I was worried about you.” She sighs heavily and rest her head on his chest, ear purposefully placed over his heart as if she’s seeking for sureness that he’s there. “The whole Serbia thingy was all over the news and it looked pretty bad. How are you feeling?”

She does that everytime he comes home from a mission that has too much repercussion from the media.

Both of them know that even if he was believed innocent from his crimes, the majority of the press still thought of him as a terrorist. Bucky doesn’t blame them (nor disagrees) but he’d be lying if he says the harsh words didn’t sting sometimes. And (Y/N) knows that.

He knows that there’s the people who believes he’s innocent, but unfortunately, the other side always seem to get better of them.

And though he doesn’t exactly feel like talking much about all of that in that moment, he’s sure that she knows better than him to know what is going on in his head.

She gets him just as much and the same as he gets her.

“I’ve been better.” Bucky answers truthfully and smiles small, bringing a hand to her hair before starting to run his fingers through its length with a deep sigh. “I’m gonna be fine. Just give me a few more hours just like this and I’ll be fine.”

“You know I love you, right?” She mumbles quietly against his skin and Bucky can’t help but chuckle, his laugh spreading through his chest and making her lift up her head for a bit to fully face him. “I mean it, Bucky. _I love you_ and I don’t care what they say. They don’t know you like I do. Just…remember that.”

As fast as it took over his mind, all the worrying thoughts fades like air with her words.

And that’s when he really remembers why he comes to her place so often

It’s not the quiet or the calm or the homey and welcoming atmosphere, though he loves those aspects just as much.  It’s not the fact that it’s a secret and far away from his other life, though he loves those aspects just as much.

It’s all _her_ – and the fact that she can make him feel loved and whole again, the fact that she treats him as just a guy rather than all the titles he’s carried over the years.

And the fact that he loves her just as much and more.

“I know.” He mutters with a smile and tightens his arm around her body, pressing a kiss to her temple when she nestles herself against his chest again, throwing a leg over his hips. “I love you too, sweetheart.”

Just as much and probably more.

 

* * *

 

After months and several missions and sleepovers, Bucky knows the team is picking up on his bullshit.

He isn’t being very subtle anyway.

His visits are so constant that sometimes he leaves the facility in the middle of the night, sometimes he spends the whole weekend away, sometimes he doesn’t even warn anyone.

Even still, no one says a thing and he guesses it’s because they know there’s a girl involved. With time, it gets to the point where he can’t help but find the whole thing amusing – Sam, Steve and Wanda practically itching every morning to ask something about it.

Or in the very least waiting for him to say something about it, thing which Bucky doesn’t plan to be doing soon.

It’s another factor that makes him feel and sound selfish.

He gets the best from her world by having her all for him, the visits to her place to knowing her friends and a few family members while she gets nothing except knowing that he’s an Avenger and whatever shows up on the news.

It comforts him a little that she doesn’t seem to mind and always makes sure to point out that she understands why he doesn’t want mix up the two sides.

What firstly starts as an escape from his responsibilities turns out into fear when he realizes his actions and enemies can get to her too, a fact that only adds to his previous hesitation and leaves him on the edge by just thinking about it.

But still– whenever it’s just them, quiet and cozy and recluse in their own world, it’s like a part of these thoughts fade away.

It’s on Valentines Day that they complete nine months together and that she gives him the best and most sweet night he’s had in _ages_ , easily taking his number one spot for the dates he’s been in – the 40s included.

As she knows that he’s still on edge on going out, they spend the night on her place instead.

The roof, specifically.

She’s got the entire place lit up with LED lights, making the place feel comfortable and familiar but still somewhat romantic. A brown towel splayed across the floor and a few snacks to complete, making him subconsciously chuckle at her ‘unhealthy’ choices.

And while Bucky does try to get himself in a decent outfit, _nothing_ compares to her efforts. Dress hanging just below her knees, shoulders out and exposed for his delight and feet clad with flats that matches perfectly, making him feel like a caveman next to her.

As dinner passes by with quiet conversations, soft kisses and sheepish jokes, it doesn’t take long until they’re done and she’s handing him a neatly wrapped gift box.

Like he’s _ever_ earned or deserved all of that.

“I told you I didn’t want anything, baby doll.” Bucky huffs out a laugh, feeling his chest warm up at her excited face and the mere thought of her choosing up a gift for him even though he knows he doesn’t deserve it. “So fucking stubborn, that’s what you are.”

“I couldn’t let this go! It’s our first Valentines together,” She pouts playfully and settles herself beside him again, back pressed against his chest as she smiles and offers the box rather sheepishly. “Also, I would’ve done this even if it wasn’t a special date so shut up and take it.”

All Bucky can seem to do in the moment is grin at her words and take the box, trying to minimize his self-loathing thoughts while pressing a quick kiss to her cheek in a silent thank you.

With her excited but yet burning gaze upon him, Bucky carefully unwraps the small box, taking all the care in the world to not rip the paper and bows apart as she watches his attempts in pure amusement.

But he’s expecting _anything_ but _that_ once he finally gets it open.

His rusted and battlered and old dog tags arranged perfectly upon a small black cushion, looking as good as new and shining up at him like he’s just gotten them. _James B Barnes 32557038 T42 43 A_ written up just like he remembers.

When he breaks out of his haze and finally looks up at her, she’s biting her lower lip in mixed expectancy and nervousness and he can’t do anything but palm his hand over her cheek and crash ther lips together, feeling momentarily overwhelmed with her attitude.

“ _Thank you_.” Bucky murmurs against her lips, feeling them curve in a small smile as he pushes a few strands of hair behind her ear and locks his gaze with hers. “This…you shouldn’t have. It must’ve been a hell of a work to get this done.”

(Y/N) grins at his sudden accent carried words but shakes her head in denial either way, brushing her lips against his in a tentative manner.

“No harm no foul, metal boy.” She jokes lightly, grinning as Bucky just rolls his eyes and drops his head in mocked shame until she’s lovingly cupping his jaw and locking her eyes with his again. “Seriously now, it’s no trouble. I just wanted you to have this because you are a war hero despite the outcome and despite what you think. Nothing’s gonna change that, okay?”

At that, Bucky finds himself suddenly speechless.

He’s been always good with words and he’s been relearning that all over again since Wakanda and leaving cryo for good but more often than not with _her_ – he doesn’t know what to say.

But actions speaks louder than words in that moment and he knows that. So before he can even think twice, he’s carefully reaching out for the tags’ necklace in the box and raising it up to her head, watching with a smile as she frowns with mouth falling open in mild surprise and confusion.

“I want you to have it.” He explains quietly, the corners of his mouth lifting just slightly as she opens her mouth to protest and he brushes her lips with his fingertips to stop her. “ _I want you to have it_. You helped me get here too, doll. You deserve it just as much.”

Bucky can’t decide what’s better from that night.

The way his dog tags shine against her skin, the place where she’s placed it – right upon her heart, with constant tender caresses over its letters – or how she just looks his, proudly showing off a piece of his past when she’s lying bare and open under him, with the necklace being her only accessory.

Maybe he can say all of the above plus the fact that she’s entirely too good to be true.

 

* * *

 

It doesn’t take much longer until Bucky feels somewhat fed up with their secret.

And strangely, even though he’s never really thought of it, the feelings doesn’t come up as a surprise for him. It doesn’t exactly mean that he no longer appreciates the quiet pace they take, it’s more like feeling that it’s just not enough anymore.

For so long he’s had her just to himself and always in an atmosphere they both created but now it feels just _so_ _different_.

He’s partially recovered and out of his shell and properly learning on how to deal with his own bullshit. He doesn’t want to hide anymore but more important than that– Bucky doesn’t want to hide _her_ anymore.

(Y/N) is easily one of the best parts of his life and it doesn’t make any sense in hiding it when he’s so content and happy about it.

Not any sense after she’s taken so much of his life without asking twice, not when she’s done her best to make him okay and comfortable at the best of her efforts, not when she’s opened up her life without wanting anything back.

Bucky’s still afraid in some aspects though  – he’s lying if he says he doesn’t think about someone coming up to her on his behalf.

But everytime he tries and remembers what she’s said to him during a night he had too much going on in his head.

_'Whatever happened to you, Bucky, it’s in the past now. Don’t let it dictate your future. Don’t be afraid of it. Otherwise the fear won’t let you live your present.’_

The words just happens to be exactly the push that what he needs now that he thinks about it.

Steve’s birthday party is his perfect cue and Bucky can’t help but roll his eyes at his friends once they meet her, clearly trying to control their curiosity but still fishing for as much details as they could with shameless questions.

They’re in a complete different atmosphere but he still feels a sense of comfort and pride when he sees her animatedly talking to his friends, _his family_ , almost as if she’s always belonged there.

And when it’s just the two of them again in the quiet and calm, Bucky feels as content as ever with both sides of his life, if he can even separate them now.

If he even _wants_ to separate them now.

Because she looks perfect just like this with him – wearing a strapped tank top with his dog tags hanging on her neck and sweatpants that makes his legs warm too–

–but he can’t deny he loves it when she’s all dressed up with little dresses and heels like she’s used on the party.

“Hey, Bucky?” She calls out softly, resting her chin on his chest before smiling small at him with flushed cheeks and shining eyes that instantly makes his heart skip a beat. “Thank you for introducing them tonight. I know it means a lot to you and I want you to know that it means a lot to me too.”

Lips subconsciously curving into a smile, Bucky slowly leans forward and presses a soft kiss to her lips, his arm around her shoulders tightening as she cuddles up closer to his chest on the couch and he tries to hold back a smirk.

“No, thank _you_.” He answers just as serious and sheepish, sighing quietly under her stare until he locks his eyes with hers as she smiles knowingly. “I mean it, doll. I owe this to you and you know it.”

Knowing that she’s going to protest, Bucky acts faster than her and presses another kiss to her lips, grinning knowingly against her mouth when he feels her body melting into his hold with small quiet sighs.

With her just like this into his arms and the thought of his friends, Bucky thinks that _maybe_ he doesn’t need an escape.

But just because _maybe_ he’s already have them right there with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, did you like it or did you hate it? TELL ME.
> 
> [Here's](https://66.media.tumblr.com/b8829926eba561e4227a6a3f6d83335f/tumblr_oe19vzd96l1tus7o2o1_400.png) the dress I mentioned if you want to have a visual and ALSO come and talk to me @ bbbarneswrites on Tumblr!! <3
> 
> If there's any mistakes in this chapter, please warn me.
> 
> Thank you for reading! You're awesome.


	27. Two Sides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every war and battle has more than one point of view. The one they’re in is no exception to the rule.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY, YOU! :D
> 
> I got a request this week asking for another view from The Apartment Chronicles to show what Bucky’s lady was up to during the real fight during Civil War so here you have it! 
> 
> This isn’t exactly exclusively Bucky centric but I hope you guys enjoy it anyway. You don’t need to read The Apartment Chronicles to understand this one but if you want to, just go back to Chapter 18!
> 
> Also, let’s pretend that there’s enough time between the fights for this whole thing to happen…lmao. THAT’S IT!
> 
> ENJOY! <3

It’s meant to be like any other of your days together and it definitely starts off in that way.

Waking up in a mess of sheets and intertwined limbs, having a quick breakfast filled with sleepy kisses and sighs, getting ready with cheeky glances and jokes to then go out – alert and always ready for a fight, but still taking the time to appreciate the outside world.

It can sound absurd to anyone the fact that the Winter Soldier takes a day to go out grocery shopping and running errands but you personally think he decides to not put much thought into it, rather enjoying living a normal life and having the chance of relearning things again.

If he can even label himself as normal, even if he’s no longer an animal that has been kept caged up for decades.

But at least he _tries_ to.

Taking advantage of your day off from class, you decide to go out in the city to buy a few books and some supplies and Bucky gladly tags along, taking up on your offer to buy a few fruits and some real food for you to prepare during dinner instead of the usual chips and snacks he insists in buying.

You’re standing outside the grocery store with the several bags pilled up by your feet while you you wait for him to finish up at the small local market, having promised to meet up with you again so he can help with the bags once he’s finished.  
  
Doing that it’s practically routine for the both you right now, hence why you can’t help but frown in confusion once you see finally Bucky rushing over to you with a frantic expression taking over his features.

You don’t fail to notice that he isn’t holding any of his usual bags of plums and it can sound downright dumb to anyone else, but it worries you way more than it should have.

It only takes a few quick strides from him until he’s by your side, gripping your arm with a firm hold as he picks up the bags by your feet and pulls you closer to him to finally start walking.

“What’s going on, Bucky?” You ask with a quiet mumble, feeling your heart skip a beat as he glances down at you with a somewhat pained look and gently pushes you to stark walking. “Did someone recognize you?”  
  
You think he’s barely listening to you with the frantic way he’s looking around, almost as if waiting for someone to jump on both of you. But once you get past an agglomerate of people down the sidewalk, Bucky lets out a shaky a sigh and finally looks down at you again.  
  
“I thought…it’s just a panic attack.” He mutters roughly, allowing his posture to falter for a moment as you shoot him a worried glance that he can’t do much but brush it off. “It’s fine, doll. You know how I am.”

Deep down, you _know_ he’s lying. You know he’s hiding something. But that’s just how he is – closed off until he’s feeling safe and calm enough to share his troubles with you. It takes some time until he completely opens up to you to tell whatever it’s bothering his mind but he never hid anything from you.  
  
That’s the main reason why you think this works – you trust him and he trusts you.

And knowing that is enough for you to forget the whole ordeal for the moment, clueless to what was about to happen and still in the hopes that he’d come around his choices.

 

* * *

 

 

The walk home is as calm as it can be with him looking around for any possible threats in every corner you pass by.

Bucky knows you don’t believe his bullshit and he sure as hell doesn’t expect you to, but that’s the only way he can make something up to take you away from the mess he’s about to enter. Or the mess that he truly is, actually.

It’s only a matter of time until his face is all over the news alongside the bombings in Vienna.

God knows he doesn’t want to leave you, especially after the particular talk the both of you had just weeks ago, but there’s nothing he can do to change the situation now. If you stick with him, you instantly become a wanted criminal as well and the last thing he wants is a target on your back too.  
  
There’s nothing in the world Bucky wants more than to be sure that you’re going to live your life normally once he’s gone, that you’re getting everything that you deserve after what he’s put you through.

But maybe he was being way too naïve in thinking that this could go in the way he wanted.

When you arrive at his apartment, it’s nearly subconscious the way he pushes you to stand behind him with a mention for you to be quiet, a single finger to your lips as you gulp worryingly. Grocery bags forgotten by the building’s entrance, Bucky knows that something is wrong.  
  
He can’t help but feel his chest tighten in apprehension in worry for you and whatever hell he knows is waiting to be unleashed.

“James?” You whisper as quietly as you can behind him, sounding so small and scared that he doesn’t even have the heart to call on your stubbornness by insisting on talking. “What’s wrong?”

All that he can do now is protect you. Try to get you out of that place, take you as far away as he can until it’s safe for you to come back and restart your life again.

And that’s honestly _all_ that matters to him in that moment.

So as he finally opens his apartment’s door, hand tightly clutched with yours as you stand behind him with frantic breathing, Bucky is waiting for literally anyone but him.

 

* * *

 

Two freaking long years and Steve can barely believe he’s there. In his best friend’s hidden apartment, watching very detail to confirm that he isn’t wrong.

The place is old and smelly and there’s barely any furniture around but as strange as it can sound, the atmosphere brings a slight comfort to Steve’s heart. Knowing that his best-friend is alive and well and has managed to get this far on his own brings a certain sense of proudness to his chest that he can’t quite explain.

Bucky’s always managed himself better than he did and it’s unknown to him as to why he’s feeling in such a way.

Maybe it can be his guilt swallowing him, maybe it’s just sadness over the fact Bucky didn’t seem to plan to search for him at all.

But momentarily pulling his feelings aside, there’s one thing in particular makes his mind itch in curiosity.

The several notebooks scattered around every surface of the apartment and the very few feminine details that took special areas of the place. Army green colored, leather covered notebooks and colorful post-its. Moisturizing creams, high heeled shoes and baby dolls by the bed.

Steve doesn’t know wether to be amused over the fact that Bucky’s already got a girlfriend or alarmed by the fact that it can most definitely be one more person to take care in this mess.

So he ignores his current thoughts and reaches out for a notebook that’s placed over the fridge, the one who’s got more colorful notes than he’s seen on the other ones.

Finding his own face inside of it is most definitely a surprise.

But still not as big as to find his best-friend there, just a few steps away from him as he stands protectively over a girl– _you_ , glancing at him with a mixture of admiration and slight fear that he can’t pinpoint if it’s a good thing or not.

And even so, there’s way too much questions going on through Steve’s mind in that moment.

“Do you know me?” Steve finally brings himself to ask, trying to sound as firm as he can while holding up his glance to the both of you.

He doesn’t miss the hesitant glance you shoot at Bucky once the question’s out, your hand’s hold visibly tightening around his as Bucky pauses for a moment. A part of Steve knows what it’s coming, specially from Bucky in such a delicate situation, with rather delicate people involved.

But still, he can’t help but hope that maybe this isn’t going to take the difficult path.

“You’re Steve.” Bucky replies with a mutter, his voice sounding rasp and somewhat controlled as he nods curtly and holds his gaze just as firmly as he did. “I read about you in a museum.”

“I know you’re nervous. And you got plenty reason to be.” Steve glances pointedly at you before settling his gaze on Bucky again, placing the notebook over the counter with his jaw subconsciously setting. “But you’re lying.”

At his words, Steve watches as Bucky instantly clenches his free hand and closes his eyes for a moment. With a deep breath and a somewhat apologetic glance back to you, Bucky shakes his head slightly before replying.

“I wasn’t in Vienna.” He rasps out with a pained look taking over his features, your quiet gasp following rightly after. “I don’t do that anymore.”

Even though Steve knows that the bombings wasn’t his best-friend’s account, he can’t help but feel slightly relieved in hearing the words while seeing Bucky’s sane and okay.

But what truly puzzles him for that moment is your reaction.

It’s pretty much clear that the both of you are together and even though he doesn’t know you, Steve feels somewhat a little thankful to you for not letting Bucky alone. Still, he doesn’t know how deep you’re into this, how much you know about Bucky’s past and that leaves him slightly on edge about whatever it’s about to unfold.

“The people who think you did are coming here right now.” Steve takes a step forward, his fingers tightening around his shield’s hold as he tries to not sound so desperate as he feels. “And they’re not planning on taking you alive.”  
  
“That’s smart.” Bucky retorts with a curt nod, freeing his hand from yours as he looks up at Steve again way too calm for his own good. “Good strategy.”  
  
Steve feels momentarily lost for words or actions as he watches Bucky free his hand from yours and start pulling off the leather glove, turning around to you for a moment with a reassuring look that doesn’t seem to do much effect on your startled look.

“This doesn’t have to end in a fight, Buck.” He protests hopelessly, subconsciously clenching his fist once Bucky takes off the glove completely and shoots him one last glance.

“It _always_ ends in a fight.”

 

* * *

 

It’s everything way long overdue and Bucky knows that, as much as it pains him to say that.

It’s been foolish of him to think that he deserved any of that, that he’s worthy of having a normal life after everything’s he’s done and all the pain he’s caused.

On the long shot, now he’s just getting back what’s it’s already his – _destruction_.

But you aren’t made for this.

There’s nothing in the world that would make him let you get the same, make him let you be into this mess for simply being someone who loves way too much without thinking twice about the outcome.

It doesn’t take more than seconds until the police is invading his apartment and he’s shouting for you to get down, his arm protecting you from the bullets as he pulls up the mattress and pushes you down to the corner of the room in a spot he knows you’ll be remotely safe.

All he wants to do is grab his things and get you out of that place but Steve downright tries to make it difficult, torn between fighting the policemen or Bucky himself.

He feels like he’s on auto pilot and it scares him.

Two years that he’s spent on his own, without touching or harming a single soul and now everything’s over. But still all of these thoughts immediately fade away once he hears your scream from the corner you’re hiding, more men bursting through the window and nearly taking you along on the way in.

As he finishes one last guy out, Bucky instantly feels Steve’s hand holding him back, a worrying look taking over his features though he’s fought just as much as he did.

“ _Bucky, stop!_ You’re gonna kill someone!”

He doesn’t need to do much until Steve’s thrown over the floor.

“I’m not gonna kill anyone.” Bucky mutters roughly and lands his fist against the wooden surface pulling out the two hidden backpacks before looking back at Steve again, this time with a pleading look taking over his face. “Help me get her out of here.”

Steve doesn’t need to be told much until he’s calling up for someone over his comms.

“Sam, I need your help. You need to take a civilian out of here.”

At Steve’s words and reassuring look Bucky finally allows himself to run towards your spot again, picking you up from the ground as carefully as he can before leading you out to the balcony’s door.

It fucking breaks his heart to see you into this mess and it’s even worse to know that he’s the one who started this in the first place. You’re scared and crying and hurt and it’s all his fault, all because he wasn’t good enough to protect you like he should have, all because he didn’t stay away like he should have.

He knows there isn’t much time until another police team is coming up so he decides to be a selfish bastard and send you away as quickly as he can.

The only thing that matters is having you away from that place.

With your quiet sobs burning into his ears, Bucky ignores the crushing guilt growing up in his chest and passes one of the backpacks over your arms,  clicking the buckle in front your chest before cupping your cheeks with his both hands.

“Remember what I told you? In case something happened?” Bucky asks frantically, tenderly running his thumbs over your cheeks to wipe away the few tears off your face until you nod curtly. “You’ll have to do this now. Can you do it?”

“Without you?” You cry out desperately, feeling fresh tears pricking up from your eyes as he purses his lips in a tight line. “I _can’t_ do this without, Bucky! I’m not leaving you!”

“I’ll come and find you.” He replies back, trying to sound as calm and collected as he can as he takes a step forward and your noses touch just slightly. “ _I’ll come and find you_. I promise. But you _have_ to get out of here.”

Maybe it’s just his mind playing tricks or maybe it’s just him trying to ignore the reality but he can almost feel that you know it’s a lie. You _know_ he’s not coming back, you _know_ he’s doing a false promise, you _know_ there’s no way this can end with the both of you together again.

He should feel bad for lying and saying those things.

But it brings a certain comfort to his heart having a false hope of coming back home, of coming back to you and thinking that everything will be be alright.

Bucky knows this isn’t the case. His case.

Monsters don’t have second chances and if letting you go is the right thing – even if it’s going to break both of your hearts – that’s exactly what he’s going to do.

So when Sam finally shows up outside the apartment’s balcony, Bucky is immediately wrapping his arms around her for one last time, his lips crashing onto yours in a kiss that doesn’t express the slightest bit of his feelings for you.

“Bucky, you _can’t_ –”

“Remember what I told you.” He interrupts your desperate protest, pulling back from the embrace to lead you outside where Sam rushing you out. “Go straight to the safe house, don’t look back to anyone and don’t come back to Burachest until this is over. Got it?”

You just nod quietly. Press another kiss to his lips. And–

“Just don’t forget me, okay?”

 

* * *

 

The whole situation is so ridiculous that if someone actually told Sam he’d be involved into this a few years back, he’d have down right laughed. Being a superhero with an ass buried deep into an international mess has never been on his personal bucket list.

_Yet_ , he’s got an assassin’s girlfriend with him as he takes you out to a remote and quiet city near the country’s border, risking to be found out by the government and definitely killed by the said man if something happens to you.

Don’t get him wrong – he loves saving people and that trait it’s been always a part of his life but you’re entirely something else.

If he hadn’t seen it in person, he’d never believe that _The Winter Soldier_ of all people, was such a… _softie_ , for lack of a better word.

The man did try to kill him several times.

But even with his suspiciousness and hesitance over the soldier, Sam can’t help but feel sorry for you. He’s gathered enough to notice that you’re extremely strong and hard headed and very sure of yourself, but he also knows that sometimes these traits aren’t enough when you’re into a mess like this one.

Once he drops you off on the place Bucky had explicitly instructed to, for the first time in his life, Sam doesn’t know what to say.

“Thank you for the ride.” You start up with a playful smile, even though it’s not even close to reaching your eyes and matching your shaky tone of voice. “That was quite an wild trip.”

“Hey, whenever you need, I’m here for you.” He jokes with a smug wink, proud of himself for getting an honest chuckle from your lips. “You gonna be fine on your own?”

He’s gotta cut this short before someone finds out and the both of you know it.

But that doesn’t mean you’re ready for it.

“As fine as I can be.” You shrug weakly, gentle tears filling up your eyes until you give a deep breath and wipe them with a tired groan. “I’ll be fine, I promise. Just need to follow what he’s teached, really.”

With a curt nod to your words and a step back just ready to take off, Sam doesn’t even think twice before speaking up again.

(Even if he’s not even sure of his own words).

“We’ll watch out for you.”

You just give him a teary smile, knowing exactly what he means with _you_.

“ _I know_.”

 

* * *

 

You spend just a few days on the safe house Bucky set up for situations like this one but it honestly feels like months. You miss the quirky streets of Bucharest, you miss your apartments and you miss him.

Being locked up in a recluse place of a recluse city is nothing when all you can think about is how he is.

So instead of nagging yourself with bad thoughts and feelings, you create a routine for the time being. Wake up, have some breakfast, clean up the place as best as you can, go out for groceries to the next day and sometimes try to catch up on the news on the local journal shop TV.

But it comes to the point it’s driving you  _insane_ and all you want to do is to go back to the city.

Until they come up to the place– some woman named Dora Milaje that is apparently sent with the regards of King T'Challa of Wakanda and a message from Sam.

_You can come to see him but you gotta be quiet about it._ Bucky’s teached you better than that and though you know it can lead you right into a trap, you don’t care.

The simple promise of seeing him after the hell you’ve lived is enough for any recommendation go south.

You don’t see much from Wakanda from the private jet’s window but it’s enough for you to marvel with its beauty. The people are welcoming and gift you with a flowy colorful dress that you love right away, despite thinking that they do it because they feel sorry for you.

And even though you don’t know Steve and Sam at all, you can’t help but feel a wave of relief run through your chest.

Because if they’re fine then he’s got to be too, right?

“Hey, tough lady!” Sam greets first, a wide grin spreading through his lips despite the tired posture and few bruises on his face. “How you holding up?”

“Thank you for agreeing with this.” Steve chimes up into Sam’s speech, nodding cordially at you despite the soft look on his eyes. “I know this must be hard for you too. We’ll do our best to send you home as fast as we can.”

Your heart is nearly pounding out of your chest by the time you manage to answer.

“I know. And I appreciate that.” You reply with a small smile, trying to hide your anxiety at the best of your skills though Sam seems to be looking right through your act with a known glance to you. “Can we just…can I go see him already?”

A nod from them and several doors and passcodes later, you’re into the all white lab corridor – doctors coming and going from everywhere but not minding your presence for one bit while you walk beside two actual superheroes towards the last door of the place.

Steve goes in first and you’re left behind with Sam, who looks partially amused and partially touched with your anxiouness, giving you a gentle side hug when he notices your breath starting to speed up.

It honestly feels like a lifetime until Steve finally opens the door and allows you to step inside.

You’re a mess of feeling once you see him – relief, love, regret and fear though that’s the last thing you want to think about.

Because now that you're  _there_ –

You’re finally home again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO. Did you like it or did you hate it? TELL ME.
> 
> Hope y'all enjoyed it despite my shitty writing with fighting scenes. Also, don't forget to come and talk to me on bbbarneswrites @ Tumblr! <3 
> 
> If there's any mistakes in this chapter, please warn me.
> 
> Thank you for reading! You're awesome.


	28. Victim of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Bucky and his beautiful black girlfriend don't back out against racist asses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, babies. Hope you're all good! <3
> 
> This is the result of a request I got on my blog. The song they dance to I imagined as being [The World (Going Up In Flames)](http://https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moiUyFQQE-0) and the title is from [Victim of Love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxFYkoAFZAY), both from Charles Bradley (who made an appearence in Luke Cage and made me tear up with joy). 
> 
> ALSO, this is pretty much my headcanon that Bucky has no chill with all the prejudice still hanging around these times. Hope this one is good! :')
> 
> Enjoy!

Bucky Barnes has always been a sucker for pretty girls – and it isn’t much different with you.

The first time you meet, you're  going through a rough path in your life. You’re just moved into a new town, with a new job, no friends and fresh out of a relationship since your previous boyfriend didn’t want to follow you. Everything’s a _mess_ and you feel like shit for not controlling it.

When the only co-worker you have some contact with invites you to a night-out at Harlem’s Paradise, you can’t help but say yes, only thinking about getting some class A needed booze for a change.

Because that is the only purpose of that night. No boys, no dancing, no having fun. Just drinking.

You just don’t expect to find Bucky there.

He’s handsome and you’re sure at least half of the girls in the club had eyes on him. Creamy skin, a very nice case of stubble, long brown hair tied up into a bun and blue eyes that you could stare for days. Every piece of him screams some strange vibe of alpha male and though you don’t want to admit, it was kinda hot on him.

At every glance you share, every sheepish or flirty smile you give at each other, every sigh that comes out of your lips whenever he laughs to his friends, you beat yourself up for it.

It’s supposed to be a _no boys_ night after all.

But he doesn’t seem to care about that once he finally comes up to you, ordering another drink for you and asking you for a dance with flirty and mischievous eyes but still with a polite smile when you refuse. You don’t seem to care about that when you invite him to sit with you, starting a conversation that you haven’t had with a guy in ages.

You love that he truly looks interested on what you’re saying, you love that he doesn’t hide anything from you as you ask, you loved that he genuinely wants you.

There’s _no way_ the night can’t end in that fashion.

His arms wrapped around your waist as you laugh and joke with each other on the dancefloor and your arms loosely thrown over his shoulders as he kisses you by the end of a Charles Bradley song.

And though you’re a little hesitant at the beginning, the time just does wonders to your blooming relationship.

You meet his family, learn his past and accept it, open yourself up to him about your own demons and _still_ – nothing changes in the way you treat or see each other. You love him and you _know_ he loves you too.

But with time, that love doesn’t seem to enough for you. Or to anybody else really.

 

* * *

 

It happens firstly at the fancy restaurant that Tony booked for you as a celebration for your early job promotion.

You’re with your best dress on, make-up done both beautifully and perfectly, heels that makes your legs longs for days and with Bucky by your side, looking as handsome as ever with a navy blue button-up and black pants that makes his thighs look more than delicious.

It’s not the first time you’re going out together but the situation does bring a certain nervousness to your heart. Everything’s so formal and classy and romantic and it feels like a more than needed confirmation that the both of you are seen as just one now.

And honestly, the night passes by pretty smoothly.

Even though Bucky looks just as apprehensive as you, he doesn’t falter with his flirty lines and sweet slash dirty remarks on how beautiful you look and how much he can’t wait to finally go back home and treat you. You feel good and you look good and you _know_ that.

But even so, things like this never fail to get through you.

When your dessert arrives, you subconsciously take a look around the room just to find the most repulsive look upon both you and Bucky from a woman sitting a few tables away from yours.

You instantly know what it means because she downright looks like the typical type of person you have to dismiss or fight with everyday.

In any other situation, you’d brush it off or glare it back until she was fed up but it feels different now with Bucky. She’s giving you dirty looks simply because you’re different from each other, simply because she probably thinks you’re not enough for him, simply because she’s a closed minded person who thinks she’s better than anyone.

Even though you know you shouldn’t back out, it’s almost subconscious the way you close yourself after the realization.

But it also doesn’t take much until Bucky notices it.

“Doll? You okay?” He suddenly breaks you out of your trance by palming his hand over your cheek, gently tilting your chin up until your eyes are meeting his and he’s shooting you a puzzled look. “You just shut down on me. What’s wrong?”

You swear you want to tell him. You want to tell him because you know he’s going to understand and fight back if he needs to. You want to tell him because you don’t hide things from each other.

But then again, you don’t fail to catch the displeased nod of head and roll of eyes the woman gives once she notices his thumb caressing your cheek, her gesture immediately busting up with your confidence and courage to tell him the truth.

“ _Wha–?_ It’s…it’s nothing, Bucky. Really.” You try to reassure at your best try and smile weakly at him, tilting your head further against his touch until he’s smiling tenderly despite the still suspicious look on his face. “I’m fine, Bucky. I just…I wanna go home? I’m so tired and I have work early tomorrow.”

“I thought we were going to Harlem for a dance?” He frowns confusedly for a moment to then raise his eyebrows, almost challenging you when you shrug with an apologetic glance and a small sigh that doesn’t go unnoticed. “There’s something wrong. You were just fine 10 minutes ago. Tell me what’s wrong, baby doll.”

Momentarily torn between ruining the mood with your worries and telling him the truth – you choose the second option.

You’ve never lied to him and you’re pretty sure he’s never lied to you. It’s not now that you’re going to break this up, even more for someone who doesn’t even deserve neither your effort or attention, someone who’s so ignorant that doesn’t even recognize love when seen.

So with a tinge of hesitation and regret, you take a deep breath and finally look up to him.

“There’s this woman a few tables down from ours,” You start regretfully, grasping for Bucky’s hand over the table and squeezing it until he’s squeezing yours back in a silent sign of support under his curious demeanor. “She’s giving us dirty looks. Giving _me_ dirty looks.”

Bucky immediately frowns with a worried expression and turns around, his eyes instantly meeting with the said woman’s until she’s shaking her head again and he’s turning around to face you again.

“I don’t even know her.” Bucky states with a tinge of doubt laced to his voice, frowning in worry as he shakes his head and raises a hand to push a strand of hair behind your ear. “Why’d she do that? You think she knows about me? Or HYDRA?”

Pretty much everyone knows about both Bucky and HYDRA, especially after the trails that happened once he was finally back at the States. Everyone knows and everyone has a position about it – half good, half bad, very little neutrals.

And because of that, he’s always worrying about people’s thoughts and opinions.

This time isn’t different though the point isn’t really him.

“It’s _me_ , Bucky. She’s looking at me.” You huff out a humorless laugh, slumping back against the chair as he shoots you a clueless look and you can’t help but sigh with a tired shrug. “We’re different– our colors. She’s judging me because of me. Probably thinks I’m not good enough because of that.”

As soon as he realizes what you mean, Bucky glances indignantly at you and snorts in sudden annoyance, looking honestly so fed up that you have to call him up again to break him out of his own thoughts.

“Are you _fuckin’_ serious right now?” He protests with an angry frown, his voice thick with the Brooklyn accent that shows up every once in a while and metal arm closed into a fist over the tablecloth. “21st century and you’d think something’s changed. Fuckin’ hate these people– seventy years and they still with this bullshit.”

His words instantly makes you feel a little bit better and you can’t help but huff out a laugh, shaking your head in amusement as he keeps muttering curses and phrases under his breath, not even noticing when you call him.

Three times, for that matter.

“ _Bucky!_ ” You call out for one last time, raising your eyebrows in pure amusement despite his deep frown and heavy breath as he finally looks up to you again. “You’re being a really old grandpa right now with these rants. And swearings.”

“I don’t fuckin’ care!” Bucky instantly retorts, daring to turn around to glare at the woman until you reach out for his chin and pull him to face you instead, giving him a pointed look as a warning. “No, (Y/N)– who the _hell_ still thinks like that? It’s 2016, for God’s sake, not the fuckin’ 40s!”

You shake your head affectionately at his distress and brush your fingertips against his short stubble, feeling your heart warm up and your apprehensiveness completely disappear once he shows himself just as upset as you are. Maybe a little more rebelled than you, but still.

Despite being born in a decade where so many people were condemned for just being themselves or different from the usual padrons, both Bucky and Steve never let themselves fall into this sense and you loved that.

Waking up years later and finding out that the world had gotten a bit better had been a pleasant surprise.

And that’s exactly why both of them can’t help but being annoyed and nervous whenever they find themselves into a situation like this one – filled with mean judgment, prejudice and conservative old thoughts.

“You’re unbelievable. Do you know that?” You joke lightly, watching as Bucky just frowns through a quick shake of head and tries to hold back a smirk at your words, not wanting to fail his scowly slash angry posture. “Come on, let’s just finish up and leave. We’ve got a dance ahead!”

Glancing at you almost as if he’s contemplating something for a moment, Bucky suddenly stands up from his seat and walks around the table to sit right beside you. As soon as he settles himself down, he throws an arm over your shoulders and pulls you flush against his side, a smirk that you’re way too used pulling up his lips.

You don’t even have time do ask what he’s up to.

With a harsh glare and challenging wink sent to the woman, Bucky immediately crashes his lips against yours in the most passionate kiss you’ve shared so far.

One arm around you and free hand cupping just the shy of your jaw, his fingertips reaching your hair as he tilts your head up and deepens the kiss even more with a quiet sigh and tongue slipping into your mouth.

You don’t even care anymore that you’re in a fancy restaurant, you don’t even care she’s judged you.

Even so, you can’t help but laugh once he pulls back with a mischievous smirk against your lips and raises his eyebrows at you.

“Let’s make her leave first, baby girl.”

 

* * *

 

After that night, Bucky becomes highly alert and conscious over situations like the restaurant’s one. 

He takes a second look whenever someone’s looking at you, fights whenever he hears something offensive no matter about what or how or who the person is talking about and always asks if you’re okay doesn’t matter what happens.

But by far, your favorite part is the fact that he literally takes it personally. 

Much alike the fancy restaurant’s episode, he pretty much glares challengingly at whoever’s judging you and makes his point in showing that he doesn’t give a single damn about what they think, kissing and hugging you to no end with his PDA. You feel flattered and happy that he’s on this with you. 

But you never really play a part on his schemes until you’re out together for lunch during your work break in a Friday he’s free from therapy sessions and Avenging paperwork. 

Having changed your heels for flats and loosen up the hair into your mess of curls, you and Bucky are waiting by the deli’s line to order your sandwiches, one of his hands resting loosely on your hip as he stands protectively behind you like he usually does.

You don’t even notice or hear anything being too busy looking up at the chart of beverages behind the counter. 

Bucky immediately does. 

When you finally notice the middle aged man behind the cash register looking at the both of you as you’re aliens or something from another world, you instantly know that Bucky is going to do something.

You’re mildly surprised by the fact you’re not saddened by it in the slightest – a bit outraged and disgusted by the man’s antics, _yes_ , but not sad or ashamed of yourself or the fact that you’re an interracial couple. _Instead_ , you want to challenge them too. 

No one has the right to look at you like that or think less of you because of your skin color. 

Nothing’s more fair than giving them a little hell too. 

Grinning mischievously at Bucky and leaning back against his chest is more than enough for him to understand what you’re up to, an amused chuckle escaping from his lips as he wraps both arms around your waist and pulls you flush against him. 

When it’s finally your time to order, Bucky takes a step further taking you with him and rests his chin upon your shoulder, looking up at the man with the most insolent look ever. 

“What do you want, doll?” Bucky asks you tenderly, still managing to keep his eyes on the man who’s just starting to frown at his insistent stare and look slightly bewildered when you chuckle shortly at his misery. “I’m craving for some turkey right now. What about you?”

Using Bucky’s same strategy, you grin slightly and look up to the man in the same way he does – nearly burning the man’s forehead with your relentless stare. 

“I think chicken salad is fine.” You say with a tinge of amusement laced to your voice, playfully tilting your head to the side as the man nods almost reluctantly at you. “And oh, a banana smoothie, please.”

With Bucky’s soft kisses and sighs to your ear, the both of you are soon paying up for the meal and heading off the other line to wait for the sandwiches. 

Though the man isn’t looking at you anymore, Bucky keeps up with teasing by pressing kisses to your neck, sliding his hands down to your hips, giving tentative squeezes to your sides that you have to slap him away at some point. 

You’re so oblivious to the atmosphere outside him that you don’t even notice when your turn comes and Bucky’s pushing you to walk again, bringing his challenging gaze to the man again. 

That by now is looking downright terrified. 

“You okay, pal? You’re looking a little nervous.” Bucky frowns mockingly and lean over you to get the bags, his elbow resting against the counter as the man takes a hesitant step back. “Saw you starin’ at us back there. You sure you’re alright?”

You low-key feel bad for the guy but still nearly can’t hold back a laugh when he squeaks out a _‘I’m alright’_ and quickly turns around on his heels in seconds and walk to the other side of the counter where the cash register is and the line is just starting to get way too long. 

As soon you’re out of the deli, hand in hand to walk to the park nearby, you pull Bucky to you by his shirt and press a quick passionate kiss to his lips. 

“You’ve completely _terrified_ him!” You laugh incredulously against his lips, just starting to form a smug smirk as you throw a punch to his chest and he laughs fully. “James Buchanan Barnes, you’re so  _mean_.”

“I terrified him? What about you?” He retorts in amusement, throwing an arm around your shoulders and pulling your to his chest as you start walking again. “I thought his head was going to explode with your stare! You looked so fuckin’ hot.”

Feeling your cheeks flush slightly, you bite back a grin and shoot him a mischievous glance. 

“That was _fun_.”

Bucky just glances at you in the same way and for the first time you realize how good it is to not be ashamed of yourself. 

“It was.”

 

* * *

 

Despite fighting and challenging them, despite not backing down on what they have to say about you, sometimes you can’t help but feel angry and upset. It’s hard to understand how someone can have such a closed, narcissistic, egotistical mind.

That’s _exactly_ what makes the situation even worse and exactly what makes you angry. The fact that there’s still people who think that way in the goddamned 21st century.

But when something happens and you can’t do nothing against them, that’s when you feel upset.

And that’s exactly how you feel when the word’s out to the entire world and press that _the Winter Soldier’s got a girlfriend and she’s black_.

Deep down, you know you shouldn’t have done that but the curiosity speaks louder than you and with just a few clicks you’re reading all the rowdy and mean articles, saying all kinds of arguments that doesn’t make sense at all but that some people follow and believe in anyway.

You don’t mean to let it bring you down because you’re so _tired_ of letting people have that kind of power over you but it just happens.

And before you can even realize that, Bucky’s got it first.

All that he needs is to see you lying down on the bed with the StarkPad in hands with a slightly frowny face that he’s immediately plopping himself down beside you, snatching the device out of your hands to peek at the screen.

“Tell me you didn’t read this whole thing.” Bucky pleads with furrowed eyebrows, letting out a small sigh when you shrug dismissively and bite your lower lip. “(Y/N), this is bullshit and you _know_ it. They’re goddamned idiots with goddamned miserable lives that don’t deserve your attention.”

“I know that, _I know_.” You protest with a sigh to then shrug again, letting your head fall against his shoulder as you cuddle your body against his side. “But it’s just…why do they have to do this? What have I done? It’s not like I did something wrong.”

With a deep breath, Bucky cups your cheek with metal hand and tilts your head up until your eyes meet, his thumb softly stroking your skin as the whirring noises of his arm instantly makes you melt against his touch.

“You’re beautiful.” Bucky mumbles quietly, making your cheeks instantly go warm and a small smile spread through his lips. “Gorgeous. Hard-working and the kindest soul I’ve met. That’s what you’ve done and that’s why they’re fuckin’ jealous of you. Of this.”

He brushes his fingertips over the tip of your nose to make his point and you can’t help but laugh quietly, partially trying to hide your mild embarassment and partially happy with his sweet words. Though Bucky’s always been a charmer and always treated you with flirty remarks and sweet words, you never really get used to it.

And that’s secretly one of your favorites quirks about him and your relationship.

“Flattery will get you everywhere, Mr. Barnes.” You playfully singsong the words and lean up to him to press a quick kiss to his plump lips. “I’m sorry I’m moping, I just can’t help sometimes. It gets through my nerves.”

He nods in understanding and brings both of his arms to embrace you, pulling you even closer to his body until you’re sighing against him.

“I just want you to know that I don’t care about them.” He reassures lightly, a small grin playing up on his lips as your noses touch just slightly and you smile small at him. “ _I love you_ , doll. You’re fuckin’ amazing and _way_ out of my league but hey, I’m not complaining.”

With his playful tone but yet tender words, it’s like you can practically feel all your sad thoughts fade away and your heart warm up with love and affection.

No words and no dirty looks are matches for you or the way you feel – powerful in many ways and absolutely _loved_.

And now you understand.

Maybe love isn’t enough for them.

But it’s _exactly_ all that really matters to you now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, did you like or did you hate it? Tell me!
> 
> Come and talk to me @ bbbarneswrites on Tumblr! <3
> 
> If there's any mistakes in this chapter, please warn me.
> 
> Thank you for reading! You're awesome.


	29. Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe waking up from nightmares and dreams isn’t so bad. Or so Bucky thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello! 
> 
> As I’ve said before, I’m rubbish in writing smut but I still couldn’t stop myself with this. 
> 
> I’m so sorry for torturing you because 1) it got shorter than I was expecting and 2) I don’t even know if this is understable enough. BUT be gentle with me as this is my second go at smutty goodies. I’m still learning, lmao. 
> 
> This is partially based off [Touch by Nick Jonas](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HtX-2VKUVN0) and Seb’s…certain hobby…for Bucky. Hope y’all enjoy! 
> 
> Happy reading! <3

_It’s the touch of a pair of lips that brings Bucky out of his nightmares in the middle of the night, so tender and soft against the nape of his neck that he can’t help but sigh contently at the nice feeling._

_It’s not just the small kisses – it’s the smell too._

_Something that is between lavender and strawberries and it’s nearly getting him drunk, eager to catch a few more wiffs but still bringing him a sense of comfort as he knows who the sweet smell belongs to._

_He thinks it’s all a trick of his mind until he opens his eyes and she’s_ there _. Lower lip caught between her teeth, hair messy with a few strands falling to her face and body deliciously pressed against his, barely covered by one of his tight work-out shirts that barely reaches the curve of her ass, letting him know she isn’t wearing anything underneath. She’s_ there _, with_ him _and he can’t barely believe it._

_And she doesn’t seem to mind his lack of words one little bit, laughing quietly to herself at his probable star struck expression before sitting up against him with her thighs on each side of his hips._

_When she starts her show, Bucky can’t help but think the whole thing is too good to be true._

_That_ she _is too good to be true._

_Adjusting herself again and leaning over his frame, her lips are soon touching the skin above the waistband of his sweatpants spreading little wet kisses and nibbles and kitten licks that he can’t help but groan at, feeling his cock instantly throb in anticipation inside the confine of his boxers._

_His hands are tightly fisting the sheets as she trails her kisses up his chest, paying special attention to his nipples – swirling her tongue around it and sucking it into her mouth with eyes locked up with his – and the scars over his left shoulder – soft kisses and tender brushes that steals actual moans out of his mouth._

_As she reaches his neck, his lips are nearly_ itching _in want to kiss her._

 _But_ God _, he isn’t complaining when she takes her sweet time in lavishing his neck with sucks that he knows it’s going to bruise though it isn’t going to last much time with his faster healing._

_With his hands around her waist and fingertips digging into her soft skin, she soon pulls up from his neck to face him. Her breath is just as warm and heavy as his and it brings a sense of proudness to his chest, knowing he isn’t the only one affected by the whole ordeal. But when she kisses him, everything goes to hell._

_She sighs into his mouth and dives her tongue against his and keeps grinding her ass against his aching bulge until his body starts feeling like pure flames._

_Bucky nearly whimpers at the loss when she pulls back a few moments later, sitting up straight again and resting her hands open and flat against his heaving chest, her lips curved in a tender but somewhat still smug grin that just makes him want to kiss her all over again._

_Until she closes her fingers by the edge of the fabric of his shirt and slowly pull it off._

_She gives him a show with her moves – arms teasingly pushing the shirt away, hair falling over her shoulders and back, body bare and perfect just for him, just on him. So before Bucky can even think twice his warm hands are cupping her breasts in a perfect fit, his thumbs tentatively brushing and twisting her nipples until she’s moaning his name softly._

_Bucky doesn’t think he’s ever heard his name being spoken in such a sweet but yet so dirty manner before._

_So now eager to pull more sounds from her, Bucky closes his hands over her breasts again and bites back a groan when she covers his hands with hers, silently urging him to squeeze and feel them as much as he wants by pressing the touch further against her skin._

_And_ fuck _, how much he_ loves _how she feels against him._

_So warm and so soft that he can’t help but sigh in delight, feeling his lips curve into a small grin when he flicks her nipples between his fingers and she moans again, arching herself further into his touch._

_Giving a one last squeeze to her breasts, Bucky tenderly slides his hands through her torso, fingertips running tentatively against her skin until he’s dipping his metal hand between her legs and adding pressure to her throbbing clit with his thumb. He doesn’t even need to dip his fingers into her to know she’s soaking wet, and the thought almost makes him cry out in frustration._

_He rubs her clit once, twice, three times and in the fourth she’s crying out in frustration, wrapping her hands around his wrists and pushing his hands away until she’s got them pinned on each side of his head._

_She swipes her tongue over her lips and all Bucky can think about in that moment is her mouth on him._

_“I want to ride your face.” She whispers shakily, hips grinding against his and mouth falling open with short gasps until she’s locking her pleading gaze with his, a short moan escaping from her lips. “_ Please _, Bucky. Please.”_

 _Her words are more than enough for him to pull his wrists free and hoist her up to his face in a quick move, his arms tightly wrapping up her thighs as she yelps in surprise and braces herself against the bed’s headboard. Once his mouth dives into her pussy, she fucking_ mewls _above him and Bucky can’t help but bring her closer, his fingertips digging into her hard enough that he knows it’s going to bruise later._

_She tastes just as good as she smells, feeling sweet and slick enough that his tongue runs easily through her folds, her needy whimpers just getting louder by every second._

_Tentatively massaging the flesh of her ass with his fingertips, Bucky moves her hips in rapid thrusts against his mouth for a few times until his tongue is flicking around her clit, licking and sucking as she moans helplessly with her head falling back and hips trying to move faster._

_His cock is painfully hard into his boxers but he still can’t seem to care enough, taking pleasure on her taste and sweet moans instead._

_When he lets his hands fall back to the bed, she immediately takes the clue and braces herself by gripping his hair, rolling her hips against his mouth like she wanted and shamelessly riding his mouth in the most delicious way ever, her moans only getting louder and louder by each thrust. By feeling her moves getting sloppy and frantic, Bucky instantly knows that she’s right on her edge so he most_ definitely _isn’t expecting when she suddenly pulls herself off his face._

 _But_ then _, she gives him a dirty smile and a kiss to his lips – her taste and tongues mixing up together – and pulls his cock out of his sweatpants, pumping his length for a few times before teasingly rubbing the tip against her slit, drawing a deep groan out of his chest as she finally slides herself around him._

_Once she’s fully seated, his fingers digging painfully against the flesh of her hips, she smirks knowingly at him and–_

_“Make me come, soldier.”_

–he wakes up. Sweat sticking up his skin and heat immediately making him groan and push away all the extra blankets.

He’s done it  _again_. Dreamed about her _again_. Woke up hard and throbbing because of her _again_.

Bucky’s already lost count on how many times this happened – waking up painfully hard and panting after a dirty dream about her, after a dream where she’s got her smooth soft legs around his lips, a dream where her pussy’s taste linger deliciously on his tongue.

He knows he should feel ashamed.

She’s nothing more but a kid comparing to him, still new to this world full of battles, still too pure to know the things he’s done and seen.

But quite honestly, he doesn’t feel a tad bad about it. He doesn’t feel bad for wanting her, for dreaming about her – someone he _truly_ wants. But he _does_ feel ashamed of the outcome of these situations, ashamed of his lack of self-control.

His cock is curled over his stomach, straining out of his black boxers and leaking precum as if the whole thing was real. With a roll of eyes and a low groan, Bucky dives his hand into his boxers and wraps his metal-hand around his length with a breathless gasp. Rolling his thumb over his swollen tip, he smears the precum around the member and starts to lazily pump his hand around it, head falling against the pillow as he moans quietly.

It doesn’t take long until the slow pace isn’t enough and Bucky’s speeding up his pace.

Twisting his fingers around the base and squeezing the plump flesh, he can’t help but think how her mouth would really feel. Pretty lips wrapped around his tip, tongue sliding over the vein and cheeks hollowing and sucking until he’s coming.

“ _Fuck_.” Bucky mutters under his breath, hips subconsciously thrusting against own touch as his flesh hand grips the bed’s sheets in a tight hold. “God, you feel so good around me, sweetheart. So _fuckin’_ good.”

Feeling the familiar pressure growing up on his belly he tightens the hold around his cock and pumps in the fastest pace he can pull off, his grunts and breathless moans just getting louder.

With just a few more thrusts from his hips and a particular loud moan, Bucky’s coming all over his stomach, the aftershocks of the orgasm making his cock throb as he groans quietly coming down from his high.

By the time he’s completely done, it’s almost automatic the way he closes his eyes and sighs in pure mortification because _he’s done it again_.

But before he can even demonize himself further, there’s a soft knock on his door.

And her tender voice following rightly after.

“Bucky? Are you okay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO, tell me! Did you like or did you hate it?
> 
> I’d like to apologize to all of you for this...lmao. Blame Sebastian Stan and his freaking dirty mind. At last: come and get me @ bbbarneswrites on Tumblr! <3
> 
> If there’s any mistake in this chapter, please warn me!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! You're awesome.


	30. Fall To Winter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe Bucky is just starting believe he’s very much loved despite everything he’s done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooo! :')
> 
> After 4867396 years, here it goes an update! I’m so sorry for my lack of content lately but writer’s block is giving me a hard time, so...
> 
> This isn’t my best and the ending is meh but I hope y’all enjoy it! The songs that inspired me this time are [Someone Like You by Mayer Hawthorne](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=db5g8IYHNv8) and [Tomorrow Never by Villeneuve](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKkjSReEusg), by the way. <3 It’s worth a listen!
> 
> Happy reading!

You can tell it’s late by the lightness coming through the curtains but the cold weather doesn’t make you feel any better about waking up.

Having stayed up until late in the night before with Stark’s halloween party, you’re pretty sure it’s already past midday and though you’re not feeling just 100% yet, feeling Bucky’s warmness beside you completely makes up for it.

His face still has some traces of the vampire make-up you insisted on doing to match his costume, hair is splayed all over the pillow and his body in full display, much to your delight. His torso covered with the glitter of your body lotion and the pair black boxers are making a contrast to the white blankets, tangled messily around his legs.

You can’t help but smile dumbly at the sight because you’re _so_ in love with this guy that is nearly unreal.

The course of your relationship isn’t the best or even normal, but you’re adamant you’d easily go through the whole ordeal once again if it meant he’d be safe, recovered and with you.

You know he’s always thought of himself as a selfish person, not strong enough to let you go, but he doesn’t know the things you’ve done and thought while he was in cryo again.

But none of that matters now because _this is it_ , this is what you’ve been waiting for, this is what makes the whole situation worth. Him, with you, safe and recovered.

Pushing yourself up to your elbows, you lean over him and start pressing little kisses through the extent of his shoulder’s scars, trailing the kiss all the way from his chest to his colllarbones and then his neck. It doesn’t take long until Bucky is stirring under you, his arm curling around your waist as you smile against his neck and give it a light love bite.

With a surprise yelp, you’re suddenly lying on top of him and he’s humming at the sensation of your bodies pressed together, eyes still closed though there’s a lazy smile curving up his lips.

“Morning, Mr. Barnes.” You mumble with an equally lazy smile, raising your hands to his cheeks before caressing his stubble with both your thumbs. “It’s past midday now. I’m surprised no one barged in to see if we were breathing.”

Bucky lets out a quiet chuckle and finally opens his eyes, so blue and so light that you literally sigh at how pretty he looks. You’ve spent way too much time seeing those eyes closed so it isn’t much of a surprise how much you enjoy seeing those like this, shining and happy with small crinkles around it and eyelashes longs for life.

Even with your dumb slash dreamy reaction, he doesn’t seem to mind or notice at all, bringing his arms around your waist until his fingers are playing with the hem of your panties.

“Ask FRIDAY how many times they’ve asked about us.” Bucky huffs out a laugh and it’s enough for you to frown at, raising your eyebrows suspiciously until he’s grinning knowingly at you. “FRIDAY, did someone asked about me and (Y/N) today?”

Without missing a second, the A.I’s voice fills the room and you swear that there’s a tinge of amusement on her voice if that’s even possible.

“It appears they have, Sergeant Barnes.” FRIDAY confirms his words just as he shoots a smirk to you, chuckling when you exaggerated roll your eyes. “Captain Rogers has requested your presence 3 times, Mr. Wilson have been questioning about your whereabouts since 7 in the morning, so is Mr. Stark and Mr. Lang.”

As she finishes her speech, the both of you immediately fall into a sudden fit of laughter because _yeah_ , that sounds like them, especially when they’ve been giving Bucky some hell now he’s got a dame and is back and kicking into the world.

And also because FRIDAY is incredibly sassy and too alike Tony for an A.I.

“I really don’t know who I hate more.” You playfully groan, burying your face against the nape of his neck and feeling his chest rumble with quiet laughter. “Them, you or this sassy robot slash ceiling. It’s honestly too early for this and I think I have a hungover.”

“It’s 13:32, baby doll. We gotta get up.” Bucky rolls you around and settles himself on top of you, wrapping up your leg around his waist and tapping your thigh insistently when you groan lazily. “Come on, I’ll take you out today. Burger joint, some ice-cream. What do you say?”

With a happy and lazy hum, you slowly wrap your arms around his neck and press a quick smooch to his grinning lips, your kiss soon turning into a giggle against his mouth once you feel his metal fingers trailing patterns on the back of your thigh.

“I say that you’re _perfect_ and so is your proposition.” You mumble quietly to then close your eyes, pulling your arms off his neck to settle them just above your head as dreamy sigh escaping from your lips. “I love you _so_ much, James Barnes, that you have no idea.”

The next few seconds are filled with silence and you almost think something’s happened to him. _Until_ you finally open your eyes and see his face for yourself.

You’re not entirely sure if the look on his eyes is good or bad but it’s so deep and firm and relentless that makes your cheeks burn and your insecurity strike.

Maybe you’re wrong, maybe you’re putting too much thought in something simple and easy but maybe, you think, he’s just nervous. Maybe he doesn’t love you that much, maybe he’s not ready for that kind of commitment after everything he’s been through.

But when you lean forward and press another kiss to his lips rather hesitant and suddenly nervous, he pulls back and looks at you in pure awe. Like you’re not real, like this isn’t happening. Like he doesn’t deserve it.

And then, it dawns on you – maybe he really doesn’t believe it, maybe he thinks he doesn’t deserve it.

But that’s _exactly_ why you’re most definitely more than willing to change that from that moment on.

 

* * *

 

Coney Island is surprisingly empty for a Friday night and you mentally thank the cold weather for that.

With half of the team out in a mission, you decide to enjoy the night out in the city instead of staying locked up in your apartment while worrying about Steve, Wanda and Scott’s wellbeing. It also doesn’t hurt Bucky seems to have the same idea and downright proposes a walk through his old neighborhood.

So far you’ve visited the place he’s lived with his family and Steve, the gym he used to have boxe clases, surprisingly still up and going with another generation in the administration and the diner he’s taken dames for dates.

But the look on his face once you finally get into the pier is _priceless_.

It’s like watching a small kid discovering the world and you can’t help but smile fondly everytime he excitedly points something and beams about how this isn’t changed, this is still here, that he remembers this.

Bucky has been everywhere and nowhere during his last years. He’s been in Siberia, Romania and Germany and Wakanda. He’s been a ghost, a machine, an enemy of the state. But he hasn’t been home, not after his recovery, and you’re suddenly so glad you’ve thought of this now.

Even though he’s been adapting to this century quicker than Steve, it’s still hard to take in such a change when all you’ve known is evil and bad intentioned. Bucky has seen the worst in life and death. So the sight of him, in light jeans jacket, sweatpants and sneakers while excitedly playing an arcade game like it’s the _most_ amazing thing he’s seen is more than enough to make your heart swell with joy.

Tucking the unicorn plush toy he’s won for you at the shooting game into your bag, you cheekily slip under his arm and step in front of him with a small grin, your body caged between his own body and the machine as he just smirks at you and keeps playing while looking over your shoulder.

You know he doesn’t get easily distracted but it’s still fun to try as you start trailing kisses along his neck, your teeth soon grazing his earlobe before you continue the path to his stubbly cheeks.

By the time you start pressing open mouthed kisses to his jaw and cheeks, Bucky’s mouth is fallen open in delight and his neck and slightly titled to the side as a quiet invitation that you quietly chuckle at before pulling away.

“Of all new things around this place you’re enjoying _this_. A nineties something arcade game.” You shake your head in mocked disapproval, tapping his cheek affectionately as you watch his lips curve into a smug smirk with your words. “You’re such a dork, Bucky Barnes.”

“You love it though.” Bucky just winks  smugly in reply before he furrows his eyebrows, glancing confusedly at you but still obvious enough to know he’s faking it. “I thought you were fighting with a 10 year old for a spot in the Star Wars one back there?”

At his mention of your ridiculous discussion with a 10 year old boy for the next try on the Star Wars game, you can’t help but groan and let your head fall against his shoulder, his amused laugh filling up your ears as you try to hold back a smile of your own.

“Do _not_ mention that. _Ever_.” You mumble against the fabric of his jacket to then turn your head to the side, your cheek pressed against his shoulder as you smile up at him, watching his concentrated expression. “But look at _you_ though! Catching up with pop culture, talking about Star Wars. You’re growing!”

Bucky’s face immediately split up in a laugh with yours words, his eyes closing and the crinkles showing up as he finally parts his attention from the game to look at you for a moment. His gaze is more than enough to make your cheeks burn in embarrassment and he immediately feels it, laugh soon reducing into a grin as he leans closer to you until your noses touch slightly.

It’s been years since you’ve first got together and months since he’s back to you but even so, your reactions to him never change.

You still blush like a schoolgirl whenever he says something dirty to you, you still sigh when he kisses you in the sweetest way he can muster, you still feel you heart skipping a beat when he calls you with one of his pet names. Everything still feels like the first time and you’re more than happy to have that over and over.

“I had the best teacher ever.” Bucky mutters cheekily and soon crashes his lips against yours, making you smile into the brief kiss until there’s a loud noise coming from the machine and Bucky pulls back, turning his attention back at the machine as his face closes in a sad frown. “ _Fuck_. I lost.”

His voice sounds so disappointed and miserable that it downright makes you giggle, arms immediately  encircling his neck as you press a playful smooch to his lips and bury your fingers into his hair in a soft caress.

As Bucky smiles against your mouth, wraps his arms tightly around your waist and takes a step forward to press you against the still beeping machine, you know that this is going to be more than a consolation kiss. The hem of your shirt is past up your navel, his hands are up splayed on your back and you’re nearly sitting on the arcade’s console when Bucky pulls back begrudgingly after one of the staff’s warning.

Before he pulls back completely, you cup his cheeks with both of your hands and press a light kiss to his nose, heart hammering at the way he smiles suddenly sheepishly at you.

“I love you.” You mumble with a small smile of your own, Bucky immediately letting out a huffed laugh in clear disbelief that only makes you furrow your eyebrows and tilt his head up until he’s looking directly at you again. “ _I mean it._ ”

He doesn’t even say anything.

Still, something changes on his face and deep down, just by the way his expression looks suddenly lighter and hopeful, you know you might be on the way to convince him.

 

* * *

 

Post-missions nights are _never_ easy for Bucky no matter how or what things happened and that’s a fact.

Though he’s mostly recovered and no longer at the mercy of HYDRA’s programming, the nightmares are still with him. You know he doesn’t remember everything, you know that that he tries to convince you so and you know that his past life and the things HYDRA has done to him are still the reason behind his restless nights.

But when he comes home from missions, it seems to get worse and you can only guess it’s some sort of side effect of all the things he sees and does and lives during them.

The team comes back from after an operation at the Balkans and you don’t even need to talk to him to realize it’s been a harsh day. To anybody else he might have looked emotionless but with just a quick glance you _know_ that his posture shows more than simple tiredness.

It doesn’t take much until he’s fallen asleep beside you on the bed, body finally relaxed after a bath and cuddled against yours as one of your hands runs through his hair and the other draws random patterns on his back.

From there it’s only a matter of time until he starts sweating cold while trashing around the bed.

You don’t even have enough time to comfort him as you always do as he’s suddenly sitting up, mouth hanging open with heavy breathing as he glances around the room completely startled. Once he realizes his surroundings, Bucky closes his eyes forcefully and tries to even his breathing until you chime up to help him.

“Count to ten as you breathe.” You offer in a quiet whisper, rubbing his small circles in his back as you feel him lean towards you slightly with a more controlled breathing. “You’re safe and home and the mission is over now. You’re okay. We’re okay now.”

With his posture finally starting to relax after a few minutes, you hear Bucky sigh tiredly as his arm makes its way around your shoulders, pulling your flush against his side. You lost count on how much time the both of you spend just like that – cuddled against each other with soothing touches and quiet whispers in the dead of the night.

“I’m sorry.” He murmurs after a moment, another tired sigh escaping from his lips as you bring a hand to his cheek and start to run your thumb over his stubble. “I didn’t mean to wake you up. I just…it’s okay now though.”

You just nod quietly and keep doing your thing but knowing Bucky as you do, you know he’s dwelling and reviving whatever he’s dreamed, wondering if it’s just nightmare or a loose piece of his memories.

With the sole purpose of taking his mind away from the darkness he’s experienced, you don’t think twice before jumping off the bed with a smart smile curving your lips, Bucky glancing at you slightly suspicious but still surprised at your sudden action.

“FRIDAY, can you play up a song for me?” You promptly ask the A.I, grinning even wider as she instantly says yes and Bucky raises his eyebrows at you, looking somewhat amused by now. “ _Someone Like You_ from my sappy Spotify playlist, please.”

As the first seconds of the song starts to fill up the room, you smile cheekily at Bucky and raise up your hand to him, quietly inviting him to a dance that he doesn’t seem really enthusiastic about as he shakes his head and huffs incredulously at.

“Doll…” He mutters with a shake of head, trying to hold back a smile but clearly failing as you start to playfully move your hips, walking towards him until you’re tugging him by his arms and he’s groaning exaggeratedly.

“I won’t take no for an answer, sergeant.” You protest with a pout but smile anyway as he starts walking with you to the open space in front of your bed, his expression looking so much lighter and calm that instantly makes your chest warmer. “This is different from what you used to dance but it won’t be a mystery to you.”

Arms around your waist, chests pressed against each other and hands upon shoulders, the modern beat of the song really doesn’t seem to be a mystery for him. Starting the dance with a simple and safe sway, soon Bucky is twirling you around the room, completely into his element though the rhythm isn’t the one he’s used to.

The atmosphere now feels as light as the way he’s leading the dance and you don’t need much to notice he’s feeling way better than 4 minutes ago.

Both of you know that he’ll have to go back on it and think about it and talk about it as a process of his recovery but for now, the music and the moment is more than enough to make you ignore the next step, rather enjoying each other’s hold for one more dance.

At the slow beat of the next song, you sigh quietly and melt into his arms, tucking your head against his neck as Bucky tightens his arms around you.

“Hey sarge?” You call out in a mumble, lips brushing against his neck and eyes closed until he’s humming and you’re feeling his eyes on you. “I love you. So much.”

His rather dreamy sigh follows and a smile instantly makes its way to your lips. _Maybe_ believes it now.

“I know, baby doll.”

 

* * *

 

The room is completely dark apart the faint light coming from the TV and the atmosphere feels as comfortable as ever.

With a thick blanket despite the warmness from the heater, you and Bucky are lazily lying on the couch, a cliché 90s romantic comedy playing up on the screen as he’s got his arms wrapped around you and head resting against the crown of yours, pressing small kisses to your hair whenever you start to move too much.

This feels like a dream weekend even though the both of you are just wasting your days with crap movies and cuddles while it’s just starting to snow outside. After so many missions, so many parties and handshakes and unknown people, staying in for the quiet and each other’s presence definitely brings a sense of normality that you don’t exactly have as a couple.

He never says anything but you know Bucky needs this just as much as you do.

With just a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, he looks completely relaxed and in peace for a change, his quiet laughs and shy smiles letting you know that he’s more than content in that moment.

You lost count on how many movies the both of you have seen during the day but the clock is just about to hit 8 in the evening when you let out a playful groan, turning around into Bucky’s hold until you’re half lying against him and half lying against the couch.

“We have successfully wasted an entire day!” You beam up at Bucky as he just grins at you, tightening his arm around your waist and feeling you cuddle up even closer against his side. “I don’t wanna leave this couch ever again.”

“Well, that’s too bad.” Bucky clicks his tongue in disapproval and you immediately raise your eyebrows at him, not missing the way he’s trying to hold back a smirk once he gets your attention. “I was kinda hoping to take you to bed, you know.”

You can’t help but laugh at the meaning behind his words, lifting yourself up by your elbows so you’re hovering above him, pressing your lips against his until you’re both grinning against each other’s mouths and he’s pulling you up to straddle his hips.

“Well. I can be persuaded…” You let your voice trail as you shrug dismissively, reaching out a hand to play with his hoodie’s zipper once he firmly settles his hands on your hips. “ _But_ that depends on what you’re planning to do on that said bed.”

Bucky shoots you the widest grin ever and you feel like your heart is just about to leap off your chest. You don’t think he’s looked so calm and loose and devilish young and pretty during all these months and the sight doesn’t fail to bring a burning sensation to your cheeks.

Despite your sudden embarrassment – that Bucky definitely notices and gives your hips a teasing squeeze for – you’re _definitely_ waiting one of his dirty remarks _until_ he doesn’t.

“Mmm, that’s definitely cuddles and sleep then.” Bucky finally states, the teasing tone completely clear on his voice and a grin growing wider on his lips until you’re throwing yourself over him with a groan.

You can feel his chest rumbling with laughter as you bury your face against his neck and he wraps his arms around you, pressing your body flush against his so it’s definitely too warm for your likings. Even so, the embrace feels _so_ good and comfortable that you can’t bring yourself to care enough, choosing to just enjoy his presence and affection as much as you can instead.

As you nuzzle your face against his stubble with a dreamy sigh, you instantly feel Bucky’s body completely relax under you. But you’re not really expecting for him to say something. At all.

“I love you, baby doll.” He breaks the silence with a mumble, sounding so calm and quiet and low and loving that you can’t help but pull back from his hold, glancing at him doubtly for a moment until his lips are curving up in a small grin.

“You– did you just…” You sputter for a brief moment and his smile just seems to widen, one of his hands reaching up for a loose strand of your hair to tuck it behind your ear. And _then_.

He repeats it again.

“I love you.” Bucky says again, cheeks flushing just slightly before his lips meets yours and.

And it never has felt so real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So so, did you like or did you hate it? Tell me!
> 
> I noticed today that this is actually chapter number 30. And that I hit the mark of +820 kudos, +21,300 hits and +62 bookmarks. AND I’M ACTUALLY CRYING BECAUSE WHAAAAAT. This is insane and I want to thank every single of you (YES. YOU, RIGHT THERE) who read my thingies. Y’all rock and I love you. <3 You’re the reason why I’m still writing.
> 
> AT LAST! Come and talk to me @ bbbarneswrites on Tumblr! I’m nice enough. <3
> 
> If there's any mistakes in this chapter, please warn me.
> 
> Thank you for reading! You're awesome.


	31. Tastes Like Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three different sweet treats for a very sweet day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO! <3
> 
> So…it’s been too long…LMAO. I haven’t been happy with my writing lately and I can’t seem to put any ideas into words but last night I got this little idea and ran to write something before it escaped! It’s not much but at least it’s an update. 
> 
> [Here’s the visual of the cookie](https://www.instagram.com/p/BQgQIjMlOVZ/) I mentioned down there, if you want. Happy (belated) Valentine’s day y’all! <3 
> 
> Enjoy!

It’s around 9 in the morning when the team finally lands at the Avengers facility, having flown an all night flight after a mission in a remote place in the globe. Everyone is just _so_ tired and so damn sleepy that the usual formalities are forgotten and Steve settles for a late debrief, after they’re all rested and fed, at least.  
  
All Bucky can think about is taking a shower and hitting the sheets.  
  
He knows it’s Valentine’s Day and he knows that it’s likely that his doll would be anxiously waiting for him to come home, but the idea of a shower and a nap is just too appealing for him to pass away.  
  
That is, _until_ he finally arrives home.  
  
Their apartment is feeling warm and cozy when he steps in, maybe more than he’s ever noticed before hence his current tiredness but the even better than that, is coming home to her lovely voice singing in the kitchen while she appears to be making pancakes for breakfast.  
  
It’s a sight to behold really – his girl looking completely and utterly cute in one of his shirts, sock clad feet parading around the kitchen’s floor while she sings to one of her indie tunes and makes him a welcome breakfast.  
  
She isn’t one to cook often but he appreciates everytime she does and right now isn’t going to be any different.  
  
Bucky thanks the Gods that he’s still able to be as silent as mouse even tired and in less than three steps he’s standing just behind her, arms wrapping up her waist from behind as she lets out a startled shriek with the sudden presence.  
  
It takes only a flip of his arm until she’s facing him, her lips parted in surprise until he’s covering them with his own. She tastes like whipped cream and strawberries and more importantly than that, she tastes like _home_.  
  
“Oh my God– oh my God, you’re home!” She beams up confusedly once they part the kiss, her arms immediately wrapping up his neck as she squeezes him for her dear life. “I missed you so much!”  
  
Bucky chuckles quietly against her neck and presses a little kiss to the curve of her shoulder, arms tightening just as much around her waist until her feet is nearly off the ground.  
  
“I missed you too, baby girl.” Bucky grins, his teeth grazing against her skin until she’s laughing quietly and pulling his head away from the spot. “What you’ve been up to, huh?”  
  
She does her best to look guilty under his eyes and Bucky can only think it’s the _cutest_ fucking thing he’s ever seen in his life.  
  
With a quick look around, he notices she’s really making pancakes but one of a _very_ special kind that is. He can’t help but smile dumbly as he notices it, the plate of nearly ready pancakes resting on the counter beside one bowl filled with whipped cream and another one filled with chopped strawberries.  
  
“I’ve been moping around and babysitting the neighbor’s dog all this time.” She replies dramatically, starting to take slow steps behind until she’s got him sitting by the table. “Bentley makes so much better company than you, though. You need to step up your game.”  
  
“ _Or_ we could just get a dog ourselves.” Bucky offers as nonchalantly as he can, knowing that his words immediately peaked her interest by the way she quickly turned around to him, wide eyes and whatnot. “Well, it’s true. You always keep complaining how lonely it can get sometimes, I just thought we could get some you your own company.”  
  
With a bowl of whipped cream in one hand and a bowl of strawberries in the other, she just suspiciously narrows his eyes at him before placing the dishes on the table, almost failing to keep her facade as he throws a flirty wink to her direction that nearly makes her smile.  
  
“This is serious business, Mr. Barnes. We’ll need to discuss this further.” She says in a serious tone that instantly melts once she grabs the full plate of pancakes, placing the last goodie on the table before winking back at him. “ _But_ you’ll need to eat my Valentine’s Day pancakes first.”  
  
He swears he tries to but it’s almost impossible to hold a smile after her speech.  
  
“Valentine’s Day pancakes.”  
  
“ _Yes_.”  
  
“You made them.”  
  
“Of course.”  
  
“ _Heart-shaped_ pancakes.”  
  
“What?” She pouts through a cute frown, crossing her arms around her chest and doing her best to look as sad as he can while Bucky just tries to hold back a grin, raised eyebrows as he slumps back against the wooden chair. “You don’t like them? They’re cute!”  
  
Her insistent remark is enough to make him chuckle and reach out his vibranium arm around her waist, wrapping her body in a gentle hold until he’s pulling her to straddle his lap and she’s loosely throwing one of her arms over his shoulders.  
  
He can only guess he looks just as tired as he feels but once he’s got her just like this with him, gentle hand brushing over his stubbled cheek, Bucky decides he can forget about his tiredness and shower an nap for some time more.  
  
“I love them.” Bucky mutters with a lazy but tired smile, making her smile just in the same way when he leans forward and presses a lingering kiss to her lips, the taste of whipped cream from his mouth filling her own. “I’m sorry I didn’t get you anything for Valentine’s. I should’ve picked up something before coming home.”  
  
“I’ve got my very own present right _here_.” She smiles brightly and runs a hand through his hair, making him dip his head back and expose the column of his throat as she starts to press small little kisses all over his skin before mumbling again. “I’m glad you’re home.”  
  
Heart-shaped pancakes.  
  
All Bucky can seem to do in that moment is smile.  
  
“I’m glad to be home.”

 

* * *

 

It’s around 4 in the afternoon when Bucky wakes up from his well deserved nap, trying to catch up with all his lost sleep while his girl went out to her own doings. He’s supposed to be back at the facility for the debriefing by now, but he’s feeling way too meh to go all the way back now.

  
Plus, the fact that she seems to be getting just home again just adds him one more argument to skip the duty.  
  
Bucky gets up from the bed in still silent but lazy steps, dragging himself all the way from the bedroom to the kitchen, where she’s placing various bags on the counter with a rather teasing and way too suspicious smile.  
  
It’s a good thing he can figure out one of the bags being from their favorite little bakery back in Brooklyn.  
  
Not even minding his own state – shirtless with messy hair and sleepy eyes, Bucky doesn’t even think twice before digging into the contents of the cute pale pink bag, not even regretting the choice of ripping the pretty thing apart despite her complaints.  
  
He’s familiar enough with her and the bakery to know that it’s several boxes of cookies that are filling the bag. _First_ because she isn’t very fond of cooking or baking anything for that matter and _second_ because they’re already acquainted with the place’s everything to know exactly what it is.  
  
But just as in the morning, Bucky isn’t expecting to find _those_ kind of cookies.  
  
His expression must have shown his surprise because as soon as his eyes land on the treats, she instantly starts to laugh and walks around the kitchen to stand beside him by the counter.  
  
“ _What the hell?_ ” Bucky mutters under his breath, only making her laugh harder as he picks one of the cookies to take a closer look at the drawings, beautifully made but still making him confused. “Did they actually sell those? Or did you order them?”  
  
“They sell it but you can ask for a customized one if you want to.” She smirks knowingly and reaches out for a chocolate one, glancing at it with a content sigh before taking a bite of it. “As I’m the greatest girlfriend in the entire world, I obviously asked for customized ones.”  
  
He truly looks torn between surprise and adoration and confusion, so much that she can’t help but press a quick smooch to his lips before feeding him with the rest of the cookie she’s got in hands.  
  
The cookies are neatly placed on the box and though their style is a bit funny, Bucky can’t deny they look beautifully made and just ready to be eaten, even more after a long and relaxing nap in the afternoon. As he finishes eating the one she gave and picks another one, she takes a moment to glance at him with pure delight.  
  
“You like them?” She asks rather anxiously, munching a cookie of her own until he opens his mouth to reply and she’s covering it up to speak again. “Don’t lie to me on Valentine’s Day, bitch.”  
  
Bucky immediately lets out a laugh, throwing his arm around her shoulder and pulling her chest flush against his before picking up another cookie. With gentle nibbles being given to his jaw and hands sliding all over his back, he takes a look at the writings and shrug dismissively with a teasing smile, just to repeat the words that decorate the cookie.  
  
“Meh…they’re ok.”

 

* * *

 

It’s around 10 in the evening when Bucky lies her down on the bed, his hands roaming through every little piece of her skin as she just keeps giving these little content sighs that kills him every single time. He ends up not going to the facility at all, and the main excuse ends to be _‘it’s fucking Valentine’s Day, Steve’_ to which his friend is surprised to be remembered of.

  
Whatever plan Bucky had for that night  is long forgotten over his girl now.  
  
Though she isn’t wearing anything fancy, just one of her usual pairs of panties and a Stark Industries shirt, she’s easily the most beautiful woman he’s seen in his entire life.  
  
Nobody can hold a candle to the skin he knows like the palm of his hand, the smell that seems to linger on his clothes whenever he’s away, the smile that is nearly impossible to forget by now.  
  
This isn’t a traditional Valentine’s Day and he’s well aware of that fact but he loves it all the same because it’s _theirs_ and special in its own way despite his hectic work or her witty sense of humor. The pancakes were funnily heart-shaped, the cookies had sassy sayings and the box of chocolates he’s bought her when they went out…ended up in the microwave, melted to attend much improved activities.  
  
It’s not surprising that they’re nearly done with it by the time they finally make it to the bedroom.  
  
He can still see the faint trail of chocolate lingering on her neck and collarbones, a few smudges around her breasts and stomach here and there, a spot he didn’t notice over her thighs.  
  
Sweet as all the treats they’ve been eating through the day but not as sweet as the words that she softly whispers to him in the dead of the night, hours after the Valentine’s Day is done.  
  
“Hey, Bucky?” She whispers softly, cheek pressed against his chest as a shy smile curves up her lips and his heart nearly skips a beat. “ _I love you.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo, did you like or did you hate it? Tell me!
> 
> This was very short and not much but I didn’t want to leave this day without an update, as crappy as it was. Hope your Valentine’s was better than this though! <3
> 
> Come and talk to me @ bbbarneswrites on Tumblr by the way!
> 
> If there’s any mistakes in this chapter, please warn me.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! You’re awesome.


	32. Barista!Bucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if Bucky was a barista?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO! :')
> 
> It’s been sooo long that I’m ashamed of myself. My last post was back in February and since then I haven’t been able to pull a single one-shot together due general university responsabilities and writer’s block...except for THIS. 
> 
> This isn’t really a fic (so I’m sorry for the disappointment) but I decided to upload in here anyway because I feel like doing more of these. Me and my pal Kuni (aka pimpdaddysebastian on Tumblr PLS CHECK HER FICS OUT) have been playing with some AUs for Bucky for a while and this is one of them.
> 
> So I present you some of our headcanons for barista!Bucky. <3
> 
> Enjoy!

Bucky’s job isn’t very exciting or fancy or classy at all but he loves it anyway. Every morning, he opens up the small coffee shop in Brooklyn and waits for the ever up and coming flow of people coming in and out with their coffees everyday.

He puts his long hair up in a tight bun, cleans up his stubble a little bit and serve everyone in the kindest way he can – even when people don’t seem to care about kindness at all.

It’s a slow day when she comes in for the first time. There’s barely 3 people scattered across the room but she still chooses the farthest spot around before bringing out a pile of books, several colored pens and notes plus her laptop. He swears he tries to hold the thought because that’s most definitely something he should _not_ think about but she’s just _way_ too pretty for him to ignore.

Their first interaction goes as good as it can be but even so, Bucky doesn’t think she’ll be back. _Too much flirting_ , he thinks to himself once he’s about to close the shop later in the night, _too unprofessional_.

She surprises him in the next day when she comes to _him_ in the counter and asks for his opinion about the greatest drink in their menu. Then, the next day again. And the next.

He’s labelling her as a regular by the middle of the second week and by the end of it, he’s writing messages on her cups that makes her smile every time once she sits on her usual spot. He catches that moment every day but he never mentions it to her. Even after they get together.

She comes in every afternoon and she doesn’t need to say her order anymore because he knows. She comes in every afternoon and she doesn’t need to look for a spot because he always make sure her usual one is available. She comes in every afternoon and she doesn’t need to buy anything to eat because he always sneaks up a pastry for her.

(Sometimes it’s on the house and sometimes it isn’t. Bucky pays for it occasionally but he figures she doesn’t need to know that).

There’s this one day that his shift ends while she’s still there and he can’t help but go to her to see if she’s satisfied. That day also happens to be the first day they spend together. _Maybe our first date_ , as she says to him in their first anniversary. Their first date of many, given she started waiting for his shift to end almost every day from that moment on.

Bucky realizes she’s way more than just a crush when she arrives at the coffee shop later than usual with puffy eyes and red cheeks. An exam gone wrong and she’s upset and he’s suddenly asking for an early leave, just so he could stay with her rather than just watching from the counter.

It takes some time until they _officially_ start dating but his co-workers at the shop say that he’d been dating her since the moment she stepped in the place.

Their life isn’t fancy or classy at all but neither of them would have it in another way. It can sound silly to other people’s ears but the domesticity they live in is just enough for them and to be honest, with the amount of stress they endure every day, it’s _just_ what they need.

A part of their life revolves around cooking and baking and Bucky is pretty sure she’d say it’s her favorite.

Working in a coffee shop earns him some pretty mad skills with food in general, while her constant studying and working routine gives little to no time to think about cooking at all, leaving her to rely on takeout menus constantly. Bucky never _really_ says it but she just can’t seem to cook or bake _at all_.

But she’s a good helper when it strikes in him to do a new recipe, even if she ends up sitting on the kitchen’s counter while eating half of the ingredients before it makes to the bowl.

Sometimes she tries to cook under his supervision when she finds a nice recipe in the internet and more often than not, they end up in the nearest grocery store with _way_ too much ingredients and unnecessary things on their basket. Still, 99% of the time the recipe fails.

(Though she blames him. Apparently, it’s impossible to cook with her body _all wrapped up in your big arms, Bucky, and your chest pressed against my back. Jesus!_ ).

The takeout menus are still there but with time they’re totally forgotten over his homecooked meals and fresh baked pastries that she swoons and kisses him for everytime. Bucky knows he doesn’t have much to offer but he loves the fact that he can do this for his girl and that she loves it so much.

Pancakes and fresh coffee in the morning that results in content hums against his mouth, nuzzles against his neck and lazy thank you’s until she realizes she’s late for class. Instagram food posts that she jokingly sends while asking for him to cook only to come back home to the said dish and a cute dinner.

She has credit in this too, given she’s the one who introduces him to different and _peculiar_ types of food and sweets like Japanese seafood flavored Kit-Kats and hot chili lollipops. She’s the one who suggests a day out every week just so they can taste weird food.

(She’s the one who comes up with the idea but she never finishes what they buy).

But there’s normal restaurants and new introduced dishes that it suddenly becomes his new favorite. There’s feeding each other between laughs and scooping a little bit of the other’s dessert. There’s kisses that tastes like wine and tomato sauce or chocolate and strawberry.  There’s finding out new restaurants and cheap diners and low-key bars with acoustic music and a local singer.

Also, it’s funny how people at the coffee shop are already used to her presence.

Sometimes she just pays these little visits and Bucky starts to notice that not just his co-workers but other _regular clients_ also know her. It’s pretty impossible not to, even more when they make a point of asking about _your girl, Barnes,_ or when they tease him to death with the help of his co-workers.

Ever the worried and busy woman she is, Bucky isn’t surprised to know she often overworks herself with study and her job. She’s incredibly smart and he genuinely admires how dedicated she is.

He’s seen her spend nights awake just to finish a college paper, he’s seen her cry in frustration over that one subject she didn’t understand while studying for an exam, he’s seen her run up and down the city in order to do something for her boss. There isn’t much he can do to help except his little things.

Back rubs and massages and 5 minute breaks when she needs to stay up until late, tea and coffee and sweet pastries and sweet good luck kisses in the next day when she’s got dark circles around her eyes. Slow readings and quizzes when she needs to grasp a hard subject. A way or two of carrying her up to the bed when she falls asleep in weird positions on her desk. A celebration coffee as he waits for her outside the university building after a good exam.

Their first five years together pass by as a lightning.

She’s nearly over with college after several times of him leaving hickeys on her neck and thighs, almost getting her in trouble for it, after several glares when she sees him at the coffee shop, after several of his smirks as a reply.

She’s nearly over with college when he buys her a puppy, brown and caramel and grizzly with blue eyes that she insists it looks like him.

She’s nearly over with college when he realizes that _maybe_ , this is just the beginning.

And then, it’s her graduation day and he feels like he can burst with pride and joy for her but also of nervousness because nobody knows, but there’s a little red box inside his black tuxedo that might change everything for them.

(It changes. But just for the better).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, did you like or did you hate it? Tell me!
> 
> As I said, this isn’t much but I hope y’all liked picturing this beefy ass man as a barista in your fave coffee shop. <3 Come and talk to me if you want @ bbbarneswrites on Tumblr!
> 
> If there’s any mistakes in this chapter, please warn me.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! You’re awesome.


	33. Modern!Bucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if Bucky wasn’t superpowered?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI HI! <3
> 
> I’m updating again but this time with some modern!Bucky headcanons me and my friendo (Kuni, the amazing pimpdaddysebastian @ Tumblr) came up with. As I said, it isn’t really a fic but it’s a format that I’ve been enjoying to do as I’m trying to get back on writing again. 
> 
> Here we go with some modern!Bucko. :')
> 
> Enjoy!

When Bucky comes back from war, he _knows_ he’s different. Despite what people say to try to convince him otherwise, he knows he’s not the same man anymore.

To match the two tours as a soldier to the American army, he comes back with longish hair, severe scars on his left arm due an injury and a real messed up head. Panic attacks, bad dreams and sleepless nights are his best-friends in the following months of his return and the walls of his dull, always empty apartment are painful witnesses to his struggles.

Going outside feels like hell everytime but he still gives it a go occasionally.

Even if most of his attempts end up with him panicking in the middle of a crowd or a random store, the little coffee shop by the corner of his building gives him a slight bit of comfort as the place is never too crowded or too noisy. It’s familiar and just what he needs as he tries to adjust himself into the world again.

Hence why he’s completely thrown back as person after person start to fill up the place in a random Wednesday morning.

Bucky swears he tries to not panic through the loud atmosphere. He remembers his therapist’s words – _close your eyes, try to regulate your breathing and count until you reach 100_ – but he can’t even get past by 5 without losing count. 

With his leather journal between his trembling fingers, Bucky doesn’t even notice when she sits down beside him with her hand carefully covering his own. All he can register is the warmness of her skin and the softness of her voice mumbling soothing words as she tries to pull him out of his attack. 

He doesn’t exactly know what to do once he calms down. 

Not once he’s had someone to help him like this, even more a strange person in a public place. So to say he’s surprised to find a pretty girl staring worringly at him as he opens his eyes is an understatement. She knows exactly how to act around him – slow movements, quiet voice and non invansive contact, all so he won’t panic again. She’s the prettiest girl he’s ever seen and probably _way_ too kind for her own good so when she offers her number with the excuse of _provide help if you need_ , Bucky immediately says no. 

His old self is long gone along with its natural flirty, charming attitude and the last thing he wants is to bring someone else to the mess that is his life. But when he finds a small orange post-it glued up to the back of his journal (with a number scribbled on it with the words _just in case_ ), the day immediately feels better despite the struggles. 

It takes five days, three sleepless nights and countless failed attempts for him to finally gather enough courage to call her. It makes him anxious because it’s _just_ a phone call and yet, he found himself giving up at the last minute most of the times. 

Bucky’s a nerve wreck when she picks up though and he can’t help but think that she knows it, given she starts offering comforting words and assuring him that she’s happy he called during the entire talk.

That’s how she starts helping him. 

She recommends him quiet places that he’ll be comfortable at, she sends him playlists with soothing songs that can snap him out of his panic attacks, she offers to be with him as he tries to gradually get used to crowded places again, she talks with him through his sleepless nights even if it means she’ll be miserable in the morning. 

The pages of his journal that usually held tough moments are replaced with happy and good memories, both old and new photographs and notes from his best-friends and little sister so he can read on bad days. 

Bucky starts to feel safer and calmer – especially when she’s around. He knows she won’t judge him and the fact that she doesn’t expect anything from him or his old self (differently from his friends and family) just makes it better. 

Something changes in their relationship when she finds another place to go – a hole in the wall little restaurant. And then, he’s asking her to come too with the word _date_ playing around in their minds for a moment. 

The night is the best one he’s had in ages and Bucky’s sure it’s only because she was with him. 

Though he doesn’t admit it to himself, the pages of his journal are getting more and more filled with descriptions of his moments with her. Her polaroids (taken with the camera they’d found in a thrift store) keep taking up space and he longs for her presence more than ever. But admitting it makes everything more real and Bucky thinks he isn’t even near to be what she deserves. 

Whenever she was in a crowded place with him and he managed to keep himself on his toes for the time being, she insisted to give him rewards. 

There was Coney Island and the round of hot-dogs she payed for, there was their Star Wars movie marathon at the cinema and the late night burguers they had after, there was their walk through Times Square and the photo they took together with a random superhero. He genuinely loved all them but he never thought it would result in more than a simple, silly thing like those. 

And _then_ there’s the day she takes him to a local fair. Bucky thinks he’s handled the whole situation this good so far solely because he’s focusing on her but the fact she still wants to reward him makes his heart warm up instantly. 

He just isn’t expecting the reward to be a kiss. As soon as they step in his apartment building, her arms are around his neck and her lips are meeting his own in a loving, slow kiss that he can’t help but be overwhelmed with. 

The relationship they build after that is slow and quiet. Mornings with soft, slow kisses, afternoons with his head on her lap as they read something, nights they spend watching movies and eating from takeout menus. It’s slow and quiet but they’re both completely content with that. 

Her presence in his apartment makes everything different. 

The place has been always quiet, being too dark and empty. Now Bucky finds comfort in hearing her playlists in the background while she showers (poorly singing along though he never says anything), smelling the scent of the sweet treats she can bake (even if she can only do a few), seeing the doodles and messages she leaves on his fridge before she leaves (like female stick figures with _this is me. i love u_ that are also in his journal) and finding her clothes in every corner of the rooms (she blames him for a lost bra in the kitchen). 

Bucky knows he isn’t the best boyfriend in the world or the most stable man around but he does the possible and impossible to let her know how much he loves her. She _never_ fails to amaze him and more often than not he finds himself just staring at her, thinking back on how much his life changed after she came along. 

And he may not have his old way with words anymore but he does shower her in compliments and sweet words because that’s the least she deserves for putting up with him. 

(Bucky absolutely loves calling her beautiful because her whole face lights up everytime and she always smiles cheekily before saying _I know, you tell me that all the time_ ).

 That doesn’t mean _everything_ is easy for them.

 There’s the days where he’s isolating and stressed, days where he doesn’t want to leave the bed, days where all he can think about is the nightmares he’s had in the night before and the painful memories of his war times. Even so, she’s still there. Giving him his space but offering support in the best way she can.

She hugs him tight with kisses and reassurances when he’s crying in a sleepless night, sometimes craddling his head against her chest or her lap with fingers running through his hair as she hums a song to calm him down. If it’s a nightmare then it’s a long warm bath together, her arms around him and fingers running through his chest and shoulders as he sits with his back against her. Bucky always falls asleep with her spooning him after, her lips pressing little soft kisses on his back and shoulders. 

And in the next morning, she never says anything but does prepare a hot cup of tea or chocolate for him (because that’s what calms her down, she says once) and waits until he’s ready to share something. 

That’s a secret nobody knows but the first time she really meets Steve is the day she’s left alone in Bucky’s apartment while he goes out to visit his baby sister. 

His best-friend and also soldier is most definitely surprised to find a girl opening the door of the apartment and if the interrogation he puts her through is any indication, he’s a bit on the edge with her presence. But it’s clear that Steve cares for Bucky just as much as she does and funny how quickly they bond over the fact once the wariness is gone. 

Her meeting with Sam and Natasha is better and they seem to love her right away. Natasha is tough and scary looking (the woman _is_ a part of a black ops team after all) and Sam is all sassy and snarky (she can’t believe he’s a pararescue of all things) but she can instantly see how much Bucky means to them. 

(It’s cute how Sam thanks her for what she’s done and says how much Bucky has improved since she came along. Especially because right after… _I care about him buT DON’T TELL HIM I SAID THAT_ ). 

With a few months into their relationship, she asks Bucky if he wants to be a volunteer in her workplace as she knows how hard it is for him to adapt to the job market again.

It really isn’t his first option but that’s how he ends up at the local dog shelter, finally feeling useful again as he helps with the day-to-day tasks and loving every second he has with the dogs and kittens he’s helped name. It’s also how Bucky ends up adopting a gray pitbull (that was a part of a fighting ring despite its loving manners) as his service dog that keeps her own tiny legged corgi company whenever they’re over his apartment. 

He’s grown so used to their presence at his place that it feels natural to ask her to move in. 

Her decorations seem match with his, her clothes are a beautiful contrast to his dull ones in the closet and their dogs seem all too happy to be together for good (even more when she brings random puppies and kittens to foster until they get adopted). 

Neither of them think life can get any better until a few years later, when she reveals their baby girl is on the way and set to be born in the same month of her auntie Rebecca. Bucky is just _so_ happy that he doesn’t even care about the video she keeps sharing around to their friends and family – him opening the small box and falling into tears as soon he sees the small purple shoe inside. 

Bambi Barnes is born on June 23rd as a perfect mix between her parents that everyone is delighted to welcome.

The little girl grows up to behave more and more like her mother even if she starts to look a little bit more like him as time goes by. 

She loves animals as much as her mom and showers him with so much love and affection that he can’t help but be emotional everytime. She’s the light of his life and he’s more than happy to be a stay-at-home dad, enjoying every bit of an experience he’s never even dreamed of having.

And honestly, Bucky’s life isn’t perfect and he’s well aware of that but he damn knows that with his family he can get through anything and much more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, did you like or did you hate it? Tell me!
> 
> I miss Bucky Barnes so much it hurts, oh God. ALSO, come and talk to me if you want @ bbbarneswrites on Tumblr!
> 
> If there’s any mistakes in this chapter, please warn me.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! You’re awesome.


	34. Single Dad!Bucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if Bucky was a single dad?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya friendos! <3
> 
> Here we go again but this time with Bucky as a single daddy alongside a kindergarten teacher!reader. Goals. Again, I wouldn’t have done this without my main ho Kuni (that you might know as pimpdaddysebastian @ Tumblr) and we hope you enjoy our thingies. :')
> 
> Happy reading!

A few years in into being an official member of the Avengers, Bucky thinks he’s got everything figured out.

After the accords fiasco and his homecoming, Bucky seems to think that joining the Avengers is the only way he can redeem himself for the harm he’s caused with HYDRA and so he falls just right into the team with his skills, being assigned to special and specific missions by Steve and Natasha.

Since Romania, many things has changed for him – now he’s back in America with his best-friend by his side, a new arm that doesn’t feel like a dirty reminder of his past and a mind to call his own thanks to T’Challa and the wakandan doctors. He’s no longer considered a fugitive, he doesn’t have to worry about looking for his back anymore and he’s glad about having a proper roof upon his head for a change. 

Bucky thinks he’s got everything figured out _until_ he’s assigned to a mission in Germany. 

The gruesome memories of his past hits him hard as he enters the shady lab, originally meant to experiment on humans and mutants but now looking recently abandoned at the word of the Avengers arrival. And even though the atmosphere is way too familiar for his own comfort, Bucky is set and focused to finish the mission. 

That is, until the hears the soft cries of a baby coming from one of the cells. 

He nearly doesn’t believe his eyes once he breaks the cell’s door and and sees the small body rolling around on the floor, protected with just a few pillows and a thin blanket. Bucky doesn’t waste any time on crouching down to cradle the baby in his arms and he can’t help but feel angry at the monsters who left the child behind without second thought. 

To say the team is surprised to see him stepping into the quinjet with the baby curled up against his chest is an understatement but nobody dares to say a thing, even after they land at the base and Bucky’s storming off to his room with Steve and Sam on his tail. 

Steve and Sam don’t even know what to say when Bucky states he’s keeping the baby no matter what, immediately turning down every other option they give. All that’s left for them to do is to help him settle for the night with Wanda’s help, feeding and bathing the baby as best as they can with no resources or skills at all. 

Bucky spends that night completely awake, eyes set on the small child sleeping soundly beside him on the bed. A brown haired baby girl that holds a pair of big hazel eyes that he names her after. 

The next day is just as eventful as the previous one as he goes out shopping for baby stuff with Steve and Sam.

It’s a sight to behold really, Captain America pushing a cart with a chirpy baby girl sitting inside while the Falcon and Winter Soldier fight over what to buy in the middle of a Buy Buy Baby store. 

The first week is confusing and difficult at times but Bucky doesn’t mind one bit as he starts to remember helpful bits and pieces of his childhood with baby Rebecca. By the second week, all Natasha can do is tease him about being a _father_ , Wanda is surprised that he’s picked up the skills this fast and Steve and Sam are still clueless as ever, so much that Bucky actually starts to teach them how warm Hazel likes her milk, how to hold her during a feed or what they should use to give her a bath. 

With Helen’s help (even though dealing with babies is not even near her speciality), they find out she’s probably nearing her 6th month and Bucky straight up dives in websites and books to learn more about the said stage. 

Some of her actions start to make sense once he reads a book about baby development – she’s always grabbing at whatever she can reach as she’s growing fascinated with feeling different textures, her eyes are always in alert and she seems to notice every little detail on whatever it’s around her and every once in a while he catches her babbling to whoever is speaking at the moment. 

That means she’s fascinated in grabbing (more like pulling) his hair and feeling his beard, highly attentive to people (she likes to stare at Vision a lot) and very well-acquainted with FRIDAY (the A.I. seems to love her babbling just as much she loves its voice). 

Hazel completely warms up her way up into everyone’s hearts and soon there’s an actual fight over who’s going to be her godfather and godmother. 

Steve looks like he’s about to burst with joy when Bucky announces there’s no way her godfather could be anyone but him and Natasha…just threatens anyone who try to fight her for the godmother spot. 

The Avengers routine gets completely upside down with the baby girl’s arrival and after a while they all have an actual schedule as to when to prepare her meals and milk, to put her to take a nap, to take her for a bath and bed. Not to mention the base itself that is now littered with baby accessories and toys everywhere, all the possible dangerous places babyproofed or locked. 

Hazel starts crawling about her 10th month but when she actually starts walking nearing her 1st birthday, everyone goes in full panic resulting in a constant proud superheros watch over her every step. 

Her 1st birthday party is just a small gathering with the team but still memorable enough. 

The living room ends up completely taken by colorful balloons as they all wear rainbow colored party hats, with Hazel looking nothing but delighted during the whole ordeal. The party also ends up resulting on Hazel’s first meeting with the God of thunder (who actually wanted to take her to _Asgard_ for a quick visit) and a series of photos (Bucky especially loves the one his baby girl is all dirtied up with cake) that turn into a cute scrapbook made by Wanda later. 

Ever since Bucky got the baby books months ago, he’s been actually conversing to Hazel as a way to encourage her speech. It isn’t unusual to find him randomly talking to her in every room of the base and everyone gets used to it at some point though there’s an occasional teasing jab here and there sometimes. 

Nobody thinks much of it until she’s a few weeks past her 1 year-old mark and she starts calling out _Bub_ up and down everytime Bucky’s in the room. 

(After a week, everyone is fed up with Bucky and his constant smug smirk whenever Hazel calls for him).

If the place had gotten sweeter upon her arrival months ago, now that Hazel’s actively speaking and walking it’s decidedly even better. 

She picks up some russian terms of endearment Natasha’s teached and starts calling everyone that way (even FRIDAY), sings a few of the indie songs Wanda plays with her guitar (and dances to match it), learns to call all the team as _auntie_ and _uncle_ (though Vision doesn’t understand why) and runs everywhere around the base with her toys (so much they thought they’d lost her once). 

To Bucky, her arrival means more than he’d ever imagined. 

He gets to fall asleep everyday with his baby cuddling his side and wake up to her either taking up the whole space on the bed or palming his cheeks with her little hands as she kisses him good morning. He gets to hear her giggle and watch her dance and sing and run as the healthiest and happiest kid he’s seen. He gets to tell her stories about his childhood with Uncle Steve. He gets to see her face light up as she screams his name excitedly everytime he comes back from a mission. He gets to see her worried about his injuries and he gets to cheer her up when she’s sad. 

His little baby changes his life completely and though he’s never planned or even thought about having a child, he can’t think of any other different way to live his life from now on. Hazel completely _owns_ his heart and he’d do anything for her. 

Watching her grow up is a painful but yet pleasing feeling and when she completes 4 years-old, she’s so smart and outgoing that Bucky decides to sign her up for school as much as it worries him. 

(Her first day goes as smoothly as it can and despite Bucky’s absolute denial, he nearly tears up when she runs up the school’s stairs without a single bit of hesitation). 

Now that she’s in school, there’s a new routine – Bucky wakes up a little earlier to get her ready, Steve or Sam prepare her lunch after their breakfast and they all drop her off in the building before their usual morning run. 

(Hazel only leaves after she says goodbye to everyone in the base with sleepy kisses and hugs so every now and then they get a little late). 

Just like Bucky wasn’t expecting Hazel to appear in his life, he isn’t expecting you. 

The first time he actually speaks to you isn’t on a good note. 

All that he knows is that you’re Hazel’s kindergarten teacher and all the interaction you both had had been just a wave or a smile here and there when he dropped her off. Until mother’s day comes along and _obviously_ an issue is raised in that matter. 

You know that Hazel stands out in the class for being an Avenger’s daughter and when it’s time to make crafted artworks for mother’s day, you quickly encourage her to do one for her father just as much you encourage the other kids who are in a similar situation. 

But the little girl is just too curious for her own good and once she starts questioning _why_ she has to make it for her father instead of a mother, you can only think of calling the said man to explain the whole ordeal. 

Bucky has been through hell and back during his life but once you explain what’s been happening, he can’t help but feel insecure. During all those years, he’s been doing his best to raise her but at that moment all the can think of is that his best isn’t enough for Hazel. That maybe she could’ve been better with an actual normal family, not a bunch of superpowered people that could die at any moment. 

He doesn’t know how but you seem to pick up on his sudden nervousness but hearing that he _is_ doing a great job by raising a sweet, smart, polite little girl calms his heart to no end. 

Past the mother’s day incident (that Hazel overcame by doing crafted artworks for the whole team instead), the little girl seems to grow fond of you by each day. 

Bucky grows used to seeing her say goodbye to her teacher with a tight hug and a big kiss and listening her gush about all the things Ms. (L/N) does for her in class. Coming to think of it, that’s probably how the both of you end up getting closer to each other – due to Hazel’s innocent matchmaking. 

It starts off with conversations solely focused on Hazel but after a few weeks, you both notice that the chats start to escalate to more than just school subjects. 

He doesn’t know if it’s Hazel’s doing or not but Bucky notices that Steve and Sam are picking up on it too and so they start to constantly tease him for it. So much that now they _insist_ on going to pick her up too just so they can watch his misery. 

(There’s this day where Steve and Sam randomly show up at the school in time to catch you and Bucky talking rather excitedly as Hazel cuddled up to your side. 

You swear that the sight of the two Avengers smiling smugly at you as they stood with their arms crossed will never get old). 

As father’s day comes along a few months later, Bucky gets a better surprise. 

During all these years, Hazel’s always called him Bucky like everyone else. She grew up used to that and he’s never thought of changing it. She’s always been his daughter for him but there was always this small bit of insecurity that held him back of seeing himself as a father, especially with his past. But then there’s day she comes home from school with a pretty colored father’s day card a handmade gift that she hands him after a hug and a kiss and his heart is completely melting. 

Bucky doesn’t think it can better until she just nonchalantly calls him _daddy_ for the first time later in the same day.

He’s just getting the plates out for her lunch when she goes, _daddy, can I have some juice?_ and his heart is beating so fast that he feels it might jump out of his chest. The best part of it is that Hazel seems to be unfazed to his sudden wide eyes, rather seeing the whole situation as natural. 

The second best part is seeing the team’s reaction when she suddenly screams _daddy!_ as Bucky enters the tv room before the movie night. Bucky has to yet see the Earth’s mightiest heroes that surprised again. 

At her 5th birthday party, Bucky gathers enough courage to invite you even though he knows he most definitely would have given up if it wasn’t for Hazel’s insistence. 

He isn’t expecting you to stay once the party’s over, protesting that you want to help with the clean-up despite the late hour and the lame excuse that there isn’t much to actually help with. 

As much as he tries to not to, Bucky can’t help but see you in a different light after that night. It feels good to know that there’s a connection between you two that goes beyond Hazel. You’re suddenly not _just_ her teacher anymore though it warms up his heart to see that you and his baby still have some sort of bond even outside the school’s confines. 

Any shade of doubt Bucky previously had is thrown away when you kiss him midway through the clean-up, your smiling lips against his as you joke that you _most definitely shouldn’t be doing this_. 

Your relationship progresses with baby steps as you’re both trying to not mess the whole situation. 

Hazel is technically still your student and neither of you want to mix things up too fast in fear for your job, Hazel’s wellbeing and your blossoming partnership. The dates are quiet and intimate at small restaurants or your place. The nights you spend together (while the team babysits Hazel) are a delight even though Bucky always has to leave in the middle of the night in order to get Hazel ready for school in the morning. The phone calls and texts always have that teasing sense attached showing how comfortable you both grew to be around each other. 

It comes to the point where you think that _maybe_ this could be real for good. 

It’s a challenge to convince Hazel that she can’t talk about them to her classmates and that you’re still her teacher no matter what’s been happening. But the little girl is just so ecstatic with the news that she promises (with both pinky fingers) to keep the secret if that means Ms _. (L/N) will be around all the time_. 

Bucky’s life after Hazel’s arrival had been amazing and he didn’t think it could be better until he saw himself with his two girls. 

There’s no words to describe the hapiness Bucky feels when he receives cute selfies and texts from both of you as you’re babysitting Hazel for the weekend with the whole team on a mission. Or when he’s welcomed home in the sweetest way ever with kisses and hugs and joyful giggles. Or when he falls asleep right in the middle of you cuddling the hell out of him and wakes up in the morning to see you happily interacting during breakfast. 

His girls never fail to amaze and overwhelm him – with love and affection, the little but sweet actions (handmade gifts and letters and drawings that never get old), little quirks and the loving relationship that is build (so much that Hazel’s second mother’s day gift is given to you). 

What Bucky feels for the both of you is beyond him but once again he finds a new purpose when Hazel gets a baby sister a few years later. 

Brooklyn is born a few months after Hazel’s 7th birthday and despite her first jealous reaction, she’s just as excited as her parents to welcome (and actually name) her little sister. 

And it’s only then, with his now three girls, that Bucky thinks he can finally say he’s got everything figured out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, did you like or did you hate it? Tell me!
> 
> Come talk to me *whispers* and suggest new AUs if you want @ bbbarneswrites on Tumblr! <3
> 
> If there’s any mistakes in this chapter, please warn me.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! You’re awesome.


	35. Who’d Have Known?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You’re not sure how it happens but maybe your friendship with Bucky isn’t really just a friendship anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hellooo! <3
> 
> After months without a full fic, here goes one rubbish attempt to fill up the gap! I’ve had a draft of this fic for MONTHS but I never got to finish it until this week when I practically forced myself to write it all. 
> 
> It’s not my best (I’m rusty af) and the ending is way too trash for me but I hope you all like it a little bit. Based off [Lily Allen’s Who’d Have Known](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbDMUijBP2U) and [this pic](https://i.pinimg.com/564x/3b/ed/c9/3bedc9a7a9defea2086c0e4ee6a0c5cd.jpg).
> 
> Enjoy!

Clint’s place is homey and comfortable and much more than you could ever ask for as you come back to the U.S after the accords with the team.  
  
Wakanda is nice and T'Challa’s mansion is something that you couldn’t even dream of before but it just doesn’t feel like home. It doesn’t have toys all over the floor, kids giggles every once in a while, it isn’t as warm and welcoming and familiar as you want. 

Clint’s farm reminds you of your own childhood home so you can only guess that was why you like it so much.  
  
The company isn’t bad too.  
  
Steve and Sam came back to the facility with the promise of handling whatever the press wanted to throw at the team. Scott was back in San Francisco for Cassie. But Bucky and Wanda did the same as you – took Clint’s offer for a temporary stay at his farm until the dust settled back in the city.  
  
It’s been three months and you’re not sure if you want to come back despite thinking that by now you’re imposing on Laura and Clint’s life. 

In the farm, life is different for each one of you. Bucky doesn’t need to tiptoe at every corner, Wanda isn’t constantly worried about her powers and you don’t need to watch out for your back. There’s no stepping on eggshells and you’re more than grateful for that.  
  
But even more meaningful than that is the relationship you build over the time with Bucky.  
  
Somehow throughout these last three months the former assassin and you had gotten along, previously bonding over your shared experience of mind control. You’ve had yours with Loki and you know nothing can top what he’s been through but Bucky seems to find comfort to your words just as much you find in his when you’re both awake at night due nightmares and such.  
  
And somehow throughout these last three months the line between friendship and _something else_ blurred between you. 

Nothing really happens but you know that your lingering gazes, soothing and gentle touches,  sheepishly whispered words mean much more than just a friendship, more than just company.  
  
Whatever the both of you have changes for good after Nathaniel’s 1 year-old birthday party.  
  
It’s nearly 3 in the morning when all of you finish helping Laura and Clint with the clean-up, their living room and kitchen looking habitable again underneath the pile of cake plates, plastic cups and candy papers all over. It doesn’t take much until Wanda and Laura are off to their rooms, leaving you on the couch and Clint and Bucky talking outside.  
  
You don’t know exactly why you do it but once you notice Bucky is just about to leave the conversation, you hurry up the stairs and sneak into the familiar atmosphere of his room before he does.  
  
Every detail is carved into your mind by now given the amount of time you spend in there but you can’t help but feel a slight tinge of insecurity as you wait for him. 

There’s something going on between you but you had never done _this_. Going in all by yourself for the first time, almost as if waiting for something to happen.  
  
But when Bucky finally enters the room, it’s like you’ve been there your entire life.  
  
He doesn’t even say anything but you swear you see a faint tinge of red on his cheeks and a small smile curving his lips as he takes the sight of you curled up on his bed, hair brought up in a messy ponytail, body clad with an old band t-shirt that Clint borrowed you and face free of any trace of make-up. 

You had _never_ done this before but he acts like it’s an everyday thing.  
  
It’s natural the way you scoot over for him to sit on the bed, when he takes his shirt off and ties up his hair in a bun, how he just plops himself down beside you and extends an arm for you to curl up against.  
  
So you don’t waste any time before shifting closer to him and resting your head against his shoulder, his chin touching the crown of your head as his arm tightens around your frame.  
  
“Sorry that I barged in.” You apologize with a weak smile, raising one of your hands to rest on his chest as you feel it rumble with his quiet, soft laughter, his fingers trailing down on your back. “I just didn’t want to be alone today, hope you don’t mind.”  
  
“You know I don’t, baby doll.” Bucky mutters quietly and squeezes the curve of your hip, letting out a rather content sigh when you hum in reply. “Something’s on your mind?”  
  
“No… _no_.” You reply way too quickly, lower lip caught between your teeth in apprehensiveness until Bucky shifts over to face you with that look and you can’t help but give in with a quiet breath. “I’m just…is it bad that I don’t want to go back? To the city? Because I don’t." 

As soon as the words leave your mouth, you start to line up all the reasons why you’d rather to stay there than going back home. 

You know that once you’re back, whatever the both of you have will have to get on hold, worst case scenario with the whole ordeal completely forgotten. 

And even though nothing was ever his fault, Bucky still owes the goverment an answer and you know that this whatever you have will be the least of his concerns. If you’re back at the facility, Bucky is officially an Avenger and you’re not entirely sure how that will play out with the rest of the world, given it had just blew up in your faces because of an accord. 

If you’re back then he’s not just yours anymore, no matter how selfish and possessive this can sound to anybody else’s ears. And as much as you try to convince yourself otherwise, it feels like it gets worse everytime.  
  
” _No_ , that’s…that’s fine.“ Bucky finally replies, sounding as soft and careful as ever as he glances down at you with a light frown. "Why don’t you want to go back?”  
  
“I like it here. It’s quiet and there’s no fussing over us,” You explain with a tight smile and let out a small sigh, your eyes closing for a brief moment until Bucky’s metal fingers start rubbing your lower back. “It kinda reminds me of my home too.”  
  
“A farm reminds you of home? You lived in a farm?” Bucky muses out with a small grin, immediately making you roll your eyes and let out a tired groan. “ _Now_ , that’s just something I can’t believe, doll." 

You can’t help but laugh as he pokes at your side, your heart painfully warming up to the memories of your childhood home, large grass yard in a remote place and all the years your family spent there to keep you and your powers away from prying eyes and judgemental people.

You’re most definitely a city girl and it shows it but after everything you’ve been through, going back to a quiet place again doesn’t sound so bad.

"It wasn’t a farm.” You pout jokingly, resting your chin against his chest before shrugging lightly. “But it was in a remote place like this. I had the best childhood a girl could’ve asked for. That’s probably why people didn’t find out about me sooner.”

“Do you miss them?” Bucky asks, looking hesitant and somehow worried when you frown confusedly at him. “Your parents– do you miss them?”  
  
“Everyday.” You smile sadly through a little laugh before nuzzling your cheek against his chest, feeling the soft rise and fall of his breathing slowly calming you. “Do you miss your family?" 

Bucky just sighs as you feel him nod.  
  
"Everyday." 

It’s unspoken by the both of you but deep down maybe you think this could be just the start of another family.

 

* * *

 

One more month and you’re still at Clint’s house, more often than not telling yourself that you’re not ignoring your life and obligations by staying there. 

You love being an agent, a hero or whatever people call you but it’s also nice to have a normal routine for a change. In the farm, you help Laura with the kids, you put your mechanical skills on the works again with Clint’s old tractors, you take time with reading and writing. You do miss your adrenaline filled life but you don’t exactly feel ready to go back just yet. 

When it’s time for Bucky to go back to the city, you can’t help but be heartbroken. 

He isn’t going back because he wants to – you can feel it in the way he says it, because he’s always trying to sound firmer than he looks – but rather because the dust is sort of settled and the goverment guaranteed him a chance to speak up again. It’s an opportunity of a lifetime and the only one he can afford in the moment so you know he has to go. 

But you appreciate the fact that he understands you don’t feel like going back yet. 

It’s not even needed a real conversation because he just feels it and in a weird way, that makes the situation much easier for the both of you. From the day Steve gives the news to his official last week in the farm, you manage to ignore the strange sinking sensation in your chest. 

Then, it’s Saturday and it’s his last weekend and you’re suddenly not so sure if you can ignore your feelings as much as you ignore your responsabilities. 

You’re sitting at the wood swing set up in the porch, watching over Lila and Cooper as they play tag when he sits up beside you, playfully nudging your shoulder with his and giving you the cutest smile you’ve seen. 

One that you can’t help but smile back at, even if it’s not as genuine as you want it to be. 

“Tired of Clint’s old farmer jokes?” Bucky starts off, his lips curving in a teasing grin as he looks over to the kids and you just laugh at his words. “I know I am. I’m sure Wanda is too so we won’t blame you.” 

“You know, it’s kinda growing on me.” You joke playfully, shrugging with a sheepish smile when he looks back at you again, his playful expression then replaced by a sober one. “Nah, it’s just that Lila and Coop were getting too antsy and Laura is busy with Nathaniel. Babysitting duty called.” 

Bucky just nods with a fond smile and turns his gaze to watch the kids again, the both of you falling into an easy silence that you’re most definitely used to. 

In that moment, you try to not think about his leave or about your still building but weird relationship with him or even why he’s there with you and the kids. But you can only guess it’s impossible, especially after he throws an arm around your shoulder and just slightly pulls you closer to his side, grumbling something about the cold weather before falling into silence again. 

If you weren’t sure of what to do then, you sure as hell aren’t sure of what to do now so you just leave him be, choosing to focus on his embrace rather than the complications of it. 

“I’m going to miss this.” Bucky breaks the sudden silence and you can’t help but feel your heart skip a beat again with his words. 

You know exactly what he means but you don’t feel confident enough to let your feelings show just yet, so taking a way around seems to be a better idea for the moment. 

“What? Moody country side weather?” You snort mockingly, trying to hide your nervousness as much as you can as he just chuckles and shakes his head. “I know, it’s so hard! I don’t think you’ll survive back in New York.” 

Bucky laughs and you can’t help but follow, your arm making its way to wrap up his waist as he leans his forehead against yours and looks down to you. 

“Yeah, doll, it’s exactly that.” He says between a snicker, his arm lightly squeezing you against his side until he speaks up again with a tight smile on his lips. “I’m gonna miss the quiet. Working around here with Clint and hearing his old farmer jokes. Laura’s food and the kids. But I knew I’d have to leave someday, so…” 

“You’ll be fine.” You reply quietly, cheeks warming up under his attentive gaze as you shrug and lean your head lower against his chest to avoid his eyes. “I mean, Steve wouldn’t let you come back if it wasn’t safe enough, right? And you’re strong, Bucky, you can handle this. I know it.” 

You aren’t looking at him but just by his soft sigh and the strange but yet pleasant and warm way you’re feeling, you know that he’s looking at you. And you can’t exactly decide if you should feel happy or nervous about it. 

“You give me too much credit, you know.” Bucky finally replies, a weak chuckle escaping from his lips as he reaches up to your face and cups your cheek, tipping your chin up you’re glancing at him again. “I’ll miss you. And this.” 

“Me too.” You whisper, subconsciously leaning in against his hand as you smile playfully. “Promise you’ll call me? And text me? And send me funny pictures of Sam?” 

With another heartfelt laugh, Bucky brings both of his arms around you and squeezes your frame against his chest, laughter rumbling through you as he bows his head down until you’re mere inches away. 

With his breathing practically mixing up with yours, you nearly miss his next words. 

“I promise.” 

With a promise and a chuckle later, Bucky’s smiling lips are pressed against yours and you’re nearly melting against him, your hands making its way to his cheeks until your thumbs are brushing against his stubble and he’s squeezing your hips gently. 

But before things can go any further, Lila and Cooper come running in your direction and you pull away from each other, both torn between feeling guilty and amused as they start to fuss over the situation. _(Y/N) and Bucky sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g…_

Bucky doesn’t say anything but the soft smile and glance he gives you are more than enough as he pulls you up to your feet and wraps his arm around you. 

“Come on, let’s watch A Place in The Sun.”

 

* * *

 

You talk to him a few times a week after he leaves and even though you know it’s the best he can do, you still miss him and still feel like it’s not enough.

Things have been busier and messier than ever for him, especially after the Avengers’ tech team managed to get a hold of his old files and some HYDRA’s secret footage about his training. 

The government wants to bring him to the court and Steve is trying to fight that as much as he can, relying on the several crypted files Natasha dumped online and on the growing support Bucky’s been getting over the last few months. 

His calls and texts come through a burner phone Steve sent a few days after they left and more often than you’d like to admit, you caught yourself staring intently at the device, almost as if hoping that your relentless stare would get him to call you. 

But whenever Bucky does call you, it feels like he’s still there with you. 

It can sound strange but as you hear him speak, it’s like you can see every little grin and frown and shrug he gives. When you read his texts, it’s his voice in your mind and that brings a dumb smile to your face every time. It happens for the first time in your birthday, when you’re curled up in your bed with a glass of wine and a sleeping Wanda on the floor after an attempt of a slumber party. 

You’ve been waiting for any sign of him all day and though part of you wants to believe that he wouldn’t let it pass with a little reminder, you can’t help but feel that slight tinge of doubt as the clock nears 23:30 and the phone is still as quiet as ever. 

Your cheeks most definitely burn in shame when the phone’s screen light up 10 minutes later, making you nearly drop the bottle of wine on Wanda’s head with your excitement. 

It’s several texts and as much as you’d rather to hear his real voice, you still feel content in just reading his words. 

_23:42  Happy birthday baby girl_

_23:42  I hope your day was just as fun as the pictures clint sent_

_23:43  My gift will take a while to get there i hope you don’t mind waiting_

_23:48  Wish i could’ve been with you_

_23:50  Miss you_

Smiling quietly to the screen, you’re definitely content in reading his words and in finding out that even though he’s miles away, his voice in your head makes you feel way way less alone.

 

* * *

 

When you come back to New York, it doesn’t feel as bad as you thought it would be. 

Sure, the press is still on everyone’s back though some of the attention died down, your status as an Avengers team agent is probably undefined and your relationship with Bucky is in between two lines but you finally feel ready to go back and face whatever you have to. 

All of your time away feels like a recharge and even though it can be kinda selfish to an outsider, given a part of the team couldn’t afford to have that, you’re still thankful for having that moment. 

Thinking about it now, you see how much those months changed you but only for the better. It also doesn’t hurt that Bucky came along, surprising you in so many ways and supporting and reassuring your thoughts in every step of the way. 

It’s true that you firstly bonded over a shitty shared experience but it means so much more to you that you’ve come together again because of your feelings. 

When you come back to New York, it’s still a little awkward between the both of you but you wouldn’t have it in another way. 

Bucky had been hesitant to come back at first but now you see how much the move has improved so many aspects of him, even changed some. He still has to deal with harsh days but it’s notable that he’s feeling more comfortable in the new atmosphere than he ever was back in Wakanda. 

There’s still some work ahead for him to be as okay as he was before, when in Clint’s place, but it’s a start nonetheless. 

As to now, despite the unsureness of your relationship, he kisses you good morning at every team breakfast, pulls you to his side at movie nights, wraps a protective arm around your waist during team meetings, hugs you as tightly as he can before every secret mission you’re allowed to participate. 

You don’t complain or mind at all and the team never mentions though you have your suspicions that they’re curious about it. Natasha is the one who confirms your suspicions and takes the duty of questioning what everyone wants to know. 

Both you and Bucky are watching a movie in the common room when the redhead takes a seat on the armchair next to the couch you’re in. With your head resting against his chest and his arms wrapped around your waist, you don’t think much of it at first. But Natasha is intense in every sense of the word so it doesn’t take too long until you can nearly feel her insistent stare burning into you. 

But before you can even think of scolding her, she’s speaking up first. 

“God, you two are disgusting.” Natasha snorts lightly, narrowing her eyes as she smirks knowingly at you. “Really, what is it with the both of you?” 

You subtly snuggle closer to Bucky’s chest and divert your gaze from her smug one, shrugging nonchalantly while Bucky huffs under his breath. You’re not sure if you want whatever this is to become a fuss between the team yet so you try to play it off as smoothly as you can, even knowing that Natasha’s usually intimidating attitude makes the situation a little more unnerving. 

“I don’t know what you mean?” You reply quietly, your eyes glued to the screen in front of you until Natasha scoffs your name indignantly and you sigh exasperated. “ _I don’t know_ , what do you want me to say?” 

That seems to be _exactly_ what she wants to hear because as soon you finish speaking, she smirks like the freaking Cheshire cat and scoots foward on the chair, elbows resting on her knees. 

“ _How_ did this happen?” Nat starts off, sounding as curious as ever but at the same time demanding as she always is once she continues. “ _When_ did this happen? What _exactly_ is going on? I can keep going if you want.” 

Bucky tightens his hold around your waist and sets his chin on the top of your head, glaring at the redhead just as intensively as she is though she seems to be completely unfazed by his sudden protective demeanor. 

“That’s none of your business, Romanoff.” Bucky grumbles harshly, a deep frown forming on his forehead as he glances suspiciously at her, now looking surely pleased that she’s finally got him to speak up. “Who put you up to this?” 

“Why, can’t I just ask something I’m curious about?” Natasha sneers with her characteristical grin curving her lips and chuckles when Bucky rolls his eyes at her, her gaze drifting between the both of you as she replies. “ _No one._ You should know no one can make me do anything, Barnes. I’m just asking what the whole facility wants to know.” 

You don’t know if it’s her presence or her questioning or both that makes Bucky huff in mild annoyance before getting up on his feet, bringing you with him by wrapping your legs around his waist, an arm under your bottom to support his hold. 

It happens so fast that you can’t help but yelp in surprise once he hoists you up but you definitely don’t miss the soft _‘bedroom, baby doll’_ that he mutters under his breath once your arms are secured around his neck. It’s quiet and you don’t think Natasha heard until you look over Bucky’s shoulder and she’s smirking at you with raised eyebrows, clearly taking special note on your sheepish expression. 

You’re glad when Bucky turns around to face her instead because that way you can bury your flushing face in his neck and hide the small smile when he speaks up again. 

“Back off _,_ Natalia _._ ” 

Though you’re not in the room anymore to hear it, the said woman just chuckles in amusement because _yep_ , there’s definitely _something_ in there. 

“See what I mean? Disgusting.”

 

* * *

 

Your mornings are quiet and slow and neither you or Bucky mind having a boring routine to contrast against all the crazy that you have to deal with everyday in this line of work. 

As time progresses, you grow used to waking up with his arms around your waist, his hands on your hair or his face buried in the crook of your neck. You grow used to the feel of his warm skin next to yours, to the tender good morning kisses he presses on your cheeks everyday, to his fingers slipping into the band of your underwear when he’s feeling a little more risky. You grow used to his sleepy voice, to _baby girl_ and _doll_ and _sweetheart_ muttered under his breath. 

After your homecoming, one morning with Bucky turns into two that turns into three that turns into a week and then a month and then it’s been 5 months and you realize he’s the only constant you want to have in your life. 

But every once in a while, you can’t help but still feel hesitant about your building relationship. 

There’s a million things that bound you together but you still fear the other million that can break you apart. Neither of you are off the government’s hook yet and there’s a world of emotional luggage and responsabilities to get in your way. 

It’s funny how these same mornings can make you forget these doubts as fast as they come. 

In the morning after Sam’s 39th birthday party, you’re both still feeling a little too tired to get up from the comfy bed rather opting to enjoy each other’s presence without prying and curious eyes over you for once. Bucky’s got his back against the mattress while you lay on top of him, arms wrapped around each other with soft kisses and lingering touches that replace the talking for most of the time. 

But with one of you breaking the silence every once in a while. 

“You’re happy with me, aren’t you?” Bucky asks quietly, his murmur sounding so soft but yet so insecure to your ears that you immediately look up at his face with worry rising in your chest. 

“I am. You know I am.” You reply kindly, brushing your thumb over his chin and dimple as he closes his eyes and lets out a short breath at your gentle touch. “Why are you asking?” 

The room is silent and it almost feels like you can hear the thoughts running through his mind. 

“Just…worried, I guess.” He laughs humorlessly and locks his gaze with yours, arm tightening around your waist when you stare confusedly at him. “I don’t want to take your time, baby doll. It’s been months and I’m still a mess when…you could’ve just moved on with someone else.” 

Feeling your heart drop at his words, you don’t think twice before closing the space between you. As soon as your lips meet Bucky’s, you try to express all the emotions you’re feeling into the kiss. It’s tender and sweet but somehow still desperate and reassuring to both of you. It feels different and for some reason it feels like a good kind of different. 

You can’t exactly say his doubts are a good thing but it’s good to know that he also struggles sometimes, giving you a chance to work out your issues together from the said moment on. 

It’s good that he’s laying out his cards for you and it’s even better that he’s giving you a chance to lay out your own too. 

“I don’t want someone else, I want _you_.” You state as firmly as you can, your eyes not wavering from his while your hands hold both sides of his face, fingertips pressed against the warm skin as your lips brush together. “And I don’t care if you’re mess because so am I. We don’t take each other’s times, we’re just making it our own.” 

His loving stare makes your cheeks warm up and your heart skip a beat. The kiss he gives you after doesn’t help your case either but you’re definitely not complaining as his innocent display soon turns into a full make-out session, with his hands sliding into your sleep shorts while your lips make quick work on forming little bruises on his neck. 

It feels like having a world of your own so you’re _just_ a little bit displeased when Bucky suddenly interrupts the moment. 

“ _I’m yours._ ” Bucky mumbles softly against your mouth, one of his hands running through your hairlocks while the other spread shivers through the skin of your back, leaving you speechless and gaping as he continues. “I’m only yours, baby girl.” 

It’s funny how _he_ can make you forget any doubts as fast as they come in that moment. Or in any day, you realize. It’s funny how his words make butterflies fill your stomach and how much you don’t care that neither of you have said _the_ words yet. It’s funny how he quickly becomes the best part of your life and how _everyone_ notices it. 

But to top it all, it’s funny how easily and naturally the words slip out of your mouth– 

 _I’m yours too._  

Without a single inch of fear attached to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, did you like or did you hate it? Tell me!
> 
> Come talk to me if you want @ bbbarneswrites on Tumblr! <3
> 
> If there’s any mistakes in this chapter, please warn me.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! You’re awesome.


	36. Assassin/Mercenary!Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if Bucky fell in love with an assassin sent to kill him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEYA PEOPLE! 
> 
> It’s been a while so happy new year! Here we go again but now we have an assassin!reader AU that me and my friendo Kuni came up with. 
> 
> I made a [playlist](https://8tracks.com/bbbarnes/assassin-au)for them and it’s on 8tracks! <3
> 
> ENJOY!

Killing people for money is one of the things that you consider yourself to be very good at.

But not _just_ for the money because you aren’t _that_ immoral, no. You can’t deny you like the feeling it gives you when you’re able  to wipe the map off of some mysoginist, asshole man that had too many shitty things on his historic to be saved from.

That’s one of the  conditions that are listed on your deep web ad as an assassin slash mercenery for hire – you _need_ your targets to be dirty. Even better if they’re mysoginist trash men. They’re the most fun to kill. 

You might be young at age but you aren’t young in the business – you’ve seen a fair share of weird deals and you’ve had your own share of shady negotiations so you don’t think much when you get an anonymous proposal offering a few millions to kill a convicted man. 

It’s been a while since your last job so knowing your target was trouble is enough despite the fact you’re most definitely thirsting over a few more dollar signs on your bank account. 

The weird thing about said deal is that your employer doesn’t tell you your target is The Winter _freaking_ Soldier himself, as in war hero turned into soviet assassin turned into Avenger, Bucky Barnes. 

The Winter Soldier was never for hire as long as you remember but he was most definitely known into the business even when nobody knew where he came from or what was his deal. He was a legend to you as much as he was to the regular civilians who dared to believe in his existance. One thing that was common ground to everyone that believed was that _nobody_ should mess up with the guy because he was just _that_ good. 

And then S.H.I.E.L.D happened. And HYDRA happened. 

You found out that your fellow partner in career was actually Captain America’s long lost best-friend. That he didn’t necessarily _want_ to be a fellow partner in career. And oh, also that you were a target in a freaking nazi hitlist. _Details._  

To do your job, you need your target to be dirty. And Bucky Barnes most definitely is but not exactly in the way you usually expect. 

The address you’re given is to a very nice apartment in the funky, hipster area of Brooklyn. You usually don’t get up and close the people but the fact that he’s Bucky Barnes adds up to your curiosity and soon you’re disabling all his security protocols, stepping into the apartment with a new found purpose. 

It doesn’t take long for him to arrive and you guess it’s because he must have been informed about the security breach. 

It’s also funny how he steps into the apartment instantly knowing that you’re there. 

You love that he doesn’t seem surprised that you’re a woman but you _hate_ that the bastard is just too damn good looking for your own good. He looks like a dream dressed up in a white tight shirt, dark grey sweatpants with stubbly cheeks and hair up in a bun that didn’t hold a few strays of his dark locks. The metal arm detailed with gold is a plus. So is the fact you can make out the shape of his thighs in those pants. 

(You just _can’t_ imagine why someone would like _this_ handsome man to be killed). 

Ever since you knew your target was the Bucky Barnes, you decided you weren’t killing him. You aren’t stupid as the people who say he’s at fault for what happened in D.C. You know he’s a victim and even though he did kill a few people in the last decades (like the damn United States president), it was actually HYDRA who pulled the trigger. 

You’re actually just indulging yourself to a _very_ nice view of a very nice looking man even though he can kill you too. 

But obviously, he doesn’t know that and your heart actually skips a beat when he decides to talk you out of doing your job instead of taking you out as some would do. You would never admit it to anyone (anyone but him when you actually get together) but that is probably the first time that someone saw you for you, past your usual façade. 

Still, you know he’s ready for a fight and that fact becomes truth when you decide to test him, attacking him in the middle of his nice expensive looking living room only to end up straddled by the said man, his metal fingers holding up your wrists as his thighs locked up your legs. 

You leave his place a few millions poorer, without one more name to your list but very content about yourself. 

That’s the sort of thing that usually happens after flirting with a ex-soviet assassin for a night. 

In the next day, Bucky goes back to the Tower and keeps his mouth shut about the whole ordeal. Steve is worried about the security breach but Bucky does his best to soothe the man’s nerves, assuring it was only a power outage in the building. Bucky keeps his mouth shut but finds himself digging for every bit of information on the girl from the previous night. 

With a flirty smile and a cup of coffee, Bucky manages to convince the cute I.T guy to set up his laptop so he could search around the illegal specialized websites. 

He finds you in less than 5 minutes given you’re one of the best and fairly popular on the business. 

Your ad is also one of a kind which actually helped and made Bucky laugh on the spot. 

 

 **ASSASSIN FOR HIRE**  

Wrongs Righted. Bad Guys Beaten. No Crime Too Small to Crack. No Villain Too Villainous to Villify. 

 **LET ME SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS FOR YOU**

_Fairly Cheap Rates – Great Results – Light housekeeping_  

 

The more Bucky searches on you, more he gets himself hooked and curious. He’s seen some people around the sites to codename you as _Foxglove_ and he’s amused to know the real reason behind the name. Unlike all the assassins and mercenaries that he’d had the pleasure of knowing, he learns that you act through poisonous gas and needles through your targets.

It’s also very well known that you’re quite good in martial arts and have a soft spot for your target’s _soft spots_. Especially if they’re _men_ , if anyone can catch the drift. 

Bucky gathers that you’re into this business for a while and he couldn’t help but wonder how’d you get in. 

The aftermath of your meeting with The Winter Soldier brings you some unwanted situations. Having broken your anonymous employer’s deal, you find yourself in a tough spot where you have to lay low for a while. Thing that isn’t necessarily bad, just not exactly ideal. 

Bucky Barnes was different from what you had envisioned and before you can even realize, you’re looking up on every bit of information on him. You’re surprised with how much time tv news anchors and politians spend talking about the Avengers. And you’re amused to find out that the guy is actually very much loved online and has his fair share of _both_ fangirls and fanboys to back him up. 

He’s a mystery to you just as much you’re a mystery to him. 

But laying low isn’t something that you particularly enjoy and adding up the previous thoughts you’ve had since the meeting and everything you’ve seen from the Avengers so far, it isn’t surprising that you turn to fighting New York street crime as an Avengers slash neighborhood friendly vigilante. 

You don’t catch much attention from the team at first because you aren’t the first vigilante to show up in New York but that changes when you stop an alien weapons deal and send a nice warning to the said mightiest heroes. When Bucky, Steve and Sam get to the place, the weapons are safely secured and the mob bosses leading the deal all had signs of deathly poisoning. Bucky couldn’t help but smirk despite the situation. 

The same thing happens a few more times – your friendly warnings causing confusion and drawing attention from the team. 

But _then_ you start to stick around after your calls. Only making yourself known to Bucky. 

And then both of you start to long for the moments where you’re both together and hidden from the team at some place, the thrill of your shared secret making your chests buzz with anticipation. You can’t quite pinpoint when it starts but the flirting and the teasing feels so natural that you can’t help but love it. 

Unbeknown to Bucky, the team gets suspicious on his sudden disappearances on the vigilante’s calls and it doesn’t take long until Steve is demanding him to track you for good and bring you in as easily as he could. 

Bucky honestly tries to. But you just look _that_ good wearing only your customary leather jacket and lace panties when you open the door that he completely looses the track of time between one make-out session to another. The couch make-out session, the kitchen counter make-out session, the wall make-out session. 

The bruises on his neck are enough of an answer to Steve once Bucky comes back to the Tower late night and the Captain can’t help but sigh disbelief once he sees his best-friend’s unbothered smirk. 

It takes a while until you let yourself be convinced to join the Avengers. 

You’re just fine with your vigilante business even though it doesn’t have as much privileges as being an assassin for hire. The Avengers are a high-up, globally known team and you most definitely don’t want that for you, especially with your past. It takes a lot of insistance from Steve and Tony’s part until you give in. 

You settle for being a simple agent even if your skills are way too good for such a meek title. At least that’s what your official papers say. 

In reality, you turn out to be more Bucky’s partner than anything else. 

Your missions are always successful and even though you try not to brag about it (especially to Sam who hates hearing anything about it), you know that the both of you make a good team together. It can sound weird or cheesy to anybody else’s ears but you know how to complete Bucky just as much as he knows how to complete you. He knows you and your fighting style, your skills and your mindset just as much as  you know his and you can easily say that’s why you work so well together. 

You trust him to have your back like no one else and you know that he’d do whatever to keep you safe. 

It’s not a bad thing to work with your man too – even if the team absolutely hates it sometimes. 

Seeing him in his all black uniform, riffle in hands and mission face on is just as amazing for him to see you in your deep black catsuit, spinning your thighs around some poor dude’s neck before taking him down with a harmless sleep needle. It’s also fun to tease him through the comms with dirty talk, even more when the rest of the team is just done with it. 

(You particularly like that one mission you had to slip out of your dress and into your catsuit after stealing blueprints of weapons prototypes from a rich maniac at his extravagant birthday party. 

Bucky’s priviliged sniper spot was the perfect place for your change of clothes and the team didn’t put much thought into it. 

That is, until both of you found much more interesting activities to attend than the mission itself). 

Having Bucky as your work partner is amazing but having him as your boyfriend is even better. 

Bucky most definitely is easy on the eyes with his sharp jaw, killer blue eyes and smile but he’s  got his demons just as much as you do. Your previous line of work wasn’t exactly conventional enough to land you a partner but now with Bucky everything seems a lot easier for you. He’s got his past and you got yours and having him by your side more often than not makes you forget about life’s sidelines. 

You _live_ for his kisses – the ones he always make sure to spread through your neck and collarbones, to the curve of your breasts and stomach. The feeling of the tips of his fingers trailing through your back and thighs and almost always inside the edge of your panties grounds you and makes you feel as wanted as ever.

His arms are your safe place from your doubts and insecurities and even though both of you know that you’re more than capable of taking care of yourself, it’s still nice to know that he’s there to support you at all times. 

You love that you get to call him _your man_ , you love that you get to feel his lips on your skin everyday, you love you get to mark his skin with your lips everyday. 

For Bucky, you’re his partner and his protector, his girl and his confidant. He’d never put much thought into having someone by his side given who he is but now he often wonders how he’d gotten so far without you. 

He likes the idea of thinking of you as his _soulmate_ , someone who understands his struggles and overcome them with him. He likes that you trust him so blindly from the very beginning, giving no care as to the things he did back with HYDRA. He likes that you defend him as fiercely as Steve does, he likes that you know him, he likes that you know your way around him, he likes that you let your walls down with him. 

He likes every little piece of you. 

Your skills and your personality that gives him a run for his money, the curves of your body and the marks of your skin, your perfume and your hair. The kisses that are almost always followed by a bite that will mark him, the gentle caresses through his chest and arms. How perfectly you fit under and on top him. Your flirting and your teasing and your declarations. 

It amazes him to no end how you feel more and more like his haven and he relishes on each day he’s able to wake up in the morning and call you his _baby girl_ , just like you love it. 

A few years down the road, you decide to move in together to an apartment away from the Tower. 

Your saved money and Bucky’s generous backpay earns you both a nice, fairly big apartment in a renewed cute brownstone building near all the hipster bars and restaurants you make fun of but secretly love. 

Life is as sweet as it can be with shared bubble baths, Netflix cuddling nights, morning sex in the kitchen, clothes forgotten by both of you and lazy post-mission sleeps when you get home. 

It almost feels like you’re married – even more when you bring a cat home, that you claim _it is_ your son, even though it absolutely _hates_ Bucky’s guts. 

You name the black green eyed cat Sebastian due your obsession with his actor dude you insist that looks like Bucky and that only adds to the soldier’s occasional distaste for the pet. The cat is as needy for your attention as he is, and as just as protective of you. Bucky normally appreciates it, just not when you’re on top of him with the sweetest moans and the cat is stratching the bed’s sheets to have you back. 

And, _yeah_ , let’s not talk about all the scratches his metal (and flesh) arm gets from Sebastian’s claws. 

And, _no_ , Bucky isn’t jealous of how you treat the cat with your cuddles and kisses and baby voice whenever it does something to him or his stuff. 

The only time where both your boys settle down and tolerate each other is when you leave for missions. 

Bucky always records videos and takes pictures of needy Sebastian cuddling up to his side as he reads, or settling on your side of the bed at night just because it needs its cuddles and you’re not there to provide. You know that Bucky has a soft spot for Sebastian deep down in his heart and that he loves it everytime the cat shows some affection to him. 

(Also, it isn’t unusual for Bucky to actually speak to the cat when you’re not home. Their talks usually consists of how much they miss you and can’t wait for you to be home). 

It’s funny how the second you’re back in the house, they’re suddenly enemies again. 

It almost feels like you’re married – so much that you decide to really do it, even if not on the conventional way as you decide to elope. 

There isn’t a fancy dinner so you have some drinks by Tony Stark himself instead. There isn’t a formal party so you have a nice gathering with the team only instead. There isn’t a white dress so you have a black sexy party one instead. 

Nothing is conventional, including you and Bucky and your relationship, but the best part is that your love makes up for all of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, did you like or did you hate it? Tell me!
> 
> Come talk to me *whispers* and suggest new AUs and headcanons if you want @ bbbarneswrites on Tumblr! <3
> 
> If there’s any mistakes in this chapter, please warn me.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! You’re awesome.


	37. Little James

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After four years missing, Bucky comes back to find you. He ends up discovering more than he’d anticipated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, hey!
> 
> It’s been a long time since I last posted a full fic…again, lmao. This one is based off this prompt I reblogged a long time ago on my blog. I’m a walking cliché and an asshole and I love this kind of trope…what can I say.
> 
> You can listen to [Little James by Oasis](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFNAZGgt1VQ) to pair up the with fic too. <3
> 
> Enjoy!

When Bucky quietly enters the apartment during the night, his heart is nearly beating out of his chest and he’s sure it doesn’t have anything with the fact he’s invading someone’s home.

Still, as soon as he jumps the window and places his feet into the apartment for good, the atmosphere swallows him like a hurricane. He’s there, in your home and everything screams your personality. Even if it didn’t, he’d still know just by the familiar smell lingering around the room. 

But there’s these special details that breaks his heart in a million pieces. 

Every toy and pencil and coloring book scattered around the living room seems to be there to show everything that he missed and everything that could have been. 

All the  _what ifs_ ,  _what ifs, what ifs_ playing in his head. 

He had no plans of falling in love with someone while on the run from both the government and an evil terrorist organization and God knows how much he tried to fight his feelings. But by that point, he felt tired of doing so. 

After he met you in one of his visits to the city’s library, you quickly became the epitome of good in his life. Love, affection, kindness and all the feelings he’d been deprived from for so many years. Thinking about it now, Bucky doesn’t know how he let himself think that he could have all of that, that he could be worthy of all of that. 

And he’s just thinking that he  _really_  wasn’t, not with the way you look at him as you spot his figure in the living room.

Surprise and pain and apprehensiveness and anger all in one glance. 

“What are you doing here?” You break the tense silence first, your voice a little strained but still sounding just like he remembers as you cross your arms around your chest almost protectively, an action that doesn’t go unnoticed by him. “How did you find me?”

It’s obvious that you’re nervous even though you’re trying to cover it up. 

Knowing you as he does, Bucky knows there’s probably a million questions roaming through your head, questions that you don’t need to hear the answer.

He opens his mouth but ends up failing on his words, not sure of what to say as you’re just  _there_ , just a few steps away from him like he’s dreamed so many times. 

Before he saw you, there was a million reasons and arguments in his head – your safety, his recovery, all the things he did – but now listening to you, seeing you, it feels like none of his words will be good enough for an explanation. Even because he knows you deserve better than just that.

“I just…I wanted to talk to you.” He sighs quietly, pursing his lips as he watches you frown. In confusion or annoyance though he’d rather not knowing the true answer.

“By breaking into someone’s home.” A scoff escapes from your lips and you run a hand through your face, chuckling humorlessly as you throw yourself on the couch, already looking completely done with the whole situation. “Well, there’s your chance. You’re talking.”

His whole body feels tense as he shifts on his weight, not sure of what to do before you wave to the chair across from you.

Bucky hesitantly takes a seat in front of you, silence lingering in the room for a few more moments as he let himself analyze every little piece of you. 

You look just like he remembers, maybe even more beautiful and mature than before with slight longer hair and a leaner looking body. Despite the mess of feelings inside of him, there’s still a spark of happiness in knowing you’re doing so well without him. 

Healthy, free, with no targets on your back like him.

“I want to apologize. It’s just–” Bucky murmurs shamefully, pausing with a small sigh following as he let his gaze fall to the floor, his chest clenching at the sight of all the toys scattered across the carpet. “I want you to know that I don’t do that anymore.”

“Okay. I know that now.” You reply tersely, biting your lower lip as if you’re trying to control your voice. “But I _really_ wanted to know that four years ago, when the world exploded right into my face and you left me alone.”

He  _knows_  you have _every_ right to be angry at him because that was  _exactly_  what he did. He left you alone and disappeared without a single word. 

He gets to live with that fact everyday and he’d do  _anything_  to change the circumstances of it. 

But the only thing he doesn’t regret is trying to protect you, to keep you safe and away from the mess that his life had become, the mess that he was. And knowing that you couldn’t  understand that just made him angry and frustrated, even if he knows it’s selfish of him.

“I was trying to keep you safe!” He protests harshly, resting his elbows against his knees as you chuckle ironically and he lets out a shaky breath. “My life was a fucking mess and you knew it. I _needed_ you to be safe.”

“I didn’t _want_ to be safe!” A loud huff escapes your lips as you try your best to keep your voice down. “I just wanted to be  _with you_. I wanted to know that I wasn’t wrong in fighting for you. I knew that your life was a mess from the first day I met you and I stayed anyway.”

Your words immediately warms up his heavy heart, all of his frustrations dissipating as he watches your expression melt into a pained one though you try to keep your facade up. 

He doesn’t want you to go through all that pain again and he definitely feels guilty about everything that happened, but at the same time Bucky feels strangely comforted in knowing he isn’t the only one affected with the whole situation, as morbidly as it can sound. 

So before he can even stop himself, his next words are already filling the room.

“I couldn’t afford to lose you.” Bucky murmurs again, so quietly that you barely can hear as he ducks his head down again. “You were everything that I had.”

Bucky hears a low chuckle coming from you and snaps his head up almost instantly, his jaw clenching as he notices the tears welling in the corners of your eyes. 

“But you lost me anyway.” You snicker bitterly, wiping your eyes angrily as the tears stream down your face. “ _God_ , Bucky. You were so worried about yourself and your own feelings that you really didn’t stop to think about  _my_  feelings, did you?”

“I thought about you every goddamned day.” Bucky smiles weakly to himself, shaking his head as you close your eyes almost in an attempt to ignore him and his voice. “I dreamt about you even when I couldn’t." 

” _Why_ did you come back?“ You ask quietly, fresh tears rolling through your cheeks as you make no effort to wipe them this time. "Why did you really come back? It’s been  _four years_ , Bucky. I was just starting to wrap my head about you being dead or missing or whatever and now you just–”

“ _Mama?_ ” A sweet, low voice speaks up from Bucky’s back, cutting your speech short as the noise of a door slamming fills the room. 

Your expression instantly turns into a panicked one, your eyes widening for a moment before you let out a deep breath and get up from the couch, wiping your tears as you walk to the voice’s direction. 

Though he had found himself in such a domestic atmosphere in your apartment, it’s just  _then_  that it dawns him. You have a life without him,  _a family_ , and he isn’t a part of that. He wanted that for you, a family, a real attempt to live again, but he didn’t think it would hurt _so bad_ having to witness his wish being fulfilled. 

Bucky subconsciously clenches his fists, just starting to regret his choice of coming to you in the first place  _until_  he turns around. Not in a  _million years_  he’s expecting to find himself but in a smaller version when he finally turns to face you again. 

The similarities are uncanny – from the blue eyes, to the brown hair and the dimples and even his jaw. It’s like staring at one of his own pictures as a kid.

For a moment Bucky thinks that maybe he’s being too forward, imagining things ahead but the look on your face just confirms his suspicions, your gaze flicking from the little boy to him in pure apprehensiveness.

“Who’s that?” The little boy mumbles quietly to you, his cheek squished against yours while his arms hugs your neck tightly, fingertips playing with your hair almost tenderly.

“No one.” You immediately reply, sighing exasperated rightly after when the boy glares meaningfully at you and Bucky feels the corners of his lips curve up slightly. “That’s…Bucky. He’s my friend.”

“Like auntie Nat?” He smiles excitedly through his sleepy demeanor, straightening his body into your hold as you laugh quietly. 

“Yes, like auntie Nat.” You reply with feigned tiredness, pressing a quick smooch to his cheek as he squirms on your hold with a quiet giggle. “Now come on, up and go to bed! I don’t wanna hear you Mister whining tomorrow for school!”

The boy nods quietly and rests his chin on your shoulder before looking up at him, his little fingers wiggling in a shy wave that Bucky can’t help but feel his heart speed up at as he waves back. 

The thought of having a son doesn’t really fall down on him until he sees the small smile the kid shoots him before you disappear into the room. He has  _a son_  with you, who looks very much like him and is big, healthy and beautiful and all kinds of good things he can’t even begin to imagine.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Bucky questions anxiously once you close the bedroom’s door and start walking back to your previous spot, indignation taking over your face as he feels nervousness building in his chest. “Why didn’t you tell me, (Y/N)?” 

“ _How_  was I supposed to tell you? I didn’t know where you were, goddammit.” You laugh bitterly, glancing at him with an angry frown between your eyebrows. “You _vanished_  off the world, Bucky. All I knew about you was what the news and conspiracy sites came up with.”

“How old is he?” He finds himself anxious over the answer, not doubting that he’s his son but eager to have one more confirmation that he has a part on doing something so pure and good as the little boy. 

“Four.” You sigh deeply, clasping your hands together as you try to calm down with a small smile at the mention of your son. “Almost five.”

“It was before…” He points out quietly, indignation instantly clouding up his mind as it hits him that you probably already knew before. “Why didn’t you tell me? There was time, wasn’t it? You already knew.”

“Just my luck, I figured out in that week but we didn’t see each other much those days.” You snicker quietly with a small shrug, running a hand through your hair nervously. “When the news blew up, I tried to go to your apartment but it was packed with policemen.

"I tried to reach you but it seemed impossible.” You continued, this time a little more quieter and with a sad smile on your lips. “I even thought about going to Germany or putting myself out there so they’d know about me and _us_ but…well,  _he_  didn’t let me.”

Bucky just nods in understanding, gulping the lump on his throat before dipping his head down again, trying to gather enough courage to speak up again.

He doesn’t even notice the silence filling the room until you shift uncomfortably on your seat, waiting for him to speak up again.

“Before we went to Siberia–” He pauses again, unsure of what to tell you until you shoot him an encouraging look, smiling small even though he doesn’t deserve it. “I asked Natasha to look you up. Check if you were safe. Did she know?”

“No.” You say with an affectionate chuckle due your building friendship with Natasha, resting your head on the back of the couch as you palm your stomach tenderly. “I didn’t tell her until I was nearly showing. But she took care of me when I needed. She still does.”

Between feeling angry at Natasha for hiding a part of his life and guilty for not being there to help, Bucky lets himself imagine you back then, with roundy bump, probably looking as ethereal as ever while being strong for both you and the baby. 

He knew he couldn’t exactly change the situation from the position he was before, being a time bomb just waiting for the perfect moment to explode, but that doesn’t lighten up the way he feels about you going through so much alone. 

He, of all people, knows how it feels like to grow up without a father figure and having to pretty much take care of things himself. 

“He– does he know?” He stutters nervously, looking up at you again in apprehension and hopefulness. “That _I’m_ –”

“I never told him much.” You interrupt quietly, sounding almost apologetic and even _guilty_  to his ears as you shrug curtly. “I mean, I never knew what to tell him so I just…I kept avoiding it.”

Silence falls down in the room again and Bucky allows himself to finally breathe. He knows he’s got a long way to go with you, even more with knowing that he has a son and that he’d left you alone, but he guesses the worst part is over by now. 

Focus on the good things is all he can think about in that moment. 

And that means _his son_.

“What’s his name?” Bucky manages to finally ask, his chest beaming with anxiousness and pride and happiness as he watches you let out the most genuine laugh and look up at him with a sheepish glance before replying. 

“It’s James.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo...did you like it or did you hate it? Tell me!
> 
> I wrote this about a year ago and I intended to keep going but I found the file again today and I changed some things and decided that this is good enough for me. I’m leaving the rest to your imagination…SORRY. <3
> 
> Come talk to me if you want @ bbbarneswrites on Tumblr!
> 
> If there’s any mistakes in this chapter, please warn me.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! You’re awesome.


	38. Be With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Natasha had been setting Bucky in date after date. Little did they know that the man had his eye on you for a while now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooo! :’)
> 
> This one is based from a request that I got on my blog about Bucky finally being able to act on his interest on WOC since it wasn’t allowed back in his day. Plus Nat and Steve setting him up on dates. 
> 
> For this fic I was inspired by [Better Man by Leon Bridges](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgS_xob1x4A) (it’s his concert that they go to) and [She’s Mine, Pt. 1 by J. Cole](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-We6IWxw7Nw). <3
> 
> Enjoy!

You’ve got the brightest eyes, smooth brown skin, hair that his fingers itch to touch and a smile that can easily brighten up his day and _yet_ , back in his time, you’d be forbidden for him.  
  
Bucky sure misses a lot of things from the 40s but not being able to show off his girls is not one of them.  
  
He remembers it as clear as day – all the times he had to hide his relationships, deny them for his partner’s own safety. No dates, no dances, no casual day-outs otherwise they’d be frowned and bullied upon.  
  
And he sure remembers _them_.

Jo, the girl he met down at the docks, absolutely hated staying cooped up in his place instead of going out and she _hated_ that her fight wasn’t enough to stop all the harassment they got.

Michelle from his usual diner was quiet and so shy that he wasn’t sure what to do when it came to their relationship and he was often scared of hurting her because of that. It didn’t take much time until she decided to call it quits. 

Leslie patched Steve up sometimes and had her own way to deal with the situation – she liked him but it seemed like she knew nothing would come out of the relationship with the situation they lived in.

He loved all of his girls but they all had brief, short lived passages through his life due to other people’s judgements and discrimination. It was hard to live being constantly harassed, having a burden on your back that wasn’t even meant to be there in the first place.

He’s pleased to know that the 21st century isn’t like that anymore – or sort of isn’t. 

Women own their own bodies and fight everyday for their rights now, LGBT couples are allowed to marry their loved ones and black people are finally free from the segregation that took place back in his day, becoming more engaging than ever.

But even so, there’s still judgement, occasional dirty looks and mean words. There’s still closed-minded people, narcissism and prejudice and privilege and his girl deserves _nothing_ like that. He knows that you can crush the world beneath your feet if you want to so he tries to not care about them unless they’re up for a confrontation.  
  
Nothing can hold him back now.  
  
His girl has the brightest eyes, the smoothest brown skin, hair that makes his fingers itch to touch and a smile that brighten up all of his days. And so he makes damn sure to show you off in all chances he’s got – especially by doing all the things he couldn’t back then. 

 

* * *

 

It happens for the first time when you have your first date in a little burrito shop in Hell’s Kitchen that you insisted in going, even if with his failed attempt of convincing you to go somewhere classier. 

That’s the first of the many differences from his previous dates. 

Bucky always had to look at his best for the dates Steve and Natasha set for him. Impeccable clothes, neat hair and a sharp mindset because the places were always classy and expensive and in the nicest are of the city. 

You deserve all that and more but he can’t deny it’s a nice surprise to have this, to not be uncomfortable in his own skin for once, not having to live up to any expectations his appearence might give out. 

It’s a nice surprise to just _be_ with you in a random park spot, your drinks perched in a cut tree log as you sit on the grass and talk about everything between bites of your burritos. It’s a nice surprise to have you so comfortable around him, your thighs brushing against his own as you stay side by side. 

It’s nice to know that you know _him_ , not whatever image he has to put up with the dates he’s used to. 

And Bucky can only guess his light demeanor is noticeable given you jump right into the dating topic about an hour into your talk. 

“Okay, I gotta ask though…” You smile cheekily after swallowing the last bite of your burrito, biting your lower lip when he nods for you to continue. “What made you call me on a date?” 

Bucky frowns confusedly, trying to look as collected as he could before asking, “What do you mean?” 

He watches as you sigh curtly, giving him a pointed look that he almost smirks at. He knows exactly what you’re talking about but he doesn’t feel like sharing the miserable details of his dating life just yet. 

“It’s just– I’ve _seen_ your dates before, Bucky.” You roll your eyes playfully, making a funny face and letting out a short laugh when Bucky raises his eyebrows. “They’re definitely not like me. They just kinda look like…I don’t know. I didn’t think I’d be your type.” 

 _His dates._ Ever since he got back in America and sorted out whatever mess he and Tony had, Bucky started living in the Avengers tower. Ever since he got back, Steve and Natasha had been insisting for him to test waters, get back into the dating game as a way to ease in into the modern world. 

Ever since he got back, he’s been set up with girls he didn’t want to or have interest in – all because his eyes had been on you since his very first day in the tower. 

Bucky doesn’t _really_ want to admit the story behind his dates but hearing you say that you aren’t his type is more than enough to push him to tell the truth. 

“That’s Steve and Natasha’s fault.” Bucky feels his cheeks warm up at the admission, shrugging as nonchalantly as he can as you frown in confusion. “They made me this account on this…dating app thing. It’s not bad but the dates weren’t that good.” 

“A dating app? Like Tinder?” You ask in mild shock, your mouth hanging open for a moment until you chuckle in amusement. “Ok, wow. Finding out that Black Widow and Captain America are on Tinder was not part of today’s plans.” 

Bucky lets out a short laugh as he runs his fingers through his hair nervously, building up the nerve to speak up his next words and secretly wishing he still was as good with words as his younger self. 

“I actually wanted to ask you out for a while now.” He admits, feeling unusually shy as he watches your lips curve into a smug grin, your tongue right between your teeth. “That might be one of the reasons the other dates didn’t work out.” 

You shift around your seat, turning your body to his side so that he can feel the fabric of your fluffy top brushing against his flesh arm. As you hook one of your legs under his, Bucky places his arm right around your waist, his fingers brushing against your jeans clad hip and making him feel like a high school boy with a crush all over again. 

“Why didn’t you? I’d have said yes, that’s for sure.” You tilt your head to the side, still grinning smugly as Bucky lets out a small laugh and squeezes your hip fondly. “I might have had my eyes on you for some time now?” 

Bucky couldn’t help but feel his chest warm up at your words. 

Knowing that you worked at tower for Tony was one of the reasons why he took so long to finally ask you out, afraid that he could potentially jeopardize your job by doing so. His own insecurities were next on the list because honestly, he wasn’t the easiest man to deal with from time to time. 

But now hearing that you also were out there for him makes everything worth it. 

“Didn’t know if it was safe, doll.” Bucky replies hesitantly, seriousness now lacing his voice and features as you make a sour face once he continues. “Things weren’t easy for your folks back then. I just didn’t want to risk everything again.” 

“Ugh, I get that. Things aren’t perfect but they’re a bit better even if we have a Cheeto for a president.” You grimace playfully before tilting your chin up at him, feeling his breath mixing with yours as he looks down at you. “But we can definitely date now. And so, I’m in charge of what we’re going to do next.” 

The gloomy mood from the conversation immediately fades once you smile cheekily at him, your lower lip caught between your teeth as you lean closer to the point where your noses are almost touching and your lips are just inches away. 

Bucky feels like his heart might burst out of his chest because _yeah_ , you can _definitely_ date now. 

“Are you now?” He teases, his lips curving into a smirk and fingers brushing the exposed skin between your top and jeans as you raise your eyebrows challengingly. “Should I be scared?” 

And also because of the light touch of your lips on his before you pull back with a little grin and _finally_ reply– 

“Only if you can’t keep up.”

 

* * *

 

Your dates come and go and Bucky couldn’t be feeling better about everything.

  
For the fifth one, you buy tickets for a special music concert of one of your favorite artists and Bucky can’t say he isn’t surprised at how lightly he takes the idea.   
  
He’s been back for a while now, his triggers words have been removed and his mind is slowly getting pieced back together but he still has a lot of issues to deal with. In any other time, going to an overcrowded place would set his nerves on fire at the mere thought of it. 

But as you bring it up one day as he meets you in one of the corridors of the tower, he just feels eager for the night to come.  
  
Truth to your word, the night and the concert are both amazing.  
  
The rhythm of the songs are familiar and though it leaves him a bit nostalgic sometimes, Bucky feels as comfortable and in place like back in the day. Your presence is soothing and he can’t help but marvel at how pretty you look, hair brought in two cute buns and make-up looking as beautiful as ever.   
  
It’s a night where Bucky allows himself to just forget the shitload that is his past and try to be that guy again – except that now he’s got his girl with him and nothing could be better than that.  
  
Song after song, he revels on the way that you freely sing the lyrics, the way you smile at him when he makes a comment about the crazy bassist on the band, the way you openly kiss his cheek and tighten his arms around your waist by pulling him closer, the way you playfully run your fingers through his hair. 

He revels that you both can do all that now, that you’re safe despite the shit he grew up with.   
  
Once the concert is over, you drag him all the way to a little hidden pizzeria in Brooklyn while vehemently claiming it’s the _best_ pizza you’ve gotten in your life.  
  
The place isn’t too big and isn’t too crowded but you both opt for a quiet little corner booth in the back of the room, taking a seat on each side of the table before entertaining yourselves with the ridiculous amount of pizza flavors on the menu.  
  
It doesn’t take much until you choose yours (triple cheese with _lots_ of oregano) and Bucky chooses his (meat and also _lots_ of cheese) and you’re falling into a playful conversation to wait on your orders.  
  
“So, how was it?” You cross your arms over the table and playfully squint your eyes at him, a closed smile curving your lips briefly. “Your first music concert in the 21st century?”  
  
“It was good. Familiar.” Bucky grins boyishly, his blue gaze firmly locked with yours as he shrugs non-commitedly. “Company wasn’t so bad either.”  
  
“Flattery will get you nowhere and everywhere, Sergeant.” You wink at him and hold back a giddy smile when he laughs in return. “Did you enjoy the music?”  
  
Bucky nods and immediately places both arms on the table, mirroring your pose as he leans forward to you with mischief written all over his face. “I did. It’s an improvement from all that crap you got on radio nowadays.”  
  
“Your old age is showing, grandpa.” You joke with a flick of your tongue before leaning over the table like him, mocked worry now replacing the teasing in your voice. “Well, I’m glad. I wasn’t sure if this was your type of thing, so…”  
  
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Bucky asks with a frown, though the amusement is clear on his face by the way he holds back a smirk when you shrug. “What’s my type of thing then?”  
  
“Corny country, maybe?” You feign innocence as you reply, soon breaking into laughter at the weird face he makes at your choice of style. “Hey, come on. A few songs are kinda decent if you squint.”  
  
You reach out a hand to playfully swat at his forearm with your teasing but his prosthetic hand catches it midway as he gently wraps his fingers around your wrist, fingertips brushing against your skin before you interlace your fingers together.  
  
“You’re lucky I like you, doll.”  
  
Unbeknownst to Bucky, his words nearly makes your heart skip a beat and you can barely contain your love striked face as the waiter arrives with your orders, thankfully (or not) giving you both something to occupy yourselves after the sudden heartfelt moment.  
  
Bucky tries to not overthink his actions for once and keeps the conversation rolling as best as he can while you gush about how good your pizza is time and time again.  
  
He doesn’t mind it much–  
  
Even because it earns him a very generous piece delivered directly to his mouth from you so he can’t complain.  
  
Once you’re finished and the night is almost coming to an end, Bucky feels like a changed man. Or in the very least, a prospect of a changed man. Not only because of the pizza (it was _that_ good as you promised) but also because of the comfortableness he’s feeling. 

On being with you, on being himself, on trying to bring back flickers of his old self that he swore it was gone.   
  
He finally feels like he’s balanced between the two lives he lead, balanced enough to start considering making this his third attempt with you by his side.  
  
As the waiter gathers your plates and leave with the promise of coming back with your check, you both realize that maybe this is the end of another of your dates but hopefully it’s the start of something else.  
  
“Can we call this one date a success?” You ask coyly, resting your chin on your hand as you smile mischievously at him. “Because I think we can. You stand-spooned me the whole concert and you liked the songs.”  
  
“I think we can, yeah.” Bucky shoots you a half grin before frowning in mocked disappointment, though his tone of voice is still as teasingly as ever. “We’re missing this one thing, though.”  
  
You immediately raise your eyebrows, getting into his game by feigning confusion at his little smirk. “Oh? I wonder what that is?”  
  
Before his mind can make him second guess, Bucky leans over the small table and crashes his lips against yours, his flesh hand gently cupping your jaw as his thumb brushes softly against your warm cheekbones. He can feel you smile against his mouth before you pull back for a moment, diving into it again after a moment and raising your hand to rest at the base of his neck, fingertips scratching at his short beard.  
  
Neither of you mind the rather uncomfortable position, losing yourselves with each other until the waiter comes back with the check and interrupts the moment with an embarrassed clear of throat.  
  
Bucky can’t help but smile as he senses your hesitancy on pulling back, downright loving the short pecks you keep giving him before you decide to back away for good.  
  
Even so, your hand still stays at the base of his neck and he can’t help but press a kiss to your palm when you lovingly cup his cheek.   
  
Your next words makes him laugh but also makes him feel like the luckiest bastard in the world.  
  
“You, Bucky Barnes, are the _best_ white boy on Earth and I’m keeping you.”  
  
He doesn’t say anything in that moment but Bucky is beyond glad to be yours if you want it.

 

* * *

 

It’s been two months since you both started seeing each other when you playfully remark your next date is going to be your fifteenth date. 

Though you’re past the formalities and pretences of a usual date, Bucky actually enjoys all the opportunities he’s got to just let himself unwind and be with you whenever and wherever you want. 

It’s fun and never too usual and Bucky is always surprised to rediscover a piece of himself with you. 

There hasn’t been an official proposal but calling you his _girlfriend_ and hearing you call him _boyfriend_ might be one of the best things in life to him. 

Your plans for the anniversary date had been pretty tame with a reservation in a Nigerian restaurant you loved and a private night out club for a dance and drinks later. And Bucky was truly looking forward the said night, especially with a tough week of trainings and simulations. 

He most definitely isn’t expecting an impromptu mission to ruin it all. 

You react as lightly as ever at the news of your now cancelled night, rather pressing a firm kiss to his lips and demanding payback as soon as he got back. 

A week and half later and Bucky is standing in front of your door with a bag of takeout straight of your Nigerian place while his heart turns with a mix of feelings as soon as he sees you. Bedhair, little sweatshorts and a top that does little to hide the expense of your skin and keep him sane. 

And he swears he wants to have a nice night with you – it’s what you deserve after he blew your plans, it’s what he’s craving after another rough week. 

But Bucky knows you can _feel_ that he needs more than just comfort food and idle talk. 

You don’t say anything as you place the bag of food on your kitchen’s counter and lead him to the bathroom, feeling his gaze on your frame as you fill up the tub with warm water and throw in one of your cute bathbombs inside. 

He doesn’t say anything as you start to undress him, your fingers smartly undoing the zippers and buckles from his tactical uniform before peeling off your own clothes. But before you can step into the tub, Bucky moves behind you and gets inside first, reaching out his hand to you once he’s settled in. 

Your comfort is always something he welcomes without any doubt but today he just needs to hold you for a few hours before moving on to something else. 

With your back against his chest, head on his shoulder, legs right between his and arms interlaced over your belly, Bucky finally feels _home_. 

It makes his heart skip a beat the way you know exactly how he feels, your next words taking a weight off his shoulders he didn’t even realize it was there. 

“I have a feeling you don’t really want to talk about your week so we’re both ignoring that for now, okay?” You break the silence with your soft whisper, your fingertips drawing random patterns on his hands as he nods quietly. “ _Okay._ Tell me how you got Azi to make you a takeout meal when he doesn’t do that for anyone.”

Bucky smiles fondly at the mention of the Nigerian chef who had become very welcoming and solicitous in the very second Bucky brought your name up, asking for help to make up for your lost date at the restaurant. 

“All I did was mention your name.” Bucky chuckled lightly in amusement, his lips pressing a small kiss at the back of your neck as you hum contently. “I think he has a soft spot for you.” 

You turn your head around to face him, a teasing smile playing on your lips that only makes him want to take you there and then. 

“Everybody’s got a soft spot for me.” You shrug playfully with your lingering grin, settling back against his chest again with a little sigh. “Didn’t he…ask anything? Like who you were or something?” 

“Told him I was your boyfriend trying to surprise you.” Bucky replies with a smirk, the familiar teasing tone lacing his voice again. “He actually seemed surprised.” 

You only snicker in reply before reaching out to one of your loofahs, drowning it with your favorite honey shower gel and turning your body around his hold to start washing his skin as slowly and carefully as you can. 

The warm water feels good and so does the fluffy feeling of the loofah running through his chest.

But Bucky can safely say the cure of all his homesickness and heartbreak is you looking like a vision before him with your soaked and bare skin all on display just for him. 

He doesn’t even try to hide delight as you drop the loofah and lean over him, legs tucked between his own as your chests are pressed together. With your arms around his neck and his hands resting low on your hips, you press a slow kiss to his lips with a question on the tip of your tongue. 

“Did you ever had another black girlfriend?” You ask with a small smile, resting your chin against his collarbones as you look up at him. “Besides me, obviously. Back in your day.”

The memories from his younger days come back to him in a rush and Bucky can’t help but feel relieved that he’s _there_ now – in a time where he can just be with you despite the occasional bumps on the road.

“Three of them.” Bucky lets out a heavy breath before shaking his head wistfully, hands tightening around your hips as he continues. “We couldn’t go out or be seen together. It always drained both of us until we just had to end things. And that’s not even the worse of it.”

With a hum of understanding, you slide your hands to the back of his neck where your fingertips keeps drawing soothing circles to his skin and hair scalp.

“That’s why you took so long to ask me out.” You guess, instantly frowning in dejection when Bucky nods in a silent reply. “It still isn’t easy. Some days I feel like things are getting better…but then there’s the harsh days.”

Bucky feels his chest flare up with a new purpose at your heartbroken little smile, his arms bringing your frame closer to him as he tightened his old around your waist. 

Your noses are just mere inches away when he firmly cups your jaw with his left hand, his blue eyes set with your own as you bite your lip in anticipation.

Not that it prepares you for his next words, neither how determined he looks.

“I’ve got your back in this.” Bucky murmurs decidedly against your mouth, his lips brushing with yours as you bump your nose against his with a smile. “For the rest of my life, for whenever you need. I _mean_ it.”

He nearly doesn’t see it coming when you push him against the back of the tub, your lips eagerly meeting with his until you pull away in a breathless bliss and–

“I love you.”

Words that Bucky reciprocates over and over when he’s got you on the bed later that night with your legs over his shoulders and your sweet moans filling the room.

 

* * *

 

Bucky stretches his torso lazily on the bed, a low groan escaping his mouth as he feels the soothing heat from the morning sunlight filling up the hotel room you’re spending the weekend at. 

  
Glimpses from the previous night fill up his mind immediately and he can’t help but grin dumbly to himself before glancing over to his side, where you’re comfortably tucked beside him and looking as gorgeous as ever even deeply asleep.   
  
He’s one hundred percent sure you’re a _damn_ vision that he’ll never get tired of admiring.   
  
You’ve got his left arm under your body, curled around your frame as his hand rests on the curve of your hip.

Bucky secretly loves to trace his fingers from your hips and down to your thighs, trailing through your skin marks and spots even though you don’t particularly like them. Your brown skin is a contrast to the usual plain white sheets and he relishes on the way your legs tangle around the fabric.

The messy bedhead is his favorite thing ever and even though your hair tickle his neck when you move, the sweet smell that lingers after is good enough for him.   
  
You feel warm and soft and it makes his chest flutter with feelings he didn’t even know he could feel five years ago.  
  
He can’t get over how much you feel like home to him.

Especially when you wake up just as lazily, body stretching up and scooting next to his own as your lips make its way to his neck and jaw, soothing the fresh lovebites you’d left on his skin just a few hours ago.

Bucky can feel your grin against his neck and it makes him hum contently, arms shifting to wrap up your frame completely and lift you up to his top completely.  
  
As soon as you’ve got your thighs on each side of his hips and hands shimming down his naked chest, Bucky’s just _gone_. And he might think he’s in heaven when your lips touch his, your bare skin rubbing so softly against his own that he almost feels drunk.

No panties, no bras, no boxers, nothing but your morning wake-up call make out session.  
  
Bucky almost whimpers when you break the kiss and sit up straight on his lap, gathering the sheets around your chest fully knowing he’d try and sneak in a touch or two if you let your body completely exposed.  
  
“I think I might be in Heaven.” Bucky breaks the silence, his hands sneaking under the sheets and sliding through your thighs as you raise your eyebrows defiantly. “You just gotta be an angel baby doll, look at you."   
  
You let out a laugh before leaning forward to him again, setting your elbows on his chest as his hands find home on the small of your exposed back, his fingers trailing up and down your skin.  
  
"You’re such a sweet talker, Bucky Barnes. I don’t even know how I fell in love with you.” You say with a click of your tongue, watching as his lips grows into a grin before he miserably leans up to kiss you again. “I’m not kissing you. Not until you ring in some breakfast.”  
  
Bucky smiles teasingly and quickly sits up on the bed, snaking an arm around your waist and the other under your bottom before lifiting both of you to stand in the middle of the room, a surprised squeak leaving your lips as you wrap your own arms tightly around his neck.  
  
“I’ve got a surprise for you first.”

You don’t say anything as he walks out of the bedroom and heads to the living room, much less when you spot the coffee table set  with all kinds of fancy breakfast goodies just ready for you to dive in.

Bucky just smiles knowingly as he sits you on the couch and takes the seat next to yours almost giddily as if he’s up to something.

And even though you’re starving, your gaze can only focus on the small red box resting near a vase with a single sunflower inside. You don’t waste any second before throwing yourself against Bucky again, his sweet laugh filling the room as you kiss him over and over again, only stopping to scream–

“ _YES!_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So so, did you like or did you hate it? Tell me!
> 
> I’m making a playlist for these two on 8tracks soon because they give me vibes...stay tuned...LMAO. I hope you liked them! <3
> 
> Come and talk to me @ bbbarneswrites on Tumblr! 
> 
> If there's any mistakes in this chapter, please warn me.
> 
> Thank you for reading! You're awesome.


	39. 101 Love Notes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky’s girlfriend points out 101 things that she loves about him on his 101st birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooo, hello!
> 
> I swear I wanted to post something on March 10th. But then I got sick. And I had no ideas. But this shit striked me today and I wrote it as fast as I could so we can celebrate Bucky’s birthday even if it’s a little late. 
> 
> Happy belated birthday, Buckybear! <3
> 
> Enjoy!

Waking up in the morning of March 10th, Bucky can’t help but let out a resigned sigh as it settles on him – it’s his 101st birthday when he barely looks in his thirties yet.

Ever since he found himself free from HYDRA, Bucky never saw much reason to celebrate the date. He’d always seen it as a painful reminder of all the years he spent killing people, terrorizing the world as someone he can’t even begin to describe. Plus, he’s a man out of time and he’s been always adamant that people would rather having him dead than otherwise.

But _then_ you come into his life and everything gets upside down.

Everything that he’s made himself believe in completely crumbles because of the way you see him. A good man, looking for redemption for acts he never really committed.

It makes him scared how easily you changed him – now he almost believes at your words when you say he’s not the one at fault for the acts HYDRA originally planned.

But even with your sweet presence, his birthday remains to be a bittersweet date that Bucky would rather avoid at all costs.

Little did he know that you wouldn’t let that happen, even more in the first birthday you got to spend with him.

Bucky  finds the first note when he steps into the kitchen to grab a quick breakast before his training. He’d try to take the day as normally as he could but once his eyes catch a glimpse of the light pink paper on the fridge with your handwritting, he knows you’re up to something.

His heart nearly bursts out of its seams when he finally reads it.

_Happy birthday, Bucky! I know you don’t like celebrating your birthday but I decided to take the day to tell you all the 101 sweet things that makes me love you. Here goes the first one: I love how warm you feel even when it’s freezing outside. It always makes me feel safe and loved no matter what._

He can’t help but smile at the paper and it doesn’t take long until he takes it off the fridge and folds it carefully into his pocket, surprised to acknowledge that maybe this can be a good day for the first time in ages.

Bucky is eager to find you as soon as he finds the first note and even forgoes his training while searching for you up and down at the compound. But knowing you as he does, he kind of knows that he’ll only find you when you want to be found, even more with your powers of teleportation.

During his walk around the compound, he finds a lot more notes – his favorites being the one glued to the tv screen of the movie room (where you claim to love his cuddling when you watch movies), the second on the gym’s door when he finally reaches the place (and you say you love how _beefy_ he is though he can’t help but roll his eyes affectionately at your choice of word) with a third pressed to his locker (which you affirm to love how soft he feels and how sweet he smells all the time).

The day passes by and by each note he finds, Bucky nearly aches to wrap you in his arm and just kiss the hell out of you for the whole thing.

It’s nearly six in the evening when he comes back to his room in the hopes of finding you there and catches another note glued at the door. He remembers very clearly shutting it earlier in the morning and not spotting anything so he immediately bursts the door open because that might mean you’re _finally_ there.

And though Bucky is expecting to find you there, the sight he’s welcomed with is far sweeter than he could’ve ever imagined.

You’re lying on his bed wearing one of his t-shirts and the room is filled with colorful balloons hanging from the ceiling. As he steps closer to it, he notices that there’s several pictures of both of you together attached to the end of them and the smile that spreads on his face is involuntary.

Once he reaches the edge of the bed though, you start singing him happy birthday – making a point by saying _dear Bucky_ so sweetly that Bucky’s heart almost skips a beat – holding out a plate a single chocolate cupcake that holds two red candles.

He nearly doesn’t know what to do or say when you’re finished.

“Happy birthday, Bucky!” You beam up at him, carefully kneeling on the bed and bringing the plate near to him as you both stare at the burning candles on the cupcake for a moment. “Come on, make a wish!”

Rather than contradicting you, Bucky does exactly what he’s supposed to do. He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and wishes for a long life with you and if not, _for_ you, simply because you deserve it more than he’ll ever do. He blows the candles and opens his eyes to best sight he’ll ever have – your happy smile and messy hair as you wear your lazy day clothes.

Bucky takes the plate out of your hands and places it on the bed before wrapping you in a hug, his face buried in the crook of your neck as he feels your fingertips running through his long hair in a gentle caress.

“I love you so _fucking_ much.” He mumbles against your warm skin, his hands squeezing your hips and your sides almost as if he’s scared that you’ll disappear from his hold. “I love you.”

Giggling quietly against his cheek, you press a gentle kiss to his jaw before cupping his cheeks. Bucky’s eyes immediately close at the feel of your fingertips on his skin, soon being replaced by your lips as you press several smooches to his entire face, nose and eyes and forehead and all, until he’s laughing and scooping you up to his arms so you can both sit on the mattress.

With you sitting sideways on his lap, Bucky takes a moment to give the room another glance. All the colorful balloons and all the pictures and all the notes on his pocket.

 _That’s_ what his life is now.

“Okay, birthday boy. I have a question before we can eat this bad boy up.” You reach over for the cupcake plate and place in on your thighs, a sheepish grin curving your lips as Bucky leans even closer to you with his chin resting on your shoulder. “How many notes did you find today?”

“Ninety-nine.” Bucky replies without missing a beat, your mouth falling open in surprise at his accuracy until he chuckles and press a kiss to your shoulder. “I spent all day walking around so I could find ‘em.”

You hum in understanding with a little smile, looking over at him with burning cheeks as it dawns on you that you’re really doing this. And Bucky, even clueless about your plans, can notice that you’re up to something just by the way you’re looking at him.

“Well, it’s missing two more for us to complete 101 notes, right?” You shrug as nonchalantly as you can though your heart is nearly skipping a beat and Bucky can almost feel the nervousness pouring from you as he nods. “I thought that maybe I could just tell them to you personally? Instead of writing?”

As your words settle on his brain, Bucky’s chest warms up at the sweet thought.

He had read on your notes things that he couldn’t even imagine. He read things that he hated on himself but either way, you still loved. He had found on himself a side that he was sure he didn’t possess anymore. He almost found acceptance over who he is now and who he was and he couldn’t ask for more than that.

But then you say that you want to tell him personally and suddenly he feels like the _luckiest_ bastard on Earth.

Moving you on his lap again, Bucky brings your legs to each side of his hips so you’re straddling him, your arms instantly reaching around his neck as he brings you closer and closer until your chests are pressed together and your noses are just mere inches away.

“Alright.” He whispers soundly, trying to sound calm even though his entire being is filled with all kinds of emotions he didn’t even remember. “Tell me.”

You take a deep breath against his lips and then press a little kiss to his nose.

“The 100th thing I love about you is just _you_.” You let out a little laugh and Bucky can’t help but smile, your fingers curled around his neck raising shivers to his skin. “It sounds stupid but wether if I met you then or now, I’d love you for you because deep down, Bucky Barnes, you’re the same good-hearted guy from decades ago even if you don’t believe it.”

Bucky controls his urge to just kiss you and take you until the next morning as he raises a hand to your cheek, his vibranium thumb brushing your cheekbone so lovingly that you lean into it immediately once he asks.

“And the 101th?”

You shrug again, the sheepish smile coming back as you move to rest your head against his shoulder. Cheek pressed against the fabric of his shirt as he keeps looking down at you with a type of gaze that makes you feel tingly and warm all over.

“That you love me.” You mumble, smiling against his chest as you feel his arms tighten around you almost protectively. “That you love me for real and despite everything that I might have done.”

Bucky doesn’t say anything as he moves the plate away from you both and turns around on the bed, lying you down on the mattress again before placing his elbows on each side of your face to hover on top of you. He loves it’s nearly subconscious the way you wrap your legs around his hips and arms around his neck, though your fingers are always reaching up to play with his hair.

Not that he _ever_ complains about it.

And with you under him looking like his greatest dream, he doesn’t waste any time to start spreading kisses all over just like you did with his moments ago – your neck and collarbones, cheeks and chin, your nose and your eyes and everything else within his reach.

He only stops when you giggle against his mouth before saying you have to eat the cupcake otherwise it’s going to fall to the floor and you most definitely don’t want that. As Bucky watches you peel the liner off the cupcake before reaching it over to him so he could take a bite, his birthday feels less and less bittersweet to him and way way sweeter instead.

You eat the cupcakes and re-read the 101 notes and talk about all the photos and when it’s nearing midnight, and his birthday is almost over, Bucky is more than content to just have you in his arms as he whispers the only good thing he’s got on himself.

“The best part of _me_ is _you_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, did you like or did you hate it? Tell me!
> 
> Come talk to me if you want @ bbbarneswrites on Tumblr! <3
> 
> If there’s any mistakes in this chapter, please warn me.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! You’re awesome.


	40. Mended Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Months after a break-up, you come back home to find Bucky at your doorstep. It’s not a surprise to find out that neither of you can move on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY! 
> 
> I started this fic yesterday and finished today and I have no idea where this came from. I’m sorry for all the cliches, lmao. 
> 
> Partially based on [Your Shirt by Chelsea Cutler](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6c9vKWqiy8k) and [If It Makes You Happy by Eli Way](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-ITX90jlVo), if you want to listen.
> 
> Happy reading! <3

Bucky Barnes is an isolating bastard and _everyone_ knows that. _He_ knows that.

It’s not easy to live with an emotional baggage as heavy as his and it’s impossible to hope that the experience won’t mark him in ways most people can’t compreend. But you know that when you start dating him and the worst thing about the whole situation is that you _understand_.

You don’t push him out of his boundaries, you don’t burden him with unnecessary things, you don’t downplay his feelings. And even so– you’re still the one wondering why the relationship you both shared for two years came to an unexpected end out of nowhere.

But feelings are a funny thing. Because even then, you love him and you doubt you’ll ever stop and it makes you feel stupidly insecure about everything. And you _hate_ it.

There hasn’t been a day where you don’t ask yourself what caused the break-up and each day more more doubts creep into your mind, the need to know if it was your fault heaving onto your shoulders.

It doesn’t take rocket science to know that you have some issues to work out and your lastest date is living proof of it.

Between the sorrow and relief flooding your chest as you sit in the back of the cab on the way home, you kinda feel bad for the guy. He was decent but Bucky might have put way too high standards for him to live up to even if you don’t want to admit it.

And you can’t help but feel _angry_. At him and at you because you want to forget him but you can’t – not when everything seems like a reminder, not when you can’t help but keep comparing him to other people.

Especially not when he’s sitting at your building’s doorstep late at night as if waiting for you, long hair brought up in a messy bun and body clad in a hoodie and sweatpants that makes it look like he just fell off the bed.

“What are you doing here?” You ask with a frown, your heels clacking against the floor and echoing through the quiet street as you stand in front of the stairwell he’s sitting. “Aren’t you supposed to be Upstate? I thought you said you’d be relocated to there.”

Bucky doesn’t say anything as he looks at you because _how can he?_

He doesn’t have the right to and he knows that. And by each second that passes, he feels more and more like a damn idiot because _who_ was he trying to fool?

When he broke up with you, the only thing in his mind was making you happy. Happiness is a far-fatched concept in his life, happiness doesn’t follow someone who has a file like his. So it wasn’t something that could reach you as long you were with him as far as he knew.

Bucky repeated to himself over and over that all this was a small price to pay to let you live your life the way you needed to, without someone stalling your every step. He endured Steve’s reprimands, Natasha’s accusations but still– all these were easy, to be honest.

The worst part is right now because it’s the part where he realizes he _can’t_ do this.

He can’t do this because you look like his greatest dream wearing a flowy flower dress and kitten heels after a date, your hands still holding a small bouquet of flowers. He can’t do this because it _hurts_ even more than he’d thought it would.

Natasha _is_ right after all – he didn’t do this because he wanted you to live your life, he did because he was too much of a coward to put up his pants and face his demons.

“Team just came back from a mission.” Bucky mutters as quietly as he can, shaking his head with his hair falling over his eyes and fingers interlaced in a way that you know he’s doing out of nervousness. “Just wanted to see you.”

Even after everything, his words still make you halt on the spot.

Missions are never easy for him and you both have conscience of that. He’s free from the trigger words but its memories will always haunt him, the trauma will always linger as much as he tries to push it away as he’s been doing. And wether Bucky knows or not, he has a pattern.

You always know if the mission hit too close to home for him because he _always_ looks for you.

And though you never asked why back in the day, both Natasha and Sam had said between the lines that it was just his way of grounding himself – because you’re real and alive, just as much as he is. If you’re good then he’s good.

Pushing aside your hurt and your sorrow, you silently walk the last steps to the stairwell and take a seat beside him, crossing your arms over your chest as you do so. Before Bucky was ever your lover to hurt you, he was your friend and you think that you’re mature enough to give yourself the benefit of worrying about his well-being as a friend for a night.

“What happened?” You ask with a whisper, looking over to him with a frown between your eyes once you spot the few bruises trailing down his neck and down to the collar of his hoodie. “Is the team okay? Are _you_ okay?”

All Bucky can seem to do is nod silently, his hands now closed in two tight fists as a way to remind him–   _this isn’t your life anymore, this isn’t something you deserve_. This is exactly why he pushed you away in the first place, as he didn’t want you to deal with all the burdens he carried.

And _yet_ , he’s there doing the exact same thing all over again.

“I– I shouldn’t have come here.” Bucky groans halfheartedly as he runs a hand through his face and gets up from the steps, his voice sounding so tearful that it makes your chest tighten at the possible reason behind it. “I should let you go.”

But before he can even think of taking a run, you stand up from your seat and pull him by the lapels of his hoodies, your arms immediately wrapping around his neck as you stand up on your toes and bury your face against the warm skin of his neck.

You don’t care about your dates or the long forgotten flowers by the floor or even the days you spent mourning over his loss because it _finally_ dawns on you.

He’s suffering just as much as you do, in different ways and for diferent reasons than you are.

And even though it feels scary to acknowlege how easily you’re putting everything past you for a moment, you also know that _this is it_ – this can end now or this can mend it all. You just want to enjoy being in his arms once again even if it’s just for a few minutes, his warmness rising shivers through your skin, his now rather long beard scratching your neck and his arms squeezing you against his chest.

“You can’t leave, Bucky.” You mumble against the fabric of his hoodie, your lips barely brushing against the spot where his shoulder meets his neck and your hands buried deep into his hair as sighs shakily. “You’re not okay to leave right now. Come up with me.”

Bucky wishes he was stronger enough to say no. To continue the scheme he’d planned. To let you go without any more worries to your life.

But when you back away and cup his cheeks with a soft smile before sliding one of them over to interlace with his, he doesn’t hesitate.

Your little studio looks exactly the same and Bucky can’t fathom how much comfort he immediately feels just by stepping into the place. The messy kitchen, the small couch he barely fit into, the bed that was occasionally too small for the two of you.

Everything feels familiar and warm and good. From your way too small cozy apartment to the gentle way you’re treating him. And even though you stay silent the whole time where you’re changing into your pajamas and adjusting your bed to sleep, Bucky still finds comfort to your presence when you reach out an arm towards him in a silent call for him to stay.

Thing which he does.

The next morning feels like a dream to both of you. Bucky’s usual warmness makes you feel like you’re in heaven and almost as if you’re really dreaming. And your arms is the last place where Bucky imagines himself getting up to in a morning after a rough mission.

It’s even funny and bittersweet how it can be both familiar and unusual because of the time you’ve been together and apart.

And you love having him just like this– his head lying on your chest as he cuddles your side, an arm thrown over your waist as you have your own wrapped around his shoulders. He looks peaceful and his breathing is light and the bruises are long faded by now. If not for his wild long hair and growing beard, you’d say he’s an angel.

So much that you don’t resist carding your fingers through his brown locks, scratching his scalp with your nails every now and then until he rouses from his sleep.

“Morning, sleepyhead.” You smile sheepishly before pulling your hand away, only to be stopped when Bucky catches it with his and interwine your fingers, bringing them to rest on your stomach. “How are you feeling? I see most of the bruises are gone by now.”

Bucky keeps himself silent as he stares at your hands joined together and you don’t push him, figuring he’d talk once he pieces his thoughts back again. The expectation doesn’t prepare you for his next words either way.

“I’m sorry.” Bucky murmurs regretfully, his lips pursed as a deep frown settles between his eyes and he breaks his gaze away from your hands to look up at you. “For– for coming here last night. And everythin’ else.”

It’s a shabby excuse and Bucky knows it but he doesn’t think there’ll _ever_ be a right amount of words that are enough to express the absolute mess of feelings inside his chest. No right amount of words to apologize for a mess _this_ big, not with you.

So he takes what he can get for as long as he can.

He didn’t notice in the night before until he was already lying on your chest but seeing that his shirt is still a part of your wardrobe makes his heard pound harder in his chest. The way you greet him, always slipping _sleepyhead_ in there somewhere, is music to his ears after all these months. And your bed might be soft and your sheets might be warm but nothing compares to the solace of your hold around him.

And Bucky thinks you’re letting him go once he relutanctly sits up on the bed but though you don’t make any kind of move to stop him, your words are enough to make him freeze.

“Why did you leave, Bucky?” You ask dejectedly, sounding small and not like your usual self as he can nearly feel your eyes burning into his back as you wait for his answer. “Why did you _really_ leave? And don’t tell me some bullshit made up excuse that I’ll know it’s a lie.”

He stays put as you move around to sit beside him just like in the previous night, your thighs brushing side by side as a humourless chuckle escapes from his lips and his shoulders cower in dismay.

_There_ is his moment to step up to the truth he’s been hiding from himself, the truth Natasha slapped his face with as soon the lie was out.

“I’m a fucking _mess_ , baby doll.” Bucky huffs out another laugh, the petname you always loved slipping through his words and making you feel even more nervous when added to his blue eyes firmly set on you. “I’m not a hero. I’m not like Steve. I’ve killed people, innocent people. I’ve got too much blood on my hands to deserve you.”

At every single one of his words, you feel your chest get heavier and heavier as your suspicions become real. You feel stupid for not noticing his struggles when you could but you feel hurt  that he’s downplayed you this much.

You were an adult when you decided to pursue a relationship with him and face whatever fate wanted to throw on your faces. You were a part of this relationship just as much as he was. Your decisions are yours only and he didn’t give you any choice by taking the way he judged to be right. And through your mix of feelings– anger, hurt, hope and such, you just want Bucky to understand.

“I never asked for anything more than you, did I?” You ask somberly, a sad smile playing on your lips before you sigh with closing eyes. “I never wanted you to be someone else. I just wanted to be with _you_. I knew you and your past and I wanted you. I _still_ want you. I don’t date with your past or your hit-list, do I?”

Your words hit right into home and Bucky can’t help but feel the inevitable wave of shame creeping through his chest as he stares at you, your troubled expression and the way you’re curled around yourself much like the night before.

“You didn’t let me choose what I wanted.” Your voice carries on sounding sorrowful as you continue, giving a small shrug before you open your eyes to look at him again. “If you had let me, I’d have choosen you even though you were a mess.”

In all the years you’ve known Bucky, even before you two started dating, you had _never_ saw him cry.

There was several moments where he came close to but he never did it– he never wanted to burden you with his fears and issues and living nightmares. And so, you almost don’t know what to do once you spot his tear filled, red rimmed eyes staring right back at you.

All while, Bucky feels bittersweet by the whole situation. His unhealthy coping mechanism, if it can be even called that, lead him to the thing he dreaded the most. Hurt is written all over you and it’s crystal clear as to who caused it. Whatever reasons he had for doing this ended up backfiring _both_ of you instead of just him.

Still, it’s a comfort to know that you’d love him either way even if in the past.

“And now I lost you.” Bucky states bitterly despite the huffed laugh and the tearful eyes, falling back against the bed with a shake of his head as he stares into the ceiling. “I fucking lost you.”

Feeling your heart beating in your throat, you fall down next to him and pull him to lie on his side with you. Chest to chest, your noses just a few inches away and your breath mingling together as you take a deep breath to do this.

You can now either end or mend whatever this is.

“Let me take you back.” You say with a quiet mumble, raising one of your hands to his face until your fingers are running through his beard and Bucky is sighing contently. “I’ll take you back. But…you’ve _got_ to compromise, Bucky. You can’t make decisions for both of us. I’m a grown woman with issues too and I _talk_ about them with you. You can’t just– you made me feel as if it was _my_ fault.”

In any other situation, it could be funny how quickly his expression changes once you’re finished.

Bucky knows it’s on him that you’re hurt but finding out that you feel at fault for what _he_ did is something that he doesn’t expect.

And maybe it’s a fucking bad idea but he can’t find it in him to stop as he leans over and captures your lips with his for the first time in months, the feel of your fingers on his cheek feeling like heaven as you kiss him right back despite the asshole he knows he is. For the first time in months, his life just feels _right_ all over again.

He only stops because he has to and you _have_ to know.

“It was never you. You hear me?” Bucky whispers hotly as he presses kisses all over your face, lips catching on the few tears on your cheeks as you laugh quietly. “It was never you, baby girl. _Never_.”

As Bucky presses one last kiss to your lips and hugs you closer to his body, you can’t help bu think that this could be it– maybe the both of you were already mending.

 

* * *

 

Too immersed into his thoughts and feeling completely relaxed for a change, Bucky doesn’t even notice when the shower stall opens and you step in.

Wrapping your arms around his waist, you press a kiss right in the middle of his shoulders and smile when you feel his fingers interwining with yours over his stomach. His skin feels smooth and warm against yours and you can’t help but hum delightedly when he pulls you under the hot water pouring from the showerhead.

It’s his birthday week and you just happen to be enjoying his lastest gift – a trip to a fancy beach resort in a paradisiac island courtesy from Tony Stark himself.

The hotel you’re staying in is beautiful, completely surrounded by huge glass windows that allows you to watch the crystal blue sea every day. The bed is the most comfortable one you’ve been in and the bathroom is bigger than your apartment, just as beautiful as the rest.

Even if you still have two more days to go, you’re already feeling gloomy about coming back to the city again.

It has been an experience to watch Bucky carry himself so freely after so long, almost a year since you two came back together. He looks more comfortable into his skin than you’ve ever seen and you love to witness him walk around wearing just a pair of swimtrucks, his vibranium arm in full display without a care in the world.

Kinda like the way he’s now.

“Why didn’t you use the tub?” You ask jokingly with a pout, turning around into his hold and staring up at his amused face as he pushes a few strands of hair off your face. “Normal showers are boring for this place.”

Bucky chuckles lightheartedly and you can’t help but smile at the sight, your arms tightening around his waist as you lean up on your tiptoes to press a kiss to the dimple on his chin.

“Thought we could go to that swim you talked about earlier.” Bucky says, a grin spreading through his lips as he watches you grow shocked at his proposition by each second. “Don’t look at me like that, you’re the one who suggested it.”

“Well, I didn’t think you’d take it.” You shake your head in disbelief before letting out a laugh, pressing a lingering kiss to lips before mumbling happily against his mouth. “You surprise me every day, you know that?”

Bucky takes the compliment right into his heart and hugs you closer to him, his lips brushing over the wet skin of your neck and collarbones as he enjoys the moment as much as he can.

Because little do you know– but he might have another surprise on store for you later that day.

In the form of a little blue velvet box hidden in his bag.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, did you like or did you hate it? Tell me!
> 
> Why do all my fics end in marriage? Go figures...lmao.
> 
> Come and talk to me @ bbbarneswrites on Tumblr! <3
> 
> If there's any mistakes in this chapter, please warn me.
> 
> Thank you for reading! You're awesome.


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